Miss Clavel Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Bought this apartment together. Can't afford the loss if we separate and sell it. Plus insurances together, a joint account through which the insurance is paid. Families. that's all the stuff i think about before i get into something i know i should not be doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) You're weird thank you. 10 characters. Edited October 3, 2016 by Miss Clavel 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Originally Posted by kiyoma Since our sexual encounter, we are continuing the EA as we did previously. But one thing is bothering me. I said I made the decision to not have sex with her again. And honest to God, I have not made another suggestion, neither did I bring up what happened that one time. But I am really feeling confused that she hasn't brought it up either. No talk about a future together. Just usual our shared interest talks. I thought sex was a pretty big deals to the girls. Once they share themselves like that with a man, they see a future with him (I know I know, ONS and sexual release encounters are different. But this was emotional between the 2 of us). So what is the reason she is not bringing it up? She actually doesn't see a future me being married and wised up OR that I was really bad in sex? P.S.- Don't make joke about my "deficiency Well, you seem to think quite highly of your self. "They see a future with him?" Is that what you think. You are MARRIED !!! You think she wants a future with you, does that make you feel great? Does she know you are married? Maybe she just wants to F&@k with you, mentally and physically. She can always do the sex harassment card if you don't play. And this is a game. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 I really wish there was an eye roll emojie on here. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Since our sexual encounter, we are continuing the EA as we did previously. But one thing is bothering me. I said I made the decision to not have sex with her again. And honest to God, I have not made another suggestion, neither did I bring up what happened that one time. But I am really feeling confused that she hasn't brought it up either. No talk about a future together. Just usual our shared interest talks. I thought sex was a pretty big deals to the girls. Once they share themselves like that with a man, they see a future with him (I know I know, ONS and sexual release encounters are different. But this was emotional between the 2 of us). So what is the reason she is not bringing it up? She actually doesn't see a future me being married and wised up OR that I was really bad in sex? P.S.- Don't make joke about my "deficiency" Maybe her goal was the sex and once she had that notch on her belt she is not that interested, maybe she was not that impressed once you actually "did it", maybe like you she had a wake up call about her job, maybe she felt used, maybe she doesn't actually want to be someone's dirty little secret, maybe she felt guilty about your wife, maybe you just scratched an itch, maybe she has a new love interest in her life, maybe she totally regrets the sex and wants no repeat... Whatever the reason is she is backing off, maybe that is your cue to do the same and turn your attention back onto your marriage. People are often like mirrors, they model their behaviour on what they get back. You reap what you sow. Put your resentment away and try showing your wife some real interest and enthusiasm, and I do not mean showing her newspaper articles that YOU are interested in... Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Sometimes I truly wish I was a lesbian!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Since our sexual encounter, we are continuing the EA as we did previously. But one thing is bothering me. I said I made the decision to not have sex with her again. And honest to God, I have not made another suggestion, neither did I bring up what happened that one time. But I am really feeling confused that she hasn't brought it up either. No talk about a future together. Just usual our shared interest talks. I thought sex was a pretty big deals to the girls. Once they share themselves like that with a man, they see a future with him (I know I know, ONS and sexual release encounters are different. But this was emotional between the 2 of us). So what is the reason she is not bringing it up? She actually doesn't see a future me being married and wised up OR that I was really bad in sex? P.S.- Don't make joke about my "deficiency" Women usually wait for the man to start talking about the future and moving the relationship forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiyoma Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 I thought I was strong enough to end it but it has again restarted. Seriously thinking about leaving my wife? Why even try when my heart is not in it? Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I thought I was strong enough to end it but it has again restarted. Seriously thinking about leaving my wife? Why even try when my heart is not in it? So your wife's feelings aren't what matter to you..like not even a teeny, tiny bit..it's about YOUR heart. Charming! Your wife is a lucky lady. Oh wait..lucky's not the word I'm looking for... FFS please divorce her ASAP and let her find a real man! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I thought I was strong enough to end it but it has again restarted. Seriously thinking about leaving my wife? Why even try when my heart is not in it? Oh for goodness sake......... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I thought I was strong enough to end it but it has again restarted. Seriously thinking about leaving my wife? Why even try when my heart is not in it? Stop thinking, just do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 amen. we need way more emojis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiyoma Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 So your wife's feelings aren't what matter to you..like not even a teeny, tiny bit..it's about YOUR heart. Charming! Your wife is a lucky lady. Oh wait..lucky's not the word I'm looking for... FFS please divorce her ASAP and let her find a real man! Why should I give a damn? Does all these women here cheating on their husbands give a damn? But they are greeted with more sympathetic statements and are usually agreed that their marriage facilitated the affair. But no, I'm a man and I'm a pig. REAL MEN kiss their wife's arse, if they don't then they are jerks. Its my life and I think I deserve to be happy. And currently I'm not happy with my wife. Regardless I have decided to give one last try before I finally call it quits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiyoma Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 You can read my backstory if you want. I want to give a one last try in saving the marriage before I call it quits. So towards that endeavor I had a talk with wife on Saturday. As usual TV was on in the evening. But during an advert I asked her to turn it off as I had something to say. So I asked her was she happy with me? She seemed confused. So I reiterated. Still "acting" confused. Then was also not directly getting to the point. So point blank "do you want to be married to me anymore?" She completely flipped that sentence on me by asking that was I asking for a divorce. Truth be told I also wasn't sure if I would have said "No I don't want a divorce". But again I circumvented and said "its not what I want but....". Laid out the way she was living with me, the TV, all the way to arguments we had but never really resolved. This was barely 2 min of my speaking when she cut me and started herself. As I promised myself as soon as she started, I just listened. Not a word. She went on about: 1) this is how most married lives but I was the one never to be satisfied with anything. 2) how I make things uncomfortable between her and her friends 3) how I always remind her (non verbally) of her failure as a wife because of her health issue 4) how I am proud and stubborn and never look at things from her viewpoint Etc etc I was totally going against my nature by only listening. At the end of her talk (which I am very inclined to say was a diatribe) I just asked her that I understood she needed me to lower my expectation. I was also on board on ways she feels I should act that doesn't make her feel like a failure as a wife (this extremely painful for us both). Other than that what can I do? So she starts crying and mumbling "I don't know" "I don't know". Although now typing this I feel sad she was crying helpless but at the time, I was not feeling comfortable because I took all without giving anything back (not my nature) I thought some resolution or atleast the path towards a resolution will come out. But totally confused what to take from this. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) No you are not quite right about that. Look there are numerous thread that women have been raked over the coals for their affairs. I am not saying that it is right to do it to them or to you. So lets start there. What has your wife done that is worth of you having this affair? Anything? Here is the deal, If you really love this girl and she really, really loves you, then get a divorce and move on. Maybe it will work with her. But maybe it won't. And don't think you are the worst person in the world because you are not. [] You "think" you may love your OW, OK. You "think" she may love you, OK. Could it be that both of you want a little strange and are just hooking up for that reason? Really think about that. If you are sure that she is the one, then be a man and divorce your wife and see where the other relationship goes. But are you willing to lose your marriage on a chance that the OW really loves you? I would not. []. Stop posting about you love your wife and the OW and you don't know what to do. [] Edited November 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiyoma Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 What has your wife done that is worth of you having this affair? Anything? How about trying to starve me for a week (which I may add is physical abuse) and I had to apologize to get her back to cooking for me? Or the numerous times she blew up on me in public to the delight of the onlookers? Or how she tolerates disparaging remarks from her friends about me and agreeing with them? Could it be that both of you want a little strange and are just hooking up for that reason? Really think about that. No not really. I still find her physically attractive and my lover is single. But are you willing to lose your marriage on a chance that the OW really loves you? I would not. My wife earns around 40% less than me. My gf earns around 20% more than me. I'm only 28. I have no children. Readymade apartment of coworker to move into. But still I'm choosing to give one last try. And I think I have made that clear that I lost my loving feeling for my wife for sometime (that doesn't mean I hate her, I still care for her as a friend) Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Then you have answered your own questions. Get a divorce. And if your wife is treating you that way and you don't have kids, don't even think about it, just get out. She doesn't deserve the affair though, but she does deserve a divorce. She does not respect you in any way. That is the best thing to do IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Kiyoma, all of the things you describe, if true are very valid reasons to get a divorce. But none of them are reasons to have an A. So get a divorce. With or without your AP, get a divorce. That being said, someone refusing to not cook for you is not someone starving you. You are more than capable of cooking or going out to eat. And you claiming they were trying to starve you is classic drama queen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 People don't get married so that someone else will do their cooking and laundry. If that was your expectation then no wonder you are disappointed. If both you and your wife work then why is it her responsibility to do all of the cooking anyways? Does she have to do the dishes too? Seems to me that those daily tasks should be shared. You do sound too emotionally immature to be married and maybe your wife is too. Either way I don't think you giving her another chance to be your lifelong cook and housekeeper is really doing her any favors. Just get divorced already. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiyoma Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Get this... I wash the clothes. Even her dirty underwears. I mop the floor. I peel some of the vegetable and fish. I do the outside work of the household. I make the tea when she gets up. She peels some vegetable and fish. She cooks. She cleans the dishes. She does the groceries. Its 50-50 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I just asked her that I understood she needed me to lower my expectation. What I read is she needs you to raise your game, a very different thing. After a very unsatisfying first marriage filled with silent resentment, I made myself this promise - if I ever met the right woman, I would be the first to forgive and the last to get angry. Both of you sound like you've dug your heels in pretty firmly, more interested in defending than understanding. You might be the poster child for marriage counseling, seems honest communication not sensed by either party. If you're really committed to one last try, MC would get my vote... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) [] If you are going to give things with your wife an honest try, I would suggest counseling with a neutral third party,and that you are 100 percent honest about everything. It's the only way you'll have a chance of it working out for you. If you aren't willing to do that, then why even bother staying married? Divorce and go be with your ow,who I suspect will soon be acting the same as your wife, once she's with you full time. Edited October 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator unproductive to topic ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) Ahhh, I get it. My xH loved to [complain] about my cooking. The one and only time I stood up for myself, I quit cooking for him. I cooked for me, I cooked for the kids, but if he was eating I cooked nothing. I threw left overs away as soon as I heard him hit the driveway. Until he apologized. Took him awhile since he wasn't used to me defying him. But he did. My mistake was accepting it cause as soon as I started cooking again, he started [complaining] again. And if you got married to have a cook and house keeper then you shouldn't have gotten married. My kids both (son and daughter) are more than capable of feeding and housing themselves because I want them to partner up because the other person makes their life happier and fuller. Not because they are terrified of a can opener. Edited October 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~6 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiyoma Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) What I read is she needs you to raise your game, a very different thing. This sounds interesting. What do you mean? If you're really committed to one last try, MC would get my vote... Yeah, thought of that. Havent brought it up yet. But surely we need a third party. Otherwise our talks will only take the shape of mutual blaming. Edited October 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote formatting ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 note from moderation: we've merged a couple threads and cleaned up a considerable amount of rude and unproductive posts. Also, here is a reminder of what to do if you think someone is a troll: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/loveshack-org-questions-comments/announcement-if-you-think-post-thread-troll-79.html Hint: Please *do not* go on threads and call other members trolls or suggest, by any means, that they are trolling. Report it and either respond to the topical material in accordance with our guidelines or move on. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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