Non-chalant vs. asking out directly

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have a male friend of mine, and he says when he asks a woman out, he takes a more casual route of doing so. He's not suggesting it to me, but more of a personal preference.

 

So, for example, if there is an event happening this weekend...like, a street fair or whatever, that's out at a public event usually...he'll say to her, "Hey, I' going to the "thing", it's this Saturday, starts at 10 am, runs all day. I plan on going, so if you want to go feel free to do so, and if we bump into each other, we can hang out."

 

There's no plan to rendezvous at the event with her at any point, in fact, he'll likely be already through the entrance, and she'll be paying her own way.

 

You see, he gave a non-direct, non-chalant method of asking out a woman. Now some men here will poo-poo this idea...only because it may be considered a wishy-washy approach, esp. if he's doesn't give a, 'I'm going to this event, would you care to join me?" direct fashion.

 

That way, he feels, there's less pressure on her, esp. if she's just met him at a previous real life event. (NOT online.)

 

I saw a quote from an article from a woman's point of view:

 

I agree. Very rarely will I say yes to a date. Too much pressure… But to tag along if you will, that is cool cause if it doesn’t go well I chalk it up and move on

 

Thoughts on this? Sounds like a "How to ask a woman out, without asking her out" scenario. Apparently, "date= too much pressure for some or (or most?) women" vs. "Hey, I'm going to this thing, if you wanna tag-a-long, knock yourself out!"

 

Apparently, PUA's use buzzwords like "Power" and "Manhood/Manilness" as a gauge to asking a woman out, or doing so in a fashion without asking her out.

Edited September 26, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

Does it work for him?

 

Is this the friend you've talked about who doesn't follow through and isn't interested in dating?

[Miss Peach]

I've gotten a few of those from men. I assume they aren't interested enough to ask me out on a real date.I have enough guys asking me out on real dates I don't even bother with the lazy guys.

[Imajerk17]

Why would you do that though? How is that supposed to pay off?

 

If a woman is into you, then phrasing an invitation like that is confusing and disappointing to her. You will have made things tougher for both of you, as she would have said yes to a direct invitation from you.

 

If a woman is not into you, then she won't even take your call anyway.

 

When women like us they make it easy for us. So don't go trying to complicate things yourself. Why not say e.g., "There is this really cool street fair on Saturday. I'd really like it if you could join me."

Edited September 26, 2016 by Imajerk17

[preraph]

I have suggested this type thing to people on here when they're trying to find out if any of the group are interested in them. For example, say there's three girls who are friends, you could tell them all about a party, a band playing, a sporting event, anything you think they'd like, and then just say "Are you going to X this Saturday?" And that's a good way to start a conversation and then even if none of them are saying "Oh, that sounds fun" or whatever, you can still say, "I think I'm going. Hope to see you guys out there." So unless they were already going before you suggested it, if any of them show up, they are at least willing to get to know you better and you go right up and say hi and buy them a soft drink or whatever.

 

Honestly, my generation, the 70s, this is mainly how it was done in my group, not too much formal dating until you'd seen a person out and about and they'd accepted or given invitations like that. Then from there, you can ask a person out.

[Miss Peach]

I saw a quote from an article from a woman's point of view:

 

I agree. Very rarely will I say yes to a date. Too much pressure… But to tag along if you will, that is cool cause if it doesn’t go well I chalk it up and move on

 

Also, if I want a no pressure situation with a guy I barely know, like he suggests dinner, I counter with something lighter like coffee, ice cream, a walk, lunch, etc. All of those I can get out politely within an hour if he isn't a match.

[GorillaTheater]

So, for example, if there is an event happening this weekend...like, a street fair or whatever, that's out at a public event usually...he'll say to her, "Hey, I' going to the "thing", it's this Saturday, starts at 10 am, runs all day. I plan on going, so if you want to go feel free to do so, and if we bump into each other, we can hang out."

 

 

Jesus. No way in hell.

 

 

I'm probably disqualified from commenting, since I haven't asked a new woman out in one hell of a long time, but this seems wildly lame to me. If I'm interested in a woman, I'm going to make that interest clear. It's up to her whether she reciprocates.

[MidwestUSA]

I wouldn't call your friend nonchalant.

 

Lame and lazy, sure.

 

I'd go with another guy, and when I bumped into your friend, say 'hey, great idea! How 'bout these funnel cakes?'.

[thefooloftheyear]

Seems like its a way to ask someone out without the fear of outright rejection....So the game(I suppose) is to throw an ambiguous "invite" out there, and if she isn't interested, then she'll just shrug it off as nothing, and if she is interested, then maybe she picks up the ball from there...

 

Kinda like potentially losing some prospects due to ambiguity, but at least he won't get the outright "drop on his head" type of rejection...

 

I don't know if I made any sense with that, but hey....I tried....

 

TFY

[Methodical]

I'm probably disqualified from commenting, since I haven't asked a new woman out in one hell of a long time, but this seems wildly lame to me. If I'm interested in a woman, I'm going to make that interest clear. It's up to her whether she reciprocates.

 

GT, you are never disqualified from replying . Your response is the perfect example of why. You are honest and direct. Whether or not the woman accepts your request, you aren't gonna be vague. Besides lame and lazy, it can also be perceived as insecure and cheap, not attractive qualities.

[MidwestUSA]

So, is anyone up for funnel cakes?

 

I know of an event coming up.

 

If I invite y'all, surely one of you might stick?

[Methodical]

So, is anyone up for funnel cakes?

 

I know of an event coming up.

 

If I invite y'all, surely one of you might stick?

 

Powdered sugar on top?

[MidwestUSA]

Powdered sugar on top?

 

Is there any other way?

[Methodical]

Is there any other way?

 

Not really, tho I've seen them with cherry pie filling, apple filling, and chocolate on them too. I prefer the powdered sugar. I think we just made a date and didn't leave it to chance, .

[MidwestUSA]

Not really, tho I've seen them with cherry pie filling, apple filling, and chocolate on them too. I prefer the powdered sugar. I think we just made a date and didn't leave it to chance, .

 

Powdered sugar absorbs the grease better.

 

Okay, done deal. When we see TFY and gorilla, we'll just wave. Heck, I'm nice, I'll buy them beers.

[Imported]

Be casual and non-chalant when trying to get a feel for the girl and her interest in you. Be direct when you ask her out.

[Imajerk17]

So, is anyone up for funnel cakes?

 

I know of an event coming up.

 

If I invite y'all, surely one of you might stick?

 

I need to feel special though. Will you buy me a cup of Starbucks coffee too? Funnel cakes are even better w caffeine. No worries I take my coffee black, no fancy lattes for me....

 

 

***************

LATP, listen man, you are looking at the wrong things altogether. You should be thinking less about your friend's techniques and more about whether or not the woman you are interested in, is interested in you back. If she IS interested (or even if you think she may be interested, you never know) then just go for making plans with her, and just Keep It Simple. If she does not seem interested then show you read and respect social cues by bowing out gracefully.

 

Have you called Ms Fortune-Teller yet?

Edited September 27, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Buddhist]

Wow if someone sent me a text with words to the effect of, I'll be here this weekend if you bump into me fine. I'd be like......next. I mean how disinterested can you get? If this is what the current generation of women want....complete and total lack of investment, then yeah I feel sorry for everyone. No way, no how am I making the effort to go someplace in case I bump into someone. Hopefully I'd bump into a hotter and more interested guy than the one sending these kinds of texts.