3 Years post DDay update

[Raena]

This last says a lot, Raena. I'm completely in awe of the sacrifices you've made for your son, but this has got to take a toll. I really keep going back to my first reaction, which is how are you creatively but just as tenderly taking care of your unique needs and celebrating yourself? Do reread BetrayedH and Lion Heart, focusing on the advice and suggestions that you think or know will lift you up and out of your daily struggle.

 

I think that a lot of us have found our spiritual lives redefined by this experience as well as the ways, places and times we find that the divine has expressed itself in our lives. Whether it's church, meditation, journal writing or occasional retreats, I think we need this 'place' (or time) that takes us out of our daily selves, recharges and affirms our connection with something that we've always felt part of and inspired by.

 

I just realized something. There is one thing that I do for me and only me. I draw. I used to just doodle but somewhere along the line I found zentangling and realized that it was incredibly cathartic and that I'm actually pretty darn good at it. It morphed into something much bigger than just a few doodles. My friends have taken signed copies and framed them to hang in their homes even and others have suggested I sell them for adult coloring books or even get into tattoing. It didn't seem that big of a deal to me at first, I liked them but it was more about getting my emotions out of my head and onto the paper. Then I posted them on social media to show friends and the response was overwhelming. It's a huge positive for me.

 

But I STOPPED!!! I stopped doing it at the beginning of the summer because I was far too busy with being outside doing stuff that I didn't have time for it. That's when I started feeling crappy again.

 

Not sure why I didn't see the connection until just now...

 

Guess it's time to get back to the drawing board so to speak

 

Thanks for reminding me. It didn't click until I read your post... the bolded portion.

[Lion Heart]

I just realized something. There is one thing that I do for me and only me. I draw. I used to just doodle but somewhere along the line I found zentangling and realized that it was incredibly cathartic and that I'm actually pretty darn good at it. It morphed into something much bigger than just a few doodles. My friends have taken signed copies and framed them to hang in their homes even and others have suggested I sell them for adult coloring books or even get into tattoing. It didn't seem that big of a deal to me at first, I liked them but it was more about getting my emotions out of my head and onto the paper. Then I posted them on social media to show friends and the response was overwhelming. It's a huge positive for me.

 

But I STOPPED!!! I stopped doing it at the beginning of the summer because I was far too busy with being outside doing stuff that I didn't have time for it. That's when I started feeling crappy again.

 

Not sure why I didn't see the connection until just now...

 

Guess it's time to get back to the drawing board so to speak

 

Thanks for reminding me. It didn't click until I read your post... the bolded portion.

 

Oh Raena! Well done! Wow.

 

Congratulations. An artist. Excellent lol.

 

Yesterday after I responded to your thread and JAG here, I went into my garden and worked hard all day. The FIRST time since my D Day Dec 2014 that I have. I've done spots through anger, triggering and sad sad memories but yesterday was joyful, inspiring and productive!

 

I thought of you alot all day and just thought "If only Raena could FIND HER PASSION as I have in organic food growing....then maybe.." and you remembered.

 

Prayers are answered. Our hopes and dreams may be shattered by those answers but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Your gift of being artistic makes you happy. You can find your calm place. You let go then. You create. You sell??? Lol.

 

My eldest D also sells her art online and her 1st two works sold were for tattoos lol so SNAP. That means you match.

 

SEEING a path for your life straight ahead with calm and joy is a great thing to do. VISUALIZING your anything! Your future self, the way you'd like to be WITHOUT being hard on yourself. Whatever else you want in your life.

 

6 weeks after my D Day I wrote "My Next Partner" list (lol). I have to laugh because I WAS SHATTERED but still hopeful that a special man would one day reveal himself to me. WH wanted me to read that list to him so I did. He laughed at me as the list made me cry.

I knew FOR SURE that HE wasn't that man. It said FAITHFUL after all lol. He said OH NO MAN EXISTS LIKE THAT and I kept writing it. Editing it. Refining it.

 

Oprah once said something like "Imagine your very best life and be prepared that the Divine has imagined it far better than that". Or maybe that was Richard Bach in Illusions. Lol. SOMEWHERE..

 

It's GOT TO START WITH US. We put those ideas into form. We use INTENTION and in it's purest form, which of course is love and compassion, we do have everything we want. Need maybe more appropriate at times lol. But WE HAVE TO put the hard work in. Expect No one else to do it for us. US.

 

It feels overwhelming at times. I hear you girlfriend! But it's usually our minds rattling off and our insane expectations of ourselves. Not always the reality. Now I know the Dalai Lama said "Worry is like rocking in a rocking chair. We're doing something but it's getting us nowhere". Lol. My faithful family say "Worry is a lack of faith". Mmmm. Pray more or DO more? Or just think and do things differently or hand them over.

 

Oh btw my bf is WAY more than my list. 5x more at least.

 

Financial easy street is only part of my goal. Lol. I will do whatever I have to now for my children and keep the faith about the rest.

 

When looking at our path. Keep your direction clear. When chat (the biological word for faeces - trying to restrain from expletives!) Comes onto our path, we need to sweep it off. Flick it off into the bush on either side of the path and REFOCUS on YOUR goal.

 

Surviving infidelity is like an emotional marathon analogy for me. It's long, hard and utterly exhausting but the goal is to finish it. We just have to run that race for ourselves.

 

I'm sure you'll be fine Raena. In fact I think you're fine already.

 

Lion Heart

[merrmeade]

TOTALLY - me, too!!

 

I got into making multi-media stuff and just this SECOND - as I'm reading and writing - made a video of my son's wedding a few months ago. Oh, what pleasure. And it feels good to get better and better at something.

 

Good job, Raena. All of us.