I think I will always be a single guy for the rest of my life

[logan415]

I feel like I don't want to live anymore as every year goes by and by I just get nowhere. No dates, no girlfriends and just overall nothing at the age of 30. Maybe I had an evil cursed placed over me to ensure I will never find no happiness. I talk to this girl overseas for over year and I was hoping to come and see her the end of this year when I have the week off. Now she tells me she lost interest. I just feel like crying because I really thought my relationship drought was finally going to be over and I would actually be with someone. I feel so angry and upset because I tried so hard to keep us interested. I do feel like I do better with women overseas its just the ****ing distance that killing my chances. I think I need to leave the ****ing USA because its killing every chance at love I possibly can get. I just cannot take the damn days off I need so I can see her. Just ****ing ruin everything. I just feel like jumping off the bridge and ending it all because I know I will never, ever get another chance for someone else to be interested in me like how she was.

 

Being 30 years old my window is closing fast on me to have a family and I seem I will never accomplish this. Good God. Why this has to happen to me. Why do I have to be the one to suffer like this. I guess God hates me so much that he wants to make sure I never find anyone. I honestly don't feel like living anymore as my love life sucks so ****ing bad.

[Blanco]

Dude, calm down. You're a 30-year-old man. You have plenty of time yet to meet someone and start a family. It's not like you've got eggs are are ticking time bombs or something.

 

edit: and if you're seriously having suicidal thoughts, please contact a hotline. ending your life over something like this is short-sighted and very permanent.

[Pete2304]

I hear you mate. Firstly, moving away isn't necessarily the answer but....I'm planning on doing just that and I don't think it can do any harm. I feel hypocritical and almost farcical just writing what I'm about to say but; A little self confidence goes a long way. I signed up here a couple of months back and frankly was on the verge of suicide, if not by one direct action, I was willingly drinking myself to destruction and knew full well it couldn't have gone on for long like that. You ever see Leaving Las Vegas? Well I was basically doing that.

 

I looked like crap, un ironed clothes, unshaven, in dire need of a hair cut and lost my job because all I did was drink and cry 20 out of every 24 hours. Eventually, and this was before I actually got the job I have now, I walked out the house one day with a suit on, went and got a shave and a hair cut and I promise you I felt a damn sight better. That night there was some drunken 40 something women who came into the pub I was in and flirted a lot with me and one tried to take me home with her. For a whole number of reasons, I had no interest whatsoever and the next day woke up feeling like my world had gone again as I had done every day before that.

 

Went back to the same pub the night after and we all had a laugh about the crazy bunch of women who were flirting and flashing and all of a sudden things started to change. Last night I won friendzone (see thread in dating section, it's a cracking story!) but despite having not slept or been even close to sleeping with anyone since my wife left, a couple of unplanned nights of silliness and having a laugh have taken the edge off just a bit.

 

I've been literally picked up off the floor by a girl in the last couple of months after I collapsed crying in the street having begged and failed to get my wife to leave her new boyfriend. Tonight, having been out on an albeit disastrous date last night, I find myself smiling. I'm 5'9, look about 20 even though I'm 31 and can't put a bit of weight on no matter how hard I try so trust me, I hardly end up turning down hundred of date offers. That said, I'm smiling now and walking round head held high because over the last few days I've found just enough moxy that it's made me more attractive than I was before by the looks of it (not difficult when you look like me!)

 

Ex wife found out I'd been on a couple of dates and begged me to go round tonight despite her being with new man. She tried to sleep with me tonight and yet I walked out when she wouldn't say that she would leave him. For the first time In years she was shouting after me that she loved me.

 

It shouldn't be this way but honestly, even if you feel like there's no hope, put on your best Oscar winning performance every day, puff our you chest and whilst there's no need for arrogance just pretend you have a little confidence. It works,

I promise. Won't mean you meet the girl of your dreams but it might just help you start to move forward a little.

[logan415]

Dude, calm down. You're a 30-year-old man. You have plenty of time yet to meet someone and start a family. It's not like you've got eggs are are ticking time bombs or something.

 

edit: and if you're seriously having suicidal thoughts, please contact a hotline. ending your life over something like this is short-sighted and very permanent.

 

No not serious harming myself but I feel so frustrated because I feel this distance screwed us up. I also I feel she was the only one for me and will never see this opportunity again. She is the first girl in my entire life that liked me more than a friend unlike women locally here in San Francisco. This girl was in another country so trying to go see her was difficult, I hope I can meet someone else on the site I met this girl on. This time I will do everything I need to I do to save the relationship. I just been feeling horrible for past few days because we did liked each other and now its over before it really nourished. Long distance is a big killer I really hate it. If I meet someone else over there I think I will try to move so this will not happen again.

[ajone101]

Man you need to take a deep breath and just relax a little bit. No matter what the struggles you're having right now, just know that there are other people in this world that would kill to have the problem you're having. Hope this just helps to put things into perspective.

 

I would suggest you try to stop looking so hard for a woman. I know this seems counterintuitive to what you're thinking / feeling but to me it seems like the person you're projecting to women isn't the way you want yourself to come off to them. I would just focus on yourself and look at the areas in your life you feel you can improve to help attract the right women. Just start as simply as getting a new haircut or doing something completely different than you normally would, like going to a yoga class or something where a lot of women hang out at.

 

A trick I use whenever I'm having a tough time with women is to approach a woman with a silly question (could literally be anything, just get her to smile or giggle whatever) and ask for her opinion. Ask her to give a females perspective on things, and usually a woman loves to give her opinion on things. Just start there, don't look to hard into it, assess how the conversation went and ask her to continue talking at a coffee shop or something. Just take baby steps man. Dating is tough nowadays, don't beat yourself up women can tell when you're not confident. Just focus on getting your confidence back!!

 

Hope this helps. AJ

[preraph]

Wow. First of all, you have way more control over your life here on earth than anyone else, including God, does. Do you think he gave humans brains so he could still use all his time making the most miniscule decisions for them? Or you think God is cruel; if so, why would you worship and hand over your faith to a cruel being? You're on your own here and you're the one in control of your life.

 

There is no curse unless it's one you brought on yourself. It's your actions and your attitude that will drive whether you are ever happy or not. Losing a long-distance online only relationship and letting that get to you is crazy because you have NO idea what this person is really like or she you until you meet face to face and see if it's comfortable or awkward.

 

You have every option everyone else has to find joy and happiness in life and that certainly includes becoming multifaceted and seeking and exploring life and activities and interests and making a fun balanced life for yourself. If you decide to just do that, no one can stop you.

 

At 30 years old as a male, you are at your peak. If you have trouble finding women, I'm guessing it's because you think you are physically unattractive and that you are seeking women more attractive than you. But with your attitude, it may not even have to do with how you look because you seem determined that finding a woman is the cure-all to make you happy in life. Well, it may give you a boost, but if you have all your eggs in that basket and you have nothing else going for you for others to be attracted to, like hobbies, interests, intellect, ambition, humor, personality, then looks alone will not save you.

 

If you have some anxiety problem keeping you from being social and meeting local women the usual way, then you need to go to a professional and start dealing with that. If you have some personality flaw that keeps you from being able to find any women in the USA, well, you have big delusional attitude problems and are the only one holding yourself back, and again you need to go to a professional and deal with them. Because until you do, you're not ready to be happy OR find a partner.

[WomenWubber]

Not everyone is meant to find a partner and have a family. The great majority of people seems to think that that's the be all end all to everything in life, which is not true at all.

 

Maybe find solace in knowing you will live a life that follows a pattern that's different than most people in the earth.

[Recon33]

Not everyone is meant to find a partner and have a family. The great majority of people seems to think that that's the be all end all to everything in life, which is not true at all.

 

Maybe find solace in knowing you will live a life that follows a pattern that's different than most people in the earth.

 

Posts like these come off as a bit condescending to me. It basically reads like ,"accept that you suck and can't have what you want. " While I think it's important to make peace with the fact that you may never find someone that doesn't mean some people are hopeless at a certain age. It might be harder for some more than others but I think it's possible for everyone to find love.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Even if he's at his peak as a 30 year old, sadly a lot of women are going to see it as a red flag if a guy hasn't had a relationship you have by that age

[logan415]

When I was 21 i asked a girl for to go with me to the movies. I'm not sure if it was a date since we did not hold hands. But she later said shw liked me. However it never materialize into a bf and gf. When i was in high school i got kissed by a girl on the lips and that is the last time i been kissed. Then one time i asked a girl if she would have lunch with me and she did. So I'm sure if this count as experience with women.

[logan415]

Even if he's at his peak as a 30 year old, sadly a lot of women are going to see it as a red flag if a guy hasn't had a relationship you have by that age

 

American women yes but other women around the world won't least not as much. I meet more Russian girls online than American women in person. I could lie about my past. She won't know.

[Pete2304]

American women yes but other women around the world won't least not as much. I meet more Russian girls online than American women in person. I could lie about my past. She won't know.

 

I have to say I don't condone cheating or lying (and trust me I don't I turned down my ex wife last night because she would have been screwing around behind her boyfriends back and I'm somewhat regretting that now) but....mate if you've got to make up a couple of brief relationships that's you've had (don't go over the top), I think we can all agree that worse lies have been told. It may well not be a deal breaker for some women but that said, I think there is a risk you might miss out on someone who is sweet and nice and perfect for you because of it.

Just....you've had a couple of relationships, I don't know one a couple of months one six months ish maybe say one a good few years ago and one maybe just over a year ago and whilst you really enjoyed both relationships, there wasn't a long term future in either so they both just fizzled out.

Don't have to create a whole previous life but I think

Maybe it's actually ok to enhance the truth a little here

[planning4later]

Count your blessings. I know this sounds cras, but any time you're feeling down about this, go over to the marriage or divorce thread and see what it's like on the other side. I'm not being cynical, I'm being factual. 55% of marriages end this way. Go and take a look.

 

Secondly, as a man, the outlook does not look good for you. There is zero benefit to a man when he gets married; plus you assume 100% of the risk should it go south. Even if it doesn't end in divorce, you will be forced to cater to a woman's life while sacrificing your own. Your life means nothing as a married man. You are a function. You provide and protect and basically that's it. I've had women outright admit to me that women don't really love men. They love your CHILDREN, and they love what you GIVE them (a good life, house, etc).

 

This is mandatory knowledge for men. You must know this and embrace it. Then, and only then, should you consider marriage. If you can look these cold, hard realities in the face, accept them without any cognitive dissonance, and you still want to marry...more power to you. But know what you're getting into.

[Mysterio]

Not that you are stating it. Don't try to get married. Have a great relationship and then if it really going well. Marriage could be a natural progression.

 

My ex tried to fast track me on having kids and marriage and we broke up over it. I think that people should take their time and see if they are a real fit.

 

I don't know why we all get to this point in our lives where we have this deep need for love. When I was a kid. I never thought about it much. I was born in 1971. I turned 45 this past March. I still can't shake that need for a romantic relationship. I don't want a one night stand or FWB. I just have to live with what the universe has given me.

 

I think underneath the surface is that we really believe that being with someone that loves us will make us happier in general. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it does not.

 

I think that one has to do self examination and be reflective and know how you tick. Way before becoming attached to someone.

 

I know for myself. I would do myself a huge favour by being more chill and letting life unfold, instead of trying to control every outcome.

 

Sometimes its not our fault being single. Its just personal circumstances. You notice that most of the people that talk about loneliness are under 50. You never have 70/80 yr olds talking about finding a partner for the most part.

 

Also. It seems like Males are the ones that are most prone to being out of sorts with being without a love partner more than women.

[preraph]

American women yes but other women around the world won't least not as much. I meet more Russian girls online than American women in person. I could lie about my past. She won't know.

 

That's because they're looking for American men to subsidize them coming over here and getting their citizenship. If you went there, unless you had money to throw around, it's doubtful they'd be interested.

[preraph]

Jeez, marriage/no marriage. One step at a time. Part of the problem is going out and asking for a date as if it held the importance of a marriage proposal. Have a social life. If you don't, find out why in therapy. A social life leads to both men and women and friends with friends. You can't get a partner without going out in public and having activities and interests.

[logan415]

That's because they're looking for American men to subsidize them coming over here and getting their citizenship. If you went there, unless you had money to throw around, it's doubtful they'd be interested.

 

Not all. You basically saying that all non American women want to use us. But honestly not all. They are just like anyone else. They want to find love. Sometimes they cannot find it at home like me so they go looking elsewhere.

 

Truth is this though, Russian or any non American woman want simple life just to be together and care each other. American women on the other hand have all these stupid requirements I need to satisfy and honestly I'm tired of the bull ****. No more games. Dating should be easy and relaxing not a game of ****ing poker. I think anytime an American woman hear a man from the US looking for women from other countries they going to pull the same old **** about green cards and use men to get in the US. I think its a way to try and persuade men to stick to USA women only so the male population can stay high and keep dating life in favor for women to control a man love life. Well not going to happen. I'm human who has a heart and I have feelings like everyone else.

 

Have you heard of this quote "one person trash is another person treasure".

 

So while I'm trash to American women I can be treasure of love with a woman from Eastern Europe. I have talk to men who visit there and women there are easy to talk to. They don't give the vibe "DO NOT APPROACH ME" which is why I have such a hard time getting dates locally. Dating in America is a ****ing joke, I seriously surprised relationships even happen in this weird a$$ country. I talked to a Polish girl overseas and she even called me handsome. I never heard that here in the US ever! There is a difference. Just because women here don't like me does not mean women else where will not.

Edited September 25, 2016 by logan415

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

American women yes but other women around the world won't least not as much. I meet more Russian girls online than American women in person. I could lie about my past. She won't know.

 

It's just part of life and realities Injustice that something like this happens to men more than women

[logan415]

It's just part of life and realities Injustice that something like this happens to men more than women

 

That is why I'm gonna lie about my past. They won't know.

[normal person]

It's just part of life and realities Injustice that something like this happens to men more than women

 

You use the word "injustice" like you expect the world to be fair or for peoples' biological preferences to be governed by some kind of law.

 

Maybe I had an evil cursed placed over me to ensure I will never find no happiness.

 

Unlikely. What other explanations could there be, do you think? Like, what do you bring to the table for a girl and why don't you think they're noticing it?

 

That is why I'm gonna lie about my past. They won't know.

 

Do you really think your problem is that simple and that easily rectified?

[logan415]

Do you really think your problem is that simple and that easily rectified?

 

Maybe not. But if I lie I would be okay. I cannot see how they would know if I had relationships or not. I cannot see why not having a relationship is a deal breaker for women who say so. Anyhow lying that I had couple relationships will shine a positive outlook I think.

[preraph]

Not all. You basically saying that all non American women want to use us. But honestly not all. They are just like anyone else. They want to find love. Sometimes they cannot find it at home like me so they go looking elsewhere.

 

Truth is this though, Russian or any non American woman want simple life just to be together and care each other. American women on the other hand have all these stupid requirements I need to satisfy and honestly I'm tired of the bull ****. No more games. Dating should be easy and relaxing not a game of ****ing poker. I think anytime an American woman hear a man from the US looking for women from other countries they going to pull the same old **** about green cards and use men to get in the US. I think its a way to try and persuade men to stick to USA women only so the male population can stay high and keep dating life in favor for women to control a man love life. Well not going to happen. I'm human who has a heart and I have feelings like everyone else.

 

Have you heard of this quote "one person trash is another person treasure".

 

So while I'm trash to American women I can be treasure of love with a woman from Eastern Europe. I have talk to men who visit there and women there are easy to talk to. They don't give the vibe "DO NOT APPROACH ME" which is why I have such a hard time getting dates locally. Dating in America is a ****ing joke, I seriously surprised relationships even happen in this weird a$$ country. I talked to a Polish girl overseas and she even called me handsome. I never heard that here in the US ever! There is a difference. Just because women here don't like me does not mean women else where will not.

 

You're dreaming. If you can't date in the US, you have problems that need to be worked on. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with European people. In fact, you're the one who called them trash. I'm saying there's a lot of them online looking for money and a way to get to the US. Seriously, why not just move over there and find out for yourself instead of going by how many will talk to you when you're safely a few thousand miles away. If you're dysfunctional here, you are there too, but maybe because of the language barrier it will take them longer to find out.

[Melrapuo]

I used to get so frustrated about being single. When I did finally date someone, I was head over heels for her. Two years later, I was left for someone else.

 

Four years after that, another gir dumped me from a 3 year relationship. Then I dated the first girl again for another year before being dumped yet again.

 

I've been (purposely) single for 4 years now. I took the last break up particularly hard because, even after all this time, I can only see my ex.

 

My point is, don't assume that just because you've been so unlucky on finding someone at all doesn't mean things can go just as bad when you do find someone. People are hurting all around you, so you aren't alone there either. And I'm gonna be 30 in December, so I understand how it can feel as a guy these days.

 

Truth is, being strong alone will make you stronger with someone else once you meet them. Worrying about finding someone will only drive you nuts (and potentially scare people away). You'l find your way.

[logan415]

You're dreaming. If you can't date in the US, you have problems that need to be worked on. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with European people. In fact, you're the one who called them trash. I'm saying there's a lot of them online looking for money and a way to get to the US. Seriously, why not just move over there and find out for yourself instead of going by how many will talk to you when you're safely a few thousand miles away. If you're dysfunctional here, you are there too, but maybe because of the language barrier it will take them longer to find out.

 

 

I'm just gonna do whatever works for me. If I wamt to meet someone acorss the world then so be it. I have to find what works for me. I'm the nice guy type vs the bad boy. All this alpha amd beta male is what ruins it for me. Truth is I hear from men that are from Europe that says dating in America is much harder than back at their home county.

[Satu]

"I think I will always be a single guy for the rest of my life."

 

 

As a man thinks, so will he be.

 

 

Take care.