Say anything before NC?

[Selynn]

I was with my ex girlfriend for a year and a half, we were really strong together and brought out the best in one another. She found out she was moving for uni, about 4 hours away, we decided to try and make it work. If we didn't try then we wouldn't know. Of course I had my doubts, with trust issues and such, but we worked through it. Then a month before she goes, she tells me that she feels it's best if we just break up. I did everything you're not supposed to do, the begging and pleading. I went to her leaving night, and ended up staying in her spare room. During the night she asked me to sleep beside her so we could talk, in her sleep she rolled over to hug me, what I guessed out of habit. Instead of sleeping there I got up and moved, now we have the same phone case. So instead of grabbing my phone, I accidentally grabbed hers. Throughout the night she got a text, using my thumb print to open (what I thought was my phone) I found out she had been messaging other people already, and the messages were pretty sexual. I asked her about it openly and she felt the need to justify herself, she really went all the way and apologised. Which confused me, we aren't together so why would she care what I thought? I ignored it and we had LC, until she moved. She blocked me on everything. She called to explain that she wanted to get settled in her new place and that she didn't want me ruining her time. I accepted, around 2 weeks later I sent her an email just to apologise for anything I had done to upset her. Wished her well, and told her that she deserves success. It's now been another two weeks, I know she's read the email but hasn't replied. I feel like I apologised for her hurting me, which doesn't feel right. I honestly love her so much, I thought she was the one. How can she just move on like I meant nothing.

[Humantk]

Ugh, yeah man that really hurts. It sounds like she's afraid she'll be missing out if she has a long distance relationship during college. And if thats how she feels, I know its sucks, but you just gotta focus on you. She blocked you because I feel she knows what she's doing isn't fair but its what she wants. I'm in a similar situation myself. But thankful that I don't know if she's been talking to anyone else. I would just do anything to keep yourself occupied. She wants to live life by the numbers and if that means she's giving up on you guys, then the only thing you can do is realize she's just a chapter in your book and move on. Keep strong man. I don't think there's anyone else out there for me either, I thought I had the love of my life, we're not the first to lose them and we won't be the last. But there are other girls out there that can put us back together, we just have to accept the reality of the situation and work on moving on. Only good thing about it is that we're allowed to take our time to move on. Theres no rush. Just do life one day at a time.

[aloneinaz]

My advice? Leave her alone my friend. You don't want to be looking back 6 months from now, cringing at the thought of how pathetic, weak and desperate you came across to her.

 

Young relationships run their course and end. Again, leave her alone. Heal from it with out of sight, out of mind. When you're feeling better, start dating again. You met her and you'll meet her replacement.

[Selynn]

My advice? Leave her alone my friend. You don't want to be looking back 6 months from now, cringing at the thought of how pathetic, weak and desperate you came across to her.

 

Young relationships run their course and end. Again, leave her alone. Heal from it with out of sight, out of mind. When you're feeling better, start dating again. You met her and you'll meet her replacement.

 

I think getting back together is completely off the table. I don't believe that long distance relationships can work, I was only willing to try for her. I don't get why she blocked me, I would have been more than happy with a friendship and I'd never cross the line. And not responding to an email wishing you well, is a bit rude. However I guess it just shows that I didn't mean that much to her, I think that's what hurts more than anything.

[Selynn]

My ex recently moved for uni, we broke up because she said she was scared that it wouldn't work out between us. She then admitted that it was because she just didn't love me the same way anymore. I did the begging and pleading, for around half a month. Then I left her to it, I'm blocked on everything. I recently sent her an email just to apologise and wish her well. However no reply. I've now found out that she has someone else, in just a week being there she has already found someone else. Did I really mean that little? She doesn't even miss me.

[DarrenB]

Literally everything you've said just justifies that she never cared or truly loved you. I don't know what kind of people in this day and age enjoy going straight back out there after claiming they 'love' someone. I don't know how someone can just so easily forget and let go... but it's these type of people you need to avoid, and it's good you wasn't with her any longer otherwise it would have hurt ALOT more than it does already.

 

Just leave her to it. She doesn't deserve your love, care, recognition, apologies. Some people may say 'just wish her the best and move on'. Well, it's never really that easy is it? there's more than one POV in a relationship, especially one that would be considered as intimate.

 

Seems like a very shallow girl, you're much better off without her

[preraph]

She's been feeling this way for a long time and just put off doing anything about it. Mentally, she had already moved on by the time she broke off with you.

[wow123]

She has shown that she has no respect for you or the relationship you had. Find someone who does and will. It hurts like hell. Feel better man.

[preraph]

I'm certain she cared about you at first and enjoyed getting to know you, but she just reached a point when she knew you were not the right match, and you have to accept that she is right because it takes two. Don't let bitterness overtake you and ruin what happy memories you will have of fun times. Those were real. It just didn't last. Life is a journey, but there is not always a final destination when it comes to relationships.

[aloneinaz]

I've now found out that she has someone else, in just a week being there she has already found someone else. Did I really mean that little? She doesn't even miss me.

 

As it was mentioned already, she checked out of that relationship emotionally LONG before she finally ended it w/you. So, she was READY to meet someone new she could date and fall for.

 

We've all missed OBVIOUS signs of someone checking out of a relationship. Google it, I bet you'll find a lot of "oh $hit", I did miss obvious signs.

 

At this point, save your pride and self respect. Don't EVER contact her again. She had the right to end the R/S and go a different direction. Everyone's been dumped. Say F-her, I'll find someone who will like me and want to be with me.

[aloneinaz]

I don't get why she blocked me, I would have been more than happy with a friendship and I'd never cross the line.

 

Be glad she did. That's the NORMAL thing to do after a relationship ends. You don't need to be spying on her social media and vs. versa. You'll learn my young friend that you can't transition from lover to "pal" or "buddy". Sorry, it simply doesn't work, eeevvverrrr..

 

And not responding to an email wishing you well, is a bit rude. However I guess it just shows that I didn't mean that much to her, I think that's what hurts more than anything.

 

I disagree. It doesn't mean she's being rude. She's doing you a favor by cutting all contact so YOU can heal from this and move forward to your next hot gal. Read this forums for a few weeks. Read about all the unnecessary drama, childish games and BS that transpires when a couple split and go on and on w/the limited contact.. It's simply madness!

 

Here's how it SHOULD work when a relationship ends. One decides it is not working for them anymore and want to end the R/S with class and dignity. The other accepts the news though they don't like it. Both sides then stop all communication and go NC. They also block each other from social media. They both heal and then move on to a new relationship.

 

See, simple.

[Selynn]

So I have broken up with my ex two months ago. She's moved on and found someone else, however I'm still hurting. I sent her an email tonight that was so well worded and said I wished her the best and that I had been a better person during my time with her, that was supposed to be closure. Add some alcohol and I drunk dialed her, about the new person she's with, of course she hung up and told me not to call her. Me being stupid and drunk, decided it was best to leave her three voicemails to explain that I was hurt with how she's treated me. I sent her an email afterwards to apologise (as I'm blocked on everything else). I'm so stupid. I never should have called her, and now I look like an idiot. Has this ever happened to anyone? How do you regain your respect?

[JewelD]

Yes. It happens to lots of people. I wasn't even drunk when I did it.

 

You regain your respect by cutting them off. Respect and love yourself. You know contacting her will hurt you and make you feel like crap so don't put yourself in that position again. Don't grovel and don't hold onto people who don't want to be held.

 

Sometimes what helps me is training my mind. If a thought popped into my head about someone who rejected meand I was thinking of contacting them, I would say "___ does not like me. ____ does not want me. And that's okay". Or just any mini pep talk in your head that will bring you back to the reality of the situation. After you tell yourself that this person doesn't like you and doesn't want you enough times, you will believe it and you will accept it. After awhile, you won't even care.

 

(it doesn't matter if they actually do like you or they tell you they want you, the point is that they've disrespected and/or rejected you and you are ready to be done with them.)

[DarrenB]

You regain respect by not involving yourself with her, again. Period.

 

There's no better apology than change, there's nothing better than bettering yourself for your own benefit as well as showing her how you are able to cope and progress w/o her.

 

Time is your friend, and is your ultimate support with the 'healing process' you will go through. Don't jeopardize anything anymore, drunk or sober. It's not good for you, and it certainly isn't good for her. She has moved on from you, quite clearly and evidently. Take this on the chin to realize that you must also.

 

I'd advise you to stick to one thread also.

[aloneinaz]

 

* I sent her an email tonight that was so well worded and said I wished her the best and that I had been a better person during my time with her, that was supposed to be closure.

 

* Add some alcohol and I drunk dialed her, about the new person she's with, of course she hung up and told me not to call her.

 

* Me being stupid and drunk, decided it was best to leave her three voicemails to explain that I was hurt with how she's treated me.

 

* I sent her an email afterwards to apologise (as I'm blocked on everything else).

 

* I'm so stupid. I never should have called her, and now I look like an idiot.

 

 

Wow.. This is a beautifully played example of how to do EVERYTHING you never want to do after a break up..

 

Has this ever happened to anyone?

Honestly? Not to anyone who has pride, self esteem and love for themselves. Don't feel too bad. many have done stupid things after a break up. The key is to NEVER do it again.

 

 

How do you regain your self respect? Stop contacting her. Delete her phone number and email address. Block her on social media. Go hardcore NC, learn from it, heal and move on..

[ExpatInItaly]

You don't bother trying to regain her respect. She doesn't care, and only wants you to leave her alone.

 

Yes, that's blunt. But it's true. Focus on yourself and regaining your life, and don't worry about what she thinks about you. Her opinion of you is no longer important.

[Frozensushi]

I sent my Ex a drunken, crass e-mail a few days after the breakup. Told her all the things I wanted to get off my chest that I never had the courage to say before. It was pretty harsh, but it felt good at the time. (context: my relationship was rather toxic and caused me much grief)

 

I had regrets weeks after sending it up till a few days ago. I don't regret sending it anymore because I finally don't care what she thinks about me.

 

However, I'll never do that again because someone with self-respect, integrity and a good dose of pride would have walked away, head held high, never to be seen or heard from again. Why lower yourself for someone who could care less about you?

 

I blocked my Ex six ways till Sunday. She no longer holds any power over me because I won't allow it. I no longer care what she thinks about me. I will stop giving a s*** that my Ex doesn't love me and find someone who does.

[Chi townD]

I hate to tell you this, but she knew she was going to break up with you....and I guarantee you were the last to know about it. She checked out of the relationship a long time ago. Therefore, She mourned the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. So, when she finally had the guts to "pull the trigger" you were nothing but a guy she was cutting ties with. Therefore, you are at the starting line with the healing you need to do and she's at the finish line. She is leaps and bounds ahead of you.

 

Ignore her dude. Focus on you and your healing. It's time to move on.

[aloneinaz]

 

I had regrets weeks after sending it up till a few days ago. I don't regret sending it anymore because I finally don't care what she thinks about me.

 

Excellent! Why should we even give a rats behind what someone who's NOT in our lives anymore thinks of us. In fact, our lives would be so much happier if we stopped worrying about what everyone thinks of us!

 

However, I'll never do that again because someone with self-respect, integrity and a good dose of pride would have walked away, head held high, never to be seen or heard from again. Why lower yourself for someone who could care less about you?

 

YUP!

Everyone has the right to end a relationship. We hope they do it gently and w/care and respect. Most folks have been dumped in their lives. The key is to NOT take it so damn personally. Everyone gets rejected. Does it hurt? Sure, but it's not life or death. It's just a risk you take when you have relationships.

 

I blocked my Ex six ways till Sunday. She no longer holds any power over me because I won't allow it. I no longer care what she thinks about me. I will stop giving a s*** that my Ex doesn't love me and find someone who does.

 

Love it Frozen! You're doing great. Your mind is in a good place now and you're traveling down the healing road. I bet within a month or two, you will completely tire of discussing the part of your past. You'll want it buried in your mind. You'll replace it with thoughts of someone new you want to meet or have met.

[Selynn]

I hate to tell you this, but she knew she was going to break up with you....and I guarantee you were the last to know about it. She checked out of the relationship a long time ago. Therefore, She mourned the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. So, when she finally had the guts to "pull the trigger" you were nothing but a guy she was cutting ties with. Therefore, you are at the starting line with the healing you need to do and she's at the finish line. She is leaps and bounds ahead of you.

 

Ignore her dude. Focus on you and your healing. It's time to move on.

 

I don't know why I never actually saw this. The signs were always there, she was distant for so long. I'm just thankful she broke up with me instead of cheating on me. Time for no contact, moving on to bigger and better things.

[Frozensushi]

Love it Frozen! You're doing great. Your mind is in a good place now and you're traveling down the healing road. I bet within a month or two, you will completely tire of discussing the part of your past. You'll want it buried in your mind. You'll replace it with thoughts of someone new you want to meet or have met.

 

Thank you, sir! I have to give credit where credit it due. I don't think without your support I would have made it this far. I knew everything you have been saying these past weeks was right. The past few days I've had a few epiphanies and some personal growth, albeit on a very small scale.

 

I'm not just getting over a breakup, I'm also changing who I am. When I was in that relationship, I was a frail Gandalf the Grey fighting the Balrog (my Ex). She defeated me, but my work on this world isn't finished. I shall rise again, but this time as Gandalf the White. Renewed and better than ever! The guy who doesn't take anyone's s***. Focused, respected, and powerful!

[Satu]

From my journal:

 

 

"Being hung up on an ex that doesn't want to be with you, is like being attached to an old lottery ticket that didn't win you anything."

 

 

Take care.

[aloneinaz]

The past few days I've had a few epiphanies and some personal growth, albeit on a very small scale.

 

I'm not just getting over a breakup, I'm also changing who I am. When I was in that relationship, I was a frail Gandalf the Grey fighting the Balrog (my Ex). She defeated me, but my work on this world isn't finished. I shall rise again, but this time as Gandalf the White. Renewed and better than ever! The guy who doesn't take anyone's s***. Focused, respected, and powerful!

 

Love it, love it, love it!!

 

Just understand, like any bad addiction, you'll have good days and bad days. However, the bad days are not as frequent once time passes. I honestly was feeling much better at one month post break up. Did I still think of her alot, duh.. Did I have to remind myself frequently how horrific that R/S was? Yup.. Again, by month two I was tired of being alone. Online dating is a great thing. It kept my mind busy flirting and dating casually again.

 

Nothing makes you realize you're going to be fine than the first hot, fun date! It's what helped get me over the hump Frozen. Having female companionship, laughs, intimacy was just what the doctor ordered.

 

I simply can't imagine how I'd of done if I sat home for 6 months "healing" vs. getting back on the damn dating horse. Of course, everyone needs to progress at their pace. I'm just sharing what worked for me.

[Selynn]

I'm on my first day of NC, I'm determined to last this one out. The longest I have gone before is a week, if I make it a month I truly believe that I will heal and be ready to move on. What was the worst weeks for everyone in NC? I'm guessing the first week will be the worst, but I'd like to think it only gets better

[Gloria25]

The urge to contact them and try to work it out, convince them that you're the one for them, etc. is the hardest in the first weeks.

 

You feel like if you don't make a move "now", that you're gonna lose that window of opportunity to change their mind.

 

But, see, in the moment you don't realize how much that is NOT what you wanna do. Unfortunately, the best thing you can do is give them space. Cuz, you have to give them the chance to miss you and see if they realize whether they want you back or not.

 

But sorry dude, from what I read on this thread, she seems pretty fickle/flakey and can jump from one person to another without blinking an eyelash. Looks like you were more into her than she was in you, and probably this new guy.

 

It's easier for her cuz she already went through the process you went through. So, unfortunately, as the dumpee you just have to deal with it.

 

Give it time. Stay busy. Forget her....