Stout Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Hey everybody....tks for allowing me to ask your opinions. I am in a 28 year old relationship with my girl. We have a teenage kid. My problem is the following..... We dated for 9 years ...I met my girl as a 19 year old confused boy. Was in the army at the time and no idea as to my future at the time. She cheated on me within the first 3 months of our relationship with an ex of hers. I caught them together and she came clean as to the situation. Well...I simply started doing the same for the first 9 years. I did love her throughout. I decided enough is enough - stopped my **** and asked her to move into my place (House I bought at the time - where we are living in up to this day) She cheated on me while she stayed with me in my place within the first month untill she got caught and split by a mutual friend a couple of months later. This brought us to a crossroad...we either come clean and stay together or we split up. Painfull as it was , we both decided to come clean and sorted the whole mess.Made a commitment to each other as we both loved each other. Now, here is where the trouble starts with me....we have according to me - a 19 year old relationship where we are supposedly 'clean'....we had our kid during this time and all memory of the past faded away and we had a realy happy relationship. I mean 'realy' happy. We became best friends and we have a fantastic sexual and fullfilling relationship - she is absolutely everything to me. Four years ago she ended up in a nightclub without me - directly violating our agreements we made 19 years ago...rule was no drinking, partying without each other... This made my whole cardhouse come tumbling down as it immediately took me back to our wild days and brought all that nasty memories back.When questioned about it..she was very evasive in answering and she caused a lot of doubt in my mind. I went crazy and we fought like cats and dog, but we once again sorted and forgave - moved on. About a month ago...the very same situation...ended up drinking, dancing partying without me....although she assured me, that was that...and no more to the situation. Once again very evasive when I questioned her about it. Well...once again, the old feelings and ghosts of our past is haunting me...I cannot get rid of it...she simply asks me to put it behind us and move on...I want to - believe me, as she is the love of my life...I cannot go without her. End of story. My problem is...she says I am unfair to bring up all the ghosts of the past as it stopped 19 years ago, but for the life of me...I cannot help it...we are both in our late 40's...do we realy still need that kind of parties without each other..? I'm having trouble accepting that I played second fiddle to a stupid party. I was also ill at the time and I felt that I should have been her first concern. I am under no circomstances saying that she was or is cheating on me again - as the partying was with old pals of hers and the second recent incident was a work party where they all stayed overnight in a hotel. But the doubt is there...and my mind is racing... Am I unfair to her? Tks everybody.... Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Her mid-life crisis/menopause is causing her to be ruled by her mounting insecurities. "Am I still beautiful and sexy? Do guys still want to bang me? I have to party hearty because the clock is running out! I used to be able to get some strange whenever I wanted. Can I still do it?" You've got a handful to deal with here my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 You are being fair. She is giving you reasons to go back to old feelings. Gaslighting ! Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Hi Stout I think you'd get more "traffic" in the infidelity forum. This is a problem with infidelity in the relationship. Mind movies. Triggering. (Plus more probably) Is happening to you. This is completely normal behaviour since your Wayward gf is DOING similar things now to when she was in the midst of her serial cheating days. 19y ago. Were you also having affairs or one night stands? Read up on the Cheater's Handbook 101. Study it. It outlines ALL the behaviours most cheaters do. Definitely SERIAL cheaters. Mind-f***ing. Gaslighting. Smoke screening. (Probably cheating too) The 1st 3 things are what she's doing NOW. No way should she EVER have a problem with any questions you ask. Why would she? No reasons bar the obvious. THAT'S why you're having issues now. Reliving trauma etc. Best of luck Lion Heart Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 ^Yo, I really dig that username, dawg. Link to post Share on other sites
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