It's been 1.5 years, my ex contacted Me and we hung out.. now what?

[JewelD]

So you're basically holding out hope that you and her are going to start going on dates so you can then be in a relationship again. She already knows who you are and what you have to offer and if she wants it she will make it known. By putting the ball in her Court you're allowing her to use you for whatever needs she has at that moment. Maybe she doesn't have anyone to hang out with now or her dating life is on the rocks. You'll be a great band aid until she finds something better to do with her time.

 

You have put her in a position where she now has the green light to toy with you and I suspect that's what she's probably going to do.

 

I personally would not waste my time trying to get back with someone who dumped me, but if I did, it would be done my way. We're either going to get back together and work things out or you're going to **** off. There is no in between. I would never put myself at that person's mercy.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're being way too passive and trying way too hard to read signals. Man up and make a move the next time you get together. Then you'll know. But stop this trying to guess stuff -- you'll drive yourself insane.

[greenleaves54]

I highly doubt you are OK with having her as a friend. Don't you have enough friends anyway?

 

Ask her what she wants and tell her you're not interested in friendship. Force her to make a move.

 

I'm probably just repeating what others said. I recognize your situation and I don't think she should have the right to jump in and out of your life however she pleases. Please keep us updated what happens.

[Pharoh]

Greenleaves - I probably would not be okay with having her as just a friend. I've accepted that much. I also agree in that I don't think she should be able to jump in and out of my life. I just feel like forcing her to make a move might do more harm than good.

 

Isn't it possible that she is also feeling out the situation? Now that she's in the same stage of life that I'm in? She said it herself that back then she was in the moment not thinking about settling down, and now she understands what I felt being already out of school.

 

I kind of think that if we are both changed as people, two years older and more settled down, that maybe it should be treated as a new-ish start. Maybe she's unsure about what might happen, if she'll get the same feelings back, and she wants to see where it goes. We still have great chemistry when were together, we have talked about the past breakup and put it behind us, is it a bad idea to see if anything develops again naturally? Rather than being so in her face about relationship now or F-off. I feel like that would be super off putting.

 

I've let her put out most of the effort up til this point. If in the end I want to get her back, do I continue to be absent and let her do as she pleases, or should I push the issue a little more and try to see if she wants to do something again soon on my terms? Maybe then it wouldn't seem like she has the power to come and go as she wishes.

[JewelD]

Greenleaves - I probably would not be okay with having her as just a friend. I've accepted that much. I also agree in that I don't think she should be able to jump in and out of my life. I just feel like forcing her to make a move might do more harm than good.

 

Isn't it possible that she is also feeling out the situation? Now that she's in the same stage of life that I'm in? She said it herself that back then she was in the moment not thinking about settling down, and now she understands what I felt being already out of school.

 

I kind of think that if we are both changed as people, two years older and more settled down, that maybe it should be treated as a new-ish start. Maybe she's unsure about what might happen, if she'll get the same feelings back, and she wants to see where it goes. We still have great chemistry when were together, we have talked about the past breakup and put it behind us, is it a bad idea to see if anything develops again naturally? Rather than being so in her face about relationship now or F-off. I feel like that would be super off putting.

 

I've let her put out most of the effort up til this point. If in the end I want to get her back, do I continue to be absent and let her do as she pleases, or should I push the issue a little more and try to see if she wants to do something again soon on my terms? Maybe then it wouldn't seem like she has the power to come and go as she wishes.

 

But it was not a mutual breakup. She dumped you. You didn't have a problem with being with her back then, so really you're hoping the two years has made her want YOU again.

 

She's clearly got an unhealthy hold on you. You're too afraid to tell her how you feel and what you want because you know there's a good chance she's going to scamper away like she did before.

 

She chose to end the relationship, she should be fighting to prove she deserves a role in your life again. and you're not making her do all of the work, you're just allowing her to choose what she wants to do with you. It's a bold step to re-enter someone's life after you've dumped them and it's pretty selfish to do it without even knowing for sure if you want them in a romantic way. She's basically treating you like a toy.

 

If you're that dead set on being with her, by all means, just sit around and see what happens.

[Cephalopod]

She's a flake. This woman will suck the life out of you, keeping the carrot dangled out there to feed her need for ego gratification. It makes her feel in control and worthy as long as she has you there sleeping at her back stair and waiing for her to invite you in out of the cold. As I said before, if she had any real romantic feelings for you she would have expressed them. She doesn't, so she keeps you strung along as her girlfriend.

 

She's going to set you up and hurt you again down the road.

[greenleaves54]

Greenleaves - I probably would not be okay with having her as just a friend. I've accepted that much. I also agree in that I don't think she should be able to jump in and out of my life. I just feel like forcing her to make a move might do more harm than good.

 

Isn't it possible that she is also feeling out the situation? Now that she's in the same stage of life that I'm in? She said it herself that back then she was in the moment not thinking about settling down, and now she understands what I felt being already out of school.

 

I kind of think that if we are both changed as people, two years older and more settled down, that maybe it should be treated as a new-ish start. Maybe she's unsure about what might happen, if she'll get the same feelings back, and she wants to see where it goes. We still have great chemistry when were together, we have talked about the past breakup and put it behind us, is it a bad idea to see if anything develops again naturally? Rather than being so in her face about relationship now or F-off. I feel like that would be super off putting.

 

I've let her put out most of the effort up til this point. If in the end I want to get her back, do I continue to be absent and let her do as she pleases, or should I push the issue a little more and try to see if she wants to do something again soon on my terms? Maybe then it wouldn't seem like she has the power to come and go as she wishes.

 

But what are your terms, truly? In all honesty, friendship with her doesn't work for you. You know you'll get hurt down that road. But on the other hand, if she wants to start dating again you're ready to listen. Right? So why not give her your real terms, these? It's the honest thing to do. And if that scares her away, well then she never wanted you back anyway I'm afraid. She should be fighting for every moment of your attention she gets right now. She knows who you are. You spent two years together. She doesn't need to "feel out" how your connection is now or whatever. If she wants you back she'll fight for it.

 

I agree this is a hard situation and I can't say with 110% certaintty what I would do were I in your situation. "Relationship or F-off" sounds bad but I think it's actually the best choice here. And I hope I would have made that choice.

[Simon Phoenix]

You should have her initiate the next meeting, but if and when it occurs you have to make the move, whether physically or having the conversation. You can't let her continue to dangle the carrot while silently trying to decide whether she really wants you to have that carrot or not. You have to try to grab the f--ker.

[BC1980]

I think there is a possibility she is feeling things out and a possibility she just wants a buddy to pass the time with. I agree you need to make some kind of move next time or ask her what he intentions are. I wouldn't give it too long. It shouldn't take her a long time to figure out what she wants. She should know by now honestly.

[Pharoh]

I want to thank all of you for the input, it really helps me keep a level head. Sometimes you can't help who you care about and when that happens, it's easy to get carried away and give them a bunch of free passes just to spend time with them.

 

I agree with everything that was said since if I continue to be just friends with her, or wondering if she's dangling a carrot or not, I'll end up getting hurt down the road.

I have to try to stop providing her the free pass to come and go as she pleases without any of the commitment on her part. I don't want to be a temporary crutch without the relationship.

 

I guess I still care about her a decent amount, so it's hard not to get wrapped up in it all sometimes. It's hard to keep this mindset directly around the time I'm actually with her until I snap back to reality. Then I come back here for more input.

 

Anyway thanks again for everything so far, it really helps!