noukster Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I are almost 3 years together right now. We're having a great relationship and Ive never had trust issues. Ive never had the urge or need to check his phone, facebook, instagram, e-mail or whatnot... until last week and I feel terrible about doing so. There is no excuse for checking someones phone. My boyfriend set an alarm on his phone, because I had to go to work in the morning. When I wanted to turn the alarm off I saw a message in his lock screen saying "hey when are we going to have that date, this is taking very long ;P". It kind of gave me a weird feeling because I had never heard of this girl before and he usually tells me about his male and female friends. I opened his phone (it doesn't have a code) and their facebook chat opened. In that facebook chat I saw that they were casually talking and there was nothing to worry about. However I scrolled back (not good, very bad.. I know!!) and saw a chat from a few years ago in which they were heavily flirting and the girl was constantly joking about them getting married and calling him "babe", "baby" and "sweety" etc. They also sent each other ridiculous amounts of hearts. It made me feel weird in my stomach. It looks like they were having a serious crush on each other.. if not dating each other. What I feel off about is that they haven't seen each other in a VERY long time, are not close at all.. and now all of a sudden they are going out for dinner/drinks?? This is not because I don't like him to have female friends.. I couldn't care less.. I have many male friends myself. It's just that I don't hang out with or look for attention of an old crush. What do you guys think? Should I tell him or am I just being a very paranoid/obsessed girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 There is no excuse for checking someones phone Perhaps, but the majority of people who find out that their partner or spouse is betraying them only find out by doing just that. Read some of the horror stories around here about partners or spouses guarding their phone with their lives and you'll understand that that the no excuse for checking someone's phone is flimsy at best. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. No you didn't do anything wrong here. If your boyfriend cannot be honest with you about a former friend or ex, then you have someone who is not being honest about much of anything. I would watch his actions and do not let on what you did. If tou reveal then you will lose your best evidence. You can glean much more about the situation if you sit back and observe. In short, cheaters usually follow the same script. Best to let him hang himself with his actions in the near future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 If he hasn't already, he's about to cheat on you. I would bring it up, but you have to be prepared to walk away. There's a reason he didn't tell you about her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 That weird feeling in your stomach is your gut instinct telling you that something is wrong. Particularly if you are generally a trusting person, it's important to pay attention to this signal. It's your body's way of telling you that there is a threat. Now...what to do...in a perfect world you would discuss this with your boyfriend calmly and rationally. It makes sense that you saw that first text because it appeared when you tried to turn off the alarm. You could just mention that and see what he says. This is not a perfect world, however. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 the best thing to do in this situation is tell your partner everything about your feelings' date=' and your insecurities... if he gets mad at you then its no problem, eventually he will know that you care for him and will come back for you[/quote'] Why would she want him back? Just because she cares for him doesn't mean he can go do whatever he wants with whoever he wants. He needs to care for her too and going out and about fulfilling all his needs while she waits for him is the perfect way to have zero self-respect now and also later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Why would she want him back? Just because she cares for him doesn't mean he can go do whatever he wants with whoever he wants. He needs to care for her too and going out and about fulfilling all his needs while she waits for him is the perfect way to have zero self-respect now and also later. Wait a moment... what has he done wrongly? the love chats are from before he was dating op... so what is wrong with him just having a normal chat with an old friend? If he goes for drinks/dinner with that person without telling OP that would be a totally different thing... but honestly if he wanted to cheat... wouldn't he block that phone to avoid just what has happened? OP, I would talk with your boyfriend and explain him exactly what happened and your insecurities and see what he has to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 From the post, the timeline when they were flirting is when he was first dating the OP. IMO you saw something that led you to further investigate....you had a legitimate reason to check things out. Confront him about it, tell him what you know and ask him to start explaining. He would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 If you really want to know what is going on, and you do not, on this evidence, want to split with him, then keep it all under hat and keep your eyes and ears open. If you tell him what you know, he will deny deny deny and if he is up to no good he will go underground with it and cover his tracks better. He will persuade you everything is OK whilst he carries on pursuing the other girl or cheating. Do not alert him to the fact you can go through his phone because 5 secs after you do he will put a password on it or get another phone or will start chatting to her on another app and you will be none the wiser about what they get up to. Cheaters/potential cheater never just come clean, especially if your evidence is poor, they will pick holes in it, and even turn it all around on you for being a bad person snooping on him, and you will feel like a fool for ever doubting him, but that doesn't mean he is innocent. Once you have very good evidence of cheating, you can confront him with it, but until then keep quiet and keep looking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Looks like another drive-by thread posting.......... Link to post Share on other sites
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