Affair partner's disappearance

[freengreen]

Some people just check out.. why ? because they can and they dont give a hoot to the otherside. I will also tell you this... everyone does this comes back, out of the blue.May I go further?.. and they will do it again.

 

I was in a long distance emotional affair ( its fading but its there, we havent texted which is all we do in a month, I dont know if its over or not) which got me few good highs to string along but boy oh boy the lows.... they make you a diffrent person and you dont know that person. I had spent my mental emotions, my time i could have given to my family and money ( not the monopoly one).. atleast $1000 as gifts. What he spent?.. few charming texts and some care ( i still dont know if that care is real)

 

I know him thru 1.5 yrs, but we texted only 8 months, in the middle he disappered for 8 months poof! and came back, I took him back ( mistake?).

 

The D day came, i texted a month AFTER the d day, only now, I realised that its not fair on other people who love me in REAL. I am starting to think " for the clever woman people saw me, where did i exchange myself for a stupid dumba&& person"... I am sincerely sorry to my husband and kids.

 

My A partner is being sweetest than ever now, but I know how indifferent he could be, I know how cruelly he can ignore me. Although I have been programmed to think all the good talks we had, I dee now that the pain was overwhelming. what took me soo long to figure that ' i think i wasnt right this time?!'.. go figure

 

Why I told you the whole story?.. I dont know I felt I had to.

 

Moral: Its not worth. We never know if these men are having a harem and we fell prey. It might be it might be not. But for the mindfook it demands, its not worth. It will take you away from you.

Edited November 10, 2016 by freengreen

[whichwayisup]

I'm not planning to respond to him.

 

Well, just like in his last text, his reasoning to disappear on me was "family crisis"

He gave me a detail this time, but any sort of explanation is not good enough to drop me cold and expect me to be ok.

He said he's not trying to get back with me but "just wanted to apologize. "

 

I blocked him. (he was already blocked on my phone, email, and facebook, but he sent me texts via app we used to use to communicate.)

 

His last text last night said "I'm erasing the app. You have my emails" Like I'm going to write him back. Very funny.

 

No kind, respecting person would just disappear for 2 months and then give some line about a family crisis. It takes no effort to text someone or to make a quick call. Translation, he couldn't be bothered to make that effort to contact you, so he ditched you.

 

Good to hear that you're blocking him and not going to respond. Silence is the best revenge.

 

Set yourself free completely, delete everything he ever sent you, throw out anything he ever gave you. Cleanse, cry and move on.

[deepdeepblue]

Freengreen

 

May I ask what his reason for disappearing on you?

What convinced you to get back with him?

 

When he first vanished, I missed him so so much. But then, as the time went by, I realized what I was missing was how he made me feel, not him as a person.

I still wonder a little bit how we could have been if he didn't disappear on me...but I'm totally fine without him now.

[deepdeepblue]

Whichwayisup,

 

Exactly!!!

 

I also know that while he was out of contact and claimed to be in "a out of control life", he took a vacation with his W overseas.

 

I mean...what a jerk....how dare him to come back to my life and basically tell me he didn't even have a minute to explain what was going on.

I think he started getting bored again and wanted some ego booster.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Whichwayisup,

 

Exactly!!!

 

I also know that while he was out of contact and claimed to be in "a out of control life", he took a vacation with his W overseas.

 

I mean...what a jerk....how dare him to come back to my life and basically tell me he didn't even have a minute to explain what was going on.

I think he started getting bored again and wanted some ego booster.

 

Deepblue, they do this over and over and over. And each time they swear they won't do it again, and they do.

 

Why? Obviously they have their reasons but the real reason is we are just for fun. So when something better is here - whether it is protecting their marriage or football - we are not important.

 

Don't you have people on your phone who texted you and you just keep meaning to write back but you never do? You don't hate them, you mean to, time just passed and all of a sudden its a year! You are like, oh my god. It's bc they are just not important to you. It's really that simple.

[freengreen]

Freengreen

 

May I ask what his reason for disappearing on you?

What convinced you to get back with him?

 

When he first vanished, I missed him so so much. But then, as the time went by, I realized what I was missing was how he made me feel, not him as a person.

I still wonder a little bit how we could have been if he didn't disappear on me...but I'm totally fine without him now.

He said he was scared that we were getting too close. First time he flirted, I was platonic. When he came back he was platonic but he had lead me on so i was off platonic . Well i would have gotten over if he didnt come back, but he did. This time I messed myself up over him, bigtime, his push-pull, getting convinienlty off the hook whenever he wanted was there, but this time it hurt like knife in my tummy, like stabbing over and over.

 

Then realisation came not because of the d day , just on a random day after that " what if I actually let it go and see?".. before that I was terrified to let him go. It took me a LOT of hurt and pain. But this time, I think I want to see what is actually going to happen if I let him go. It sometimes hurts, but I have a feeling that its temporary, I just want to go back to the lively person I was .Looking forward for that feeling.

 

I had quite a few men trying this on me since forever, well I dodged them so easy and was proud of it. I never let them back in my life for their slightest flirting. He was a whole different ball game.

 

It was just a texting affair (TA?).. but I promise I suffered as any other OW/OM who invested more than the other side did.

Edited November 11, 2016 by freengreen

[deepdeepblue]

Midnight,

 

I do have that people on my phone...I always do mean to respond or check on them but somehow just keep forgetting, that type of people.

I just didn't think I was that to him since he never showed a sign! I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have done that if it was before we started PA.

 

I just want to curse at him....not going to though.

[deepdeepblue]

Freengreen,

 

Thanks for sharing the detail!

His excuse (reasoning?) sounds like a typical bs...

I do understand why you took him back though...I find myself thinking about him a lot since he reappeared. Then, immediately my brain rejects the idea of talking to him again because of how he did me wrong.

I'm sure you'll bounce back just fine!

[freengreen]

Freengreen,

 

Thanks for sharing the detail!

His excuse (reasoning?) sounds like a typical bs...

I do understand why you took him back though...I find myself thinking about him a lot since he reappeared. Then, immediately my brain rejects the idea of talking to him again because of how he did me wrong.

I'm sure you'll bounce back just fine!

I so badly trying

[Bufo]

Professor Bufo's law of MM in A Behavior. For the MM it is always easier to keep the AP available than it is to locate, groom, and seduce a new AP.

 

Since for many MM players it doesn't really matter who the AP is, disappearing and reappearing doesn't cause him any emotional distress. Just check the threads here and count how many "I miss my AP" threads are written by womn versus how many are written by men.

 

You did the right thing. Dropped him. Short term pain for long term gain.