Is 18 too young to want to find perpetual love and potential marriage?

[DarrenB]

So I'm over a month from my latest R/S, and I can hands on heart say I'm more than ready to want to settle down properly, or atleast be involved with someone who has the same mindset as myself; Study, work, settle down with a partner and progress from there.

 

I hear people say often that 'You shouldn't neglect your teenage years, live it whilst your youth is still with you' 'the world is your oyster at this age!'. Well, since my teenage years began (13), I was never really one to be the outgoing person with a variety of people, or be as sociable as some might be. I'd very rarely attend parties or gatherings, mostly those of which I did go to consisted of my relatives and mature people (25+). I've never felt comfortable being in a situation where I would be with a bunch of people my age, partying, drinking, doing your typical things and shenanigans that would occur. I just feel so out of place... I'd much rather be at home; reading, watching a movie, composing music or anything else in relation to self-solitude.

 

If anything my last R/S had taught me, it's that you need to find someone completely compatible to you (yes I do understand in some ways opposites attract), who has the same mindset as you, same motivations, relatively the same goals and just want something long-term and progress from there. Otherwise, there's just no point of being in one. Granted it's for the experience and 'the thrill of dating as a youngster' but I've had my fair share of it and I do not wish to participate in temporary antics with someone anymore. Well, that's my opinion.

 

What I'd like to know is, how would one go about looking for someone like this? Of course I'd have to make some sort of effort, but I'm unsure as to how I'd go about doing this - taking into consideration the independence I already carry and my lack of ability to go around endlessly searching for 'the one'.

 

I'm open to any type of criticism or uplifting remarks. Thanks!

[JewelD]

Maybe church?

 

I just don't think most 18 year olds are in that mindset. There are a lot of girls who think they're ready for marriage, but they really don't understand what it requires. They don't necessarily understand themselves yet. Same for boys as well.

 

Some people get married very young and it works out, but most people end up changing significantly during those years. I'm only 25, but if I had married someone I met when I was 18 or 19 or even 20, I'd be severely disappointed and probably divorced by now. The person I am now is soooo different from who I was back then. I thought I had it all figured out, I thought I was extremely mature. But the things I wanted and put up with back then would never cross my mind now.

 

You say you don't want to be endlessly looking for 'the one', but whether you have marriage or just dating in mind, you're going to have to do some work. Probably more if you're only interested in girls around your age who would be seriously considering marriage.

[CarrieT]

18 isn't too young to WANT to find love and marriage, but 18 *is* way too young to get confined to "perpetual love and marriage."

 

And here is why....

 

Those of us that have been around here for a while and around life for a while understand that EVERYTHING changes in one's life between their 28th and 31st year. Heck, the New Agers call it the "Saturn Return" (feel free to google in).

 

Scientifically, the frontal lobes of your brain are not fully connected until your very late 20s. The nerve cells that connect your frontal lobes with the rest of their brains are sluggish. You don't have as much of the fatty coating called myelin, or "white matter," that adults have in this area.

 

In the 50s, it was known as the Seven Year Itch because people would marry in their early 20s and when they hit their 30s, everything they THOUGHT they wanted changed.

 

It is why so many of us heartily recommend not getting married until the early 30s.

 

I have great empathy for you. I went through it. A lot of us went through it. I desperately wanted to marry my 18-year-old sweetheart. As I was approaching my 30th year, I could barely remember him.

[Curious-One]

Way to young in my opinon. You will be a totally different person 10 years from now so unless you want a divorce in your future i say you wait.

 

 

I am 29 and 10 years ago what i found attractive and how i acted was completely different to now.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, in my opinion 18 is much too young to marry. Being ready to settle down entails a heck of a lot more than not feeling a desire to drink and party.

It includes knowing who you are and where you're going in life. It also generally means being financially secure and independent. The vast majority of 18-year-olds simply lack the life experience to have arrived at that point yet.

 

That's not to say you can't find someone who is compatible an similarly prefers staying in to going out and getting wasted. Joining social or community groups might be a good start to meeting someone.

[preraph]

Look, the problem with finding someone your young age who has the same mindset of wanting to go right into a forever relationship is that your brain doesn't develop the part of it fully until the mid-20s that can predict the consequences of your own actions. So there are plenty of gung-ho little 18-year-old girls who think they want to live the fairytale and get a husband and a baybee right now, but who in three years will be bitter old-before-their-time hags who know they made a huge mistake locking themselves into a life of drudgery and wasted youth because they didn't understand the reality.

 

I mean, people your age should explore and branch out and meet different people, go different places and get over their discomfort with being around people. If you feel the way you are is a rarity in the midst of everyone else, I think you should go to a professional and find out why and start working on becoming a little more social and not just try to hole up at your age. Just my opinion. I mean, you can find a balance of doing both. i have always had to have a LOT of down time and reading or tv time, so that has its rightful place, which is relaxation time. But career and school and relationships require some social skills, so you need to get out of your comfort zone and work on those with some help, I think. You're too young to be living the life of an old lady like me! You'll have plenty of time when you're old to do very little except work and pay bills and pet your dogs. But you're going to need some youthful memories to make you smile about it once in awhile.

[DarrenB]

Look, the problem with finding someone your young age who has the same mindset of wanting to go right into a forever relationship is that your brain doesn't develop the part of it fully until the mid-20s that can predict the consequences of your own actions. So there are plenty of gung-ho little 18-year-old girls who think they want to live the fairytale and get a husband and a baybee right now, but who in three years will be bitter old-before-their-time hags who know they made a huge mistake locking themselves into a life of drudgery and wasted youth because they didn't understand the reality.

 

I mean, people your age should explore and branch out and meet different people, go different places and get over their discomfort with being around people. If you feel the way you are is a rarity in the midst of everyone else, I think you should go to a professional and find out why and start working on becoming a little more social and not just try to hole up at your age. Just my opinion. I mean, you can find a balance of doing both. i have always had to have a LOT of down time and reading or tv time, so that has its rightful place, which is relaxation time. But career and school and relationships require some social skills, so you need to get out of your comfort zone and work on those with some help, I think. You're too young to be living the life of an old lady like me! You'll have plenty of time when you're old to do very little except work and pay bills and pet your dogs. But you're going to need some youthful memories to make you smile about it once in awhile.

 

Thanks for you indepth reply Pre, I appreciate it. However, like I have said, I've had my fair share of teenage escapades and I have done my 'exploring' so to speak. I began working minimum wage when I was 15, and I have been progressing for the next 3 years to now at a substantially decent pay per annum. Study, work and whatever else I have always had the social skills for, but when it comes to participating or getting involved with people within a certain vicinity, say cinema, meals, pubs, parties or w/e else I've just never felt comfortable. I'd always prefer wanting to have someone with me who was partner if I was ever going to attend those things. My record shows that I was often happier attending these events with my previous girlfriend than I normally was, but since I have been delving back into the same old habits and become unsociable - however I do hide it insanely well, so it's not that evident from another person's perspective.

 

For myself to settle down with someone and progress a life that may or may not turn into marriage or a VERY Long-term relationship down the line, Is just simply what I seek. I'm just not comfortable being one of the people, that would go around day in day out searching for someone to 'get laid' with, or have some temporary attraction to... I know in some cases this can obviously enhance the chance in finding that one person but I'm too reserved to share my body, love, trust in someone unless I've known them for a good amount of time.

[preraph]

Well, I would say most of us would rather have either a friend or partner with us when we go out to parties or bars. You might try finding a good friend or group of friends to do that with too or getting to know your workmates well enough that if it's a company function, having them there makes you feel comfortable enough. Not just a gf.

 

Just don't get in a hurry. You've been at it making a living for a while, but most people your age haven't these days, and they deserve to get to explore too.

 

I have absolutely no quarrel with you not wanting to just go out and find casual sex. It's not for everyone. I'm sure you'll find a girlfriend. Just don't press someone as young as you into marrying too soon because most can't handle it and want to bail eventually and then are stuck and unhappy. Hope you find someone really nice! And I bet you do, because you are.

[basil67]

It's not too young to want it, but it's too young to expect to find "The One".