Managing Potential Transition from Lovers to Couple with A Potential Future AP?

[TheBathWater]

A few months ago, I was contacted by a beautiful woman on an online dating site who said she was new to online dating and loved my profile. We met up a few days later. There’s just one catch: She’s engaged!

 

This woman and her fiancé are new to trying polyamory. They have been seeing each other for ten years, living together for six, and engaged for three. There is still no wedding date. They also have communication problems. He recently suggested to her that they open up their relationship because he is busy with work. That’s when they went online and she found me. He tried to find someone too, but he didn’t have any luck.

 

This woman fell for me fast and hard, and I for her. The conversation and connection is great, and the sex is mind-blowing! She soon began spending between 1-3 nights a week at my place with her fiancé’s permission. She only met up with one other guy online and it went nowhere. I was seeing other women casually, but we decided not long ago to take our profiles down so she was seeing only her fiancé and me, and I was seeing only her and one other woman (to minimize STD risk and focus emotionally on each other).

 

We went on another getaway a month ago. She says she is falling in love with me. I asked if her fiancé knows. She says that he doesn’t want any details about me or our relationship but that he should know emotions are involved. She also said she would never end things with me, even if he told her to leave me, because she feels things with me she has never felt before. I’ve told her if this keeps up I wouldn’t mind having her all to myself eventually if things continue to go well. She said she would like that, though this was not what she had in mind when we started. I recently ended things with the other woman and haven’t re-enabled my dating profile yet but sense it might help me keep reality in perspective if I do so soon.

 

It’s now been a few months. I’m developing strong feelings for her. Strangely, I don’t see her fiancé as a threat, but I do see this coworker of hers as a threat. He’s very handsome, ‘likes’ all her social media posts, texts her, gets lunch with her (and sometimes on weekends), and she has had drinks with him to the point of blacking out. She talks about him around me sometimes too. She says they’re not hooking up, but I’m not sure if I should be worried.

 

How do you suggest I manage the potential transition with her from lovers to couple? What could I potentially expect? I’d like to keep seeing her because I see potential. At the same time, I want to keep reality in perspective and not get too caught up in what could be, since I’m still getting to know her and maybe she won’t be girlfriend material after all. And what, if anything, should I do about this other guy she works with?

 

Thanks in advance!

[JewelD]

Is this the same girl from your other thread about flirting?

 

Are you trying to be monogamous with her? I thought you both agreed this was an open relationship? Given that fact, there's not much to be done. Why is he a threat? Maybe she will just date the both of you and you'll be sharing her with her fiancee and the bar friend.

 

as far as the transition from lovers to couple, there should be some clear boundaries you both agree with. If it's an open relationship, which is what she wanted, I doubt she'll be okay with you telling her she can't see someone else as well (aside from fiancee). Idk how having an engaged girlfriend works even in an open relationship.

 

Maybe her fiancee doesn't seem like a threat to you, but it's possible she's playing you like a fiddle and telling you things you want to hear. If he was just dead weight, I imagine she would have dropped him by now.

[TheBathWater]

Is this the same girl from your other thread about firting?

 

Yes. I decided to repost here because when I post outside of the OM/OW forum, I either have to conceal that it's an open relationship or disclose it and get lambasted by people who don't fully understand the arrangement I'm in. Here, I get a little more support.

 

Are you trying to be monogamous with her? I thought you both agreed this was an open relationship?

We didn't. We agreed she would see her fiancé and me, and I would see her and one other girl, and that if things didn't work out with me and the other girl that I'd be able to find a secondary partner. I suppose I could do that now if I wanted. As for as the monogamy part goes, we've talked about trying out something monogamous one day, but it's only been a few months and we want to feel each other out a bit longer. She has asked me about kids and if I want any.

 

Why is he a threat? Maybe she will just date the both of you and you'll be sharing her with her fiancee and the bar friend.

She is framing our current arrangement like she wants monogamy with me at some point, and that she doesn't have eyes for anyone else. But her behavior leaves me wondering. Simply put, I worry about allowing myself to develop feelings and expectations about a future monogamous relationship with her if there is some potential other person lurking. What she's doing now hanging out and drinking with some guy she has a crush on, I can't really say or do much about (I think?), but if we were to develop something serious over time, that would not be alright with me to continue doing. I'm not sure if she would continue doing that or not if we got serious.

 

Idk how having an engaged girlfriend works even in an open relationship.

There is no one way. For us, the boundaries are that we don't see more than two people at a time. For her, that's me and her fiancé. For me, it's her and potentially a future prospect.

 

Maybe her fiancee doesn't seem like a threat to you, but it's possible she's playing you like a fiddle and telling you things you want to hear.

Why would she do that? She seems sincere to me about how strong her feelings are for me. I don't doubt she feels deeply about me. Her behavior is evidence of that. It's possible she doesn't have eyes for just me, but I don't doubt that she does have feelings for me still.

 

If he was just dead weight, I imagine she would have dropped him by now.

I agree. I think she is still trying to figure out what she really wants and that's going to take time.

Edited September 24, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine

[JewelD]

Well it sounds like you're okay with her seeing the fiancee because you don't think he's a threat. But if you can both interchange partners, than how would you feel if she ended things with her fiancee and started dating the bar friend?

 

I imagine you would still be upset because you think he's a threat to your relationship with her.

 

I still wouldn't involve myself so deeply in a situation with her or anybody who wasn't clear about what they wanted. If you continue, you'll just be more invested and she may never end up wanting the same thing as you.

 

I wouldn't buy anything she says about wanting monogamy with you. She's engaged and doesn't want monogamy with this man she has known for years. You're still in the early stages, she might like that you're someone new, but her feelings may change after time.

 

As it is, you're not in a relationship now so there's not much you can do about her drinking buddy. If you did mention it, she might say that her fiancee is okay with it and expect you be to be okay with it as well. It has to be a decision on your part if you're going to deal with it or not.

 

It just seems like a confusing situation because you don't mind sharing her now, but only with people who she doesn't really like that much. What if she starts spending more time with her fiancee and things get better between them? Will you ask her to leave him?

 

I think with your situation, there's always the possibility that someone will like someone else more than the other person. and the primary bond here is between her and her fiancee, not you and her, so you don't have much to barter with.

 

Sure, she likes you, but enough to start cutting people off? Maybe, maybe not.

[TheBathWater]

Well it sounds like you're okay with her seeing the fiancee because you don't think he's a threat. But if you can both interchange partners, than how would you feel if she ended things with her fiancee and started dating the bar friend?

 

I imagine you would still be upset because you think he's a threat to your relationship with her.

 

I still wouldn't involve myself so deeply in a situation with her or anybody who wasn't clear about what they wanted. If you continue, you'll just be more invested and she may never end up wanting the same thing as you.

 

I wouldn't buy anything she says about wanting monogamy with you. She's engaged and doesn't want monogamy with this man she has known for years. You're still in the early stages, she might like that you're someone new, but her feelings may change after time.

 

As it is, you're not in a relationship now so there's not much you can do about her drinking buddy. If you did mention it, she might say that her fiancee is okay with it and expect you be to be okay with it as well. It has to be a decision on your part if you're going to deal with it or not.

 

It just seems like a confusing situation because you don't mind sharing her now, but only with people who she doesn't really like that much. What if she starts spending more time with her fiancee and things get better between them? Will you ask her to leave him?

 

I think with your situation, there's always the possibility that someone will like someone else more than the other person. and the primary bond here is between her and her fiancee, not you and her, so you don't have much to barter with.

 

Sure, she likes you, but enough to start cutting people off? Maybe, maybe not.

 

Interesting scenario you posed in the beginning of your post. She has flat out told me she feels insecure about me dating other people, because she knows she could lose me that way, whereas she says she wants to always be with me even if she is with her fiancé. She knows I'm probably going to put my OLD profile back up at some point so I have at least one person on my life beside her, and she says she "doesn't know how she'll feel about that when I put it back up."

 

If things got better with her and her fiancé, apparently she'd still see me. I'm not sure how I'd feel about it long-term. Eventually I might want a monogamous relationship with someone, and if it can't be her, then yes she will lose me eventually because of that.

 

I do agree about trying to not take anything seriously right now as long as we're in this situation. As a friend recently told me, "you don't want to take it too seriously at this point, but you don't want to back off so much and be unphased that she doesn't take you seriously." He's right, but I haven't figured out how to find that balance yet.

 

As for the coworker, I agree with what you said. I fear if I intervened there, she'd think at least her fiancé wouldn't care, and I'd probably lose a little. On the other hand, if she were my one-and-only, no way in hell is she going to get drunk with dudes she likes.

 

Feels like I really can't do much at this point and am kinda stuck until things unfold organically. The question I need to consider is at what point do I draw the line and bail? And also, am I shooting myself in the foot with her if I start seeing someone else? I almist feel like I'd be a chump though if I didn't.

Edited September 24, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine

[JewelD]

You may as well see someone else too. You might like this girl better and chances are, she won't be engaged and she won't have a drinking buddy. So if you feel like you might want monogamy at some point, you'd have a good shot there.

 

With this girl, there are too many obstacles. If monogamy is in your thoughts, you're setting yourself up because she is still engaged at the end of the day. I think you're hoping her feelings will progress at the same rate as yours and that by the time you want monogamy, she will be ready for it as well. It's probably not going to happen that easily though.

 

Only you can decide where to draw the line. I asked a guy who had a close female friend if he would drop her if we were in a relationship. He said he would, but we never got to that point. and I was upset when it ended because I had invested time and emotion into the situation. He also had some other things going on that I didn't like but was hoping we could work on if we got together. Surely it would have just been some drama.

 

For me, if I don't like the situation when I'm talking to that person, their female friend or their crazy exes, etc, I don't get too involved and I don't make plans for the future. Yeah, things can change, but usually they don't when it comes to people and their habits. I don't like to wait around for what-if's because you get attached and then you could end up being dropped for somebody else anyway. Or you just fall out over something else.

 

I don't pursue people unless I'm okay with what they have going on at that moment.

[TheBathWater]

It is possible I am also feeling a bit triggered by the fact that she and her fiancé happen to be in the middle of a week-long vacation together in Europe, and I also came across photos of her and the coworker on their workplace Instagram account hanging out together looking at the city skyline while on break. Ugh, so messy.

[road]

It is possible I am also feeling a bit triggered by the fact that she and her fiancé happen to be in the middle of a week-long vacation together in Europe, and I also came across photos of her and the coworker on their workplace Instagram account hanging out together looking at the city skyline while on break. Ugh, so messy.

 

How do you know this BF knows that he is in an open relationship?

Cheaters lie.

 

 

Also if you do not mind sharing this woman then why not go back to sharing your WW?

[oldshirt]

Let's get real here for a moment and start being upfront and telling it like it is.

 

This gal is a playa' and a cake eater and with a good song and dance and a good BJ she has you eating out of her hand.

 

In my mid/upper 20s I was a serial OM. Wanna guess how many of these wives told me they were in an "open marriage" and shall we compare that to the number of husbands that had foreknowledge and consent that they were in an open marriage? Yeah, lets just say not a one of them actually knew about it and consented to it.

 

Here's the thing, you don't know diddly about what is going on in her private life. Have you seen her engagement pictures hanging on the wall? Has she told you a time that she will be unavailable because of the wedding and the honeymoon? Have you seen deposit receipts for the reception hall or the caterers for the wedding? Have you met and talked with this fiance'? Has he told you about that special thing he does with his index finger and tongue at the same time that she really likes? Has he asked to see any pictures of you two doing it together for his spank-bank picture collection?

 

You've mentioned your concerns with this coworker but have you actually done any actual snooping to see how many other dudes she is getting down with? Have you got ahold of her phone records to see who she is calling and txting? Have you hacked her computer and emails and social media to see who she is in contact with? Have you stashed a VAR in her car or her house to hear her private conversations? Have you followed her or had someone else follow her or put a GPS tracker in her car to see where she goes when she is not with you?

 

Listen, I get it. You wanted some poon and this chick made herself available and you snatched a little sump'n-sum'p when her BF wasn't looking. I get it - I did that myself a number of times in my younger days.

 

The problem is it's one thing to snatch some nookie out of the nookie jar when no one is looking and it's fun to bounce on some party girls now and then. But you are trying to twist your brain into making this all something less sleezy and perverted than what it really is.

 

You are trying to do some mental gymnastics to find a way to legitimize and justify the situation and make her seem like she is something more than a party girl who likes to lead guys around by their d1cks like leash and make up wild stories that make her sound like some kind of alternative lifestyle practitioner rather than just another party girl that sleeps around.

 

If you wanna bang this chick, fine. We all like getting some tail now and then. But let's not be naïve and dumb and gullible. Let's not have someone pee on our shoes and let them tell us we're standing in the rain.

 

This chick may be cute and sexy. She may like to tell some wild tales and spin some fancy yarns, but lets not try to twist this all into some kind of alter universe.

 

She is party girl who likes to fool around and play with people's heads, and you are an orbiter who wants score some of that all the time but you are letting her twist you into some kind of "open-relationship zone" instead of the friendzone.

 

Don't let her dazzle you with big words or blind you with shiny sounding phrases. She's a Suzie-Sleep-Around and you are just letting yourself be naïve and gullible so you can keep dipping your finger in the honey jar.

[oldshirt]

So, now that we have that out of the way, let's get down to what to do about it.

 

She and your twisted-sister brain have you convinced this is a very complex and convoluted situation - it is not. This is really quite simple.

 

If you really, honestly and truly want to be with this gal fulltime and want to have an honest relationship with her, then all you have to do is do like every other Boy-Meets-Girl scenario and lay it out on the line and tell her what kind of relationship you want to have with her and make your best offer.

 

Be upfront and spell out where you want to go and what the conditions and parameters of the relationship that you want.

 

She will either say yes or say no.

 

Now the catch with this chickie is she likes to tell tales and spin yarns and so she will try to add in some additional parameters and considerations into it like.......well... being involved with and screwing other people.

 

At that point it's up to you if you want to mess with this or not.

 

Either she goes along with your relationship plan or she doesn't. You're trying to make this complex and it isn't. It's as simple as any other relationship. either she accepts your offer or she doesn't.

 

Yes, you run the risk of rejection but welcome to the human race on planet earth.

[oldshirt]

Now here's a little hint -

 

The dude (or poor sucker if you will) that rides off into the sunset with her, is going to be the guy that has the strongest frame.

 

The guy that makes the best offer and maintains the strongest frame and the one that doesn't put up with any of her BS and doesn't buy into any of her crazy stories or into any of her psycho-babble-new-age talk will be the one that she goes to the market with.

 

The caveat here is the BS and the mental gymnastics and babble-talk run deep with this one. She is very entitled and very manipulative and has a very strong knack for filling the minds of orbiters with wild ideas and strange stories of magical unicorns from galaxies far far away.

 

Any man (or shmuck) that ends up with (ie stuck with) her, is going to have to spend a good part of his time and energy calling her out on all her BS and is going to have to basically run a side job of being his own private eye to keep up enough surveillance on her to keep her out of other men's beds.

 

If that is worth it to you, then knock yourself out and have at it. Just don't be naïve and dumb and let her schmooz you into licking other men's stuff out of her jay-jay with tales of fantasy butterflies and unicorns from the planet Dreamland.

[BluesPower]

You really need to listen to OS, he is a wise man, and he has been around more than most of us.

 

Really read what he is saying, he knows what he is talking about.

[TheBathWater]

Here's the thing, you don't know diddly about what is going on in her private life. Have you seen her engagement pictures hanging on the wall? Has she told you a time that she will be unavailable because of the wedding and the honeymoon? Have you seen deposit receipts for the reception hall or the caterers for the wedding? Have you met and talked with this fiance'? Has he told you about that special thing he does with his index finger and tongue at the same time that she really likes? Has he asked to see any pictures of you two doing it together for his spank-bank picture collection?

After three years engaged, there's no wedding or honeymoon set currently. I've never met her fiancé, but I've seen his online dating profile when he was looking for a secondary partner too. He definitely knows about me, but tells her he doesn't want details about who I am or our relationship, as long as she's safe and happy. This I believe, because she has also demonstrated some frustration with him to me for not caring more or being jealous about me.

 

You've mentioned your concerns with this coworker but have you actually done any actual snooping to see how many other dudes she is getting down with? Have you got ahold of her phone records to see who she is calling and txting?

Yes, I have actually. She showed me her phone once. I saw a brief group text exchange between her, him, and another guy they work with. They were planning a weekend lunch together. What I found strange was that there were no private texts between her and this coworker guy (given how close they seem to be), and yet she had private texts with other people from work she is more acquainted with. I have no way of knowing for sure, but I think it's possible she may have deleted a private text with him from her phone. Just a feeling.

 

She seems adamant about not being with other people sexually right now, especially coworkers, because she believes it would be a disaster for her career. I really have no way of knowing for sure what she is doing with him, but I do know she spends time with him alone in and outside of work, alcohol and blacking out has been involved, and she does appear to be eyeing him even if she's not acting on it.

[Alamo657]

I don't think the OP is here to listen to the truth, he wants to hear of a magical way to keep this woman for himself, as evidenced by is previous thread.

 

Oldshirt, this really gave me colourfoul hindsight on some past relationsips of mine, thank you. "Suzie-sleeps-around", that's just good !

[TheBathWater]

If you really, honestly and truly want to be with this gal fulltime and want to have an honest relationship with her, then all you have to do is do like every other Boy-Meets-Girl scenario and lay it out on the line and tell her what kind of relationship you want to have with her and make your best offer.

 

Be upfront and spell out where you want to go and what the conditions and parameters of the relationship that you want.

 

She will either say yes or say no.

 

I think our parameters are already defined. She doesn't see anyone but me and her fiancé, and I don't see anyone but her and another girl.

 

The other part is that she says she doesn't want to leave me ever, she says, even if she does get married. If she doesn't get married and does leave him, which she says she is not certain she'll do yet but is entertaining the idea, then the two of us would continue seeing each other the way we are currently and not just jump head first into a live-in arrangement situation. We'd give it time in the context of just us without her engagement in the background to see what that feels like. This is what we've talked about together.

 

Regarding the coworker, although she may not be physically/romantically involved with him (that she says and that I know of), her behavior with him does concern me because it's a clear emotional interference with what she and I are developing. I feel she is putting herself in situations where boundaries can easily dissolve. That upsets me. I'm sure it doesn't upset her fiancé, but it does upset me.

[TheBathWater]

Now here's a little hint -

The dude (or poor sucker if you will) that rides off into the sunset with her, is going to be the guy that has the strongest frame.

 

This I really agree with, and it's basically why I am hesitant to confront her any further on what the status of what we're doing is. We both know where we stand in terms of the future at this point. Its only been a few months and she has been with her fiancé for 10 years. She's got some stuff to think about and I know she is trying to find an outside party to talk to. No one besides her and her fiancé know they are trying polyamory, so it's all really on the hush. She hasn't even told any of her friends yet or coworkers. It's all new for them. She also says she doesn't know if poly works for her and she is really taking a liking to me. So we're trying to not make any quick decisions given how sensitive everything is right now. So yeah, I'm not sure how opening up another discussion about our relationship status right now will evolve us any further. Maybe in another month that could be a good idea.

 

Similarly, I am hesitant to bring up her coworker again (who she and I did talk about once before) and have her show me her phone because it's just not going to look good to keep bringing that up.

 

I feel like my best bet is to keep dating other women who are able to reciprocate to me in ways she cannot, and keep her as a sex playmate without many expectations until if/when she steps things up with me. Ultimately, her relationship to her fiancé or this coworker is not in my hands, though if I had it my way, she would respect what relationship boundaries her and I DO share and would cut the crap with her coworker.

Edited September 25, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine

[MuddyFootprints]

Relationships that are built on drama typically need drama to sustain them.

[TheBathWater]

Relationships that are built on drama typically need drama to sustain them.

 

I've often wondered what things between us would be like if she were single. This is another reason I'm trying to manage expectations of her, because even if they do split up, who knows what the heck things will be like if it's really just us. I think it could be really good or really bad, but nothing in between.

[oldshirt]

All your counter-arguments are based on "she says..."

 

You realize you are being played and taken for a ride here right?

 

At least admit that and from there you can do whatever you want.

[TheBathWater]

All your counter-arguments are based on "she says..."

 

You realize you are being played and taken for a ride here right?

 

At least admit that and from there you can do whatever you want.

 

I'm willing to entertain the idea, but it's really hard to see it exactly as you're calling it based on my experiences with her, because I've had enough evidence that she has an emotional attachment to me of some kind, not just a sexual/physical one. I've seen the girl cry over us. She's called me up late at night if she felt something was 'off' between us, and has been communicative when I say something feels off to me. She gets upset at the thought of me being with other women. She writes me thoughtful random messages, has paid me surprise visits at work, and we spend several days at a time together often. She tells me she loves me when I'm sleeping. I really don't believe I'm just being misled and taken for a ride here.

 

I do think her behavior away from me is not consistent with her words though, that she can be shady at times, that the newness and drama of the relationship plays some role in her apparent feelings for me, that she does try to smooch up to me a bit extra in order to keep the sex going (she is a highly, highly sexual person), and that at this point she would not sincerely drop her fiancé or stop meeting with her coworker if I asked her to. I'm not even sure that would happen in the future either if I asked her to. Frankly, I don't want to have to ask my girlfriend to do that stuff. She should do it on her own if she really wants to be with me. I don't feel it would bode well for me to ask that of her. I'd rather continue a passionate, sexual, emotional relationship, and let her figure out the relationship aspect of things when she's sorted through her issues (or until I find someone else who doesn't have the same issues she presents with).

 

But why dump her? Why not just keep her as a casual partner who I'd be interested to see where things go, and continue to look for another partner on the side who may be capable of a reciprocal relationship?

Edited September 26, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine

[xxoo]

I don't think you're being played, and I certainly don't think she's a bad or deceitful person for having a poly relationship (what the heck?).

 

But I also don't think that she's going to change her stripes. She's been pretty straightforward about who she is. Take her as she is, for what she's offering, or not at all.

[TheBathWater]

I don't think you're being played, and I certainly don't think she's a bad or deceitful person for having a poly relationship (what the heck?).

 

But I also don't think that she's going to change her stripes. She's been pretty straightforward about who she is. Take her as she is, for what she's offering, or not at all.

 

Initially we both sought a polyamorous experience, but then things just started to...well, evolve. And for both of us. I think even on date one we both said that we wanted to let things evolve naturally, whatever that looked like. This just happens to be where we're at a few months later.

 

"I don't know if polyamory is really for me," she said not too long ago. "I am not sure how I feel about you seeing other women" is another. "I never want to lose you, and I wouldn't leave you even if my fiancé asked me to" is another one. And finally, "I've been thinking of whether or not my fiancé is the guy for me, and it's a tough decision I'm trying to sort through, but I know I feel something with you I've never felt before and I want to see what happens with us."

 

It has gotten harder for us to NOT think about something more exclusive at some point, though we both agree that's not where we're at right now. We do agree we don't want more than two partners each right now (including each other), and that we're going to keep communicating about where we're at along the way. But we don't really know for sure what's going to happen. It's only been three months, and we need more time to feel this out.

 

Like I said, I don't doubt she has feelings for me, or that she and I are both open to the idea of monogamy in the future. But right now, we have our boundaries about who we can and can't get involved with, and I am not fully comfortable with what she's doing hanging around her coworker, yet I don't know if it's my right (let alone attractive of me) to push this on her anymore than we've discussed it already... although I still feel there's a lot unspoken for and unaccounted for on the matter and I'm not cool with it.

 

So yeah, I'm trying to take her and us for what we are right now, but it does get really hard to maintain that frame of mind when we keep having these really intimate discussions and allude to the future. But until that uncertain future is realized, whatever it may be, I'm trying to protect myself.

Edited September 26, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine

[oldshirt]

But why dump her? Why not just keep her as a casual partner who I'd be interested to see where things go, and continue to look for another partner on the side who may be capable of a reciprocal relationship?

 

If you look back through my posts, I never said anything about dumping her.

 

I am just urging you not to be gullible and dumb.

 

If you want to just call her up for a booty call when the spirit moves you, that is fine with me and she would probably be down with that.

 

I just think you are being naïve to think she is going to just turn into some kind of traditional, loyal, faithful GF some day just because you are good to her.

 

she's just a garden variety cake eater and party girl but she is bedazzling you with big words and shiny things.

[TheBathWater]

she's just a garden variety cake eater and party girl but she is bedazzling you with big words and shiny things.

 

But why would she do that? If she just wanted to sleep around, why even bother with a guy like me? Why wouldn't she just keep things purely sexual? She could obviously do that if she wanted to, and she would have a lot more free time on her hands without me to see other guys.

 

I definitely am not letting my guard down with her, and I do believe some women are super manipulative, but she presents WAY too many displays of emotional investment for me to conceptualize that she is just toying with me. I do believe she has some emotional attachment. Definitely not LTR material right now, but she obviously has some openness to the idea.

[Miss Clavel]

But why would she do that? If she just wanted to sleep around, why even bother with a guy like me? Why wouldn't she just keep things purely sexual? She could obviously do that if she wanted to, and she would have a lot more free time on her hands without me to see other guys.

 

I definitely am not letting my guard down with her, and I do believe some women are super manipulative, but she presents WAY too many displays of emotional investment for me to conceptualize that she is just toying with me. I do believe she has some emotional attachment. Definitely not LTR material right now, but she obviously has some openness to the idea.

 

so why not just keep doing what you're doing. living your life. all of us keep an open line to the ones we care about, wherever they are. you don't need anyone to tell you to keep living your life. eggs.baskets. good luck.