What does she want?

[TomJ]

Ok, I've been friends with this girl now for a few months. We are still just friends but we talk on the phone and the computer all the time. The thing is we have only hung out together once and it was fun but a little ackward. But since then we have become much closer and we keep making plans to get together again...but she keeps cancelling. It's going on 6 times now and I'm beginning to wonder if she actually wants to get together at all. I don't understand because we make the plans together, many times she decides when and where. It's just frustrating because I actually set aside time to be with her and she doesn't do the same thing.

 

I guess the thing is, I could see myself in a relationship with her and at times I think she feels the same way. It's just that when she makes excuses not to be together it sort of strains my trust. I mean, we have plans to spend the day together soon and I really have no reason to believe it will actually happen at this point.

 

I don't want to say anything because I would feel horrible if the excuses are real, but is the cancelling out of hand? Is she avoiding me? What does she want?

[clia]

Ok, I've been friends with this girl now

for a few months. We are still just friends but we talk on the phone and the computer all the time. The thing is we have only hung out together once and it was fun but a little ackward.

What was awkward about it? Were you both nervous?

But since then we have become much closer and we keep making plans to get together again...but she keeps cancelling. It's going on 6 times now and I'm beginning to wonder if she actually wants to get together at all. I don't understand because we make the plans together, many times she decides when and where. It's just frustrating because I actually set aside time to be with her and she doesn't do the same thing.

6 times sounds excessive to me. Did she have great reasons for cancelling on you so many times? (i.e. someone died?) Did she give you proper notice so you could make other plans, or was it last minute? Did she apologize profusely? It's very, very rude to cancel on someone that many times.

I guess the thing is, I could see myself in a relationship with her and at times I think she feels the same way. It's just that when she makes excuses not to be together it sort of strains my trust. I mean, we have plans to spend the day together soon and I really have no reason to believe it will actually happen at this point.

She's given you no reason to believe that it will happen.

I don't want to say anything because I would feel horrible if the excuses are real, but is the cancelling out of hand?

The cancelling is definitely out of hand. In your gut, do you believe her excuses?

Is she avoiding me?

Well, I know that if I really wanted to see a guy and had to cancel on him for whatever reason, I'd try my hardest to not cancel on him ever again. I have no idea what is going through her mind, but she doesn't seem to be making a lot of effort to see you. Maybe she is really busy and a lot of things have come up, but it all sounds very shady to me. I know I wouldn't put up with it.

What does she want?

I have no idea what is going through her mind. Maybe you should just ask her. She could be trying to spare your feelings. Or maybe your first get together was so awkward that she is afraid the same thing will happen again. Or maybe her excuses are valid. You didn't tell us what they were, but still, 6 times is a lot. I think you should probably move on and try to find a nice girl who won't cancel on you all the time.

[Dragonflys]

Sounds to me like you are a buddy but she is stringing you along. She makes plans with you, her little buddy friend but then cancels probably because she has decided to do the washing, dye her hair, or paint her nails

 

Given this, I wouldn't even bother trying again to meet up until she cuts the crap. If she seems a good friend, hang around and see if the friendship alone is worth it. If by some chance she becomes serious about seeing you again, let her make ALL the effort.

[Dragonflys]

Sounds to me like you are a buddy but she is stringing you along. She makes plans with you, her little buddy friend but then cancels probably because she has decided to do the washing, dye her hair, or paint her nails Given this, I wouldn't even bother trying again to meet up until she cuts the crap. If she seems a good friend, hang around and see if the friendship alone is worth it. If by some chance she becomes serious about seeing you again, let her make ALL the effort.

[TomJ]

Sounds to me like you are a buddy but she is stringing you along. She makes plans with you, her little buddy friend but then cancels probably because she has decided to do the washing, dye her hair, or paint her nails Given this, I wouldn't even bother trying again to meet up until she cuts the crap. If she seems a good friend, hang around and see if the friendship alone is worth it. If by some chance she becomes serious about seeing you again, let her make ALL the effort.

Well she has been making a lot of the effort all along, as far as bringing up getting together, suggesting a place, etc. just not following through...

 

When I said the first time we got together it was ackward, mainly because we didn't really know each other that well...but as I said we've talked constantly since then.

 

Her excuses and at times I know were real, one weekend she did have to work pretty much all day the entire weekend, and there was another reason a few days ago that I know was valid. The thing that bothered me this weekend was that her excuse kinda...changed at first it was work then her father was sick. It could have been a combination of both, but she didn't say that. It's just that we have always been very honest with each other, even about just wanting to be friends for now. I mean, honestly I kind of feel bad about posting a question on this board instead of just asking her straight up. There's probably just something more going on in her head that I should ask about.