my dads an alcoholic

[bg14]

let me start from the beginning

 

ok well my family has been struggling for money for as long as i can remember and we are always having bad luck for in example one year i think when i was in 6th grade my brother in 4th my grandpa came over from england to visit and while he was here he died then the next day my dad was walking up to the deli right near our house and he got hit by a tire and nearly died as you can tell my week was awful then my mom had to have leg surgery because she's always stressed out and running around for my brother and I.

 

My mom is my main support she works even during the summer!! so me and my brother can live a nice decent life then she gets yelled at by my drunk ass dad because she doesn't make enough money when he's the one who hasn't been going to work and if i say something i get screamed at and anyone else who's parents are usually drunk knows how scary it is

 

Then on occasion my dad will be sober (lucky me) and he's the greatest dad but then one little thing goes wrong and he gets stressed so he starts drinking again

 

i know this is hardest on my brother who is always so depressed i try to make him happy but it just so hard my dad is destroying my family and i tried talking to him and my mom who really cant handle any of this anymore i see her crying i see her stressed out and so sometimes i have to deal with all my emotions on my own and i cant handle it

 

my mom works so hard and she is so scared to come home each night from work i hate it and also when my dads drunk i have to answer the phone which is ringing every two seconds with one of my dads business people who i always need to lie to and say he out or something like that i cant do it anymore i want to leave my house i shouldn't be feeling this way i mean I'm only 14 and I'm afraid of my dad and my house whenever he's home

 

I'm sad when schools over cause there isnt a place for me or my brother to go and at school i know that my dad cant hurt (not physically) any of us cause my moms at work and my brother and me are at school

 

I'm scared that a move i make or something i say will get him angry and i hate living this way

[moimeme]

Has your mom considered getting in touch with a domestic violence center? Have any of you been in touch with Alanon or Alateen? Have you asked your school counsellor for help? These would be good places to start.

 

Kids Help (Canada)

http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/en/

 

US:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/CHILD ABUSE

Child Abuse Prevention Services (CAPS): 1-800-4-A-CHILD

http://www.kidsafe-caps.org (has crisis lines listed by state)

 

National Information Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information 1-800-422.4453

http://www.calib.com/nccanch

 

Friends of Battered Women and Their Children: 1-800-603-HELP

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE

http://www.ndvh.org

 

Alateen

World-Wide Meeting Information

800-344-2666

[Moose]

bg14,

 

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for you. I'm an alcoholic, and was raised by a man very similiar to your Dad. It was a tough life, and you feel all alone with your thoughts, feelings, and despair. Moi gave you several great links where you can gain support, and of course, we're here for you too.

 

I used to treat my family in a similiar way your Father is treating you and your family. At the time, I wasn't thinking of anyone else but myself. I must tell you that your Dad is doing the very same thing. I didn't mean the things I've done, and I'm very sad when I think about it. I had to make the decision for myself that my family mattered more to me than my bottle. Your Father will have to do the same for himself. Noone, not even your Mom can do this for him.

 

Hang in there kiddo. It's not your fault things are the way they are. Continue to be your Mom's support when you can, and remember you're not alone. There are a lot of good people out there that can help you, but your Dad is on his own.

 

That's the hardest thing to accept, that you can't do aything for him. BUT, you can be that support for your Mom and Brother. I wish you luck, and if I can help answer any questions for you, I'll be here.

 

Moose

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Moose

bg14,

 

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for you. I'm an alcoholic, and was raised by a man very similiar to your Dad. It was a tough life, and you feel all alone with your thoughts, feelings, and despair. Moi gave you several great links where you can gain support, and of course, we're here for you too.

 

I used to treat my family in a similiar way your Father is treating you and your family. At the time, I wasn't thinking of anyone else but myself. I must tell you that your Dad is doing the very same thing. I didn't mean the things I've done, and I'm very sad when I think about it. I had to make the decision for myself that my family mattered more to me than my bottle. Your Father will have to do the same for himself. Noone, not even your Mom can do this for him.

 

Hang in there kiddo. It's not your fault things are the way they are. Continue to be your Mom's support when you can, and remember you're not alone. There are a lot of good people out there that can help you, but your Dad is on his own.

 

That's the hardest thing to accept, that you can't do aything for him. BUT, you can be that support for your Mom and Brother. I wish you luck, and if I can help answer any questions for you, I'll be here.

 

Moose

 

Great advice. The only thing I can add is when I found out my mom was an alcoholic, I broke down in front of her and told her I would not know what to do if she died from drinking and that I needed her in my life. That powerful message snapped her back into line. She hasn't touched a drink since.

 

Your dad may not respond to that, but definitely do not blame yourself. Listen to the good advice here and keep the faith.

[orta]

My father is an alcoholic, and I still live with him. I understand what you have been going through, but I cannot offer any advice on how you can better your situation. I have never found anything to work for myself or my family, and we have all tried many approaches to the situation.

 

I know that I have been through many hardships because of my father's behavior, and that this has made me a stronger person. I know how much pain an alcoholic father can bring. I know well the uncertainty of coming home, wondering if your father will be home, and in what mood he will be in. I know what it is like to have one's family torn apart by alcoholism.

 

I live with my father because he is financially stable enough to put me through college, and I am unable to live on my own, and have nowhere else that I can go. I have learned to deal with his behavior, for the most part, but I would not suggest you attempt to do this for yourself. If there is any way possible for you to live apart from your father, doing so may be a good move for you.

 

You have your brother to talk to, as I have my younger sister to share my feelings with. You have your mother as well, and in my life I have come to know that there is no greater gift, nor a greater love than one's mother. Both your mother and brother know what your life is like, and they will always be there for you.

 

I know that my father will, most likely, never get better. I live with this because I must, and I know that I must try to succeed in life no matter how bad my home life becomes.

 

It has always been difficult for me to know that my father has a problem, and only he can change that. Nothing that I, or my family, can do will ever change that. Be assured that there are numerous people with whom you can talk to about what you are going through. You cannot change your father, but you can get help to deal with what is happening, and to ensure that you will become the best person you can in life.

 

I apologize if little of what I have written makes sense. Because of my father's alcoholism, I am only now just attending college at the age of twenty-three. I had a late start on life, but I am making the most of it. I have a stable job, made the Dean's list at my college, have a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend, and have the rest of my loving family to fully support me. If nothing else I have mentioned makes sense to you, understand that a young child, who went through the same horrors you are dealing with now, has grown into a respectable man, a man who is making a life for himself and will let nothing stand in the way of his happiness.

 

Be strong, and try not to doubt yourself. Life is sometimes very difficult for some of us, but I believe that all of us can make the most of our lives, no matter what hardships we must face.

[suegail]

I am so sorry you're going through this and your experiences are so eerily similar to what I went through as a kid it gives me chills thinking of it. It's really too bad that if your mom is the main support and your dad hardly works and contributes so little and causes so much strain in the family, it's too bad she doesn't decide to show him the door. Sometimes it does take something like that, losing everything and everyone, before an alcoholic will take a good hard look at what is happening and why. They may use it as an excuse to drink more, but in some cases it's the turning point, the point at which they decide they have to try and stop.

 

You will be in my prayers....

[Samantha2005]

bg14 -

 

You've had some good suggestions made to you and I think one of them would be for your mom to either show him the door or call the police to provide you all with a safe escort out of the house. If your mother wont do this and you truly feel in danger, then ask your school counselor to contact child services.

 

I grew up with an abusive father, then with an alcoholic husband.

 

After I had my first son and he was just a baby, my ex husband picked him up and almost fell over with him because he was so drunk. I realized right then that I had to do the right thing, stand up for myself and my own flesh and blood, and leave.

 

Most important thing to say:

 

Do not ever tell an abuser you are leaving !! When I left, I did not give my ex ANY NOTICE. No threats, no bargaining. I called the police and they came while i collected our things and then we left .... there were NO discussions because you simply cannot have a discussion with a drunk, they could harm or even kill you.

 

 

Finally, if your mother is unwilling to do this for the three of you. then be thinking ahead to the day you are 18. I dont know if you plan on working part time at 16 and 17, but if you can you should ... and as soon as you are 18 just leave.... no discussion with your father because that would probably end in violence.

 

Just wait until your 18th birthday, secure as good a job as possible, and then leave without notice to your father (or your mother if you think she'll tell him).

 

Once you've established safe harbour, you can let your mother and brother know they are free to join you.

 

This strategy worked for me, so ** if you cant get outside help now ** then keep it in mind. Your day will come and you wont have to tolerate the abuse any longer.