I dont know whats happening :(

[hondababe]

Ive been seeing a married man. I didnt know he was married when I started seeing him (through work) and he's kept it hidden from everyone he knows at work (he lives in a different country). He hasnt talked to me for 3 weeks (by skype,email,text) and it seemed he was ignoring any communication from me. A mutual friend advised him that we needed to communicate to sort this out so it doesnt affect work when we have to work together. I got this reply and I really dont know what to do, or what he is actually saying??

Help!!!

 

I said this: If you want me out of your life, just say and you won’t hear anything from me again, or if you want to see me again, that’s ok too.

 

He replied:

I don’t want to say I won’t hear anything from you again, I am happy to spend time with you but I am quite lost for now.

 

I am lost for now I don’t want to say anything, everything is a mess, in my private/professional life, I need to figure out and I don’t want to make you sad or to hurt you.

This all I can say now, unfortunately.

[whatatangledweb]

He seems to be saying he has to fix his life and can't carry on the affair now. He may talk to you in the future but he doesn't know when or if he will.

[Satu]

He sees you as someone who can be put on standby while he gets on with things that are of more importance to him.

 

And thats exactly what he's done.

 

 

Take care.

[hippychick3]

He doesn't have any use for you now. But when or if he is ready to use you again, he will let you know.

 

Why would you sacrifice your dignity for such a low-life?

[Ruffian1]

That was easy to decipher.

 

He does not want to not hear from you.

 

He does like spending time with you.

 

Just not now as he is "lost??" , lol

 

He wants you stay open to spending time with him when he feels like it. Maybe when he is "found".

 

Or when it is convenient to him.

 

Are you ok with that arrangement?

[waterwoman]

'Please accept this bit of meaningless drivel so that you don't bag me or demand anything of me until it is covenoent for me to have you around again'

 

HTH.

[hondababe]

That was easy to decipher.

 

He does not want to not hear from you.

 

He does like spending time with you.

 

Just not now as he is "lost??" , lol

 

He wants you stay open to spending time with him when he feels like it. Maybe when he is "found".

 

Or when it is convenient to him.

 

Are you ok with that arrangement?

 

Nope. I have to work with him. I didnt want this to get awkward and be difficult at work. He hasnt even mentioned the word Sorry.

He's not a native English speaker hence the words like "lost" etc..

[stillafool]

I got this reply and I really dont know what to do, or what he is actually saying??

Help!!!

 

There is nothing to do or say. You found out he has a wife so it should be over.

Edited September 25, 2016 by stillafool

[Satu]

There is more than enough material on this site to illustrate the fact that being the affair partner of a married man is a one way ticket to misery.

 

Keep your hand out of that fire.

 

 

Take care.

[Osmium13]

I'm not going to give you a lecture on being in an affair, because you're an adult capable of making your own choices - and it's not for me or anyone else to judge you.

 

I will say this though - if you allow yourself to be used, that's demonstrating a complete lack of self respect. You're worth more than that. Take control of the situation and tell him you won't be kept on a string to be reeled in when he fancies it.

[Ruffian1]

So, let me get this straight

 

You began a romantic relationship with him before he told you he was actually married and had a wife out of the country?

 

Did he lead you to believe he was single? If so, for how long?

Was it a physical relationship?

 

Now that you know, it seems you don't care that he is M and want to keep an A going with him??

 

What do you want him to say "sorry" for? Not letting you know from the start that he was married?

[whichwayisup]

Fact is, he is married and LIED to you about it. Where's your anger? Why are you bothering with him. He's proven to be untrustworthy on so many levels. He isn't an honest person.

 

I hope you ignore him and move on. Wasting time and energy on someone who lied to you from day ONE really shouldn't be worthy of your time and your emotions.

[ladydesigner]

Nope. I have to work with him. I didnt want this to get awkward and be difficult at work. He hasnt even mentioned the word Sorry.

He's not a native English speaker hence the words like "lost" etc..

 

Yeah that is one of my WH's favorite words and he was born and raised in the US. They like to use that word so as not to take any accountability at all.

[Satu]

No matter what the circumstances, no matter what they've done, these unfaithful married men always play the victim.

 

"I'm so tired, I'm so stressed, my wife treats me badly, I don't feel well, I'm under so much pressure at work, you shouldn't treat me this way."

 

And yet its always somebody else who gets to feel the pain.

 

 

Take care.

[BTDT2012]

This is what he is saying: You were my sidepiece co-worker. I have to lay low for a while. I'll get back to you eventually. Don't make trouble for me at work.

 

Look at this as a lesson learned. Don't reply to his message, keep any further interaction purely professional.

[sandylee1]

So by you saying this

 

said this: If you want me out of your life, just say and you won’t hear anything from me again, or if you want to see me again, that’s ok too.

 

You're really saying. I know you're married, but thats okay ..... if you want to drop me fine, but if not I'm still happy to be your OW, even though I now know you're married.

 

Is that correct?

[imperfectangel]

I can't believe I was that desperate for mm's attention I sent something not too different

[hondababe]

I know you are all right. My head knows it, and I'm trying to get my heart there too. I'm finding it all extremely hard. I still have to work with this guy and he is seen as being extremely amazing in all that he does at work. Nobody there knows he's married. He can seemingly do no wrong.

[lemondrop21]

I know you are all right. My head knows it, and I'm trying to get my heart there too. I'm finding it all extremely hard. I still have to work with this guy and he is seen as being extremely amazing in all that he does at work. Nobody there knows he's married. He can seemingly do no wrong.

 

Nobody at your workplace knows he's married?? That's downright creepy.

[hondababe]

Nobody at your workplace knows he's married?? That's downright creepy.

 

Yeah nobody knew. Then I found out. People couldnt believe it, they were all so shocked.

[hondababe]

I'm going NC. To be honest, my head says it the way to go, my heart isnt agreeing. But I don't know what else to do. The difficulty is we work in the same place (different countries tho). I've taken him off my Skype contact list but I can't block him as I have to keep that open for work. I can't block his email address (not that he's going to reply to any messages) but I've made outlook file his messages in a folder within a folder that would take me some time to find. I feel sick and so sad, upset, and downright angry. My anger is wanting me to get answers but I know j need NC

[imperfectangel]

I haven't blocked my mm everywhere. You can still do nc without blocking.

 

I'm the same. I am in love with my mm but if they don't plan on changing their situations then we need to change ours.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I haven't blocked my mm everywhere. You can still do nc without blocking.

 

I'm the same. I am in love with my mm but if they don't plan on changing their situations then we need to change ours.

100% TRUE! Ironic my MM is in England right now getting his daughter off to college. Hope I'm solid in my NC resolve by the time he returns to USA this weekend!

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I'm going NC. To be honest, my head says it the way to go, my heart isnt agreeing. But I don't know what else to do. The difficulty is we work in the same place (different countries tho). I've taken him off my Skype contact list but I can't block him as I have to keep that open for work. I can't block his email address (not that he's going to reply to any messages) but I've made outlook file his messages in a folder within a folder that would take me some time to find. I feel sick and so sad, upset, and downright angry. My anger is wanting me to get answers but I know j need NC

Hang tight! One day at a time. One hour at a time if that is what it takes. NC is the way I think. Also, trying to get answers just keeps us hooked. I was feeling almost normal this evening. Then I checked wife's Facebook, and the crappy feelings returned...just don't try to get answers! Will only bring more pain. Focus on all the positives that are on the way. I know easier said than done. He may have been your warm, glowing sun for a while, but you have that within yourself too. Someone else will have that in abundance for you as well once you can start to heal. Focus on healing so that you will even sooner find that love again...first within yourself and then within someone who is more able to give you what you deserve. (((HUGS)))

[hondababe]

I have been seeing a co-worker who I didn't know was married. No-one in he office knew. I found out. He hasn't been in the office for 2 months (he lives outside the UK). He is in the office today. Sitting 2 desks away from me. I'm ignoring him. It's so hard.