Feels good to be indifferent

[spideywoman]

Sunshine! No disappointment whatsoever. It is what it is. I missed that thread, still catching up. It's almost like a "choose your adventure" book, navigating this forum. You seem much younger than I am not sure you'll know what I'm referring to

 

Yea. The work thing blows. Can't remember if we talked about this _ have you considering getting another job? It's always a possibility though of course some situations come with great sacrifice. I have thought about it and have decided that at least for now, I don't want to. Logically speaking, why should I? He and I are department managers, we're both successful and have great reputations at work. I make a good living. My career trajectory is just as important, if not more, than his. Chances of me finding another job commensurate with what I have now where I am are slim to none_ for him, too. I either take a pay cut / demotion / whatever or move to another country entirely.

 

As for the EA. I hear what you mean. Though posts on LS indicate otherwise, the EA almost makes you feel like it's not about sex. It's not about you being the piece on the side, the physical release or substitute to what he's allegedly not getting at home. it almost gives you permission to validate the whole thing _ see, it's not about sex? not that simple, obviously. ours was PA but an equal balance. there was just as much emotion as there was sex, more so even. so yea sister, i hear ya.

[Chica80]

Sunshine! No disappointment whatsoever. It is what it is. I missed that thread, still catching up. It's almost like a "choose your adventure" book, navigating this forum. You seem much younger than I am not sure you'll know what I'm referring to

 

Yea. The work thing blows. Can't remember if we talked about this _ have you considering getting another job? It's always a possibility though of course some situations come with great sacrifice. I have thought about it and have decided that at least for now, I don't want to. Logically speaking, why should I? He and I are department managers, we're both successful and have great reputations at work. I make a good living. My career trajectory is just as important, if not more, than his. Chances of me finding another job commensurate with what I have now where I am are slim to none_ for him, too. I either take a pay cut / demotion / whatever or move to another country entirely.

 

As for the EA. I hear what you mean. Though posts on LS indicate otherwise, the EA almost makes you feel like it's not about sex. It's not about you being the piece on the side, the physical release or substitute to what he's allegedly not getting at home. it almost gives you permission to validate the whole thing _ see, it's not about sex? not that simple, obviously. ours was PA but an equal balance. there was just as much emotion as there was sex, more so even. so yea sister, i hear ya.

 

 

Yes. Ive looked for other jobs. Applied to other jobs.

But right now, can't leave. I need this job to take care of myself and my kids. My job has been really great in allowing me to have the hrs and schedule I need, because of my kiddos. It's really hard to find a job like this in the type of career I have. (Obviously I'm being vague).

Also I'm back in school. Which adds another dynamic. So for now. No. No other job.

 

I don't get support from stbxh. Nor do I want to.

[spideywoman]

Yes. Ive looked for other jobs. Applied to other jobs.

But right now, can't leave. I need this job to take care of myself and my kids. My job has been really great in allowing me to have the hrs and schedule I need, because of my kiddos. It's really hard to find a job like this in the type of career I have. (Obviously I'm being vague).

Also I'm back in school. Which adds another dynamic. So for now. No. No other job.

 

I don't get support from stbxh. Nor do I want to.

 

Gotcha. I understand. It's not as simple as going on careers.com and snapping your fingers. many, many other factors involved and of course flexibility for your children is paramount, among other things. if it were that easy all of us that shared a workspace with AP / MMs / OW whatever and were hurting from the fallout would have left our jobs long ago. i get the vagueness still can't PM. waiting very, very patiently.

[Jemima1234]

It's so hard isn't it when you can't cut them out completely. Makes this journey so painful.

 

I want to chat to him. But it makes the pain worse in long run!!

[whatever29]

Good for you!! So happy for you and your strength!

 

 

I had the exact same end point. Thought we could be "friends" but finally realized I was sitting around waiting like a teenage girl for a text from a man who a) was in a relationship and b) was treating me like crap. I'm an adult woman, I deserve better than that. I blocked him on everything that day.

 

I wish I could get to indifference. Even though it's been a month or so, I still think about him all the time. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm still very hurt. I miss him. But I keep remembering the bad stuff and try to be realistic. But I also feel stuck. I'm doing everything I can to get over it but it plays over and over in my head.

 

Hopefully your strength will rub off on me!

 

It just takes time rainbowsandkittens. You have to allow yourself go through the many feelings that comes from this. Angry, hurt, missing who you thought was your friend. You will get to indifference, just keep on the path. Don't worry about how long it takes to get there.