BF hiding present from female co-worker

[NoMoreJerks]

I've been seeing this guy and we've been together for a while now. I will keep this short and sweet. This morning my spidey senses said something was wrong, since he got a text message from a number and he said it's just coworkers... but I knew something was up... actually it WAS a co-worker. But there is a story that goes along with it.

 

It was a message from a female co-worker on behalf of another, particular, female co-worker... one that I discovered..... had given him a $30 bottle of wine as a birthday present a few days ago, and that my boyfriend had taken a photo of himself with the bottle and sent it to her.... and they had texted back and forth , joking around a bit... nothing inappropriate as far as I can see, but overly friendly.. definitely not professional conversation stuff between co-workers..

 

I now wish I had not checked his iPad (which syncs with his iphone)... when he went to work... I can't unsee what I had seen, and I wish I could remain oblivious to this "gift." He had not told me about this present. He had told me that his co-workers got him a birthday cake.. and that's it.. why would he keep it a secret from me that he received a bottle of wine from a female co-worker? Is it to avoid unnecessary questions? I feel kinda betrayed, because I spent $200 getting him a nice bday present and a dinner out for 2... I am not sure if I would've preferred if he had lied about the origin of the bottle of wine, and said that his coworkers got it for him jointly... Lying by omission seems to be more inappropriate in this instance, because it seems he doesn't want me even wondering about it....

 

Wondering if I should be concerned about this.. and how to go about it.. do I tell him anything? Do I leave it, and keep my eyes open for the future? He works with her on a daily basis, and I have no idea what goes on there.... he lives very close to work so if I am not around for all I know, he can invite her over to his place.

 

He has also told me that he hasn't told co-workers/boss anything about how close he lives to his workplace (2 minutes walk).. but today a girl texted him asking him to bring a cable from home for an old iphone model (she was texting him on behalf of the girl who got him the bottle of wine) which suggests that they knew he lives close by (last minute request).

 

Other than this, he has given me no real reason to distrust him on that front..But i can't help but wonder that this is a big one... at least from her end... and if she won't let go... I don't know what is going to happen. He seems to be hiding his tracks with her, so I am wondering if he is keeping his chances open with her... while keeping me hanging on to him.

[smackie9]

It depends......how are things going with your relationship?

[NoMoreJerks]

It depends......how are things going with your relationship?

We had our share of problems, but lately, things are going smoothly. Just when I least expected it, I find this out! Could've been more logical if it happened when things were a bit rough and stormy... but nope. Also found some texts from 2 weeks ago... to his best friend (a guy).. whom I had some issues with (he intervened in our relationship issue). He asked my bf how it was going with "the creep of the village" (me). And my bf said : "lol, calm, I put a net on her." And sent a picture that I took of him on the tennis court... we had gone out to play tennis... and then he continued "and a ball." And his friend said: "lol, smashed her head!" My bf replied : "lol anyway tennis is cool we gotta try it some time when you visit."

 

I discovered these messages today too... now I'm upset as to the fact that he did not confront his friend about how he referred to me.. am wondering if he's just trying to appear like the "manly" guy who is in control and taught his GF (who yelled at him on the phone in front of the male friend, which may have busted his ego ) a lesson... or if it's a sign of deeper issues with him disrespecting his GF... or if I am not a GF for him at this point... I know that even if I talk to my friends about my BF and my issues, if they ever refer to him as a "creep", I'd raise hell about it...

[Versacehottie]

It depends......how are things going with your relationship?

 

Yes, do you live together (sounds like it) and how long together and ^^^^how is relationship going?

 

This can be a tough one. Sounds like perhaps the co-worker flirts with him or likes him--which isn't the same as him liking her or having an interest or certainly cheating on you. I think the other co-worker asking him to bring a cable for the first co-worker would bug me more than wine for the bday. That's like her work friends are trying to help her out and presumptive about the level of their friendship. Anyway, the last thing I want to do is get you worked up--probably the MOST LIKELY reason he didn't tell you is because he didn't want you to get jealous or create drama. He may know she likes him but doesn't want to upset you about something he can't change (his job & their proximity). He also may know you are insecure or jealous or be worried about it because of past gf's. Or he could be like a lot of other guys that either forgot or doesn't think it's such a big deal that it needs to be mentioned.

 

I think it won't be easy but you can create an environment where he feels more comfortable telling you things like this & it will make you more secure. It will be tricky though at the beginning. You have to be confident and not be threatened by some other girl. That will make you more attractive to him. If he is going to cheat, being jealous and insecure will not stop him--it will just prolong things until he finally does it or he will just do it sneakily.

 

For the record, I gave my guy co-worker a bottle of wine for something (not even a birthday!just a work favor he did for me) a few months ago. And sometimes we go to get a drink or go to games together--I'm pretty sure he doesn't tell his wife. And here's the real situation on that. There's a very very tiny bit of flirting but mainly it's just normal guy/girl stuff to ego boost. I would never want to date him (nooooo!) and pretty sure vice versa. He is really happy with his wife AND guess what she is not the jealous type at all--sure that is totally part of her strength!! I think she is very cool like that and can see that is part of why it works for them. Sometimes guys just like the autonomy so they can feel like themselves. Same with girls--I wouldn't like my guy telling me who I can and cannot talk to, get gifts from or things out of my control or do things with if I am being respectful toward the relationship. If they trust you, usually that someone else shows them a little attention but you are theirs or vice versa provides a bit of spark.

 

When you first are hit with the info, maybe it stuns a bit. Find a way to deal with it without alienating him. You can also keep an eye on it for a bit and observe. BTW, where is the bottle of wine? Like did he hide that? or leave it at work? and is that in his nature? I think if you chose to "observe" you want to see if he is doing things out of character. This is not so you can accuse him of cheating. It's so you can decide what YOU want to do--for yourself. I don't think he is but probably just enjoying a little attention. He's your guy--let people look lol.

[LD1990]

It doesn't sound like he has much respect for you. The whole bottle of wine thing is suspicious, it could all be innocent or there could be something more between him and his coworker. I definitely wouldn't be happy if I was in your situation, so I understand your concerns.

 

The most obvious issue to me is the way he and his friends talk about you. When I have a girlfriend, I don't care if we're happy or at each other's throats, no one calls her derogatory names like "the creep of the village." The fact that his friend talks about you like that and your boyfriend doesn't care is a red flag.

[NoMoreJerks]

Honestly, it was more a combination of things I found.... but yeah, the message annoyed me more than the gift... because it seems like the girl told the other girls at work that she digs my bf... and they are trying to solicit favors from him, on her behalf... why couldn't she contact him herself???? Bizarre.

 

Also, I discovered at the same time today, that he had shown a picture of that girl a few months before he met me, to his best friend.... guys don't do that, unless they dig a girl/ wanna sleep with her.... so there IS some level of interest on his behalf. or WAS. And it rings bells because at some point, he mentioned in passing the idea of him always falling for women at the workplace, who had no interest for him...

 

He has a lot of girl contacts on his phone/ipad (synced). Some are just on a first name basis (no last names), and others full names.... not sure what it means... my name is only listed as a "first name." No family name.... And he has refused to add me on facebook...

 

Today I did not say anything when he came back to his apartment on his break.... about what I had found. I don't want to give away that knowledge, until I am sure.

 

We don't live together. I have my own apartment. But he says I can come work at his place. His apartment is bigger, and he comes home from work on his lunch break and also I stay over the night.. I go back in the morning sometimes, if I don't have work to do from home... I spend about 3-4 days at his place, sometimes more, sometimes less... definitely weekends together, for the most part...

 

I'm really upset about how he let his friend refer to me (creep), which seems to be an indication of how he talks about me to his friend (though I did not find messages about that from his end).... and the fact that he has not told his parents about me (he actively hides me from them and it's raised some red flags, he insists he wants to be sure it works out between us before he tells his family , claims he has told his uncle about me though, but when his uncle called , he said he was with a "friend"), has not added me on facebook (he did say he could add me, when I asked him again about it an hour ago at his lunch break -- I mentioned it in a joking/friendly way and it's not the first time I mention it, but he's never taking the step to add me)... But other than that, things have been on the calm side in the past 2 months or so? Mostly because I've let things like him STILL not telling his family , or referring to me as his friend despite claiming that he has told his uncle about us dating, slide past me...

 

We've been together 6.5 months.

 

In general, he's very thoughtful and sweet, offers me to stay at his apartment to be able to work on my stuff (my apartment is very noisy and small, etc.) , buys me flowers (including yesterday) frequently (no real occasion necessary), not to mention buys me cakes/desserts that he knows I love, etc. (the last time was yesterday ,and the day before). At the same time, I've been getting weird vibes from him lately. The libido seems to have died down between us, etc. However, he offered to help me pay for my tuition, and said I could repay him when I had more money.. etc.

Edited September 26, 2016 by NoMoreJerks

[NoMoreJerks]

BTW, where is the bottle of wine? Like did he hide that? or leave it at work? and is that in his nature? I think if you chose to "observe" you want to see if he is doing things out of character. This is not so you can accuse him of cheating. It's so you can decide what YOU want to do--for yourself. I don't think he is but probably just enjoying a little attention. He's your guy--let people look lol.

He brought the bottle of wine home, but not when I was around. Either at his lunch break at 4-5pm, when I wasn't around yet (I arrived at 6pm at his place), or he must've left it in the office for an extra day and brought it home when I was not around. I did NOT see the bottle of wine when he brought it. He had also brought home the cake that they got for him (it was already in the fridge, if I remember correctly, or he brought it when he got home at 8pm). But he did not hide the cake, in fact, he split it with me (it was a mini-cake). But he had taken pics of the wine bottle (selfie with it, and a separate pic of the bottle), and sent it to that girl at 7:53pm, before heading home, the day of his bday (same day I prepared a surprise for him at his place)...

 

When I saw the picture of the bottle today, I looked for it in the electric wine cooler/cellar that he has tucked in a corner.. he knows I wouldn't check it.. I rarely check it, there are already other bottles of wine in there, and I wouldn't have known anyway that it was a present. But I found it in there when I checked today. Also, he had brought (from his country ) 3 bottles of wine, I believe he gave one of them to his uncle, but he has not offered to open those 2 other bottles with me.. I am wondering who/what he is reserving them for. At least one of them has disappeared, and I am not sure he gave it to his uncle. It potentially may have gone to that girl. Or someone else. Though I am assuming it was given to his uncle, cos he visited... the other 2 wines are still there. Along with the girl's bottle of wine...

 

So hm, yeah, it's tucked away in a sense - hidden from me. At this point , he can get away with saying that he got it from the store... for our dinner together... and I would've been none the wiser.. if I had not seen that pic...

[Gaeta]

What do we have here.......

 

 

A relationship of 6 months with already an history of ups and downs.

 

A girlfriend who yells at her boyfriend while he's on the phone

 

A girlfriend who gets called a creep by friends who knows she yells at her boyfriend while he's on the phone.

 

A girlfriend who resents her BF for not reporting everything to her like who he speaks with, who needs a cable, who gave him a birthday gifts.

 

I don't know, you have nothing here for a success story. This whole story sounds very high school drama.

 

Do you trust him? You do or you don't, there is no in-between when it comes to matters of trust.

[NoMoreJerks]

 

A girlfriend who yells at her boyfriend while he's on the phone

It was more like a mutual fight, and him shutting me out for days, and then having his friend insult me on his behalf. I think that was well-deserved, considering how he humiliated me in front of his friend.

 

A girlfriend who resents her BF for not reporting everything to her like who he speaks with, who needs a cable, who gave him a birthday gifts.

Far from it, but my instinct was right about him hiding something. Why hide something if there's nothing weird about it? If he'd told me: hey btw my co-worker got me a bottle of wine, we can have it next time we go out to a BYOW restaurant, I would've said: "COOL! That's nice of her to get you a present on your bday!" Essentially same thing I said to him about the bday cake that his (female) co-workers got for him. It's not me being paranoid/shady here, but him.

 

Do you trust him? You do or you don't, there is no in-between when it comes to matters of trust.

Not sure I do at this point, with all that I've discovered about him from his ipad. Before? I did. But it doesn't mean that it's better to be hurt when trusting blindly. I'd rather be reassured about him being trustworthy, than being hurt (again) by someone who abuses my blind trust. Been that girl, nothing good came out of that.

[Lorenza]

Seems like what you have right now is far from smooth sailing.

 

If you feel like you need to check his private conversations, the trust is long gone.

 

Once I have also checked my exes phone (was the one and only time I did it in the history of my relationship, due to being strongly suspicious he had a mutual crush on his friend's gf) and found out something quite similar to what you discovered. Actually very similar. That girl had made a cake for his birthday, brought it to a place he hanged out playing some card game, then he had celebrated sharing that cake with his friends and her. Not a word to me of course. The girl who brought it to him, was someone he admitted having sexual fantasies about and kept on making inappropriate sexual jokes about.

 

I confronted him and the relationship ended there and then (his initiative, the best thing that ever happened to me, tbh).

 

The point of this post - if you feel like snooping, you'll most likely end up finding something. It might be worth ending the relationship for or not - that's up to you, but the fact itself that you feet the need to read your partner's private conversations is enough to take a pause for a moment reconsider if you want to be with someone you deeply mistrust.

[basil67]

You haven't elaborated about the past issues the two of you had, but judging by the conversation with his mate, it sounds to me like he has lost respect for you. Or never had respect. I don't know.

 

Thing is, he would have corrected his mate's description of you if he felt it was unreasonable. But apparently he agrees. Whatever went on during those past issues seems to have done a lot of (semi?)permanent damage.

[Gaeta]

I don't understand why he had to tell you he got a bottle of wine for his birthday. Maybe it just slipped his mind or maybe he thought it was something trivial not worth repeating. At Xmas I always get tons of little presents from my co-workers and I don't list them to my BF.

[Gaeta]

Not sure I do at this point, with all that I've discovered about him from his ipad. Before? I did. But it doesn't mean that it's better to be hurt when trusting blindly. I'd rather be reassured about him being trustworthy, than being hurt (again) by someone who abuses my blind trust. Been that girl, nothing good came out of that.

 

Trust is something you keep in reserve for rainy days.

 

Trusting your BF when all is nice and dandy has no merit.

 

Trust is for when the going gets tough, that's when you get in your reserve and use that trust.

[NoMoreJerks]

I don't understand why he had to tell you he got a bottle of wine for his birthday. Maybe it just slipped his mind or maybe he thought it was something trivial not worth repeating. At Xmas I always get tons of little presents from my co-workers and I don't list them to my BF.

Because, why the hell not??? I honestly only keep a secret/ conveniently forget to tell bfs about things, only because I might have something to hide/am interested in keeping my options open without putting off the current guy I'm with (not that I've ever done it, but I've only ever considered it when I wasn't serious about a guy). Otherwise, I enjoy sharing bits of my life like that, especially something that one cannot just forget about, like getting presents from coworkers. He obviously did not forget about the cake they got for him and did not fail to mention it to me. But the fact that he omitted the other one, indicates shadiness. I personally, if I got a present from a guy coworker, I'd rush to tell my BF that and not keep it a secret, because to me, keeping it a secret means you have something more than co-worker professional relationship going on / or hope to cultivate it into that...!

[NoMoreJerks]

You haven't elaborated about the past issues the two of you had, but judging by the conversation with his mate, it sounds to me like he has lost respect for you. Or never had respect. I don't know.

 

Thing is, he would have corrected his mate's description of you if he felt it was unreasonable. But apparently he agrees. Whatever went on during those past issues seems to have done a lot of (semi?)permanent damage.

He went out with two women (one of them single, the other his friend's GF) on a Saturday night, from 5pm til 1am, took them both out to dinner, then they headed to the bar, at 11:30pm. Then god knows what the hell happened. He said I could come with them if I wanted to, but that it was "inappropriate" since his male friend was not there, and there was a third girl, single, unaccompanied by a guy, and she would've "felt left out." I felt he had more concern for that girl's feelings than mine. That's when things started going downhill. Since then, it's been various issues, but mainly about him keeping me a secret (x-files level of secrecy) from his parents, and even his friends, always claiming it was "too early". At some point, it's going to get old. I'm going to wait and stick it out, and call his bluff on that one. I think it is a time-gaining strategy -- he wants to avoid a breakup until he's got a next potential girl lined up. Seeing how he's been texting that co-worker at work (while the two are at work) all day, just pisses me off.

[Gaeta]

Because, why the hell not??? I honestly only keep a secret/ conveniently forget to tell bfs about things, only because I might have something to hide/am interested in keeping my options open without putting off the current guy I'm with (not that I've ever done it, but I've only ever considered it when I wasn't serious about a guy). Otherwise, I enjoy sharing bits of my life like that, especially something that one cannot just forget about, like getting presents from coworkers. He obviously did not forget about the cake they got for him and did not fail to mention it to me. But the fact that he omitted the other one, indicates shadiness. I personally, if I got a present from a guy coworker, I'd rush to tell my BF that and not keep it a secret, because to me, keeping it a secret means you have something more than co-worker professional relationship going on / or hope to cultivate it into that...!

 

I don't rush to tell my BF anything!! because he trust ME!

 

If any man makes a move at me he trusts me to handle it like a mature woman! I don't need to report to him my every move and my every interaction of the day!!

 

If your boyfriend puts air in his tires does he need to share it with you??

[NoMoreJerks]

I don't rush to tell my BF anything!! because he trust ME!

 

If any man makes a move at me he trusts me to handle it like a mature woman! I don't need to report to him my every move and my every interaction of the day!!

 

If your boyfriend puts air in his tires does he need to share it with you??

I don't expect him to share everything with me. I don't appreciate that you are insinuating that I'm a controlling person for wanting / expecting to know about something so important as another woman that he is constantly around, giving him a $30 INDIVIDUAL present that she had NO reason for giving (unless she was interested in him on some level). I don't expect him to tell about every little thing that happened to him during the course of the day, or every little thing he did. But big things like that? Hell yes. It's like me not telling him about scheduling a date-like sortie all alone with a guy friend. It's the idea behind it that's rotten, not even necessarily that something might be going on!!!!

 

And yeah, why not, if it was a central part of his day, how his tires got nearly flat and he had to go and fill them up... sure, why not tell me? It's about sharing about one's day. It's what people in a normal relationship would do.Wanting to know about my BF's day has nothing to do with having an agenda to control him. Geez.

[Gaeta]

Is this the same guy as in your last thread?

[Gaeta]

Your quote suggest that you and I are from the same cultural background. Like your quote says: Why do you let him continue treat you like this? What's the use of having a little spitting-fire quote when you don't even live by it?

[Versacehottie]

He went out with two women (one of them single, the other his friend's GF) on a Saturday night, from 5pm til 1am, took them both out to dinner, then they headed to the bar, at 11:30pm. Then god knows what the hell happened. He said I could come with them if I wanted to, but that it was "inappropriate" since his male friend was not there, and there was a third girl, single, unaccompanied by a guy, and she would've "felt left out." I felt he had more concern for that girl's feelings than mine. That's when things started going downhill. Since then, it's been various issues, but mainly about him keeping me a secret (x-files level of secrecy) from his parents, and even his friends, always claiming it was "too early". At some point, it's going to get old. I'm going to wait and stick it out, and call his bluff on that one. I think it is a time-gaining strategy -- he wants to avoid a breakup until he's got a next potential girl lined up. Seeing how he's been texting that co-worker at work (while the two are at work) all day, just pisses me off.

 

I think the strongest reason he didn't tell you about the wine is that he didn't want to create a problem or avoid drama with you. It could mean that more is going on (definitely from her end, not necessarily from his) but the strongest motivator for him not telling you is to not be fighting with you about it. That is 100% obvious to me.

 

I do agree with whoever said that once you start checking into his phone (or iPad in this case) that trust is broken. It may not be permanent but it is a tough hill to climb to repair and build on what little of it may be left. You can't build trust by snooping on him (I know that is secondary in your OP). Basically you can't control your way into trusting him. (not saying you are trying to do that). The insecurity and some fighting and immature and unreasonable things on both of your ends with KEEP contributing to problems not erase them. I think you need to get clear on whether you believe he is really "hiding" you. I think that is a lot of what is fueling what is going on overall. I think your reaction (and that of most people's to be honest at 6 months) shows that it is a deal breaker to you if you feel hidden but that you are "fighting" it because you don't want to let him go. It's really you that is at a crossroads, I think, if that is the way you are measuring the transparency of your relationship to others. To me FB (stupid way to measure IMO but important to some and you, it seems--but maybe he thinks it's silly or will cause problems); meeting his parents (an important way to measure but maybe 6 months is not enough time for him).

 

There are obviously inconsistencies with his actions on some things, which may be what has your senses on high. I think that points to some immaturity on his end, wanting to keep his autonomy and some problems in your relationship which have him looking outward to solve them or rather escape them. His excuse of why you couldn't come out that night was lame. Anyway, you have some thinking to do and figure it out. Basically I think you need to solve what's going on within the relationship (and yourself--not that he's not at fault but you can work on yourself too). IMO, that's more important than trying to control what's going on outside of the relationship, imaginary or real. if the relationship gets stronger, outside influences will be null anyway. You should be comparing all of what you see from him to what you imagine your ideal guy, a guy you would invest your future with, up to. See if he meets that standard. Measure it against valid and important things. Realize if the relationship is faltering, he will be less reluctant to introduce you to his family. Idk, I just keep seeing that you are at a crossroads. Sorry & good luck. BTW, this can be a good thing where relationships get stronger. You can't want to hold onto him if you were to feel like this uncertain, in need of reassurance a year from now. That wouldn't be good. Good luck.

[Versacehottie]

I don't expect him to share everything with me. I don't appreciate that you are insinuating that I'm a controlling person for wanting / expecting to know about something so important as another woman that he is constantly around, giving him a $30 INDIVIDUAL present that she had NO reason for giving (unless she was interested in him on some level). I don't expect him to tell about every little thing that happened to him during the course of the day, or every little thing he did. But big things like that? Hell yes. It's like me not telling him about scheduling a date-like sortie all alone with a guy friend. It's the idea behind it that's rotten, not even necessarily that something might be going on!!!!

 

And yeah, why not, if it was a central part of his day, how his tires got nearly flat and he had to go and fill them up... sure, why not tell me? It's about sharing about one's day. It's what people in a normal relationship would do.Wanting to know about my BF's day has nothing to do with having an agenda to control him. Geez.

 

I know this issue is critical to you. But your reaction to just her post is exactly why he didn't tell you. You are getting really upset here. You think it's your right to know, whether or not he is doing the right thing or it meant nothing. So trust with him is already broken or maybe never exists due to inherent insecurity. You think the bottle of wine a very BIG thing. It seems obvious you would interrogate him and not let it go. Even if that you believe it would just be "sharing your day" and that your bf is being neglectful to the relationship or lying by omission, you and he either then have wide varying opinions on what to disclose OR (more likely), he already knows you well enough to use omission as a tactic to avoid drama. I can tell you if this is his go-to tactic that will likely not change. Whenever this topic comes up about how much transparency is needed for "trust" in a relationship, there are two definite camps fundamentally. Full and absolute disclosure (disguised as trust, IMO), all details, all thoughts in one's head and deciding to trust. I think you just need to be honest with yourself about which camp you fall into and WHY and which your bf does. ok, good luck

[NoMoreJerks]

If a $30 bottle of wine as an individual bday present (over and above a group bday cake) from a woman who is constantly around a man, texts him throughout the day (flirty banter) even when they're both at work, like one desk away from each other, is NOT a big deal, then I don't know what would be, short of her giving him a BJ.

[Versacehottie]

If a $30 bottle of wine as an individual bday present (over and above a group bday cake) from a woman who is constantly around a man, texts him throughout the day (flirty banter) even when they're both at work, like one desk away from each other, is NOT a big deal, then I don't know what would be, short of her giving him a BJ.

 

Well you have your answer then, don't you?....which you only got by snooping on him unfortunately. Why are you still with him if you don't trust him then?

 

If you think he's the type of guy who flirts with other girls and acts on it, why WOULD you want to be with him? No snooping is even necessary on that. I mean, that is simple--break up with him.

 

If you are trying to control that other girls are going to be interested (and sit one desk away, which is so not a big deal) even though he's chosen to be with you, well you will be in a losing battle.

 

Like I said, I gave my co-worker a bottle of wine (i think it was $60 lol!) and it literally meant nothing except continued good working relationship--that's it. I also make him feel good about himself, which might be considered flirty since he's a guy and I'm a girl but literally isn't that much different than compliments I give to female co-workers--it's just all individually tailored to making the person feel good about themselves; however, much more will be read into it by female to male co-worker relationships, whereas almost nothing will be read into female to female co-worker relationships. It's all co-worker and friends, in my case. It's jealousy and a combination of other ongoing issues that would have someone jumping from a gift to a sexual act. Sorry.

 

If you are feeling THIS insecure, there are a multitude of other issues that are contributing, i.e. you know your guy is the cheating type and just don't want to let him go and you have problems as a couple OR your insecurity is a bottomless pit. Or a combo thereof.

 

So which is it? ....I mean if you think he's the cheating type, why are you hanging on? ...or deep down you think there's a chance you are being unreasonable which you know and having a push/pull with yourself and your distrust of him?

 

I'll tell you he didn't tell you because he would get this sort of reaction from you. So he's either acting on it (flirting with possible future intent to cheat or cheating now, doubt it but ok) OR nothing is happening but he doesn't want to deal with your reaction. See.....it always comes back to whether or not you trust him (and can build trust--which is something you do within yourself by working on insecurity and within the relationship). And just a side note, if you think acting insecure doesn't contribute to the demise of a relationship, you are mistaken. It always will in one way or another.

[Lois_Griffin]

I don't understand why he had to tell you he got a bottle of wine for his birthday. Maybe it just slipped his mind or maybe he thought it was something trivial not worth repeating. At Xmas I always get tons of little presents from my co-workers and I don't list them to my BF.

Slipped his mind? He took a selfie HOLDING the bottle and texted it to this female 'coworker' right before he left work to come home - where he HID the bottle and never mentioned it to the OP.

 

He remembered the CAKE he got, but not the wine? He put the cake in the fridge and told her about that, but the wine mysteriously disappeared and was NEVER mentioned - nor was it put in the fridge along with the cake. Come on.

 

There's a reason for that. And it ain't because it slipped his mind.

 

OP, don't you find it a bit odd that the one female coworker is always texting FOR the other female coworker all the time? What's up with THAT? Did your boyfriend block that female coworker from his phone? Who continually texts for someone else?

[Gaeta]

OP and I are from the same cultural background. For us wine is the cheapest gift you can get someone. It's the last-minute-not-too-much-thoughts gift you can get someone. We are the biggest purchasers of wine in North America that tells you how much wine we consume. If a colleague bought me a bottle of wine I'd think nothing of it. If he got me a shirt, or another personal item I'd be worried but not a bottle of wine. There is a wine store at every corner of this city, it's the official no hassle gift and no, if I got a bottle of wine for gift it would probably stay on my desk at work and I wouldn't have a second thought about it.