My Ex gf (the dumper) is upset that I blocked her on social media. Ignore or Respond?

[AmorFou]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/586775-ex-reached-out-then-said-i-should-visit-her-thoughts

 

Above is the link to the original thread. Been singe for almost 8 months and have never truly had no contact for longer than a month or two at a time so no surprise I haven't been able to fully heal and move on.

 

Long story short, she reaches out to me every few to whisper sweet nothings. I guess they are called breadcrumbs around here. She brings up memories and told me I should go visit her. When I put myself out there and let her know I'm interested she fades away again. It's been very painful for me and I have never been so angry and frustrated with someone in my life.

 

I only looked at her fb a few times since we've been broken up and every time its been painful because she's still so beautiful to me and I can't have her. At least I didn't see any pictures of her with another man. That was my fear of what would eventually happen so a few weeks ago I deleted and blocked her fb and phone number.

 

The few days following that were rough, likely because I was finally cutting her out of my life for good and with that any hope that things could work out. She was in my dreams for a few nights (I guess my body was purging myself of her)

 

During this time I unblocked her number (weak I know) but didn't have her contact saved so I couldn't reach out to her. Well, last night a text from her number pops up on my phone "Did you really block me on facebook? Was that necessary?" Then I get a friend request from one of her friends.

 

I slept on it and am still torn. It would be satisfying to ignore but on the other hand I was in agony after blocking her a few weeks ago because I felt like I would never get real closure.

 

I typed up a response and it's something like "Yes, I blocked you. Not to be childish or mean but to completely move on. I mostly had done that but when I hear from you every few months and you say things like you want me to visit and you bring up old memories it's difficult. Then, I put myself out there to let you know I'm interested in your idea and you go silent. Then, I wanted to call you a few weeks ago to talk about it and you ignored me again. So that makes me believe you were never serious and this is all a game to you. That's not something a nice person would do and to be honest it hurt me. I know we didn't date very long but for me it was real and it meant too much for us to be friends."

 

Should I send? I don't know how she'll respond or if it will make me feel better and bring me closure.

[Zahara]

Ignore. Dumpers do this to check and see if their dog (you) is still on their leash. Pick up your self-respect and stop allowing someone to toy with your emotions. Block and move on.

 

A person that cares for you will want to let you go in hopes of allowing you to heal. They put your best interest at heart. They don't play games and when they do it's only for very selfish reasons. It's to feed their ego.

 

No need to respond. She's not an idiot. She knows what she's doing.

Edited September 24, 2016 by Zahara

[oldshirt]

It's time to grow up and grow a spine and some balls and move on with your own life. Every time you tear off this bandaid to take a look it slows down the healing and forms a deeper scar.

 

By 8 months out you should be happily dating other girls, going out with your buddies and living your life to fullest without dwelling on her or what she is doing. You are hampering that process and delaying you getting past her every time you FB stalk her or take a bite at whatever breadcrumbs she is throwing on the ground for you.

 

When someone breaks up with you, they forfeit any right to your headspace or your heart. If you break up with someone there is a very realistic chance they will block you on social media and not return your calls/txts.

 

She does not have any right to keep you on the shelf to tell her how great she is when she is feeling bored or lonely. She does not have any right to keep you on a leash like a good puppy dog to sit in the corner and wag your tail at her hoping she will give you some love and attention when she feels she needs an ego boost.

 

Grow a pair and be your own man and live your own life. Quit being her little lapdog and quit running to her every time she jerks your leash. Get a life and get out and start doing some fun things with fun people. Start meeting and doing things with and dating other girls.

 

I don't really give a crap if you block her electronically or not, but don't let her rent any of your headspace. If it helps you to move on by blocking her, then by all means block her @$$ and don't look back.

 

Stop being a girly-boy sniffling in your Kleenex while pouring over her FB pictures and get out and start living your own life. She didn't want you and she dumped you so walk away, do your own thing and don't look back.

[AmorFou]

whoa...

 

You assume I've been crying in my basement for 8 months when actually I started dating again immediately after she dumped me which in hindsight was a mistake. In the past 8 months I've slept with over a dozen girls, had a few short flings with a few of them, and am dating a new one now. None of it has really helped, likely because I haven't found someone who made me feel the same.

 

She was my first love and this whole experience is new to me. I admit I've made mistakes and if I could go back to when things first ended I'd delete her from my life immediately and take time to heal. I have been living my own life and have been working to improve myself since the breakup. Why are you ripping me a new one like this?

 

I know you probably didn't read the original thread I linked but in there I admit I made a lot of mistakes with her (again, first real relationship) so even though she broke it off with me I understood why she did it and I was hoping for a reconciliation. All I'm asking in this thread is whether to reply letting her know what she is doing is ***ed and that we shouldn't talk.

Edited September 24, 2016 by AmorFou

[WomenWubber]

You may as well unblock her if you want to keep contacting her.

[Zahara]

She knows what she's doing is wrong. You know what she's doing is wrong. You ignore, YOU BLOCK and stay blocked and you move on.

[oldshirt]

whoa...

 

You assume I've been crying in my basement for 8 months when actually I started dating again immediately after she dumped me which in hindsight was a mistake. In the past 8 months I've slept with over a dozen girls, had a few short flings with a few of them, and am dating a new one now. None of it has really helped, likely because I haven't found someone who made me feel the same.

 

She was my first love and this whole experience is new to me. I admit I've made mistakes and if I could go back to when things first ended I'd delete her from my life immediately and take time to heal. I have been living my own life and have been working to improve myself since the breakup. Why are you ripping me a new one like this?

 

I know you probably didn't read the original thread I linked but in there I admit I made a lot of mistakes with her (again, first real relationship) so even though she broke it off with me I understood why she did it and I was hoping for a reconciliation. All I'm asking in this thread is whether to reply letting her know what she is doing is ***ed and that we shouldn't talk.

 

OK, good on you for getting out and getting back on the dating market.

 

We all make mistakes when our first loves give us the boot so it's ok to give yourself a little slack on that..... but stop making them now. It's never too late to do the right things that will help you move on.

 

If she is really all that and you sincerely think she is the one for you, then the next time she contacts you out of the blue to "check in", ask her point blank if she wants to get back together with you completely and be in an honest, full-service, full time relationship with you?

 

If she says yes, then you can do whatever you think is best.

 

But if she say no, then simply say OK and calmly and warmly wish her well and then walk away and don't look back and do not respond to any more txts, phone calls, check-ins or any requests for favors or anything.

 

All-in or all-out. those are the options that you give her. You can either offer her a full-service (all-in) relationship, or you can offer her complete freedom and a life without you. But there is no reason on God's Green Earth why you should be her little lapdog on a leash to give her ego strokes and validation that she is cute and that you still love her and think she is fabulous even though she dumped you.

 

Grow some balls and offer her all-in or all-out. It's her prerogative. She can either get back with you completely in a full relationship. Or she can move on and live her life while you live yours and have no further contact.

 

All-in or all-out. Do not accept any of this checking in and fishing for ego strokes bullcrap. She's either your full-service, full time GF or she is just another person on the street. Those are her options.

[oldshirt]

All I'm asking in this thread is whether to reply letting her know what she is doing is ***ed and that we shouldn't talk.

 

And my advice on that question is, no, do not give her that much validation and stimulation. Just be busy doing your own thing and don't worry about getting around to giving her any response at all.

[Satu]

She wants you heartbroken; worshipping her from a distance.

 

No contact.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[Frozensushi]

Long story short, she reaches out to me every few to whisper sweet nothings. I guess they are called breadcrumbs around here. She brings up memories and told me I should go visit her. When I put myself out there and let her know I'm interested she fades away again. It's been very painful for me and I have never been so angry and frustrated with someone in my life.

 

Get out of there man. Seriously. She's using you as an ego boost. You blocking her was an insult because you removed the power she has over you.

 

Every time she contacts you, sends breadcrumbs, you contact her, looks at her social media you are relapsing. The fact is, you still care about her. It's been over for 8 months and she's still in your thoughts. You have to stop caring. That's only going to happen when you let go completely.

 

My Ex and I would break up frequently. During those times I'd go on dates but never gave those women a chance because my Ex was always there in the background of my mind. I was on a date one time with a lovely girl, my Ex texts me out of nowhere to 'come over'. I just left this girl at the club without so much as a goodbye just to go see my Ex who would only end up hurting me again.

 

Being on as leash sucks. You don't have to be on it, though. There are a million women out there. Your Ex is nothing special. You put her on a pedestal. Put yourself on the pedestal instead.

 

Block her in every way imaginable. Block her friends too. Get rid of any reminder of her. Rid her from your life. You don't need this, no one does.

 

If you like being tortured, by all means, unblock her and continue to stroke her ego.

[oldshirt]

....you see the part you are missing here is you are still stuck in a relationship with her.

 

The problem is the relationship sucks and completely unhealthy and you are only getting pain and exasperation from it and virtually no benefit whatsoever.

 

She is getting validation and emotional stimulation and ego strokes from you pining for her. and she is getting the security blanket of knowing that you are there waiting for her if things don't work out with these other dudes she is banging.

 

My recommendation is put this maladaptive relationship out of it's misery and walk away and do not have any more contact with her at all period.

 

But since you seem insistent on wanting her and that she is the only one for you, then go ahead and make your best offer and offer one last chance to be all-in and be the world's most perfectest GF.

 

If she agrees to that, then so be it, that's a whole other thread.

 

But if she says no or if she puts on a whole ton of stipulations and criteria that you do not find acceptable, then call it a day and wish her well and carry on with your own life and leave her behind. It was her choice. She did not accept your best offer to the terms you wanted.

 

Let her go.

[doyathinkso]

Ignore.

 

Ignore.

 

Then ignore some more.

[aloneinaz]

I don't think anyone was attacking you my friend. They were accurately pointing out that you need to stop being her little puppy who runs to her every time she snaps. You are posting a question about whether you should block her or not after 8 MONTHS!

 

You need to do some soul searching as to why your self respect and pride is so low that you're allowing ANYONE to play you like a fool. Don't you understand that every time you bite on her bread crumbs, she goes and runs to her friends and has a great laugh at your expense?

 

So, to answer your question, YYYYEESSSS you need to block her on social media, your phone and everywhere. You need to vanish like a fart in the wind and STOP stroking her ego.

 

Want your pride back? Ignore and never engage again with her. When she's out of sight, she'll be out of mind. Then, maybe you'll allow one of these however many women you're sleeping with to tickle your fancy.

[Gr8fuln2020]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/586775-ex-reached-out-then-said-i-should-visit-her-thoughts

 

Above is the link to the original thread. Been singe for almost 8 months and have never truly had no contact for longer than a month or two at a time so no surprise I haven't been able to fully heal and move on.

 

Long story short, she reaches out to me every few to whisper sweet nothings. I guess they are called breadcrumbs around here. She brings up memories and told me I should go visit her. When I put myself out there and let her know I'm interested she fades away again. It's been very painful for me and I have never been so angry and frustrated with someone in my life.

 

I only looked at her fb a few times since we've been broken up and every time its been painful because she's still so beautiful to me and I can't have her. At least I didn't see any pictures of her with another man. That was my fear of what would eventually happen so a few weeks ago I deleted and blocked her fb and phone number.

 

The few days following that were rough, likely because I was finally cutting her out of my life for good and with that any hope that things could work out. She was in my dreams for a few nights (I guess my body was purging myself of her)

 

During this time I unblocked her number (weak I know) but didn't have her contact saved so I couldn't reach out to her. Well, last night a text from her number pops up on my phone "Did you really block me on facebook? Was that necessary?" Then I get a friend request from one of her friends.

 

I slept on it and am still torn. It would be satisfying to ignore but on the other hand I was in agony after blocking her a few weeks ago because I felt like I would never get real closure.

 

I typed up a response and it's something like "Yes, I blocked you. Not to be childish or mean but to completely move on. I mostly had done that but when I hear from you every few months and you say things like you want me to visit and you bring up old memories it's difficult. Then, I put myself out there to let you know I'm interested in your idea and you go silent. Then, I wanted to call you a few weeks ago to talk about it and you ignored me again. So that makes me believe you were never serious and this is all a game to you. That's not something a nice person would do and to be honest it hurt me. I know we didn't date very long but for me it was real and it meant too much for us to be friends."

 

Should I send? I don't know how she'll respond or if it will make me feel better and bring me closure.

 

Often-times, it's therapuetic just writing how you feel, but not sending it. You need to move on. If she wants you, she will make the moves, including visiting you, to make it clear, but don't wait for that. JUST MOVE ON.

[Satu]

snip

You assume I've been crying in my basement for 8 months when actually I started dating again immediately after she dumped me which in hindsight was a mistake. *In the past 8 months I've slept with over a dozen girls, had a few short flings with a few of them, and am dating a new one now. None of it has really helped, likely because I haven't found someone who made me feel the same.

 

From my journal:

 

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you.

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

 

 

Take care.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't care if you've slept with one woman, a dozen women, or one hundred since the breakup -- you're being spineless by continuing to let her play with you like this. She uses you for her own personal gain and you don't seem to have the dignity or self-respect to not allow her to do this. You haven't made progress because you haven't done the one fundamental thing you need to do.

 

No more contact. It clearly isn't helping you. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Stop being insane. Do not send that note -- just put the block back on and keep it on. If you do this, and stick to this, maybe one of these other girls you'll date in the future will have a real chance to be your next girlfriend. But that's not going to happen until you leave the past in the past.

 

Ultimately, it's up to you. If you want to continue to act like an abandoned pet, do it. If you want to move forward, then show some self-control, be an adult and keep the No Contact.

[preraph]

Ignore or what was the point of blocking.

[AmorFou]

Thank you everybody. I honestly didn't expect this much feedback. This section is much higher traffic than the second chances subforum!

 

So I was able to resist replying. Deep down I know it's the only right thing to do. I'll be curious to see if she gives up after being ignored the other night. She'll probably just assume I blocked her number as well as social media.

 

It feels good ignoring her for once. I hope she's feeling a taste of what I've felt over and over these past few months with her.

 

The thing is, I know she's not the one for me and have felt that way for a while. She is my first love so I'm finally able to think more logically about it and understand that my mind is playing tricks on me. We weren't very compatible sexually and there were a lot of red flags early on about her being selfish. Her behavior after dumping me says a lot about who she is as a person and that's not someone who I want to be exclusive with.

[aloneinaz]

Thank you everybody. I honestly didn't expect this much feedback. This section is much higher traffic than the second chances subforum!

 

So I was able to resist replying. Deep down I know it's the only right thing to do. I'll be curious to see if she gives up after being ignored the other night. She'll probably just assume I blocked her number as well as social media.

 

It feels good ignoring her for once. I hope she's feeling a taste of what I've felt over and over these past few months with her.

 

The thing is, I know she's not the one for me and have felt that way for a while. She is my first love so I'm finally able to think more logically about it and understand that my mind is playing tricks on me. We weren't very compatible sexually and there were a lot of red flags early on about her being selfish. Her behavior after dumping me says a lot about who she is as a person and that's not someone who I want to be exclusive with.

 

This post of yours proves the point of NC and ignoring any further contact from them. It allows you to settle your nerves and emotions down and rationally think things through. It puts the power and control back in YOUR hands. They ended the R/S and now you can end any further contact w/the dumper.

 

There have been many, many posters here like you that struggled right after their R/S ended and they were dumped. NC allowed them to settle down and get their feet back under them. After a couple of months, they realized that the R/S they were out of was crap and they'd never date that person again. In most cases, it hurts so much because you're breaking a bad habit.

It was the case for me as well.

[lolablue17]

If ignoring helps you, then keep ignoring.

 

If (and when) you can't resist, I think you typed a great answer to her (The one you didn't send). It shows that you're generous, when someone hurts you, you don't hurt back, you are man enough to not being afraid to expose and to admit you have weaknesses, you're polite, civil, show ability to hold back.

 

In the message you sound like a quality bf material, and yet manage to show her how immature she is, how selfish she is, and how stupid she is. If you send this message you get a bonus - You will still have a chance to ignore her next time, because I can't imagine her not responding to that.

 

Ignore her now - she will think you're childish.

Ignore her next time after sending what you typed - she will want to clear the atmosphere, clear her reputation, clear her guilt and to talk to you. Ignoring this will give you a much greater upper hand.

If she doesn't respond, it's because she can't handle her not being perfect. Either way you got what you wanted.

[AmorFou]

If ignoring helps you, then keep ignoring.

 

If (and when) you can't resist, I think you typed a great answer to her (The one you didn't send). It shows that you're generous, when someone hurts you, you don't hurt back, you are man enough to not being afraid to expose and to admit you have weaknesses, you're polite, civil, show ability to hold back.

 

In the message you sound like a quality bf material, and yet manage to show her how immature she is, how selfish she is, and how stupid she is. If you send this message you get a bonus - You will still have a chance to ignore her next time, because I can't imagine her not responding to that.

 

Ignore her now - she will think you're childish.

Ignore her next time after sending what you typed - she will want to clear the atmosphere, clear her reputation, clear her guilt and to talk to you. Ignoring this will give you a much greater upper hand.

If she doesn't respond, it's because she can't handle her not being perfect. Either way you got what you wanted.

 

Thanks for the kind words but damn... Now I'm tempted to send it. It would look like I spent all weekend thinking of what to write her LOL what to do?

[lolablue17]

Thanks for the kind words but damn... Now I'm tempted to send it. It would look like I spent all weekend thinking of what to write her LOL what to do?

 

No, it will look like you're not obssessed with her, taking time to reply according to YOUR schedule when you're available, and when it fits you. Not shooting with your guts, but with your mind.

[AmorFou]

If ignoring helps you, then keep ignoring.

 

If (and when) you can't resist, I think you typed a great answer to her (The one you didn't send). It shows that you're generous, when someone hurts you, you don't hurt back, you are man enough to not being afraid to expose and to admit you have weaknesses, you're polite, civil, show ability to hold back.

 

In the message you sound like a quality bf material, and yet manage to show her how immature she is, how selfish she is, and how stupid she is. If you send this message you get a bonus - You will still have a chance to ignore her next time, because I can't imagine her not responding to that.

 

Ignore her now - she will think you're childish.

Ignore her next time after sending what you typed - she will want to clear the atmosphere, clear her reputation, clear her guilt and to talk to you. Ignoring this will give you a much greater upper hand.

If she doesn't respond, it's because she can't handle her not being perfect. Either way you got what you wanted.

 

So I know its been several months, but I've been thinking about her lately so wanted to update this thread. I ended up taking the quoted advice and sending her a response similar to the message I wrote a few posts back.

 

She didn't respond which hurt a lot at the time. I had deleted her as a contact but back in November I get a call from her number which I recognized. I was with my gf at the time (I have since moved away and ended things with her) so I didn't answer. She didn't leave a VM or send a message so I can only assume she was calling just to mess with me. I was able to ignore her reaching out for the first time.

 

Then, again on NYE she sends me a stupid message along the lines of "Hey Happy New Year! I hope its better than (what she and I did together last year) Hope you're doing good!"

 

I didn't respond to this either. I know I'm still not 100% over it because I get angry just thinking about how she continues to try and get to me every few months. Maybe she'll take a hint and leave me alone.

 

Is this type of behavior normal? Any rational person should know to leave someone alone if they get blocked on social media. Plus, my message explained how I felt quite clearly.

[VeveCakes]

It's called breadcrumbs.

 

Looking for an ego boost and nothing more.

[Zahara]

I didn't respond to this either. I know I'm still not 100% over it because I get angry just thinking about how she continues to try and get to me every few months. Maybe she'll take a hint and leave me alone.

 

If you presented yourself as someone that can be walked all over, then chances are people are going to keep walking.

 

The responsibility to preserve/protect your peace of mind and well being is solely yours. Your pain and confusion is self-inflicted. This is no more about her nor is it her responsibility. The decision to stay accessible to her is something you need to look inward and figure out -- why do you choose to still stay affected?

 

Is this type of behavior normal? Any rational person should know to leave someone alone if they get blocked on social media. Plus, my message explained how I felt quite clearly.

 

Time to check your own behavior.

 

She's irrational for continuing to reach out to you just as you are irrational for still staying open to receiving pain. If you want change, it has to come from you. If you truly want to self-preserve and move on, block her at every door. Choosing not to is you wanting to be a part of the dysfunction.