I think I will always be a single guy for the rest of my life

[Nox]

Well, as an Eastern European woman I can't claim to understand the experience of American men when it comes to "dating rules" in USA. But really placing blame on anyone is not gonna help. I'm not saying this to defend those women you mentioned and their behavior when it comes to relationships. I also heard so many girls from my town complaining how men in this town don't approach women (this place is notorious for that, there are even jokes about it in the whole country). But I'll be damned if I ever start blaming my unhappy love life on "men not approaching women in my town". With that mindset, I would probably never even have a boyfriend.

 

I mean, if some of you people really believe that dating elsewhere is better than dating where you are, you should by all means try it out. But if you're using dating sites to find people, maybe you should focus on the qualities of the person more, not the location.

[Nox]

 

 

Also I think your lack of experience with girls could be a turn off, sorry.

 

It seems everything can be a turn off to someone when it comes to dating these days. People seem to LOOK for a reason not to date someone.

 

I explained WHY it would be a turn off for me. And I also said that there must be girls out there with similar experience with whom this will never be an issue, and he should focus on finding such girls.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I explained WHY it would be a turn off for me. And I also said that there must be girls out there with similar experience with whom this will never be an issue, and he should focus on finding such girls.

 

Oh, I got it. ;-) Thank you.

[normal person]

Truth is this though, Russian or any non American woman want simple life just to be together and care each other. American women on the other hand have all these stupid requirements I need to satisfy and honestly I'm tired of the bull ****.

 

They've probably gotten used to quality of life, standard of living, and other benefits of living in America. Can you blame them? No one here (or anywhere) aspires to regress. It reminds me of that Chris Rock bit: Men can't go backwards sexually, women can't go backwards in terms of lifestyle. If you want women that badly, why not be better rather than give up? American society is largely shaped by people with aspirations who thought they could do better here than where they were. It's our ethos. It's engrained in us. Saying women here are too demanding and that you'd rather give up and move than figure it out is amongst the least endearing things you you could say to an American woman. Yeah, life is demanding and unfair for just about everybody. You have to keep pace if you don't want to get left in the dust.

 

Just because women here have certain lifestyle expectations doesn't mean they're bad people. But if you can't provide them with at least the lifestyle they're used to or more, then don't be surprised if they understandably remove you from contention.

 

Dating should be easy and relaxing not a game of ****ing poker.

 

Why "should" it? Because the world is fair and everyone considers everyone else's needs and desires before their own? This sounds more like a fairy tale to me than reality. Please explain.

 

I think anytime an American woman hear a man from the US looking for women from other countries they going to pull the same old **** about green cards and use men to get in the US. I think its a way to try and persuade men to stick to USA women only so the male population can stay high and keep dating life in favor for women to control a man love life.

 

Or, it's precautionary advice so you don't get scammed.

 

Well not going to happen. I'm human who has a heart and I have feelings like everyone else.

 

But unlike everyone else, you seem to lack some basic judgment and understanding of concepts that effect you.

 

So while I'm trash to American women I can be treasure of love with a woman from Eastern Europe. I have talk to men who visit there and women there are easy to talk to.

 

You technically "could" be, but why would you be? What is so great about you that American women don't see that you expect European women to flip for?

 

I talked to a Polish girl overseas and she even called me handsome. I never heard that here in the US ever! There is a difference. Just because women here don't like me does not mean women else where will not.

 

It doesn't mean they will either. Have you ever considered that maybe there's a reason you're having a problem with women, tried to figure out what the problem was, and do something about it -- rather than just cut your loss on 150 million American women and move to Europe where you're suddenly Romeo? I mean, have you ever considered the mechanics of why people like each other and how it applies to you? Have you ever thought of this?

[Blanco]

In the man's defense, some women can be blamed for perpetuating his lack of success by playing games, flaking, standing him up, friend zoning, etc. on him.

 

A lot of single women have made it much harder for a man to romance/date her. It's getting worse, esp. in America. This is why you see so posts from mid-20s men lacking success in dating...the women haven't made it easy on them, esp. in such a superficial society.

 

I see plenty of mediocre or ugly guys with girlfriends. Subscribing to the above as a catch-all reason why there are guys in the position you describe absolves them of any responsibility for their situation.

 

OP has openly admitted he would "never think" of approaching an American woman under a potential romantic pretext. How is that the fault of American women? That has nothing to do with women playing games or flaking. That's a guy permitting his own social discomfort to rule over his life without shouldering any of the responsibility for what sort of path that sends his love life down.

[JuneJulySeptember]

They've probably gotten used to quality of life, standard of living, and other benefits of living in America. Can you blame them? No one here (or anywhere) aspires to regress. It reminds me of that Chris Rock bit: Men can't go backwards sexually, women can't go backwards in terms of lifestyle. If you want women that badly, why not be better rather than give up? American society is largely shaped by people with aspirations who thought they could do better here than where they were. It's our ethos. It's engrained in us. Saying women here are too demanding and that you'd rather give up and move than figure it out is amongst the least endearing things you you could say to an American woman. Yeah, life is demanding and unfair for just about everybody. You have to keep pace if you don't want to get left in the dust.

 

Just because women here have certain lifestyle expectations doesn't mean they're bad people. But if you can't provide them with at least the lifestyle they're used to or more, then don't be surprised if they understandably remove you from contention.

 

Think about what you're saying and how it would sound if the shoe was on the other foot.

 

Let's say a woman liked me a lot.

 

Let's say she was slightly overweight and made 40K a year. She's got a degree from a sh@tty school. She's nice but can't control a room or anything.

 

I say, "I'm not interested." However, "If you lose 40 pounds, get a prestigious MBA, make 120K a year, and up your charisma so that you can tell jokes and make random people at bars laugh, then you're a keeper." So, look me up in 10 years honey, and good luck to ya cause you're gonna need it.

 

How does that sound?

 

Oh, and FYI. The American dream is not 'making a lot of $ so that you can fund some hot chick sitting at home taking selfies of herself in the bathroom mirror at 11 AM on a Tuesday'. The American dream is having the luxury to chase your dreams, no matter if that's being a vet, a social worker, opening your own auto sounds shop, etc ... and having a mate that will support you for who you are and what your dreams are.

Edited September 28, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[RecentChange]

Let's say she was slightly overweight and made 40K a year. She's got a degree from a sh@tty school. She's nice but can't control a room or anything.

 

What advice would you give her?

 

So, let's say this woman was whining that she can't find a good man to be her BF? What if she said she knows that she overweight and not attractive, but she doesn't enjoy working out, and make up and dressing well aren't her thing - she wants to "be herself" even if that's sloppy. A man should look beyond that and give her a chance right? Why do these men have to be so shallow, with such high standards? Can't they see that they aren't that handsome either?

 

So what if she lacks self esteem, lacks confidence and doesn't seem open or approachable - someone should give her a chance right? She is a "good woman" after all.

 

Oh, and she isn't attracted to just anyone, sorry, she has standards.

 

So, what is the advice? Try an international dating site? Because perhaps a man in a foreign country won't expect a woman to make a decent living or have a prestigious education, maybe a guy in a less affluent country won't mind the extra weight, they might think she is cute!

 

Maybe she will waste a few years talking to a guy, untill he realizes that she doesn't plan to bring him to the US, rather, she wants to move there, she thinks she will fit in better. It was the distance that ruined everything - if she had travelled to him sooner - then surely he would have fallen in love with her - and committed to her forever.

 

Oh well - back to looking for another foreign man, who will accept her exactly how she is today, because this is her, she shouldn't change for anyone, and apparently she isn't good enough for any American men.

 

Does that sound like a reasonable course of action?

 

Or would some efforts in self improvement not only increase her dating prospects - but do something even more important - like raise her self esteem! Believing you are a loser is no way to live - certainly not the path to happiness.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What advice would you give her?

 

So, let's say this woman was whining that she can't find a good man to be her BF? What if she said she knows that she overweight and not attractive, but she doesn't enjoy working out, and make up and dressing well aren't her thing - she wants to "be herself" even if that's sloppy. A man should look beyond that and give her a chance right? Why do these men have to be so shallow, with such high standards? Can't they see that they aren't that handsome either?

 

If she was cool and kind, then I would date her...

 

So, there's one man.

 

I would rather stay myself and scour the Earth for a man than lose 40 pounds, wear makeup and submit to the very machine that I despise.

Edited September 28, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[RecentChange]

If she was cool and kind, then I would date her...

 

So, there's one man.

 

I would rather stay myself and scour the Earth for a man than lose 40 pounds, wear makeup and submit to the very machine that I despise.

 

No, she knows no American men want her. Even if one "likes" her OLD profile, she won't message them, because she knows that they will reject her. It's single forever or find a foreign groom, she has made up her mind.

 

Seriously - are you following the analogy? I am comparing everything the OP has said, with this lonely girl.

 

And would you REALLY want to date a girl who's self esteem is in the gutter, and refuses to do anything constructive to improve her situation or her self worth?

[ZA Dater]

Or would some efforts in self improvement not only increase her dating prospects - but do something even more important - like raise her self esteem! Believing you are a loser is no way to live - certainly not the path to happiness.

 

Very important paragraph this in my opinion. Absolutely improvement may increase her prospects or they wont improve at all, lets be realistic here, one can improve and still not have any better prospects.

 

 

Self Esteem. Lets look at what that it is exactly the OP lacks it and so do I. People knock each other down, how many times do you see someone speaking to a homeless person in a condescending way? What does that do for self esteem?

 

 

Its an unfortunate fact its VERY hard to garner any self esteem if one is subjected to

: constant rejection

: constant criticism

: no praise or recognition

 

 

The first two will over time destroy self esteem, how do you get it back, well according to some you date down though as far as I am concerned doing that you just add demeaning to that list.

 

 

The way I see it the only way to get some of it back is to just completely withdraw oneself from the very thing which gives rise to rejection and criticism and that is dating itself.

 

 

At the end of the day we all want to be loved but maybe loving ourselves is enough.

 

 

I just find posts like the one the OP made extremely sad, I can totally relate to the feelings in them.

 

 

Some here seem to suggest dating success can be bought and I guess it can BUT it will always fail if your personality doesn't stack up, unless the lady is extremely desperate or materially minded.

 

 

I don't think material items assure success, I think being like every other guy buys success, the world is but one full of conformists, people who subscribe to norms, deviate from them and well you may as well not exists at all.

[ZA Dater]

No, she knows no American men want her. Even if one "likes" her OLD profile, she won't message them, because she knows that they will reject her. It's single forever or find a foreign groom, she has made up her mind.

 

Seriously - are you following the analogy? I am comparing everything the OP has said, with this lonely girl.

 

And would you REALLY want to date a girl who's self esteem is in the gutter, and refuses to do anything constructive to improve her situation or her self worth?

 

 

Ask yourself this question.

 

 

Why do people need to improve when others do nothing and find dates easily? This isn't some competition where you do A and the result is B, dating is supposed to be natural.

 

 

I'd date a girl mentioned above, purely because I'd want to help her, if she ticked all my other boxes the lack of self esteem means nothing. As someone who has worked with people who lack self esteem there is nothing more rewarding than helping them achieve things.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I see plenty of mediocre or ugly guys with girlfriends. Subscribing to the above as a catch-all reason why there are guys in the position you describe absolves them of any responsibility for their situation.

 

OP has openly admitted he would "never think" of approaching an American woman under a potential romantic pretext. How is that the fault of American women? That has nothing to do with women playing games or flaking. That's a guy permitting his own social discomfort to rule over his life without shouldering any of the responsibility for what sort of path that sends his love life down.

 

Oh, we're talking about limiting ourselves to just foreign women? Yeah, even I agree that's a little out there, esp. if the OP is unable to have the ability to relocate to foreign lands.

[SwordofFlame]

Why do people need to improve when others do nothing and find dates easily? This isn't some competition where you do A and the result is B, dating is supposed to be natural.

 

Because that's life. Some people just have to try a lot harder than others to succeed at certain things in life. Nobody said life is fair.

[RecentChange]

Self Esteem. Lets look at what that it is exactly the OP lacks it and so do I. People knock each other down, how many times do you see someone speaking to a homeless person in a condescending way? What does that do for self esteem?

 

Its an unfortunate fact its VERY hard to garner any self esteem if one is subjected to

: constant rejection

: constant criticism

: no praise or recognition

 

The first two will over time destroy self esteem, how do you get it back, well according to some you date down though as far as I am concerned doing that you just add demeaning to that list.

 

Why would attention from the opposite sex be the source of a high, or low self esteem?

 

Do you really think the CORE source of lets say a homeless person's low self esteem is the way passers by look at them?

 

Not whatever failures they experienced in life that lead to this unfortunate result? That they would feel great about themselves if passers by game them a smile instead of ignoring? That they would then be HAPPY about their dismal situation?

 

Personally, I did not develop myself esteem because guys gave me attention. I was an overweight, nerdy tom boy growing up.

 

But I was smart, capable in school, got plenty of praise and recognition for my hard WORK, for my sporting endeavors, for my scholastic achievements. These are the sorts of things that made me feel worthy, not some guy looking at me - because they weren't! They all wanted to get to my hot best friend.

 

Self esteem is called SELF esteem because it comes from WITHIN, and not from attention from the opposite sex.

 

And I suppose its a bit of a chicken and the egg thing..... guy with poor self esteem / social skills totally strikes out in the dating arena, and then starts spiraling down with this lack of confidence, lack of worthiness.

 

Bottom line though - its NOT women's fault you have low self esteem.

 

Just like its not the fault of all men, any time a woman has low self esteem.

[GemmaUK]

Ugh!

 

The point is this:

 

Change your behaviour and your attitude will change.

 

In the 'other' thread I asked the OP twice why he hadn't done certain things when he was younger - he never replied.

 

When I was 17/18 I was excruciatingly shy.

My Mum died a few weeks before my 18th birthday, my school friends had got together and were already loved up and engaged not long after so were no longer around.

 

I knew I HAD to do something for myself.

I set a challenge - just for me.

I spent 3 months going out, socialising and doing things way out of my comfort zone all on my own. I was just turned 18.

 

It was so so so hard and I had some really awful times. Times I don't even tell anyone about. But I had good times too and I met so many people and learned so much about how to interact with others outside my school/college/family groups that I had grown up with.

There's people I met back then who are still good friends today some 30 years later!!!

 

It changed my life forever!!!

 

I was terrified when I chose this test for myself - one young girl/woman on her own, lost her Mum. I did it.

I cannot fathom why someone else can't chuck themselves in to the point of uncomfortable when it's needed.

I am still an introvert but I can and do assert myself, I can go off and do anything with or without someone beside me.

[RecentChange]

Ask yourself this question.

 

Why do people need to improve when others do nothing and find dates easily? This isn't some competition where you do A and the result is B, dating is supposed to be natural.

 

Like someone else said, life isn't fair.

 

Some people - success in all areas comes easily. Others have to work harder for the same results.

 

You can either just simply accept the hand you are dealt in life, or you can make efforts to improve it. The choice is yours.

 

For ME - choosing to invest in myself - to do the school work I didn't enjoy, to do the exercise I don't particularly like, made an effort to dress more stylishly, to break through some of my tendancies to "be a hermit" and get out there and socialize more.....

 

 

Have resulted in a higher self esteem - and people look at me / treat me differently. Like the vicious circle downward, of low self esteem - resulting in people treating you even worse - improving yourself, and how you FEEL about yourself - also improves the way people treat you.

[GemmaUK]

For ME - choosing to invest in myself - to do the school work I didn't enjoy, to do the exercise I don't particularly like, made an effort to dress more stylishly, to break through some of my tendancies to "be a hermit" and get out there and socialize more.....

 

 

Have resulted in a higher self esteem - and people look at me / treat me differently. Like the vicious circle downward, of low self esteem - resulting in people treating you even worse - improving yourself, and how you FEEL about yourself - also improves the way people treat you.

 

Even this bit, I saw a post on here t'other day where one of the guys who bemoans women for being too picky etc posted 'I'm a guy so if my haircut is gonna cost me $15 i'll clip it myself'

Really??!!

 

I spend £40-£50 pm a haircut which is $52-$65 at current currency rates because I know the cut will be good.

 

Yes women get charged more but even so - can a guy really not run to $15?

[ZA Dater]

Ugh!

 

The point is this:

 

Change your behaviour and your attitude will change.

 

In the 'other' thread I asked the OP twice why he hadn't done certain things when he was younger - he never replied.

 

When I was 17/18 I was excruciatingly shy.

My Mum died a few weeks before my 18th birthday, my school friends had got together and were already loved up and engaged not long after so were no longer around.

 

I knew I HAD to do something for myself.

I set a challenge - just for me.

I spent 3 months going out, socialising and doing things way out of my comfort zone all on my own. I was just turned 18.

 

It was so so so hard and I had some really awful times. Times I don't even tell anyone about. But I had good times too and I met so many people and learned so much about how to interact with others outside my school/college/family groups that I had grown up with.

There's people I met back then who are still good friends today some 30 years later!!!

 

It changed my life forever!!!

 

I was terrified when I chose this test for myself - one young girl/woman on her own, lost her Mum. I did it.

I cannot fathom why someone else can't chuck themselves in to the point of uncomfortable when it's needed.

I am still an introvert but I can and do assert myself, I can go off and do anything with or without someone beside me.

 

I genuinely like reading success stories like this. Well done!

[JuneJulySeptember]

No, she knows no American men want her. Even if one "likes" her OLD profile, she won't message them, because she knows that they will reject her. It's single forever or find a foreign groom, she has made up her mind.

 

Seriously - are you following the analogy? I am comparing everything the OP has said, with this lonely girl.

 

And would you REALLY want to date a girl who's self esteem is in the gutter, and refuses to do anything constructive to improve her situation or her self worth?

 

The particulars matter.

 

Do you really think I, or anybody for that matter, would encourage anybody to sit on their a@@ and not do anything to improve their situation in life?

 

Do you really think guys who do badly with women sit on their a@@ and do nothing all day while guys who do well are a movers and shakers?

 

I was responding to a post saying recommending some random Mofo on the internet make more $ so that he could he be more attractive by supporting womens' lifestyle demands.

 

I didn't make it up, he said it.

 

And I disagree.

[RecentChange]

ZA, you asked why someone should have to improve themselves - I have given you reasons.

 

What efforts is the OP making to improve his self esteem and confidence?

 

OP? You wondered how I could determine you lacked confidence - others pointed out its clear as day, your posts make it quite evident - so what are you doing to improve that?

[ZA Dater]

Like someone else said, life isn't fair.

 

Some people - success in all areas comes easily. Others have to work harder for the same results.

 

You can either just simply accept the hand you are dealt in life, or you can make efforts to improve it. The choice is yours.

 

For ME - choosing to invest in myself - to do the school work I didn't enjoy, to do the exercise I don't particularly like, made an effort to dress more stylishly, to break through some of my tendancies to "be a hermit" and get out there and socialize more.....

 

 

Have resulted in a higher self esteem - and people look at me / treat me differently. Like the vicious circle downward, of low self esteem - resulting in people treating you even worse - improving yourself, and how you FEEL about yourself - also improves the way people treat you.

 

Again, I am glad someone has found success.

 

 

My experience is you can throw everything at something and still derive a no better result. Its swings and roundabouts because you either focus on things where you have a chance rather than waste your time on something you have next to no chance at. To me that's far smarter than toiling away at something you

a) don't know how to do

b) are so far behind in nobody will take you seriously irrespective of what improvements you make.

 

 

The OP is clear, he is absolutely drained from a lack of success, realistically can a person like that improve to any measurable degree? Probably, will the world give him a chance, maybe.

 

 

For me and I am sure others we spend part of our days wistfully looking at those around us who have experienced success and it just seems that success is impossible for us and please don't suggest the pity route of dating down to find success, by success I define it as mutual attraction.

[ZA Dater]

ZA, you asked why someone should have to improve themselves - I have given you reasons.

 

What efforts is the OP making to improve his self esteem and confidence?

 

OP? You wondered how I could determine you lacked confidence - others pointed out its clear as day, your posts make it quite evident - so what are you doing to improve that?

 

Has it occurred to you that perhaps the OP has made improvements? My point is nowhere does he mention he hasn't actively tried to better himself. Improvement is trotted out a lot but what if the person is already the best they can be? What then?

 

 

You don't just wake up and acquire confidence, confidence is part of being accepted by others. Confidence is a by product of success, no success= no confidence.

[RecentChange]

But confidence doesn't only come from success with women.

 

Is he successful in his career? Does that being him confidence?

 

Is he successful in his educational pursuits? Does that being him confidence?

 

Is he successful in a sport or hobby? Does that being him confidence?

 

Is he successful with social interactions? Does that being him confidence?

 

How about you? You say that you identify with the OPs plight - what is the source of your lack of confidence? Have you identified it and attempted to tackle it?

[GemmaUK]

I genuinely like reading success stories like this. Well done!

 

Thanks ZA and ya know..I have never stopped.

Even when it's really tough - I don't not put myself out there.

Why? Because it makes me feel bloody awesome!! That is the ONLY reason I do it.

 

I take care of myself, look as good as I can, wear a bit of make up buy nice clothes which suit me and keep them up to date and not faded/worn out/ill fitting , get 'good' not mediocre haircuts because they are well worth it.....etc etc.

Heck I am 47 years old! I, walk to work at 8.30am and two days running I had comments from guys - one was 'hello sexy' yesterday OK - not so great but at my age..... and then a 'good morning' from another guy today. I walk to work with wet hair too!

I'm single, not dating, happy as I am just now, My life doesn't stop and my happiness doesn't depend on anyone other than me - the odd little comment from a random who has noticed me is nice at my age.

 

And hey I also got a wink from an elderly man in his mobility scooter yesterday too - that was THE best! Bless him! *grins*

 

What I never se in these threads is any - not any comments like this or days like this - not even 'I smiled at this gorgeous cashier and she gave me the most beaming smile it made my fooking day!!!'

Simple things - but some of these guys who are so bitter don't even see when the sun shines - it's just sad. No one can help when a person cannot ever see the good things.

 

I'm also loving the change to autumn. Does that mean I am a saddo? Should I focus more on a guy?

Orange and burgundy leaves make me smile - a guy might not!!

[alphamale]

If you're a woman, and you want to make the world a better place for a lonely man, go find one and deflower him.

 

:laugh: