Should I reach out to her?

[ZayKayWill]

Thanks for the advice. My brother pretty much said the same thing. So oh well. I do feel better for getting it out though. I gotta look on the bright side my situation is nothing compared to some people...

 

And yeah that's pretty much why I was hesitating because I didn't want to look weak. Some people have said that the opposite is true that I'm being weak for not putting my heart on the line

[umirano]

I do feel better for getting it out though.

 

That's why you can write all the letters you want. Only, it's usually best to not send them.

[jamili]

Some people have said that the opposite is true that I'm being weak for not putting my heart on the line

 

Probably true logically but that's not how it would be interpreted by a dumper. Throw logic out the window when it comes to these things. Think the opposite of instinct when you are dumped.

[ZayKayWill]

I guess if she really wanted to talk to me she would have reached out by now. I guess I just feel bad because when I took her off Facebook she tried calling me a couple times and I ignored them which led to her blocking me for a little while.

 

I guess that's essentially why I wanted to reach out to her because I didn't want her to think I didn't care. Or something.

Edited January 30, 2017 by ZayKayWill

[ZayKayWill]

Just for the **** of it this is what I was planning to write. I won't do it if you guys truly don't think it was a good idea, but the only reason I thought about it was because it was actually me that initiated No Contact. She wanted to be friends but I didn't. I was gonna pour my feelings out before leaving her but my brother just told me to walk away. The fact that I unfriended her actually led her to blocking me....she unblocked me about 4 months later.

 

Hello. How you been? Bit random hearing from me, huh? Listen I need to get this off my chest. I don’t expect a reply from you. In fact, I kinda hope that you don’t. For now anyway. First off, I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for what happened between us. If I could go back in time and change everything that’s happened with us, I would. Too bad we haven’t advanced that far in life yet. Anyway, first off I just wanted to apologize for making you so upset about the gift giving. In all honesty though? I didn’t think you would have gotten so upset about it. I’m not trying to use this against you, but you claimed that *****, a person you dated for 3 years, was one of your *best* friends. Having known that information, I just don’t see why you would have gotten so triggered by my behavior. Especially since you claim that you guys are such ‘good friends’ that you would share a bed with him? Yet me just buying somebody a gift for someone’s birthday means I still have feelings? And I’m not calling you a liar. Maybe you were just being a friend by doing that. I don’t see that as an impossibility at all. But c’mon. Had you not told me that he was a best friend, I wouldn’t have done what I had done, or at the very least I would have talked to you about it first. I figured you would have understood where I was coming from. Is that really so hard to understand?

 

I know I hid some messages from you. I can’t take that back. It’s understandable why you would look at that as suspicious. Anybody would. You had every right to leave me at that point and it sucks because there’s nothing I can do about that now. I already told you why I did it, but oh well I can’t prove that that was true. Ever since that happened I’m sure you were probably suspicious of what truly was going on on the other side of the world. I get it. But in all honesty, if you truly thought that I was two-timing you, WHY would you insist that we would be friends? You accuse me of lying and being a two-timer, but yet you wanted to remain friends with me? Seriously, why? I don’t know about you, but if anyone was cheating or had feelings for someone else and yet was still dragging me along, there would be NO way that I would want to be friends with that person. If at that point you couldn’t trust me and you wanted to break up, then that’s fine, but you should have just said, “I don’t know if I can trust you. Maybe we should go our separate ways for now and maybe try to just be friends.” But no. You were so angry that you had to call me a bunch of names and get even with me. Which is fair I suppose. Anyone who feels like they’re being two-timed or cheated on would do something like that for sure. I know I would because that person deserves to be put in their place for doing something like that.

 

But you seriously had no proof of that at all. You were just going on your gut instincts. At this point I can’t prove to you that I wasn’t lying. I get it. But I really wasn’t. And I know that. I can’t make you know that, but I 100% know for a fact that I wasn’t. And whether you believe me or not is on you. I can’t control that. But c’mon. You really expected me to be okay with being friends with you after everything you said to me? It was very clear to me that you pretty much lost whatever respect you had for me. It honestly just feels to me like you were mad that I did what I did regardless if the intentions were genuine or not. You had no reason to want to be friends with me if you seriously thought I was going behind your back. How do you seriously think it made me feel that you EXPECTED me to be your friend after everything that was said and done? There was no way that that was happening. So I did what I did. I respected your wishes and walked away.

 

Again I’m not expecting a reply from you. For all I know you may have decided not to read this at all. I’m doing this for my own sanity and well being. We may never talk again. But I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I’m sorry. And no matter what I will always care about you even if you don't feel the same about me. Goodbye. Hope life is treating you well.

 

Also just FYI they didn't share a bed when we were together (AFAIK) she had told me that fact in order for her to emphasize how 'good of friends they are and how no one would compare to that kind of friendship.' She used that against me when we finally broke up. I was like, "But you're friends with your ex...whats the big deal?" Yknow?

 

Sorry I know these seems pathetic but I would love some feedback.

Edited January 31, 2017 by ZayKayWill

[Murmillo]

Just for the **** of it this is what I was planning to write. I won't do it if you guys truly don't think it was a good idea, but the only reason I thought about it was because it was actually me that initiated No Contact. She wanted to be friends but I didn't. I was gonna pour my feelings out before leaving her but my brother just told me to walk away. The fact that I unfriended her actually led her to blocking me....she unblocked me about 4 months later.

 

Hello. How you been? Bit random hearing from me, huh? Listen I need to get this off my chest. I don’t expect a reply from you. In fact, I kinda hope that you don’t. For now anyway. First off, I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for what happened between us. If I could go back in time and change everything that’s happened with us, I would. Too bad we haven’t advanced that far in life yet. Anyway, first off I just wanted to apologize for making you so upset about the gift giving. In all honesty though? I didn’t think you would have gotten so upset about it. I’m not trying to use this against you, but you claimed that *****, a person you dated for 3 years, was one of your *best* friends. Having known that information, I just don’t see why you would have gotten so triggered by my behavior. Especially since you claim that you guys are such ‘good friends’ that you would share a bed with him? Yet me just buying somebody a gift for someone’s birthday means I still have feelings? And I’m not calling you a liar. Maybe you were just being a friend by doing that. I don’t see that as an impossibility at all. But c’mon. Had you not told me that he was a best friend, I wouldn’t have done what I had done, or at the very least I would have talked to you about it first. I figured you would have understood where I was coming from. Is that really so hard to understand?

 

I know I hid some messages from you. I can’t take that back. It’s understandable why you would look at that as suspicious. Anybody would. You had every right to leave me at that point and it sucks because there’s nothing I can do about that now. I already told you why I did it, but oh well I can’t prove that that was true. Ever since that happened I’m sure you were probably suspicious of what truly was going on on the other side of the world. I get it. But in all honesty, if you truly thought that I was two-timing you, WHY would you insist that we would be friends? You accuse me of lying and being a two-timer, but yet you wanted to remain friends with me? Seriously, why? I don’t know about you, but if anyone was cheating or had feelings for someone else and yet was still dragging me along, there would be NO way that I would want to be friends with that person. If at that point you couldn’t trust me and you wanted to break up, then that’s fine, but you should have just said, “I don’t know if I can trust you. Maybe we should go our separate ways for now and maybe try to just be friends.” But no. You were so angry that you had to call me a bunch of names and get even with me. Which is fair I suppose. Anyone who feels like they’re being two-timed or cheated on would do something like that for sure. I know I would because that person deserves to be put in their place for doing something like that.

 

But you seriously had no proof of that at all. You were just going on your gut instincts. At this point I can’t prove to you that I wasn’t lying. I get it. But I really wasn’t. And I know that. I can’t make you know that, but I 100% know for a fact that I wasn’t. And whether you believe me or not is on you. I can’t control that. But c’mon. You really expected me to be okay with being friends with you after everything you said to me? It was very clear to me that you pretty much lost whatever respect you had for me. It honestly just feels to me like you were mad that I did what I did regardless if the intentions were genuine or not. You had no reason to want to be friends with me if you seriously thought I was going behind your back. How do you seriously think it made me feel that you EXPECTED me to be your friend after everything that was said and done? There was no way that that was happening. So I did what I did. I respected your wishes and walked away.

 

Again I’m not expecting a reply from you. For all I know you may have decided not to read this at all. I’m doing this for my own sanity and well being. We may never talk again. But I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I’m sorry. And no matter what I will always care about you even if you don't feel the same about me. Goodbye. Hope life is treating you well.

 

Also just FYI they didn't share a bed when we were together (AFAIK) she had told me that fact in order for her to emphasize how 'good of friends they are and how no one would compare to that kind of friendship.' She used that against me when we finally broke up. I was like, "But you're friends with your ex...whats the big deal?" Yknow?

 

Sorry I know these seems pathetic but I would love some feedback.

 

1) The 'I don't want you to reply back' is weird and even though you might think you mean it, you do want a response... A response that you would love to hear. She feels this as well.

2) What do you mean with 'too bad we haven't advanced that far in life yet'?

3) You apologize once. The rest is too much. She is not perfect either.

4) It feels a bit like you want to convince of your side of the story. Maybe there is a chance in the future to talk about this stuff but that is not now yet and will 100% not be in the next few weeks. It might take months, it might take 2 years, maybe it might never come...

 

Dont argue with her, arguing kills attraction and her attraction to you at this moment does not seem very high. The only thing that might bring it up a little again is continuing with your life and giving her some space.

[Blanco]

Way too long and way too defensive/whiny.

 

You are allowed to write your feelings down and hopefully it was therapeutic to get those feelings out. But sending that to her is a catastrophically bad idea.

[ZayKayWill]

Alright. I'll just leave it alone then. If she really wants to talk to me she will right? Like I said I just feel bad since I initiated NC so I feel she feels like I gave her a slap in the face. Thanks for putting up with me guys. You're the best. :')

[jamili]

Alright. I'll just leave it alone then. If she really wants to talk to me she will right? Like I said I just feel bad since I initiated NC so I feel she feels like I gave her a slap in the face. Thanks for putting up with me guys. You're the best. :')

 

These guys are right, NEVER sent that email lol. It will MURDER your chances, if any remain now or in the future.

 

I don't think you initiating NC will look like a slap in the face. If anything, it will look strong. You have to stop worrying about hurting her feelings. Women will respect you for being firm with them, and respecting your own feelings. NC is a powerful move. The only chance you have at this point is walking away, moving on with your life, and her someday realizing what she lost. If she sees you have moved on with your life, you might get some attraction/respect back. If she sees you still care about her/pining over her, she will see you as weak and you'll be donezo forever. Only thing you can do. Her thinking you have shut her out of your life and wish to not speak with her again, is a good thing - it's your best chance.

[Sweetfish]

Alright. I'll just leave it alone then. If she really wants to talk to me she will right? Like I said I just feel bad since I initiated NC so I feel she feels like I gave her a slap in the face. Thanks for putting up with me guys. You're the best. :')

 

Look. work on you and any issues you think you brought to the relationship. If she comes back... she comes back. If she doesnt, she doesn't.

 

There is NOTHING you can do to bring her back.

 

But anything you do WILL PUSH HER AWAY.

[ZayKayWill]

So...about a week ago my ex liked one of my posts on Facebook out of nowhere. Very very random. Basically she broke NC. Is she just playing games with me? Best thing to do is just ignore, right?

Edited July 31, 2017 by ZayKayWill

[Blanco]

Aren't you glad you didn't delete her as a FB friend? Now you get to over analyze an empty gesture on her part.

 

Been there myself. Wouldn't recommend.

[ExpatInItaly]

So...about a week ago my ex liked one of my posts on Facebook out of nowhere. Very very random. Basically she broke NC. Is she just playing games with me? Best thing to do is just ignore, right?

 

Yes. It's been a long time.

 

Unless and until she actually speaks to you, a "like" means nothing.

[dumbass2]

It means that she is feeling totally indifferent and is okay with liking things once in a while, just like she does with other people she is friends with that she doesn't see or hear from on a regular basis. Honestly there is no way for any of us to know for sure, but most likely she had reached indifference.

Edited July 31, 2017 by dumbass2

[preraph]

You WERE nuts to be buying your ex gifts, especially expensive ones. We've all already told you that in your old thread. You've been foolish and you can't buy love.

[ZayKayWill]

You WERE nuts to be buying your ex gifts, especially expensive ones. We've all already told you that in your old thread. You've been foolish and you can't buy love.

 

Her ex was one of her best friends. Not a close friend but just someone she still valued, hence why I felt she wouldn't have made it a big deal. *shrug*

 

 

And I actually did delete her. My posts are public and that's what makes it the weirdest thing. But oh well it doesn't matter anymore. I just found it weird how she did that out of nowhere.

 

 

Edited July 31, 2017 by ZayKayWill

[Tamari]

While I do agree with most other posters that this relationship is probably not going to go anywhere, I feel I must point out that your approach seems to be more self-justifying than in any way interested in what your girlfriend might or might not have been feeling at the time.

 

Getting your ex that b'day gift was indeed most inconsiderate towards your girlfriend's feelings, no matter that it meant nothing to you AND no matter that she's friends with her ex and that you don't mind about that. These are two different stories and two different people. Relationships are not about keeping score, rather they thrive on mutual respect, consideration and care which must also be demonstrated.

 

You seem to be hell-bent on justifying your actions to a bunch of strangers, but we're not the ones you were in a relationship with.

 

Show some consideration. By all means contact her to clear the air but leave out all the self-justification and focus on how she might have felt instead.

She is not you.

 

Best of luck.

[ZayKayWill]

While I do agree with most other posters that this relationship is probably not going to go anywhere, I feel I must point out that your approach seems to be more self-justifying than in any way interested in what your girlfriend might or might not have been feeling at the time.

 

Getting your ex that b'day gift was indeed most inconsiderate towards your girlfriend's feelings, no matter that it meant nothing to you AND no matter that she's friends with her ex and that you don't mind about that. These are two different stories and two different people. Relationships are not about keeping score, rather they thrive on mutual respect, consideration and care which must also be demonstrated.

 

You seem to be hell-bent on justifying your actions to a bunch of strangers, but we're not the ones you were in a relationship with.

 

Show some consideration. By all means contact her to clear the air but leave out all the self-justification and focus on how she might have felt instead.

She is not you.

 

Best of luck.

 

You can call it self justification if you want I guess but I feel it's more me just not understanding where she's coming from. You wouldn't be at all confused if someone says they have an ex as a best friend but completely goes crazy over my actions, especially when said girl uses in her defense that they are such good friends she would *share a bed* with him? And who also used in her defense that, "There's no way you guys are as good as friends as we are therefore my acions are okay and yours arent."? That just doesn't make any sense, nor does it seem very fair, to me.

 

You really don't think I constantly overanalyzed my situation to get to the bottom of it so I could understand everything and put it behind me INCLUDING her feelings on this? Im not trying to justify anything. This is just my perspective... if she wasn't friends with him this would have been a lot easier to put behind and just be like, "Alright...that's how she felt. Moving on I guess..." and I wouldnt have even made this topic, but that wasnt the case. I'm not trying to be some insensitive jerk who plays the "I'm the good guy she's the bad guy." game. I swear I'm not... *sigh*

 

Again if it was any other girl I wouldn't even be arguing with you guys. I would be completely on your side. I don't even want to reach out to her or even really talk to her anymore for that sake. Only reason why I bumped this topic was because of her breaking NC out of nowhere. I'd rather just let this whole thing die.

[bummer]

... I'd rather just let this whole thing die.

 

then let it.

[BC1980]

Aren't you glad you didn't delete her as a FB friend? Now you get to over analyze an empty gesture on her part.

 

Been there myself. Wouldn't recommend.

 

This is the greatest post ever.

[BC1980]

And I actually did delete her. My posts are public and that's what makes it the weirdest thing. But oh well it doesn't matter anymore. I just found it weird how she did that out of nowhere.

 

She either did it on impulse, or she literally does not care what you think and has no feelings for you.

 

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