DoSteven2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I had been with my wife 12 years this year. We have been through so much. Her family did not accept me due to a culture clash. Been bankrupt, wife bullied lots of times at work, moved home five times, I supported her at work because we both worked at the same place until 2 years ago when I took a job further away which meant traveling two hours there and two back the same day. We have two beautiful children now which mean the world to us both. We have both been through depression mine less so than my wife's. I did eveything I possible could, I got promotions at work so we had more money whilst wife was part time. I organised all paying the bills, cleaned the house, never went out and got drunk, went only out for meals with friends. Went shopping, took kids out so wife could have a rest. My wife breast feed our two children, the second time around her breasts went into a shape that my wife was so depressed about. She decided in January to have breast surgery something she wanted to do when we met 12 years ago because she said she was flat chested and embarrassed something I said did not bother me because I loved her for who she was. So me the wife and the two children made a weekend of it in May and the wife had breast surgery, she was delighted as was I for her just seeing her be happy was amazing. We separated two months ago because she has no more feelings for me and she cant have sex with anymore. She said I was too controlling and she needs to live by herself and experience things like what it's like to have to pay for things, pay bills etc that sort of thing because she feels she has lived in a bubble and is closterphobic. She said she knows I have a high sex drive and that she had to force her self to have sex with me, I was so shocked and couldn't believe it. Before she left I agreed that I would sort out everything for her such as buying a new bed, sofa, moving her belongings from the family home to her new flat. Within one week of leaving me She rang me saying she is coming over with her friend as she tried to commit suicide last night. Her friend said you both need to talk. I asked why, and she said it was to do with two guy's. Jeff - she has been getting lots of help from him at work as the work is hard. He told her that he is going to call the police because she is harassing him. This came around as Pete told Jeff that they had been on a date together. My wife said that Pete is lieing and that she does have some feelings for Jeff but only because he helps her. I asked if it was anything more she said no. Her friend then came in and said have you told him everything and the wife said yes about the suicide I have. Her friend then said I thinking both need to talk do you mind giving us five mins, so I went outside. I came back spoke to the wife and I asked her about her feelings and she said she does have feelings for him but she is so confused and is suffering from depression. I asked if it was anything more she said no. Couple of days later I remembered I still had access to her hotmail and remembered her Facebook messages used to go to her hotmail I know this is bad. I went in and was shocked. There were guys emailing her saying they would love to **** her etc. One guy said that he knows about the sexy dance she gave Jeff which he said Jeff recorded. This guy also said about oral my wife gave to Jeff, the wife's response to this was that she didn't know he was recording it. I then read a message from my wife to a co worker basically saying she is in love with Jeff and that he seen it as friends with benefits. My wife sent and her co worker screenshots of the text she and Jeff were sending one another on the night of her suicide. She said to her friend about paying his rent for him and that she bought him a new iPhone, clothes and birthday present for his son. Some of the screenshots were of my wife saying to Jeff about the jeans she bought and how she wanted to go over to collect her watch to which he said he needs to think about everything and that he is going to block her number and call the police about her harnessing him..The co worker told my wife that she thinks Jeff is back with His ex girlfriend and that she should not try to buy him. Couple of days later she told me that she accepted a job working as a pole dancer, I was shocked but because she said I was controlling I took a step back and said that's great if that is what will make you happy go for it. She said she thorght I was not going to be happy to which I said we are no longer together now and you need to do what makes you happy which is having lots of money. Couple days later after reading all the messages were playing on my mind so I calmly confronted my wife about this and said a work colleague of mine told me about her and this other guy Jeff, the mobile phone, about the clothes and rent all which she denied. I didn't want to say I seen the Facebook messages or she would have gone crazy. Later that day she kept texting me asking who told me, I told her I would never tell her this. She was sending me message after message saying I was to controlling, never loved her, I had Anal sex with men years ago, said about me giving a lift to a work friend 10 years ago and that I forced her to have sex and said this is rape and that she will go to the police about it. I was mortified, how can someone I have spent over ten years with, have young children with turn around and say these things to me, I felt sick to the stomach especially about her saying I forced her. The next day she was calm I went to hers, sat on the bed with her whilst the children played in the living room and said do you realise what you said to me about the rape, she said she forced herself, I told her that if she went to the police it would destroy my life over something I never did, she said so what in a calm voice. I just left with the kids calmly and said goodbye. Since then we have been civilised. She has paid her way buying kids clothes and food etc gave us money. She asked if I would buy her some pole dancing shoes so I did. She calls me and asks me to go with her to the shopping centre, I go to hers and she is in bed, we lay down together and we talk. She had a spot on her bum cheek and asked if I would rub cream on it do I did we didn't do anything else. She gets dressed in front of me and let's me touch her breasts if I help her get ready but we don't have sex. We even went to an adult shop the other day so she could buy dresses for her pole dancing. My head is so confused, I have not even told my parents about the separation and don't have any real close friends I can talk to. The children live with me full time and the wife picks the children up from school takes them out and has fun. Any advice would be appreciated thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Any advice would be appreciated thanks. My friend, she is gone - both figuratively, as in "over the edge" and literally, as "in love with someone else". Working in the sex industry and being recorded performing sexual acts are all signs of the depths to which she has sunk. Take care of yourself and your kids, that should be your priority. See a lawyer and get custody formalized. Keep posting, you've got a lot on your plate... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Advice...Run 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Forget about her. She's a lost cause. Think only of yourself and your kids. She's on a path to total destruction and you shouldn't let that wash over you and your kids. Talk to a lawyer and get custody sorted out. Take care. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Your ex is as toxic as they come. She is actually VERY dangerous for you. Mentally very unstable and likely to have you arrested for something you didn't do in the future. She will use anything and everything against you in her mental instability and desire to manipulate you and the kids. NEVER be alone with her. You need witnesses. If you have to be then tell her you are recording it on video and then video every single interaction you have - including that you are on video and have told her she is. RUN - literally - if you don't have neutral witnesses and/or can't have interactions on video. Get you and your family as far away from her as possible. Do NOT have sex with her for lots of reasons, including STDs. She is likely dropping her pants for more than the pole dances. Just about 100% on that. Get out for your own sanity. ASAP. RUN. FAST. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 This is something your going to want to discuss with your parents, after all they will have your best interests in mind, yes it may be embarrassing but it's not your fault that she has gone off the deep end. Read notbrokens post until it sinks in, that unfortunately is your new reality. Seriously Protect Yourself! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoSteven2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 Thank you for the replyies sorry not replied before now just sorting out things. I've said I don't want to talk about her work but she just raises her voice and says I am bitter. If I ask her to look after the kids for a few hours on the weekend she says that she will have them full time even though she knows she can't due to working on the evenings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 You can't expect any sensible talk with her. Her mind is not in the right place. Get a lawyer and the real ' talk to my lawyer ' stuff going. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 If I ask her to look after the kids for a few hours on the weekend she says that she will have them full time even though she knows she can't due to working on the evenings. I'm not sure who's more distanced from reality - her for engaging in this self-destructive behavior or you for not taking the obvious steps to protect yourself and family. What are you waiting for? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoSteven2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Author Share Posted September 28, 2016 Wow there is lot of advice to take in and act upon. I've just started a new job and have asked for time out for one week or two to get my thoughts together as I can't concentrate on work. I'm meeting with my mother this week to talk it through which will be tough. I've recently spoken to a councilour and she has been fantastic. I spoke with the Ex wife today and she said that she wants this house to live in and bring the children up full time, however we were joint tenants until a couple of weeks ago when she signed the house over to me and I'm the sole tenant, something she doesn't quite understand Thank you so much again for everything 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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