My Ex gf (the dumper) is upset that I blocked her on social media. Ignore or Respond?

[jamili]

I don't think you should block her - I don't think you should shut all doors if you are open to someday there being some kind of potential reconciliation - months, years, decades down the line.

 

But for now, I would just go NC forever, ignore her and just never respond to her breadcrumbs (which you know for a fact lead nowhere) - until and IF she cracks. She considers you a doormat, and the second you took some power away (blocked her on facebook) and started to be a man and move on, she freaked out and started trying to suck that power back.

 

The longer you stay in NC, the more power you gain and the less she has. Notice she is still reaching out? She really is desperate for that power back - DO NOT give it to her! She thought you were a beta puppy, prove to her that you are NOT. She doesn't respect you (it's why she currently would never get back with you), show her you are a man who demands respect and stay NC.

 

Keep NC forever, until she breaks down and tells you "I'm sorry, I *#$%ed up, I want to give this another shot!", and even then... if you want her back by then... you should make it on your terms. She's testing your frame and resolve. Be the man who walks away and never looks back.

[AmorFou]

I don't think you should block her - I don't think you should shut all doors if you are open to someday there being some kind of potential reconciliation - months, years, decades down the line.

 

But for now, I would just go NC forever, ignore her and just never respond to her breadcrumbs (which you know for a fact lead nowhere) - until and IF she cracks. She considers you a doormat, and the second you took some power away (blocked her on facebook) and started to be a man and move on, she freaked out and started trying to suck that power back.

 

The longer you stay in NC, the more power you gain and the less she has. Notice she is still reaching out? She really is desperate for that power back - DO NOT give it to her! She thought you were a beta puppy, prove to her that you are NOT. She doesn't respect you (it's why she currently would never get back with you), show her you are a man who demands respect and stay NC.

 

Keep NC forever, until she breaks down and tells you "I'm sorry, I *#$%ed up, I want to give this another shot!", and even then... if you want her back by then... you should make it on your terms. She's testing your frame and resolve. Be the man who walks away and never looks back.

 

If I'm being honest with myself I'd say the only reason I haven't blocked her completely is that I hope she eventually breaks down and apologizes at the very least. I'm doubtful that will ever happen based on what kind of person I know her to be. I can honestly say that I'm 100% not doing this to get her back. We live hundreds of miles away at this point and I know I don't want her back. I truly believe I can find someone better. Eventually...

 

I can also say that I'll be able to continue the NC 100%. Its easy for me to ignore her when she reaches out. I'll be able to continue to do so especially if its just petty breadcrumb bs like it has been so far. I won't take the bait.

 

For me, ignoring is easy but letting go completely and not holding anger is hard. I will say that its gotten a lot better since I last posted in here. Like I mentioned, I updated this because she's been on my mind more lately for some reason. Perhaps because I've been dating much less and instead trying to focus on personal growth.

[Bromeo]

If I may, I am in the final stages of what you are going through now. Same exact scenario, gf dumped me, I chased for months, gave up chasing, went nc, she reached out with games, I only put up with it for two weeks before delineating my side in a voicemail, and telling her not to contact me further.

 

I did the same soul searching, agonizing, and analyzing, and took a serious hit to my self confidence and self esteem.

 

You must, must, must find a way to reconcile everything for yourself. For me, writing out my side, and leaving a calm voicemail did the trick. After everything she did, it purged her out of me. The following Saturday I woke up feeling like it was her loss, and never looked back.

 

And she dumped me in July of last year. Seriously, read my thread. It'll make you feel better. Lol

 

Everyone here is spot on, and it sucks, but they are. Old shirt sounds crusty, but the message is solid, and designed to help you. I didn't listen either, and it cost me an additional couple of months of pain.

 

Brother, I feel for you. They don't want you, but they don't want you to go either. What a crock.

 

Dave

[Crystal1111]

Hi, this is the first reply I've written anyone on here and I feel I'm in no place to give advice because I'm also in a mess of emotions.

 

But I wanted to share with you what I did and it's made me feel so much better! I've blocked everywhere and deleted everything. Sounds harsh but it's made me feel so much better. I don't jump when I hear a text message. I don't have to be scared about seeing anything on social media. There is no way he can contact me unless he shows up at my door.

 

It really is a huge relief and I don't have to live with the screaming silence.

 

I really hope you find some peace and some relief from the pain. So sorry you're going through this. Best of luck!

[AmorFou]

Bromeo and Crystal thank you for the advice and kind words. It is interesting how we all think our situations are so special and unique... Yet upon reading the stories of others we see how similar these experiences often are.

 

So this is very strange. Saturday night I did not sleep very well... For the first time in months, my ex was in my dreams. I woke up feeling pretty bad. Then, the very next night (last night) her number pops up on my phone with the message "Hey I know you probably won't respond to this but I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I really hope you are doing well."

 

This is a very weird coincidence... I wouldn't think much of it except this has happened once before. Months ago, I found myself thinking about her and looking at her social media (I've since blocked) and then the very next day she reaches out to me (this is what led to the block and me creating this thread)

 

I know it sounds crazy and I can't even believe I'm typing this, but has anyone ever felt like they were mentally linked to an ex? The timing of all this has me a little creeped out and I'm trying not to look too much into it.

 

It seems the breadcrumbs are getting a little more personal. I don't see any reason not to keep ignoring though. I know I'm able to do so. Her telling me she's been thinking about me sounds nice if I'm being honest, but my silence as of late has to seem like rejection to her, which can breed obsession. Of course she would be thinking about me more.

[jamili]

100% yes with the mental-link thing. Coincidence? Maybe. Not to get too philisophical here but there is still much unknown about consciousness, physics and the universe in general.... so you never know. Might just be keen intuition, which you got from being bonded so well with another person for long enough on a deep enough level.

 

Now about the breadcrumbs .. welcome to the club. Regardless of what some people might say, it does mean you are on her mind in some way or another. Seem to be getting a little more personal with time which sounds about right. The dumpers are going through the stage of the breakup that you felt immediately upon being dumped... its delayed for them. The reason for staying silent especially during this time is that you want to be out of the picture while they go through this, so that they can truly internalize to the deepest extent to have you gone forever. I believe at this point the dumper might be feeling guilty, conflicted, anxious, and possibility figuring out if they are totally sure of losing you forever. In other words, its the perfect time to be absent so they can potentially miss you. Let them have this and make their decision - you will find out what that decision is one way or another. Just keep NC to avoid dispeling her guily and anxiety, and let her truly conceptualize you being gone from existence forever.

 

Also i really disagree with everyone suggesting you block her. Yes this forces you to move on, as it eliminates other options and gives you no choice. But in situations like these, where you would consider taking the person back someday, and believe in second chances, imo its worth leaving a line of communication open. At least keep it open to see what, if anything, happens from these breadcrumbs. Maybe it'll fizzle out and she will lose interest, or maybe she will crack and confess that she wants you back eventually, but until one of those two happen i dont see the necessity of blocking her unless you are truly unable to cope with the pain of hearing from her. I think you will be fine as long as you keep silent. I guess it just depends on your emotional strength and if you can handle the stress of wondering. To me, personally, its worth the risk, just in case they come back or have second thoughts... if you really loved them and feel within your gut that a second chance is possible down the road.

 

I dont think all dumpers would run to your house and slam on your door, crying, begging and pleading for a second chance until their fists are bleeding and then collapse onto the ground in a pool of their own vomit and tears, wimpering and twitching in emotional turmoil. This isnt a movie. I doubt most people are that dramatic. I think realistically reconciliations would start from a text or call apologizing and asking to meet up and talk... and if they are blocked and those attempts are unanswered, they would probably just cut their losses, suck it up, and move on - to respect your decision and assume you want nothing to do with them.

 

Keep us updated

Edited February 13, 2017 by jamili

[usa1ah]

The thing is that she had you on a leader like a good puppy, then one day you got free and now she is missing her puppy.

 

Keep up the no contact and block everything. she is just trying to hook you again. The dream is because you have been thinking of her.

[jamili]

The thing is that she had you on a leader like a good puppy, then one day you got free and now she is missing her puppy.

 

Keep up the no contact and block everything. she is just trying to hook you again. The dream is because you have been thinking of her.

 

This is basically what i think about my dumper as well. Its pretty ****ed to think that someone you once loved was even capable of doing this to another human being, but i suppose if their respect for you dropped to low enough level for them to dump you in the first place, then its not really a surprise to think they would disrespect you enough to think of you as their little validation puppy on a leash. Its degrading, no doubt. But you combat this with NC. You show them confidence and that you have self respect. No one, especially someone who dumped you, will ever have any respect for you if you don't have respect for yourself- and that's the reality of it.

[VeveCakes]

Many people are linked energetically exs or not. She was simply focusing her energy towards you and that's why you dreamt about her. Believe it or not that is the law of attraction.

 

Doesn't mean she will have good intentions.

[Bromeo]

The thing is that she had you on a leader like a good puppy, then one day you got free and now she is missing her puppy.

 

Keep up the no contact and block everything. she is just trying to hook you again. The dream is because you have been thinking of her.

 

This right here. Although indelicate, this is the truth. Jamili, Marky, and myself can all attest to the nonsense that is replying to crumbs from an ex.

 

I firmly believe this applied to my ex as well. She didn't want to let me go, but wanted to run and play.

 

In my case, mine sent two emails a month after I finally went NC through the holidays. Then she attempted to start up her games again with her stupid 1am and 4am punishing texts and quotes. This lasted one week this time. I cut it, and her off.

 

Give yourself time, let the emotions drain out, and put yourself, and not your ex on the pedestal. I accomplished this a couple weeks back. It is truly her loss.

 

Who cares why they reach out, if she wants you, she will let you know.

 

Today being Valentines day, I had the idea to send mine:

 

"Happy Valentines Day! Hope your day doesn't suck as much as you do! :)" lol

 

.02c

 

Dave

[oldlion]

Next time she calls text her back that your gf saw your phone and told you that unless you wanted to be sleeping alone for the next two weeks that you better now be in contact with any ex-gf. Maybe she will get the hint. I wish you well.

[AmorFou]

Many people are linked energetically exs or not. She was simply focusing her energy towards you and that's why you dreamt about her. Believe it or not that is the law of attraction.

 

Doesn't mean she will have good intentions.

 

what?? I do not like the sound of that. Very intrusive.

 

My understanding of the law of attraction is that you visualize what you want in life, picture it vividly and often, take action and eventually the universe will give you what you desire.

 

You're saying someone else can literally influence another's thoughts and dreams? By focusing energy? Like I said, this has happened twice so its hard for me to write this off as just a coincidence. But what you are saying sounds crazy!

 

I want to address these other replies later. Thanks so much everyone other input is appreciated of course.