I am stunned and horrified by what I just found

[Intownup]

Yes it is 18 in my state. I do not think he's had sex with her. But I am upset about the language...for sure.

 

Also, in many states the age of consent is 18...

[CarrieT]

He said that I was the one causing problems here and he can't believe I am making an issue over these things and he doesn't know how to feel confident in ME -- with my behavior... He says that he has already talked to the girl's parents before I met him...about her wild behavior. etc. He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me."

Google "gas lighting" and see if it sounds remotely familiar.

 

So what would you do? Would you be comfortable with your spouse talking and working with this woman....considering these developments?

I would be making an exit plan. What he is doing with the 16 year old is beyond creepy and inappropriate. His explanation doesn't make sense. I am married to a doctor; this is not how they help or explain things to people.

 

I believe he has done more than just talk to these women.

[Intownup]

Yes. I know he does this. Has lighting seems to be his specialty. But aside from that...what if he didn't touch either of them? Does that make it ok? Or forgivable?

 

I just feel so appalled but he acts as if I am the crazy one. I know. Gas lighting.

[Intownup]

Yes. I know he does this. Has lighting seems to be his specialty. But aside from that...what if he didn't touch either of them? Does that make it ok? Or forgivable? He says he needs to be a friend To these girls. And this is how they stay safe and don't make bad choices. They have fun sigh him as a friend and doctor.

 

I just feel so appalled but he acts as if I am the crazy one. I know. Gas lighting.

[Raena]

Also, in many states the age of consent is 18...

 

Actually, the majority of the states have 16 as the age of consent, a few have 17 and a few more have 18. Texas has no age listed.

 

My concern is this... if he was accused by his exwife of being inappropriate with a different 16 year old, then your concerns about this one may very well be worth worrying about. On the surface, what he wrote isn't that big of a deal on it's own. But being accused twice, by 2 different wives of the same issue means there must be something to it. What are the chances that you both just happened to be concerned about his relationship with the 16 year old friend of his daughter at 2 separate times? Slim.

 

You don't have enough evidence to go to the police, but you do have enough to go talk to the girl's parents yourself. Don't just take his word for it that he has already talked to them. Don't let him make you cower down with his nasty abusive words to you either. The way he spoke to you alone is enough for me to say that you should take a breather from him for a bit and decide how you want to handle this. He sounds very aggressive. My experience with a lying cheating sociopath taught me that... for my ex... whenever I caught him in a lie, he yelled louder at me. The louder he yelled and the angrier he got, the more I knew that I was onto something. He was just trying to scare me off of digging deeper into it. He also tried to use tactics of blaming me for it all, making it seem like I was crazy for pointing out how crazy his behavior was. It sounds like your husband pulled something similar.

 

I also learned that confronting a liar up front without waiting and gathering more information doesn't work out too well. Once they know you are watching, they change their behavior. You may not ever find out whether he is actually being inappropriate with your daughter's friend. I'd still keep an eye out though if I were you.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me."

 

This is very concerning behavior. Threatening you like that makes him sound like he has something more to hide. He sounds scared, which is why he is trying to intimidate you. You should be VERY worried about that!

 

I also know that his ex wife had banned a neighbor girl from their home (she was around 16) because she was too close to my husband.

 

So he has a pattern of inappropriate relationships with girls. Please don't ignore this!

 

So what would you do? Would you be comfortable with your spouse talking and working with this woman....considering these developments?

 

I would wake myself up to the realization that I was married to a deceitful creep. I don't think I would be half as concerned over the cheating with the other woman as I would be about the GIRLS.

 

In your situation I wouldn't feel safe around a man who threatened me like that. I would make plans to leave him while he is at work, file for divorce, and pass on the information you have discovered to the girl's parents.

 

There are some things that are just non-negotiable deal breakers. If you decide to ignore the obvious then you are doing yourself and potentially some other innocent people a huge disservice.

[Lois_Griffin]

You married a deviant.

 

This creep has his OWN 16 year old daughter, for God's sakes. What would he think if some middle-aged mouth breather was sniffing around HER? Would he find it cute? Would he find it perfectly fine? Actually, he probably would because he sounds like a psychologically disordered deviant.

 

And this isn't the FIRST 16 year old he's acted inappropriately with, is it OP? According to you, his ex-wife had the same problem with another teenage girl and his ex-wife chose to stop having her come around because he couldn't behave like a decent, respectable grown adult around that girl, either.

 

For those fighting about age of consent, aren't there usually stipulations about how old the other participant can be? Don't most laws dictate that the age of consent can be 15 or 16 or whatever, but the partner can't be more than 5 or 6 years older, type of thing?

 

Anyway, when you questioned him about his sneaky inappropriate behavior, you got veiled threats from him about how he's going to take you down because he knows all kinds of things abut you. Yeah, THIS is a person you want to cling to like grim death.

 

It would have been right then and there his ass should have been booted out the door and you should have gone to a lawyer and started the legal proceedings to get away from this disgusting pervert. Instead, you cried and begged him to love only you.

 

So, you're choosing to put your head in the sand where it's nice and warm around your ears, I guess. The time is coming when this creep is going to get into a lot of legal trouble due to his apparent inability to stay away from little teenage girls. Or worse, some enraged father is going to hunt him down and remove a couple of body parts for him - and he'll deserve it.

 

If this whole story is really true, then you need to face the fact that you have willingly chosen to align yourself with a snake who will eventually drag you down in the mud with him.

Edited September 26, 2016 by Lois_Griffin

[dreamingoftigers]

So I spoke with him.. about both issues. Here's what he said.

 

As for the woman who he was flirtatious with a few years ago...who he recently contacted:

He said that he never touched her.. only flirted because he was in an unhappy marriage (to his ex) and that being flirtatious with that woman gave him increased business success. He said he never did anything wrong.... I said it's TOTALLY WRONG! he said he never cheated and would not.. just had some texts to her that were "merely flirting" He called her sexy....told her how much he missed seeing her....and said she had a great body... I should also point out that he completely lied and said he never said ANY Of this -- (and he already deleted the message in his phone before I confronted him) until I showed him a picture. He swore that he never did any of this until I showed him the picture I took. His lack of memory? He said it had been a few years so he didn't remember....even though he had just deleted the message this morning.

 

As a married man (to me or his ex) i think that's so wrong. He said he would never do that to me.. because it's different.. I told him he should have no further contact with her....it's wrong and inappropriate.. and he said he needs to and that he can't live with my ridiculous rules and if I think he's such a bad guy ...i should just leave.

 

as for the email with the 16 year old girl....he maintains that it was him just being a 'friend" to this girl and his daughter's other friends. Consent here btw is 18. He says he is the cool dad and this girl has also asked him questions (since he's a doctor) about how she could get pregnant and sexual diseases. he says he is a lifesaver for these girls and i am ridiculous to think he would have any other thoughts about these girls. Now, I pointed out to him that I saw him totally check out the ass of his daughter's other friend while we were at a water park recently.

 

He said that I was the one causing problems here and he can't believe I am making an issue over these things and he doesn't know how to feel confident in ME -- with my behavior... He says that he has already talked to the girl's parents before I met him...about her wild behavior. etc. He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me." Honestly I have no idea what he's talking about him.. I am not a criminal. I started crying and he said that I am just a walking danger to him.. and he is prepared to prove he has done nothing wrong...and that I am the one who needs to worry about what he has on me.

 

I also know that his ex wife had banned a neighbor girl from their home (she was around 16) because she was too close to my husband. She was friends of his daughter...only older than her at the time. I only know his side of the story, but he told me again today that his ex was just jealous of the time he spent with his daughter and her friends...and her reaction was completely ridiculous and inappropriate

 

We are at peace now because I cried and told him I just wanted to have him only want me ...and not be flirting with his colleagues like he did his ex.... (since he's back in contact with her) ....OR young women. He says that I just like drama....

 

So what would you do? Would you be comfortable with your spouse talking and working with this woman....considering these developments?

 

His ass would be out the door SO FAST. And I SUCK at throwing asses out of doors!

 

Reread what you just wrote. He's a total creep and he's gaslighting and threatening you.

 

Don't be afraid of this douchebag. He's got nothing real and he's a piece of work trying to threaten and blackmail you while trying to entertain fantasies of teenage ass.

 

He is NOT innocent and I would be shocked to learn that he DIDN'T cheat on you or his ex.

 

This isn't "drama." And that's just crap abusers say.

 

You are being betrayed, you are being abused and this guy is a life-sucker, not a life-saver. I would get out of there any way I could. Don't cry to him, that only tells him that he won by breaking you.

 

I'd tell you to sit and read The Verbally Abusive Relationship, but I'd rather you not take the time to do so and just consult an attorney immediately.

 

I don't see this situation getting ANY better, even if you go to MC etc.

[dreamingoftigers]

I do not have a checkered past. I had a financial mess when I was younger. I had a failed business and filed bankruptcy...but backed out at last minute because I wanted to try to pay it off instead.

 

He likes to tell me that I have a suspicious financial past and he thinks my ex husband and I were up to no good. totally not the case. In fact, he had suggested that my ex and I were going to get back together and were trying to plan for me to have my current husband's baby ...so I could divorce him and get child support. It was INSANe and horrible because I was pregnant when he accused me of that!

 

Now...My child is 3 years old and my ex is not in the picture of my child! My current husband is just one of those people who thinks everyone is out to get him.

 

So Mr Lucky...what would you do? I just don't know how to feel. When he has these outbursts... I feel weak and pathetic...

 

My father is one of these "everyone is out to get me" types. VERY ABUSIVE.

 

Get away from this guy. He will severely emotionally damage your child.

[dreamingoftigers]

Actually, the majority of the states have 16 as the age of consent, a few have 17 and a few more have 18. Texas has no age listed.

 

My concern is this... if he was accused by his exwife of being inappropriate with a different 16 year old, then your concerns about this one may very well be worth worrying about. On the surface, what he wrote isn't that big of a deal on it's own. But being accused twice, by 2 different wives of the same issue means there must be something to it. What are the chances that you both just happened to be concerned about his relationship with the 16 year old friend of his daughter at 2 separate times? Slim.

 

You don't have enough evidence to go to the police, but you do have enough to go talk to the girl's parents yourself. Don't just take his word for it that he has already talked to them. Don't let him make you cower down with his nasty abusive words to you either. The way he spoke to you alone is enough for me to say that you should take a breather from him for a bit and decide how you want to handle this. He sounds very aggressive. My experience with a lying cheating sociopath taught me that... for my ex... whenever I caught him in a lie, he yelled louder at me. The louder he yelled and the angrier he got, the more I knew that I was onto something. He was just trying to scare me off of digging deeper into it. He also tried to use tactics of blaming me for it all, making it seem like I was crazy for pointing out how crazy his behavior was. It sounds like your husband pulled something similar.

 

I also learned that confronting a liar up front without waiting and gathering more information doesn't work out too well. Once they know you are watching, they change their behavior. You may not ever find out whether he is actually being inappropriate with your daughter's friend. I'd still keep an eye out though if I were you.

 

Yeah, really, forgiveable or not:

 

He is WAY MORE concerned about being defensive and knocking you down, than he is about not being a creep, being honest with you or about your feelings.

 

That s*** doesn't fly.

 

By the way, part of what he chose you is that you cave to his outbursts. Don't show and tell him how he can "fix things." Don't take to him about his "lack of morals." He isn't going to fund a moral code at this age because his wife tells him to. As far as he's concerned, if he's "not happy" he can do or say whatever he wants and now he can blame it on you and your "drama."

 

Why are you trying to work on forgiving someone who a) doesn't think they need to be forgiven for anything, B) doesn't seek your forgiveness and c) is actively threatening and blaming you. ?????

 

That sounds like you loved him a lot and just want things to return to the status quo. Wake up. He's a total abusive cheat. Don't work on forgiving him to stay in the marriage!

 

Get out of the marriage, forgive him for being a total messed- up human being, say a few prayers for his stupidity if you must but GET AWAY from him.

[BaileyB]

For your safety and the safety of your child, you need to divorce this man. He is threatening you and he treats you badly.

 

Please tell this girls mother so that she can protect her child too.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Intownup, I just read your thread. I would say forget about anything else, his attitude towards you is so toxic it is hard to believe that you can be in the same space as him. How and when did you meet him and what made you fall for him? The very fact that he is threatening you with exposure for something that was not criminal in nature is a big NO NO. I would think that you should get away as far from him as possible otherwise who knows whart he may do to you. Looking at what you have had to say, objectively, all I can say is that he is a dangerous man and for your own sake you should separate from him as quickly as possible. Warm wishes.

[ChickiePops]

Please tell the 16 year olds parents immediately, before you do anything else. Whatever the age of consent is where you are, if she's still living with her parents, they could do something.

 

Don't let him hurt a child.

[Mr. Lucky]

So Mr Lucky...what would you do? I just don't know how to feel. When he has these outbursts... I feel weak and pathetic...

 

First I'd do this:

 

Please tell the 16 year olds parents immediately, before you do anything else. Whatever the age of consent is where you are, if she's still living with her parents, they could do something.

 

The text string could be easily viewed from her end, probably her parents account. If there's fire with this smoke, that's where you'll find it.

 

Then I'd get a lawyer and file for legal separation. Doesn't mean your marriage is over, just puts you in a healthier place while you figure things out. Big range of outcomes here, from a quirky husband acting out inappropriately to a man engaged in criminal behavior. You'll need time to understand what the heck is going on...

 

Mr. Lucky

[wmacbride]

So I spoke with him.. about both issues. Here's what he said.

 

As for the woman who he was flirtatious with a few years ago...who he recently contacted:

He said that he never touched her.. only flirted because he was in an unhappy marriage (to his ex) and that being flirtatious with that woman gave him increased business success. He said he never did anything wrong.... I said it's TOTALLY WRONG! he said he never cheated and would not.. just had some texts to her that were "merely flirting" He called her sexy....told her how much he missed seeing her....and said she had a great body... I should also point out that he completely lied and said he never said ANY Of this -- (and he already deleted the message in his phone before I confronted him) until I showed him a picture. He swore that he never did any of this until I showed him the picture I took. His lack of memory? He said it had been a few years so he didn't remember....even though he had just deleted the message this morning.

 

As a married man (to me or his ex) i think that's so wrong. He said he would never do that to me.. because it's different.. I told him he should have no further contact with her....it's wrong and inappropriate.. and he said he needs to and that he can't live with my ridiculous rules and if I think he's such a bad guy ...i should just leave.

 

as for the email with the 16 year old girl....he maintains that it was him just being a 'friend" to this girl and his daughter's other friends. Consent here btw is 18. He says he is the cool dad and this girl has also asked him questions (since he's a doctor) about how she could get pregnant and sexual diseases. he says he is a lifesaver for these girls and i am ridiculous to think he would have any other thoughts about these girls. Now, I pointed out to him that I saw him totally check out the ass of his daughter's other friend while we were at a water park recently.

 

He said that I was the one causing problems here and he can't believe I am making an issue over these things and he doesn't know how to feel confident in ME -- with my behavior... He says that he has already talked to the girl's parents before I met him...about her wild behavior. etc. He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me." Honestly I have no idea what he's talking about him.. I am not a criminal. I started crying and he said that I am just a walking danger to him.. and he is prepared to prove he has done nothing wrong...and that I am the one who needs to worry about what he has on me.

 

I also know that his ex wife had banned a neighbor girl from their home (she was around 16) because she was too close to my husband. She was friends of his daughter...only older than her at the time. I only know his side of the story, but he told me again today that his ex was just jealous of the time he spent with his daughter and her friends...and her reaction was completely ridiculous and inappropriate

 

We are at peace now because I cried and told him I just wanted to have him only want me ...and not be flirting with his colleagues like he did his ex.... (since he's back in contact with her) ....OR young women. He says that I just like drama....

 

So what would you do? Would you be comfortable with your spouse talking and working with this woman....considering these developments?

 

:sick::sick::sick:

she would ave been how old then?

did he report this to her parents or to the police?

 

Your H sounds disgusting and very arrogant.

[VeveCakes]

He's a DR, and he is using his authority to play out his sick little fantasies. Helping with pregnancy and STD info....like questioning these girls about their sex lives? Ewwww he is probably getting off on that.

 

I think it might be worth while to get VAR going when he is with his daughter and her friends.

 

I honestly do not know how you could stay married to a man who says he "has to be able to talk to them (about the flirty girl)" and that he straight up lied about the emails.

 

Hes scum.

[wmacbride]

For your own safety and peace of mind, I would take screen shots or save any and all evidence of his behavior that you can.

 

After that, I would speak to lawyer and be fully open about everything. Get their advice about the situation, as they know the legalities where you live.

 

I would also speak to this girl's parents and let them know what kind of things their daughter has been sending.

[GunslingerRoland]

While I think in isolation laughing at a dirty madlib made by a teenager would be blowing things out of proportion, looking at the big picture of everything he is doing, how he is interacting with both adult and teenage women, he clearly doesn't have any boundaries as a married man. I think he's taking advantage of his position as the "cool dad" to be a creepy perv and get closer to your daughters friends.

 

He may or may not have cheated, but do you really want to be with someone with this moral character?

[Shorty Shortison]

Yes. I know he does this. Has lighting seems to be his specialty. But aside from that...what if he didn't touch either of them? Does that make it ok? Or forgivable?

I don't know do you think it's ok or as long as he didn't touch them? It sounds gross to me but I guess if your fine with it as long as it isn't illegal whateve.

[Intownup]

yes, I think it's extremely overwhelming...because he immediately turned all of this on me.

 

We had been talking about having another baby and during this argument he said and you think I want to have another baby with you now? You are out of your mind. He said I was unstable and searching for drama.

 

I started screaming and ran to the other bedroom and closed the door and he forced it open. I said leave me alone -- he said that he can't have a baby or anything with a woman who treats him so poorly.

 

When I started pushing the door closed to force him out -- (which he wouldn't respect) I pushed him back and said GET OUT of this room! He said so now you are hitting me? Pushing me? I am going to call the police on you.... You are out of control. So I took off running for the bedroom (thank God our child is with her grandparents for the weekend) and started packing my bag. He said what are you doing? I said I am not going to be threatened with the police. I am out of here!

 

He told me if I left the house he will never speak to me again...

 

He was a complete jerk and wouldn't even let me be in the bathroom alone. I kept trying to close the door and he would block me with his body. He said we were done and he will never see me the same -- since I am unstable, crazy and trying to paint him as a sick person.

 

It all ended with me crying ....sitting on the ground in a heap -- I couldn't take anymore. I told him he needs to tell me he loves me -- treat me with respect and not act this way -- threatening me with the POLICE! He said I was loud and out of control and I needed to calm down. He has threatened to call the police on me before if I try to leave the house.

 

It's his way of controlling me.

 

I don't think in all honesty that he is sexually involved with the girl...but what he has done is completely wrong. He says that I am so wrong .. that he is just getting them to be his friend and he tells the moms all about this and the girl who sent him that email ... has aleardy had a disease from sleeping around... and I should be grateful that he's such a good dad ad can save these girls from pregnancy etc.

 

When I asked him why he was staring at the arse of the 15 year old at the water park who was his daughter's friend...he said he doesn't remember that but maybe he was jut looking at a suspicious mole or something on her ...I said PLEASE!!!

 

He said that he doesn't lust after 15/16 year olds and if I think that ...I should just leave him.

 

And the texts to the woman from when he was previously married? He says that they are just good for business and that it was just a joke... and that there was 2 other women who always followed him and people would joke that he had the charlie angels ...because they were his reps for a medical device company and they LOVED him. He said that even their husbands knew that he talked to them that way...

 

I said I don't EVER want to find out you are talking to women like that ...it's not a joke. He said he didn't do anything wrong...but he won't talk like that to others because he is satisfied with me...and that he probably wasn't even having sex with his ex at that point in his marriage.

[standtall]

Before you tell the 16 yr olds parents, I would find out the depth of this, because once you involve them, most likely the police will be probing the depths of this. You may think you know the age of consent in your state, but most people just go by word of mouth, and if your asking people here about this subject, then most likely your a word of mouth type. Pony up and consult an attorney. You must protect your daughter and yourself legally. By going off half cocked and involving the other parents, there is a very good chance you are going to blow up everything that is your family...again...don't get your advice here, as there are plenty off people that would love to sit and watch this one burn. A hired attorney is sworn to put your best interest first and to zealously represent you. An anonymous internet forum is not the best place for this discussion as this situation, IMHO and based on what little you have found out, is rapidly crossing into a legal issue along with a marital issue..

Edited September 26, 2016 by standtall

[dreamingoftigers]

yes, I think it's extremely overwhelming...because he immediately turned all of this on me.

 

We had been talking about having another baby and during this argument he said and you think I want to have another baby with you now? You are out of your mind. He said I was unstable and searching for drama.

 

I started screaming and ran to the other bedroom and closed the door and he forced it open. I said leave me alone -- he said that he can't have a baby or anything with a woman who treats him so poorly.

 

When I started pushing the door closed to force him out -- (which he wouldn't respect) I pushed him back and said GET OUT of this room! He said so now you are hitting me? Pushing me? I am going to call the police on you.... You are out of control. So I took off running for the bedroom (thank God our child is with her grandparents for the weekend) and started packing my bag. He said what are you doing? I said I am not going to be threatened with the police. I am out of here!

 

He told me if I left the house he will never speak to me again...

 

He was a complete jerk and wouldn't even let me be in the bathroom alone. I kept trying to close the door and he would block me with his body. He said we were done and he will never see me the same -- since I am unstable, crazy and trying to paint him as a sick person.

 

It all ended with me crying ....sitting on the ground in a heap -- I couldn't take anymore. I told him he needs to tell me he loves me -- treat me with respect and not act this way -- threatening me with the POLICE! He said I was loud and out of control and I needed to calm down. He has threatened to call the police on me before if I try to leave the house.

 

It's his way of controlling me.

 

I don't think in all honesty that he is sexually involved with the girl...but what he has done is completely wrong. He says that I am so wrong .. that he is just getting them to be his friend and he tells the moms all about this and the girl who sent him that email ... has aleardy had a disease from sleeping around... and I should be grateful that he's such a good dad ad can save these girls from pregnancy etc.

 

When I asked him why he was staring at the arse of the 15 year old at the water park who was his daughter's friend...he said he doesn't remember that but maybe he was jut looking at a suspicious mole or something on her ...I said PLEASE!!!

 

He said that he doesn't lust after 15/16 year olds and if I think that ...I should just leave him.

 

And the texts to the woman from when he was previously married? He says that they are just good for business and that it was just a joke... and that there was 2 other women who always followed him and people would joke that he had the charlie angels ...because they were his reps for a medical device company and they LOVED him. He said that even their husbands knew that he talked to them that way...

 

I said I don't EVER want to find out you are talking to women like that ...it's not a joke. He said he didn't do anything wrong...but he won't talk like that to others because he is satisfied with me...and that he probably wasn't even having sex with his ex at that point in his marriage.

 

Quit arguing with him. He's nucking futs and you won't "win." He's not trying to reassure you. He's trying to "punish" and "overpower" you.

 

Look how quickly he brought the baby uo, and then not leaving you alone, following you, trying to intimidate you, threatening that you can't come back, calling the police. Fluck him!

 

He's a liar and a creep.

 

This is ALL classic user/abuser stuff. And it often comes put when the mask slips. And you caught him being a creep. I can tell you, it was a complete disaster when my husband's mask slipped.

[Intownup]

He literally told me he was going to be contacting his attorney about what I found and what i am threatening him with. I never threatened him. But when he said what he did was normal and him being a cool dad... etc... I said it's FLIPPING ILLEGAL! You can't do that with 16 year old girls.....that's when he said WAIT UNTIL you find out what I have on YOU!

 

I truly don't think he has cheated on me. However, his last marriage ended because he had emotional affair (so he says) with their NEIGHBOR who was also his ex's friend. He said he was never physical...but now I find this previous text string with yet another woman who he is asking to get him on a vegas trip? to go "party" ....

 

he told me after the argument last night that he had plenty to hurt me if he wanted to ...but he wouldn't. He said he had plenty of chances. But said that if I try to harm him -- he will definitely not roll over and take it. He will come back so hard that I won't even know what hit me.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

For those fighting about age of consent, aren't there usually stipulations about how old the other participant can be? Don't most laws dictate that the age of consent can be 15 or 16 or whatever, but the partner can't be more than 5 or 6 years older, type of thing?

 

 

 

The OP has now stated that "18" is the age of consent in her state. But it remains true that in "most U.S. states" the age for unrestricted consent with a partner of any age, is "16". (I think "most" was '29' the last time I paid attention to the number)

 

In some cases the partner (of a 16, 17yo) cannot be a person in a supervisory position (teacher, boss, etc.).

 

 

So I spoke with him.. about both issues. Here's what he said.

 

As for the woman who he was flirtatious with a few years ago...who he recently contacted:

He said that he never touched her.. only flirted because he was in an unhappy marriage (to his ex) and that being flirtatious with that woman gave him increased business success. He said he never did anything wrong.... I said it's TOTALLY WRONG! he said he never cheated and would not.. just had some texts to her that were "merely flirting" He called her sexy....told her how much he missed seeing her....and said she had a great body... I should also point out that he completely lied and said he never said ANY Of this -- (and he already deleted the message in his phone before I confronted him) until I showed him a picture. He swore that he never did any of this until I showed him the picture I took. His lack of memory? He said it had been a few years so he didn't remember....even though he had just deleted the message this morning.

 

As a married man (to me or his ex) i think that's so wrong. He said he would never do that to me.. because it's different.. I told him he should have no further contact with her....it's wrong and inappropriate.. and he said he needs to and that he can't live with my ridiculous rules and if I think he's such a bad guy ...i should just leave.

 

as for the email with the 16 year old girl....he maintains that it was him just being a 'friend" to this girl and his daughter's other friends. Consent here btw is 18. He says he is the cool dad and this girl has also asked him questions (since he's a doctor) about how she could get pregnant and sexual diseases. he says he is a lifesaver for these girls and i am ridiculous to think he would have any other thoughts about these girls. Now, I pointed out to him that I saw him totally check out the ass of his daughter's other friend while we were at a water park recently.

 

He said that I was the one causing problems here and he can't believe I am making an issue over these things and he doesn't know how to feel confident in ME -- with my behavior... He says that he has already talked to the girl's parents before I met him...about her wild behavior. etc. He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me." Honestly I have no idea what he's talking about him.. I am not a criminal. I started crying and he said that I am just a walking danger to him.. and he is prepared to prove he has done nothing wrong...and that I am the one who needs to worry about what he has on me.

 

I also know that his ex wife had banned a neighbor girl from their home (she was around 16) because she was too close to my husband. She was friends of his daughter...only older than her at the time. I only know his side of the story, but he told me again today that his ex was just jealous of the time he spent with his daughter and her friends...and her reaction was completely ridiculous and inappropriate

 

We are at peace now because I cried and told him I just wanted to have him only want me ...and not be flirting with his colleagues like he did his ex.... (since he's back in contact with her) ....OR young women. He says that I just like drama....

 

So what would you do? Would you be comfortable with your spouse talking and working with this woman....considering these developments?

 

 

 

 

 

yes, I think it's extremely overwhelming...because he immediately turned all of this on me.

 

We had been talking about having another baby and during this argument he said and you think I want to have another baby with you now? You are out of your mind. He said I was unstable and searching for drama.

 

I started screaming and ran to the other bedroom and closed the door and he forced it open. I said leave me alone -- he said that he can't have a baby or anything with a woman who treats him so poorly.

 

When I started pushing the door closed to force him out -- (which he wouldn't respect) I pushed him back and said GET OUT of this room! He said so now you are hitting me? Pushing me? I am going to call the police on you.... You are out of control. So I took off running for the bedroom (thank God our child is with her grandparents for the weekend) and started packing my bag. He said what are you doing? I said I am not going to be threatened with the police. I am out of here!

 

He told me if I left the house he will never speak to me again...

 

He was a complete jerk and wouldn't even let me be in the bathroom alone. I kept trying to close the door and he would block me with his body. He said we were done and he will never see me the same -- since I am unstable, crazy and trying to paint him as a sick person.

 

It all ended with me crying ....sitting on the ground in a heap -- I couldn't take anymore. I told him he needs to tell me he loves me -- treat me with respect and not act this way -- threatening me with the POLICE! He said I was loud and out of control and I needed to calm down. He has threatened to call the police on me before if I try to leave the house.

 

It's his way of controlling me.

 

I don't think in all honesty that he is sexually involved with the girl...but what he has done is completely wrong. He says that I am so wrong .. that he is just getting them to be his friend and he tells the moms all about this and the girl who sent him that email ... has aleardy had a disease from sleeping around... and I should be grateful that he's such a good dad ad can save these girls from pregnancy etc.

 

When I asked him why he was staring at the arse of the 15 year old at the water park who was his daughter's friend...he said he doesn't remember that but maybe he was jut looking at a suspicious mole or something on her ...I said PLEASE!!!

 

He said that he doesn't lust after 15/16 year olds and if I think that ...I should just leave him.

 

And the texts to the woman from when he was previously married? He says that they are just good for business and that it was just a joke... and that there was 2 other women who always followed him and people would joke that he had the charlie angels ...because they were his reps for a medical device company and they LOVED him. He said that even their husbands knew that he talked to them that way...

 

I said I don't EVER want to find out you are talking to women like that ...it's not a joke. He said he didn't do anything wrong...but he won't talk like that to others because he is satisfied with me...and that he probably wasn't even having sex with his ex at that point in his marriage.

 

 

 

(deep breath)

 

I have been attempting to view this thread, and your reports here with an open mind, and at first I was recognizing that all you have thus far presented, about the email to a 16yo (friend of his daughter's) was HIS contribution of "LOL".

 

That simply isn't incriminating on its own.

 

And it could be that the friends of the daughter DO (allow themselves to feel more comfortable asking him doctor/health related questions, merely because he IS a doctor)...

 

You have presented very little true evidence of this guy having any obvious interest in (banging) 16yo's now, or as any sort of a pattern.

 

You've not done a thing about elaborating on the context OF the email to/from the 16yo beyond his contribution of "LOL".

 

 

HOWEVER, now, with your added offerings here, I too am entirely willing to identify absurd manipulation and controlling behavior in the guy.

 

And while much of the Loveshack environs are filled with "should I date this guy - he has a wart on his nose" and stuff like that...

 

 

YOU are presently married to this person already... so the steady response of "(dump the chump)" is obviously easier said than done.

 

 

With that in mind, and IF your own future is your priority, you should do some manipulation of your own... which involves marriage counseling.

 

 

I'm still less-than-convinced about any present danger from a woman he had to resort to a chain email from 7 years ago, in order to contact.

 

 

But its the manipulative behavior which you will have to live with all your life unless you take a stand.

 

 

And I am the last person who buys into that "stay together for the kids" crap - nobody is helping children with that sort of environment.

 

But because "you are HERE" (as it says near the entrance to a shopping mall)... you have to select a path from this point/spot... and it involves (demanding) that your husband start going to marriage counseling with you.

 

 

As a start, I think you should print-out YOUR POSTS from this thread, and hand them to the marriage counselor in order for that person to gain a sense of just where you are in terms of your shared relationship.

 

 

If you were recently talking another baby, then clearly you still have a place for this relationship in your heart - and that is fine...

 

But if you want to reduce the probability of a long, troublesome road ahead, then you should BOTH consent to marriage counseling right away.

 

It won't eliminate the chance of the marriage thriving, but it will set you BOTH on a better path toward being able to effect such a direction.

 

You both need to treat one another better... and obviously most of what you report is evidence of his needing to treat you better, but the idea that you brought up his "checking out the ass of a 15yo at a water park" hints that you are (learning some of his manipulative powers).

 

 

Furthermore, we need to be able to gauge your husband independently... and you've not really helped us to understand the particulars of the one emailing 16yo so that we can figure out at all whether HE was independently inappropriate in his "LOL" response.

[dreamingoftigers]

He literally told me he was going to be contacting his attorney about what I found and what i am threatening him with. I never threatened him. But when he said what he did was normal and him being a cool dad... etc... I said it's FLIPPING ILLEGAL! You can't do that with 16 year old girls.....that's when he said WAIT UNTIL you find out what I have on YOU!

 

I truly don't think he has cheated on me. However, his last marriage ended because he had emotional affair (so he says) with their NEIGHBOR who was also his ex's friend. He said he was never physical...but now I find this previous text string with yet another woman who he is asking to get him on a vegas trip? to go "party" ....

 

he told me after the argument last night that he had plenty to hurt me if he wanted to ...but he wouldn't. He said he had plenty of chances. But said that if I try to harm him -- he will definitely not roll over and take it. He will come back so hard that I won't even know what hit me.

 

Oh BS.

 

JUST GET OUT OF THERE ALREADY.

 

"Emotional affair" my arse. And probably not a one-time deal.