Seeing guy barely once a week for first month of dating?

[mbee]

I met someone about a month ago who I clicked with straight away. Spending time with him is pretty great. The first week we dated, we saw each other twice that week, and then now that’s dropped off to once a week. Last weekend he met all my friends and we all hung out for 7-8 hours. My friends really liked him. It’s hard to classify that as a date as we didn’t have much one on one time although we did spend an hour talking afterwards. Our last proper date was almost 2 weeks ago. He hung out with me and my friends Saturday but it took him till Tuesday to confirm a date with me for this coming Monday. So he can’t see me on the weekend or the weekdays for this week. On top of that he knows I’m going on a holiday next week so he won’t see me for at least a week so it was a bit of a bummer that he is setting up a date 9 days after I last saw him and also on a Monday as it's not an ideal date night.

 

I was hoping he would want to see me a couple of times this week as he knows I'm leaving for my holiday. Keep in mind I did ask him when he was free when I last saw him and came up with the date idea. He just mentioned that he’d “let me know” and then he got back to me with a confirmed date a few days after I asked.

 

I’m also dating another guy. Honestly, dating this other guy is making me think more about his behaviors. The other guy wants to see me all the time. I’m social and like my space so this is a problem for me. But being around a guy so clearly into me is making me second guess the feelings of this other guy because he just wants to see me once a week. He’s also rarely in contact with me. He messages me every few days on Facebook or via text. And yes I initiate conversations with him sometimes (but I let him initiate most of the time). I also had him meet my friends last weekend so I’m pretty sure this guy knows I’m interested in him.

 

I really like him so I’ve been considering to stop dating the other guy but I wanted your opinions first? On our next date I’m planning to ask him to see something with me in mid-October for his birthday so his response might help me know if he at least is down to date for a few more weeks, but with his current behaviors should I hold off on not dating other people or do you think it’s safe enough to focus on just the one guy I really like?

 

The second guy is cool too, he takes a lot longer to open up so it’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just my feelings aren’t nearly as strong as the other guy. And that's another thing. I read it's about quality not quantity. I see the other guy more but we don't have deep or personal conversations. I see the guy I really like not that often, but our time together is filled with emotional conversations where I feel we are truly learning about each other.

[Vado]

Classic example of the gap between like and desire.

 

Or a difference between what you think you want and what you really want.

 

You wrote you want him (the quality guy) to arrange more dates with you, You would like that, but if that happends the desire goes down because there's less time for missing and wondering about him. And if you see each other a lot in the early stages, talks become more superficial.

 

What do you want: a guy you like or a guy you desire?

[Gr8fuln2020]

The guy you really want to date is dating other ladies. Just like you, keeping his options open. I would imagine that he doesn't see you as his first option.

[Toodaloo]

You are multi dating and he will know that.

 

To many (even those who do multi date) the fact that the person is still happy to go out and meet others is a turn off...

 

I don't think this is going anywhere. You are both treating each other as disposable.

[Zippy2000]

The guy you really want to date is dating other ladies. Just like you, keeping his options open. I would imagine that he doesn't see you as his first option.

 

You dont know that he is. Stick to the facts, please.

[Zippy2000]

People move at different speed in dating.

 

 

1st guy could be comfortable in his own skin and likes his own space two. Its possible he is luke warm about you.

 

 

2nd guy is more socialable and more a needy type but he likes you more.

 

 

As for having deeper conversations. Some people can befriend you really quickly but some like to take their time and open up later to people.

 

 

Give it time and you`ll see which one is more for you.

[hippychick3]

You are not a priority to the "quality" guy, and the fact that he is asking you out for a Monday rather than a weekend shows you that there are others he is more interested in.

 

After a month, I'd want the guy I'm interested in to be so into me that he wouldn't want to spend his weekends with anyone else. I wouldn't intitiate anything else with him. The "challenge" of this guy is making him more attractive to you and causing you to chase him. Pull back and let him do a little chasing. And if he doesn't, you'll have your answer. Honestly, it sounds like neither of these men are right for you.

Edited September 23, 2016 by hippychick3

[Gaeta]

You have to think long and hard on what you want. Do you want a chance at getting to know someone that seems genuine in his interest or you want the thrill of pursuing a man that has about 50% interest in you. Which one of the 2 has the most chances of turning into a satisfying relationship?

 

I met someone about a month ago who I clicked with straight away.

This happens all the time. Only 1 of the 2 has a strong click while the other one has a mild interest. Your adrenaline keeps you from seeing his low interest and makes you come up with all kinds of excuses why he is acting aloof.

 

Spending time with him is pretty great. The first week we dated, we saw each other twice that week, and then now that’s dropped off to once a week. Last weekend he met all my friends and we all hung out for 7-8 hours. My friends really liked him. It’s hard to classify that as a date as we didn’t have much one on one time although we did spend an hour talking afterwards. Our last proper date was almost 2 weeks ago. He hung out with me and my friends Saturday but it took him till Tuesday to confirm a date with me for this coming Monday. So he can’t see me on the weekend or the weekdays for this week. On top of that he knows I’m going on a holiday next week so he won’t see me for at least a week so it was a bit of a bummer that he is setting up a date 9 days after I last saw him and also on a Monday as it's not an ideal date night. .

What else could he do to show you his interest is low? He acts as a guy who interested more in socializing than into dating. You are not his main girl. You are not even his Thursday or Friday girl. You are way low on his list.

 

I was hoping he would want to see me a couple of times this week as he knows I'm leaving for my holiday. Keep in mind I did ask him when he was free when I last saw him and came up with the date idea. He just mentioned that he’d “let me know” and then he got back to me with a confirmed date a few days after I asked. .

Text book statement from people who couldn't care less if they have a date with you or not. He is using you as a time filler.

 

I’m also dating another guy. Honestly, dating this other guy is making me think more about his behaviors. The other guy wants to see me all the time. I’m social and like my space so this is a problem for me. But being around a guy so clearly into me is making me second guess the feelings of this other guy because he just wants to see me once a week. He’s also rarely in contact with me. He messages me every few days on Facebook or via text. And yes I initiate conversations with him sometimes (but I let him initiate most of the time). I also had him meet my friends last weekend so I’m pretty sure this guy knows I’m interested in him.

 

II really like him so I’ve been considering to stop dating the other guy but I wanted your opinions first? On our next date I’m planning to ask him to see something with me in mid-October for his birthday so his response might help me know if he at least is down to date for a few more weeks, but with his current behaviors should I hold off on not dating other people or do you think it’s safe enough to focus on just the one guy I really like?

 

The second guy is cool too, he takes a lot longer to open up so it’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just my feelings aren’t nearly as strong as the other guy. And that's another thing. I read it's about quality not quantity. I see the other guy more but we don't have deep or personal conversations. I see the guy I really like not that often, but our time together is filled with emotional conversations where I feel we are truly learning about each other.

 

All I have to say here is people confine in others for all reasons, I even had strangers have deep conversations with me and one-night-stands having deep conversation with me. It didn't mean I was special to them, I was just an ear willing to listen to them at the time.

 

Your second guy isn't the type to have deep conversation with someone he barely knows yet. He is not shallow, he probably had more depth than your first dude. If you think it's time to have deeper conversation than initiate one.

[stillafool]

You are not a priority to the "quality" guy, and the fact that he is asking you out for a Monday rather than a weekend shows you that there are others he is more interested in.

 

After a month, I'd want the guy I'm interested in to be so into me that he wouldn't want to spend his weekends with anyone else. I wouldn't intitiate anything else with him. The "challenge" of this guy is making him more attractive to you and causing you to chase him. Pull back and let him do a little chasing. And if he doesn't, you'll have your answer. Honestly, it sounds like neither of these men are right for you.

 

I agree that the girl who gets the weekend dates (especially Saturday night) is the one who is top priority on his list.

[Versacehottie]

It sounds like you are chasing him (the one you like). I would advise that you stop doing that so you can see what his feelings really are. Trust me, you shouldn't have to ask to be seeing some guy at a month in. Unless he is extremely shy (doesn't sound like it at all), he knows what to do--if he's not doing it, it's because he doesn't want to--meaning it's not a priority for him yet or he's not that interested. It doesn't mean there is a forgone conclusion but if you are chasing him it's not helping.

 

I wouldn't stop dating the other guy(s) until you just know it won't turn into anything for you otherwise keep your options open. There's is definitely a vibe that is given off when the one you like is not in your laser focus so you need to keep that. Also for the compare and contrast that brought you to make this post--ie other guy is showing you that he's interested and ready. good luck

[mbee]

People move at different speed in dating.

 

 

1st guy could be comfortable in his own skin and likes his own space two. Its possible he is luke warm about you.

 

 

2nd guy is more socialable and more a needy type but he likes you more.

 

 

As for having deeper conversations. Some people can befriend you really quickly but some like to take their time and open up later to people.

 

 

Give it time and you`ll see which one is more for you.

 

I'll do just that, thank you. To your replies, he has spent a Friday and a Saturday date with me. Last Saturday he met all my friends and was out with me till 2am. He had to work in the morning so he literally devoted all of that Saturday to be with me and my friends. The weekend before that we did spend a Sunday night together as well (he was with family the other days which I 100% believe). We've also spent Fridays together too. I don't really feel like his "Monday" girl because his dates with me have been on almost all nights of the week. I do get what you mean though and if we always had dates on the weekdays, I'd be concerned.

 

Shortly after I posted this, he ended up messaging me saying he anticipated that he'd be a little late for the date by an hour due to work. I realized he might have low interest and just told him that perhaps we should reschedule until after my holiday since I'd like more time to get to know him and didn't want a short date on a Monday. I was giving him an "out." He called me right after that text and said why he was going to be late and suggesting we get dinner Sunday night, and still go on our date Monday so we will have more time together. So I think that's a good sign.

 

He could be dating others which is fine, as I am too. But I'm not too suspicious if he is not available as much every weekend. It's hard to explain but he's had some bad things occur with his family so he's always spending lots of quality time with his family every weekend as he knows that time is precious. I respect that and find that attractive about him. He also gets tagged in photos on Facebook with his family during these family outings so I know he's not lying or giving me excuses.

 

As for the second guy, I will see how things go first before ending things. I really am the type who prefers to see someone once or twice a week when dating. The second guy got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and seems to not have that many friends or much of a social life. I have a ton of friends and go out literally every day so I'm trying to see how compatible this would be realistically. The reason the first "quality" guy met my friends was to see if he could get along with my friends since that's a big part of my life. Keep in mind the first guy is also a social butterfly too.

 

The main issue with the second guy is he's demanding of my time and gets a bit passive aggressive when I tell him I'm too tired to hang out. I tell him exactly what I'm doing everyday and he still wants to see me, and I'm genuinely exhausted by the time I get home. He also lives an hour away so seeing him this much does not seem reasonable to me and last time I saw him, I ended up getting lost and getting home at midnight on a Wednesday night.

 

Either way I like this advice. I'll see how things go. When I'm on my holiday and literally out of touch, I should get a better idea of how interested these guys are.

[mbee]

It sounds like you are chasing him (the one you like). I would advise that you stop doing that so you can see what his feelings really are. Trust me, you shouldn't have to ask to be seeing some guy at a month in. Unless he is extremely shy (doesn't sound like it at all), he knows what to do--if he's not doing it, it's because he doesn't want to--meaning it's not a priority for him yet or he's not that interested. It doesn't mean there is a forgone conclusion but if you are chasing him it's not helping.

 

I wouldn't stop dating the other guy(s) until you just know it won't turn into anything for you otherwise keep your options open. There's is definitely a vibe that is given off when the one you like is not in your laser focus so you need to keep that. Also for the compare and contrast that brought you to make this post--ie other guy is showing you that he's interested and ready. good luck

 

You are right about the laser focus. I do disagree on the chasing thing. Trust me I'm not needy, 100% available or chasing him. I've done that before and know what that feels like, but I don't feel like I'm doing the chasing. I'd say both guys are doing more of the chasing than me. I'm just sitting back and watching what they do. In this case, the second guy is chasing more, whereas the first guy is not.

 

As I mentioned in my last post, I told the first guy to reschedule the Monday date to later and then he stepped up. I'm a really active, busy and social person so it's difficult for me to come across as needy to guys as I genuinely keep most days of the week busy. At this point, it's more just determining interest level so I agree that keeping my options open helps ensure I'm not just always focused on that one guy, until I feel he becomes more focused on me.

[mbee]

I agree that the girl who gets the weekend dates (especially Saturday night) is the one who is top priority on his list.

 

I'm confused by this. Friendships and family are important to me. This guy did spend last Saturday with me but I can't spend this Saturday with him for a friend's birthday. I can only spend a couple of hours in the morning to see the second guy and I don't even want to because I have a packed day.

 

The Saturday after my holiday is one of my closest friend's birthdays so I'm out for the night. I think things genuinely do come up on a Saturday. As much as I'd like to devote every Saturday to a guy I'm dating, that's realistically not possible. This last month I've had 2 weddings to attend on a Saturday so I could only see dates Saturday morning (if at all).

 

I prioritise my dates but sometimes a Saturday or Friday night date just isn't possible, so I'm okay dating someone who can't fit me in every Saturday or Friday night as that's not possible for me anyway.

[Sunkissedpatio]

You are dating once a week. What's the rush?

I really don't understand all these "he isn't into you" posts. Some people have a life and don't need to rush into anything.

 

I don't crave dating more than once a week at first even if I am really into a guy. That's plenty.

[Versacehottie]

You are right about the laser focus. I do disagree on the chasing thing. Trust me I'm not needy, 100% available or chasing him. I've done that before and know what that feels like, but I don't feel like I'm doing the chasing. I'd say both guys are doing more of the chasing than me. I'm just sitting back and watching what they do. In this case, the second guy is chasing more, whereas the first guy is not.

 

As I mentioned in my last post, I told the first guy to reschedule the Monday date to later and then he stepped up. I'm a really active, busy and social person so it's difficult for me to come across as needy to guys as I genuinely keep most days of the week busy. At this point, it's more just determining interest level so I agree that keeping my options open helps ensure I'm not just always focused on that one guy, until I feel he becomes more focused on me.

 

oh good! i thought you said a couple of times either directly or indirectly in your initial post that you were asking him to do things and when you could see him. to me, if you're having to ask those sorts of things coupled with when you are feeling uncertain or unbalanced about his interest, then I wouldn't ask him to hang out--let him do it, especially at the beginning and with a guy that's on the slower side and ALSO very social. It just tells you where his priorities are. It may be about you specifically; it may be due to whether or not he wants a gf in general; it may be just how he moves.

 

From your more recent post about how he stepped up, I agree--that's a great sign. Sounds like he could just be spread too thin that's why he is not moving faster.

 

I also really like that you are busy socially, going on a vacation and still open to seeing other guys. I would let things play out.

 

i would also add that while maybe you are not "chasing", maybe you are too concerned with what the "signs" are. If you are having a good time & he is respectful toward you and things are progressing in a way that works for you on a day to day basis, maybe worry less about where it will end up--thus no need for sign. Just hold his behavior up to a standard of how you expect to and like to be treated. You sound pretty open & this is a great way to handle things so that you ultimately get what you want. Good luck

[mbee]

oh good! i thought you said a couple of times either directly or indirectly in your initial post that you were asking him to do things and when you could see him. to me, if you're having to ask those sorts of things coupled with when you are feeling uncertain or unbalanced about his interest, then I wouldn't ask him to hang out--let him do it, especially at the beginning and with a guy that's on the slower side and ALSO very social. It just tells you where his priorities are. It may be about you specifically; it may be due to whether or not he wants a gf in general; it may be just how he moves.

 

From your more recent post about how he stepped up, I agree--that's a great sign. Sounds like he could just be spread too thin that's why he is not moving faster.

 

I also really like that you are busy socially, going on a vacation and still open to seeing other guys. I would let things play out.

 

i would also add that while maybe you are not "chasing", maybe you are too concerned with what the "signs" are. If you are having a good time & he is respectful toward you and things are progressing in a way that works for you on a day to day basis, maybe worry less about where it will end up--thus no need for sign. Just hold his behavior up to a standard of how you expect to and like to be treated. You sound pretty open & this is a great way to handle things so that you ultimately get what you want. Good luck

 

Thanks for this. You are right, I'm being way too concerned with what the signs are. I haven't felt like I wanted to pursue anything serious in about 3 years so I feel a bit over my head. You are right, I'll hold him up to a high standard and go with the flow. I really appreciate that advice!

 

Also good news, we had our date and he wants to be exclusive and told me I'm the only girl he's seeing and he seemed surprised that I even had the concern he was seeing other people. He did reiterate earlier in the date (before the exclusivity conversation) that he has been really busy with work and that he also reserves time to himself outside of work to catch up on personal projects. He invited me to a bunch of events in October that we already reserved tickets for so looks like he's interested.

 

Looks like I'm probably reading way too much into it as you suggested, so I'll go with the flow, enjoy my holiday and the way things are progressing. Thanks again for your lovely response!

[Miss Peach]

Happy to hear it worked out.

 

To me it just sounded like he's trying to go at a normal pace. Even if I like a guy I don't want him to start being attached to the hip with me. He's seeing you regularly and it sounds like he's trying to make an effort to let you know he's not flaking. That sounds like a good sign IMO. Most guys know they will chase off women if they come on too strong.

 

The second guy who wants to see you and then acts passive aggressive just sounds like an insecure red flag to me.