Jump to content

Ending marriage / other girl

Bryce0730

By Bryce0730,
in Separation and Divorce

 Share Followers 0

Recommended Posts

Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
Posted

I am ending a long marriage, but have taken longer than expected because of my grown children. I just want to do this right and with the least amount of pain or complication. I am not ending it for another woman, although I have met somebody. She is very different from me and that is both good and bad. I do love her and want to be with her more. But she is the type of person that due to past relationships she is unwilling to be closer. In fact, she disconnects from me quite often. Sometimes showing affection and other times not. I do a lot for her and give her tons of love and attention, but do not get that in return. She still makes contact with other guys which bothers me, but she says they are just friends even the ones whom she has a thing with long ago. Am I just wasting my time with her?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
GorillaTheater

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted
I am not ending it for another woman

 

 

Good thing, because if you were you'd be getting a pretty raw deal.

 

 

What's wrong with your marriage?

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Patrice

Patrice

Posted
Posted

in that situation, don't want to wait - don't need the drama, don't feel respected and are simply afraid of getting involved with a divorcing man. Look at NC on this forum. People know the relationship is not healthy for them, and cut it off.

Ask her about what's going on.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Satu

Satu

Posted
Posted

From my journals:

 

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb.

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

 

Take care.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I am ending a long marriage, but have taken longer than expected because of my grown children. I just want to do this right and with the least amount of pain or complication. I am not ending it for another woman, although I have met somebody.

 

Are you officially separated? How long til your divorce becomes final?

 

Things are much easier if you wait until one relationship is done before you start another. Your GF may be unavailable because she sees you as still attached...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
anika99

anika99

Posted
Posted

Well your post just raises a lot of questions. Did this relationship start out as an extramarital affair? Is it still an affair? Are you separated? Does your wife know that you plan to divorce her?

 

Perhaps your OW just isn't interested in giving 100% of herself to a still married man, which is wise of her.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It sounds like she isn't that into you if it's so easy for her to disconnect.

 

When she is connected and we spend time together she is very loving, but other times she is distant. She tells me she is protective of her feelings to save her heart that has been broken before. It's tough because I've never with a girl like this before.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Are you officially separated? How long til your divorce becomes final?

 

Things are much easier if you wait until one relationship is done before you start another. Your GF may be unavailable because she sees you as still attached...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

No, I am not separated yet. I am still at home. This girl has said she will not pour into me until I am gone.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well your post just raises a lot of questions. Did this relationship start out as an extramarital affair? Is it still an affair? Are you separated? Does your wife know that you plan to divorce her?

 

Perhaps your OW just isn't interested in giving 100% of herself to a still married man, which is wise of her.

 

 

I was looking to leave before this girl. And yes it started about a year ago. I am not legally separated, but although we live at home we are not "together". The wife knows we are finished.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
elaine567

elaine567

Posted
Posted
I was looking to leave before this girl. And yes it started about a year ago. I am not legally separated, but although we live at home we are not "together". The wife knows we are finished.

If your marriage is indeed over, do you not think you should sell up, move out and get your own place?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If your marriage is indeed over, do you not think you should sell up, move out and get your own place?

 

 

That is my plan. Honestly, my current girl is hesitant on being with me because I am still home and I am unsure she will be with me afterwards. For this reason I am slow to move. Just prolonging the inevitable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Make sure that you don't let this woman be your rebound.

 

Make very sure you don't do that.

 

 

Take care.

 

 

She is only the 2nd woman I have ever loved. I am good to this girl, but he past has not been good in the love department. There is much more drama in her life and that is totally new to me.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Patrice

Patrice

Posted
Posted

energy to a man, who is still living with his wife? How can you expect her to trust that you will follow through. Actions speak, words are cheap. If you are seriously interested in her, pack your stuff and leave the residence and get going on the divorce.

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
chew123

chew123

Posted
Posted

OP,

 

No matter how you slice it you are cheating on your wife. And the new girl is the reason you are leaving. You yourself mention that you are not selling your house and moving out because you are not sure if it is going to work with the new girl. You want to keep your wife and life just in case it does not work with her.

 

This has been going on for a year and you still have not filed. You mention that you are in love with the new girl and still have not filed.

 

You say your wife knows you are done. I am guessing she does not know about the new girl. Do the decent thing and tell her. Then divorce her so she can move on with her life.

 

Your actions are negatively affecting 3 people. Your affair partner, your wife and you. Time to grow up, make a decision and start moving in that direction.

 

Make a move.

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OP,

 

No matter how you slice it you are cheating on your wife. And the new girl is the reason you are leaving. You yourself mention that you are not selling your house and moving out because you are not sure if it is going to work with the new girl. You want to keep your wife and life just in case it does not work with her.

 

This has been going on for a year and you still have not filed. You mention that you are in love with the new girl and still have not filed.

 

You say your wife knows you are done. I am guessing she does not know about the new girl. Do the decent thing and tell her. Then divorce her so she can move on with her life.

 

Your actions are negatively affecting 3 people. Your affair partner, your wife and you. Time to grow up, make a decision and start moving in that direction.

 

Make a move.

 

 

You are correct on what I should do. I do know what to do, however it is not easy. I guess I want some assurance from my current love that she will be there for me when I leave home. She will not do that. It's selfish, but easier for me to move out if I have her to be with me. If I don't I will not have either and that will hurt. Not saying it's the right thing to do, but it's the honest thought I have.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Bryce0730

Bryce0730

Posted
  • Author
Posted
energy to a man, who is still living with his wife? How can you expect her to trust that you will follow through. Actions speak, words are cheap. If you are seriously interested in her, pack your stuff and leave the residence and get going on the divorce.

 

 

I was hoping the love and everything I give her would prove I am sincere. I have shown her so much love in every way possible. I thought it would be enough.

Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool

stillafool

Posted
Posted
energy to a man, who is still living with his wife? How can you expect her to trust that you will follow through. Actions speak, words are cheap. If you are seriously interested in her, pack your stuff and leave the residence and get going on the divorce.

 

I agree. You can't expect her to take you seriously when you are still married and living with your wife. When do you plan to divorce and move out so you can be with the other girl?

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67

basil67

Posted
Posted
That is my plan. Honestly, my current girl is hesitant on being with me because I am still home and I am unsure she will be with me afterwards. For this reason I am slow to move. Just prolonging the inevitable.

 

Work on the assumption that this woman will not be with you. Sure, she might, but it's far from a given. And even if she does change, statistically speaking, there's no reason to believe it would be a long term relationship.

 

So, make your plans as if you were heading out with the intention of being single.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
GorillaTheater

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted
You are correct on what I should do. I do know what to do, however it is not easy. I guess I want some assurance from my current love that she will be there for me when I leave home. She will not do that. It's selfish, but easier for me to move out if I have her to be with me. If I don't I will not have either and that will hurt.

 

 

So you're not going to jump without a safety net, eh?

 

 

Nothing weak about that, bro. :laugh:

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
anika99

anika99

Posted
Posted

So your first post was totally misleading (dishonest?). Your marriage is not over and it's not true that you are not leaving for the OW as you have said you won't leave your marriage without some guarantee that your OW will be your soft landing. Good grief! No wonder the OW is hesitant to get fully involved with you. She doesn't owe you any guarantee that she will be with you if you ditch your wife. Nobody gets those guarantees. Your wife probably thought marriage was some kind of guarantee against being left or being cheated on but see how well that worked out for her? Anybody can leave any relationship at anytime without reason or advanced notice. NO GUARANTEES.

 

If you can't man up and leave your wife independently of your OW then you are probably never going to leave and you should just tell your OW to move on without you. You said in your first post that you just want to do things with the least amount of pain possible and it looks like you want to make sure you have the least amount of pain and to hell with the pain of every one else. I don't think you are a good prospect for a partner and I think your OW is smart to stay aloof when it comes to you.

  • Like 11
Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 0
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...