Separated and scared. its gonna be long.

[roxygirl2012]

3 months ago my marriage fell apart. A little back story, we are 24 and married for 3 years, been together since 17 and living together since 18. Our entire relationship has been great with no problems and little to no arguing. Which is why this is so confusing.

 

Onto the story.

 

3 months ago I started noticing my husband being very distant, He didnt talk much and didnt want to do anything with me. I put it off for a few weeks and blamed it on his work. I finally asked him and he told me things felt different between us and like the spark was gone, I agreed we for sure had lost a connection but after a long arguement and talk we agreed we could get it back. We tried for a couple weeks and I notcied no change in him. I start asking questions again at this point he seemed really confused, He said he didnt feel like he was in love anymore but didnt want to believe it. He also said he felt weird and didnt want to do anything he just wanted to sit and be alone.. Anyways after days of arguing, he felt strongly that the only way to fix himself was for us to separate, so he could become his own person. he said he loved me and I done nothing wrong in our relationship but he felt like being alone was the only thing to make him happy. I already done all the digging, spying etc and there is for sure no other woman. So please try not to focus on that part because I am choosing to believe and trust him on this.

 

We have been separated for a little over 1 month. I moved home 1000 miles away from him bc we could not afford another place so we decided this was the best option and if it ended in divorce I would move anyways. Basically Ive made all the mistakes since this started, begging, pleading and crying. And since we've been apart all ive done is push for answers as to how he feels. he says he feels like a pos for doing this to me but he cant change the fact he wants to be alone but he wishses he could. he's very wishy washy about his emotions and stubborn. One minute he says of course at some point he wants to fix our marriage, the next minute he says there is no hope for us. But he does not want to file divorce bc he feels there is no reason to rush in case he changes. Im trying to be strong and not push him but the fear or not knowing whats going to happen is taking me over. He also went to a counselor and the counselor believes he might be depressed and the fact he wants to be alone is depressing. However my husband said the counselor made him feel like being alone would make him happy. He also told me he cant be happy right now bc the consequences of being alone is losing me. he seems very confused and stressed which is mainly my fault.

 

 

He now says he has no idea if there is a future for us or not. I dont know what to do at this point. I just want my husband back. Sorry if this story is all over the place.Please ask any questions that you might have and thanks in advance.

[Mr. Lucky]

Look at the top of this Forum for "Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce".

 

The 180 was designed for folks in your unfortunate situation as it does two things:

 

- helps you move forward with your life, necessary regardless of how things work out.

 

- allows your spouse to see you as positive and proactive, plants the seed of doubt that they're walking away from something really good.

 

You've tried needy, clingy and desperate - how'd that work? Give this a chance, you might at least get his attention...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Pete2304]

I tried clingy, desperate, pleading and basically emotional blackmail to get my wife back and she found me less and less attractive as each day went on with me being like that. I get some confidence back and someone else showed some interest in me (not suggesting that but the confidence bit) and all of a sudden she's on the phone asking me to go round and stay the night. In my case that turned out to be a stupid idea but the point being that although it's incomprehensible to the person who's suffering that gut wrenching agony that their ex doesn't sympathise and ignores all your phone calls and texts, if you want him back then don't contact him for a couple of days. Put a smile on your face even if it's fake and go out looking nice. Of course you don't want to meet anyone new but then when your ex is sat there and that little doubt starts to creep in that he will always be able to click his fingers and get you back, your phone will light up like a NASA computer and he won't be able to help himself.

 

And it's not even deceitful, you don't want to cheat and aren't going to but a few evenings out with your friends and no pleading messages to him and you will see.....question is, is it a relationship that should be saved?