Half-brother given up at birth making contact & blowing my NC with abusive family

[blackcat777]

I have an older half-brother who was given up at birth for adoption. (before mom's first marriage)

 

This made my mother insane. She never recovered from this.

 

She abused me horribly growing up, told me I should be aborted, etc. At 16 years of age she threw me out on the road with my schoolbooks and drove away. (I'm her second child from first marriage)

 

My mother had a third child, another younger half-sister, from her second marriage, who was also insane, beat me up while I was a child, and set me up for more abuse. I was the scapegoat in that toxic dynamic until I was eventually thrown out.

 

My mother told my younger sister not that she threw me out, but that I left, I hated her. The whole dynamic is f*cked.

 

I also found out later that my stepdad (mother's second marriage) - who also verbally abused me - sexually abused my younger half-sister. She struggled with a drug problem in part due to this.

 

I eventually left the country for years, coming home only because of a medical injury.

 

My dad is cool throughout all of this, the only normal parent I've had - except he thinks he's doing Jesus' work and taking the moral high road by trying to force a reconciliation with me and this side of my family. There is NO POSSIBLE WAY this dynamic can EVER be healthy.

 

I returned to the country to live with my dad on the one condition that NO ONE FROM THAT SIDE OF THE FAMILY ever knows I am here again.

 

Years ago, while abroad, I tried to reconnect with my mother numerous times and failed. I reconnected with my younger half-sister who told me she would never tell my mother I was trying to make contact because it was her revenge and she derived a sick pleasure from it.

 

Sister is certifiably insane.

 

Mother and sister do not take the garbage out, live on instant macaroni, and the last time I saw the house where my half-sister living with my mom, the toilet was broken and overflowing with **** that could not flush.

 

I am seriously concerned that if my younger sister ever found out I was living in the country again, she would slash my tires, destroy my personal business, do anything and everything she could to make my life a living nightmare.

 

She used to create fake internet personas and catfish my ex boyfriends, trying to lure them into internet relationships.

 

So, poor adopted older half brother has NO IDEA about any of this **** show and reaches out to the family...

 

My dad, god bless his heart, GIVES HIM MY HOME PHONE NUMBER when he knows half-brother ALREADY MADE CONTACT with nutso side of the family - and could theoretically pass along my information. (!)

 

I have no problem getting to know my older half-brother independently of my mother's insane side of the family.

 

Part of me wants not to contact him - he looks like he has a normal, happy life on Facebook, and he needs no part of this train wreck. It's really better sometimes to never know your heritage and he really got the sweet end of the deal.

 

Another part of me wants to ask him to PLEASE not give my number to anyone who is crazy.

 

I have a string of blocked calls the past week that I did not answer. No telemarketers have my number. I am scared.

 

I never ever ever want contact with anyone on my mom's side, and the second word gets out I am here, I will put a PFA on my sister. I'm not sure that would stop her from trying to harm me, though.

 

The phone number is not in my name. Fortunately.

 

Not sure how to proceed. A bunch of issues smashed together at once.

 

I am moving in about two months, so when we reconnect our phone, we can unlist everything and keep my name away from everything possible in case my sister decides to have a stalkfest. I wouldn't put anything past her.

[MJJean]

Explain to your father that Jesus asked us to forgive, but did not say we have to allow people to continue to abuse us. Then ask him to please, for the love of God, not give anyone your location or contact information because you legitimately fear for your safety.

 

I also have an older half brother who was given for adoption. He's a great guy. I warned him about my crazy family the first time we talked. He found out for himself, but the damage was less severe than it could have been thanks to the warning. We still talk here and there.

[blackcat777]

So I took a big long walk and thought about all of this.

 

My biggest concern is that the half-brother unwittingly passes along my phone number to my sister - which will alert her to the fact I'm living in the country in the same area code as her - and she will go ham with harassment and stalking.

 

I sent a Facebook message to the brother's wife (they share a Facebook & that's how she found my dad) saying I am totally open to contact... and this is a weird and horrible caveat, but my dad failed to mention to keep my information private. I cut contact with that side of the family because I was abused and it's paramount to my safety and wellbeing that the information is kept private.

 

And then sent them some goodwill and best wishes.

 

Even if they write me off as crazy - this guy never should have opened Pandora's Box - hopefully they will keep my information private.

 

My dad totally forgot to tell me this happened a few days ago, so I pray to god my sister didn't get my number. There have been blocked calls ringing my phone morning and night for the past week so I'm a little nervous.

 

More than a little nervous, freaking out and hysterical, actually.

 

I've had the conversation with my dad 20398204598203984203984 times about how NO ONE FROM CRAZY FAMILY CAN KNOW I AM HOME. That was the whole condition for me agreeing to move back into the country. No one must know. He just doesn't get it. Means well, but totally... doesn't... get it... argh.

[Hailiee7]

I agree with MJJean's comment to tell your dad, "that Jesus asked us to forgive, but did not say we have to allow people to continue to abuse us."

 

It is smart to do all you can to limit contact from your sister and mother.

Getting a PFA against your sister is a good idea. Also, if she does contact you contact the police and keep records of her attempt to do so.

 

Also, I would suggest reading Gaven De Becker's book, "The Gift of Fear". It can give you great suggestions on how to protect yourself if necessary and to believe you "gut" feelings. Here is a link to the book ttp://tinyurl.com/gsqfw2k.