Infidelity [wife pregnant by OM]

[howtoproceed]

I just want to add that there isn't any man on this site who knows how they would react in your situation, even though they might think they do; even though they are sure they know what they would do. Ten years ago, I would have sworn up and down that if my wife ever had an affair, I'd be out the door in a second but that didn't happen.

 

I would be careful though about signing a birth certificate. If you want to stay with your wife, why can't you stay with her without signing off on another man's baby?

[S2B]

Your wife seems to look for validation OUTSIDE your marriage.

 

You can't make her stop this pattern!

 

Let's see---> you work hard to support the family and SHE rewards you by going out and consistently screwing other men...

 

Just divorce her! She doesn't have a clue as to how to honor a marriage.

[BettyDraper]

Holy crap..please retrieve your testicles from around your wife's neck and get the hell out of this toxic relationship. She will never stop cheating on you. I'd confirm the paternity of your other children as well.

 

This. She doesn't care about you or the marriage and your children may not be yours. Time for paternity tests and a divorce.

[howtoproceed]

your children may not be yours.

 

You are playing to his worst fears.

Lets say the kids aren't "really" his? So what?

They have probably been calling him daddy since they were 2 years old.

Nothing good can come of a paternity test this late in the game.

 

Now this new addition - that's another matter.

I wouldn't sign off on that kid and I'd be going after the other man for support - that is assuming he still wants his wife.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It is clear that you are dedicated to your family and have been the glue that has held it together for years. Others will throw rocks at you but I give you credit for giving it your all. The child itself is not the issue as you know, many people have raised a step child and has loved them as their own. I believe you would too, if she had a child from a previous relationship. However, this is an entirely different situation and you are completely justified in not wanting to claim parental responsibility. You are by law presumed to be the father of the child, though I would refuse to sign the birth certificate.

 

She has ran off multiple times to go have fun with her boyfriends and she accuses you of being selfish, now that is rich. If it wasn’t such a sad situation, it would be funny. If you accept parental responsibility, there is no guarantee she will stay in a couple of years and then you will be on the hook for child support for the OM’s child. It is your choice, but don’t think that it is something that I would expose myself personally.

 

To be honest, little of this has anything to do with you, this is all about her. It is about how she feels, how life affects her, her needing attention, the children and you are second and third respectively. The bad thing is that the other man is just using her and she is so foolish that she does not comprehend the truth. You need to sit down and map out a plan for you and your family. This should include abortion, counseling, and other actions to allow you to heal.

 

I know you want to forgive, heal and live happily ever after, but she this is based on her changing her evil ways. The best gauge of future behavior is past behavior and she has a terrible track record. I think you need to seriously consider taking your children and moving on and let her to her own world.

[standtall]

I just want to add that there isn't any man on this site who knows how they would react in your situation, even though they might think they do; even though they are sure they know what they would do.

 

That's a bold statement and I 100% disagree. You don't know me at all sir.

 

I will say this. Some posters come here, post 1 or 2 times with something similar (cheating wife and such), and are gone. IMHO, those are the guys that make bold, decisive decisions without help. They get an initial opinion, and then act....usually a divorce with no regrets. There are a couple recent posters like this. Most men that make bold, decisive decisions are not posting on this forum.

The ones that you're referring to are asking for help..indecisive...trying to save it..180..etc.

[BettyDraper]

You are playing to his worst fears.

Lets say the kids aren't "really" his? So what?

They have probably been calling him daddy since they were 2 years old.

Nothing good can come of a paternity test this late in the game.

 

Now this new addition - that's another matter.

I wouldn't sign off on that kid and I'd be going after the other man for support - that is assuming he still wants his wife.

 

 

Do you really think it's okay for a man to unknowingly raise children who are not biologically his?

[BettyDraper]

It really saddens me that so many men and women have no self esteem whatsoever.

 

How much obvious disrespect and abuse do people need to walk away? There is NOTHING to save here!

Cheating is horrible enough but this takes the cake.

 

I mean, having a baby outside the marriage and expecting the husband to raise it?!

It's like some kind of bizarro world! How can anyone have so much gall and entitlement?

[spanz1]

Your wife seems to look for validation OUTSIDE your marriage.

 

i was wondering the same thing. That is a classic symptom for someone who is Bipolar. Does she seem bipolar in her dealings, happy one minute, sad/argumentative an hour later, you always walking on eggshells around her to not tick her off?

 

If so, that is a serious problem. Some i have talked to say you CAN live with such a person, but they HAVE TO STAY ON THEIR MEDS. The moment they go off their meds, they are cruising bars looking for re-affirmation of their sexiness with some random guy. ON their meds, they are loving caring wives.

 

Maybe get a professional analysis of her brain BEFORE you completely bail on her. She may only need a small bottle of pills to be right as rain.

 

If, on the other hand, there is nothing psychologically wrong with her....then she is an evil toxic person that you and your children realy do ot want to be around.

 

Hate to bring this up, but you might want to DNA test your other two kids. You only RECENTLY found out about her behavior, but she could have been doing this stuff all along.

Edited September 25, 2016 by spanz1

[Lostinthought2016]

She was prescribed Adderall for being bipolar but they switched her onto vivance or something like that. You are almost 100% correct about walking in eggshells when she's off her meds and she has been since we had recently relocated down to Iowa and hadn't had our insurance switched over. Now that she's pregnant she's still not on her meds and it's been up and down. She has contacted a planned patent hood in our area and they quite us $440 to perform the pill medical abortion. I am employed but I dont have that kind of extra money laying around. She said if we could afford it she would go through with it if that's what it takes to keep me. I'm still at a loss and struggle daily with how to handle this. She said if she cant pay for it then she will give the child up for adoption or worst case just give him the child after birth but that's sounds like a load of bull****. I'm supposed to sit around and comfort her during the next 8 months and my instinct tells me she wont do either. I hate that I love her so much. She's everything I've know. Since I was 18yrs old. We have two children and yes I am the biological father of our other two children. The chance of this one being mine is slim to none. Only the ultrasound will tell us for sure. But I don't want to gamble with our future anymore then I already have too, I wish I could afford this abortion

[mrs rubble]

She was prescribed Adderall for being bipolar but they switched her onto vivance or something like that. You are almost 100% correct about walking in eggshells when she's off her meds and she has been since we had recently relocated down to Iowa and hadn't had our insurance switched over. Now that she's pregnant she's still not on her meds and it's been up and down. She has contacted a planned patent hood in our area and they quite us $440 to perform the pill medical abortion. I am employed but I dont have that kind of extra money laying around. She said if we could afford it she would go through with it if that's what it takes to keep me. I'm still at a loss and struggle daily with how to handle this. She said if she cant pay for it then she will give the child up for adoption or worst case just give him the child after birth but that's sounds like a load of bull****. I'm supposed to sit around and comfort her during the next 8 months and my instinct tells me she wont do either. I hate that I love her so much. She's everything I've know. Since I was 18yrs old. We have two children and yes I am the biological father of our other two children. The chance of this one being mine is slim to none. Only the ultrasound will tell us for sure. But I don't want to gamble with our future anymore then I already have too, I wish I could afford this abortion

Get the OM to pay for it!!

[Tayla]

Dna test will determine. Someone is mis informing you.. There is no ultrasound for paternity. There is no "abortion" pill after 48 hours of insemination that is approved for use by a license medical doctor in Wisconsin. There are medications that sadly can harm the embryo and cause a miscarriage though..

 

Get the divorce. It will save you emotionally and financially. You are not responsible for another adults poor choices and actions. stop acting like you are.

[Cephalopod]

She's playing you man.

 

Don't pay for a damn thing. Take that money and hire a lawyer and rid yourself of her.

[ChickiePops]

Get the OM to pay for it!!

 

Exactly. Why on earth hasn't this occurred to you???

[road]

To do a paternity test all they have to do is draw a sample of blood from the mother so harm or risk to the baby.

 

 

Science now allows them to find some of the babies blood cells in the mother's blood. So they Isolated those cells then take a sample from you and they do a DNA test to see if you are the dad or not.

 

 

Regardless of the test results do not tell the OM. Hell, don't even let the OM know that you and WW did a paternity test.

 

 

First decide if you are going to divorce, stay married, keep the OC, give up the OC for adoption. Then go see a family lawyer for legal guidance. Again make sure OM does not know about this phase as well.