Ex girlfriend doesn't want our baby

[Dad2sweetgirl]

I got my ex girlfriend of four years pregnant three years ago. We used protection, but somehow we just got lucky. I am a total idiot and was unfaithful to her, and one of our friends told her. She told me she'd abort if I came near her, so I stayed away.

 

When she had our daughter she wouldn't look at her or holds her. I of course was all over her. She left us at the hospital. We went and lived with my mom while I got a handle on things and my mom watches her while I work.

 

Now I have our almost three year old princess. She's so beautiful, she's her mommy's clone. My ex doesn't want to be with us. She signed all her rights to me. When I've tried to send her pictures I usually get them back damaged...

 

She came to her first birthday empty handed and spoke to her once. I had to excuse myself to cry. Then we saw her at the store once and I made her walk around with us. It's not one of my fimest actions and I said mean things to get her to do it... I feel bad. She's said the baby "ruined her life" whatever that means!

 

I heard she's with another man, but I want her with us!!! I want a family with her. If she ever changes her mind I have a ring for her.

 

I want to win her back and be a family what should I do?

[dreamingoftigers]

I got my ex girlfriend of four years pregnant three years ago. We used protection, but somehow we just got lucky. I am a total idiot and was unfaithful to her, and one of our friends told her. She told me she'd abort if I came near her, so I stayed away.

 

When she had our daughter she wouldn't look at her or holds her. I of course was all over her. She left us at the hospital. We went and lived with my mom while I got a handle on things and my mom watches her while I work.

 

Now I have our almost three year old princess. She's so beautiful, she's her mommy's clone. My ex doesn't want to be with us. She signed all her rights to me. When I've tried to send her pictures I usually get them back damaged...

 

She came to her first birthday empty handed and spoke to her once. I had to excuse myself to cry. Then we saw her at the store once and I made her walk around with us. It's not one of my fimest actions and I said mean things to get her to do it... I feel bad. She's said the baby "ruined her life" whatever that means!

 

I heard she's with another man, but I want her with us!!! I want a family with her. If she ever changes her mind I have a ring for her.

 

I want to win her back and be a family what should I do?

 

This ship has so sailed.

 

I'm sorry to tell you.

 

And this may not be popular here, but I understand how your ex feels. I discovered my husband cheating when I was eight months pregnant. I do love my daughter, however it completely screwed me up bonding with her.

 

I didn't abandon her of course. And many would look down on your ex for doing so. (And to a point, rightfully so, your daughter didn't ask to be born into this world and your ex is responsible for her being here.)

 

But I can say, if I felt THAT strongly about not raising my daughter and never seeing my cheating ex again, you can bet his "I wanna win you back" dance would only serve to piss me off even further.

 

It sounds as though she wanted a real family with a faithful man, and now she is taking out her anger on the wrong target: her daughter.

 

This would not be a healthy person to have around your daughter anyhow. And your daughter needs to be #1.

 

Love your daughter and if you get into another relationship, DO BETTER, DONT CHEAT.

[Satu]

snip

I heard she's with another man, but I want her with us!!! I want a family with her. If she ever changes her mind I have a ring for her.

 

I want to win her back and be a family what should I do?

 

I agree with dreamingoftigers.

 

Its never going to happen, and I don't think it would be a good idea if it did.

 

Your ex has clearly demonstrated that she has no maternal feelings towards your child.

 

Just enjoy being a Dad to your beautiful child.

 

Maybe you'll meet another woman who would want to be her mother.

 

 

Take care.

[anika99]

Why do you want to be with a woman who clearly hates your child? Doesn't your daughter deserve better than to have a mother who blame her for ruining her life? I'd wouldn't let a woman like that anywhere near my child.

 

Let her go, grieve what never was and then someday maybe you will meet a woman who will truly love your daughter as a mother should.

[anika99]

I also agree with DOT. Your ex has given you custody of your child and now she wants to get on with her life without you and without her daughter. If she had given the baby up for adoption the adoptive parents wouldn't be going after her and saying mean things to her to try to force her into a relationship with the child she gave them.

 

My first reaction to your ex was to think she was a cold hearted witch but the more I think about it the more I think it is you who is out of line here. By the sounds of it, when she discovered your cheating she no longer wanted you or your baby and was prepared to abort. It sounds like she only had the baby for your sake and when the baby was born she signed away her parental rights and gave the child to you. Now she has every right to move on in her life without you and the child, just as she would if she gave the baby up for adoption. You have no right to try to force yourself or your daughter on her. It's not fair to the little girl and it's not fair to your ex. Be happy that your ex was so agreeable when it came to giving birth and giving you the baby. Never speak badly about your ex to your daughter but for the Love of God, let her move on.

[bubbaganoosh]

The way she is towards your daughter should say it all. With that said, I wouldn't want her anywhere near either you or your daughter.

 

One other thing. She gave up her rights to the kid so as far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't tell her anything about your daughter. She's a selfish self centered woman. Forget her, move on and take care of your daughter.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

I'd do anything to take it back. I'm so in love with her... the other woman means nothing to me. when we were at the hospital she spit on me. that hurt. When I've gotten the pictures back there have been some stuff written across them about me or the baby's face scratched out. I know she's been drinking heavily, I saw all the wine she had at the store.

 

I'm not a bad guy. I wasn't abusive, I have a job, a company, money. I could give her a home... I want to... I just messed up.

 

She doesn't need to take that out on our baby either. I don't get how you couldn't want to see your beautiful baby. I want her with her mommy so bad. Our daughter calls me "mom and dad" it breaks my heart.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

Another thing, he family hasn't contacted me to see the baby, ask about her, or offer me any help. Which is in my opinion out of line.

 

I wish our friend had minded her own business. She really messed things up for our baby and our family. I mean she wasn't thrilled when we found out, but I was.

[basil67]

Another thing, he family hasn't contacted me to see the baby, ask about her, or offer me any help. Which is in my opinion out of line.

 

Think what you like, but they clearly want nothing to do with you or the baby.

 

I wish our friend had minded her own business. She really messed things up for our baby and our family. I mean she wasn't thrilled when we found out, but I was.

 

No. YOU really messed things up for the baby and family. You're really not selling yourself as being a great partner here.

[beatcuff]

No. YOU really messed things up for the baby and family. You're really not selling yourself as being a great partner here.

 

i will give you the opportunity to recant that statement, while OP ruined his relationship with his GF. That does not give the GF a 'free pass' or 'blameshift' for what she is doing to her OWN daughter. we ALL own OUR actions. GF has every right for what she is doing to him not the child.

 

OP it is apparent GF and her family has moved on (and very obvious when a mother gives up her rights) its time you do the same, if not for you then your daughter. Use the energy waiting/hoping for the GF to return instead on raising your daughter.

[GunslingerRoland]

Clearly she has no bond with her own baby... it may have been the fact that you cheated that did it, or it may be totally unrelated. But you can't magically fix their relationship, and you definitely won't win her back.

 

 

Do you get child support from her, because you should. Then move on with your life.

[BlueIris]

I got my ex girlfriend of four years pregnant three years ago. We used protection, but somehow we just got lucky. I am a total idiot and was unfaithful to her, and one of our friends told her. She told me she'd abort if I came near her, so I stayed away.

 

When she had our daughter she wouldn't look at her or holds her. I of course was all over her. She left us at the hospital. We went and lived with my mom while I got a handle on things and my mom watches her while I work.

 

Now I have our almost three year old princess. She's so beautiful, she's her mommy's clone. My ex doesn't want to be with us. She signed all her rights to me. When I've tried to send her pictures I usually get them back damaged...

 

She came to her first birthday empty handed and spoke to her once. I had to excuse myself to cry. Then we saw her at the store once and I made her walk around with us. It's not one of my fimest actions and I said mean things to get her to do it... I feel bad. She's said the baby "ruined her life" whatever that means!

 

I heard she's with another man, but I want her with us!!! I want a family with her. If she ever changes her mind I have a ring for her.

 

I want to win her back and be a family what should I do?

 

You can't win her back and saying mean things to her and "making her" do things only make it all worse.

 

Be grateful that she gave you the baby peacefully, no ugly fight.

 

Be grateful that your mom is making it possible for you to have what you want too.

 

Start appreciating what you have and what people have given to you rather than wanting more from them.

[preraph]

Leave her alone! She doesn't want any part of you and that's why she doesn't want to share custody of this baby, because it would mean having to deal with you. I'm sure she has so much pain inside because you ruined this baby for her. Leave her alone. You are no better than she is. It's a shame this child has no better options.

[SexyPenguin]

I feel sorry for you OP.

 

You have taken the huge step of minding and loving your daughter and for that I applaud you, please continue to do so and shower your little girl with all the love you can.

 

However you need to accept that the girls Mom is well and truly gone - and while its horrible and hurtful for you, you cannot change that. Hopefully someday you will meet someone who will want to be part of your little family and you are lucky your own Mother is giving you a helping hand.

 

Maybe get some counselling to help you through your feelings towards your ex. That way you can come to terms with it and it will help focus you, make you an even better father and hopefully give you some inner peace on that matter.

 

You made a mistake, a big one but you are hurting enough and paying a big enough price for that. You are angry at your ex on one front, her family and the friend so therapy may help release some of that anger and I hope you find contentment. Count yourself blessed that your ex at least cared enough to carry the child to term and let you have that beautiful baby in your life. I am sure she is hurting too in her own way but that is not your problem or concern right now.

 

You may well meet someone else who may be a super mother figure to your daughter and a wonderful companion to you. For now though my dear, your focus should be on you, your wellness and your little girl.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'd do anything to take it back. I'm so in love with her... the other woman means nothing to me. when we were at the hospital she spit on me. that hurt. When I've gotten the pictures back there have been some stuff written across them about me or the baby's face scratched out. I know she's been drinking heavily, I saw all the wine she had at the store.

 

I'm not a bad guy. I wasn't abusive, I have a job, a company, money. I could give her a home... I want to... I just messed up.

 

She doesn't need to take that out on our baby either. I don't get how you couldn't want to see your beautiful baby. I want her with her mommy so bad. Our daughter calls me "mom and dad" it breaks my heart.

 

SERIOUSLY!?!

 

Keep her the heck AWAY from your daughter.

 

I don't care what kind of fluffy feelings you have for her.

 

And yeah, cheating in a relationship is BAD. It doesn't matter if you are a "good guy" or a "bad guy." Your behaviour sucked and now you are paying for it. That's adulthood. Sometimes we even have to pay for other's bad behaviour. Sitting there saying "I'm a GOOD guy" shows a limited understanding of how relationships actually work. You can be the BEST guy in the world, but if you "mess up" by betraying your partner, expect them not to like you anymore! It wasn't an "oops," it was a series of deliberate choices that could have been stopped at any time and weren't. You don't get gold stars for NOT being abusive or having a job! That's a basic expectation. So is keeping your private parts to yourself!

 

Who cares if the OW "meant nothing." That means you only threw away your pregnant girlfriend for something that meant "nothing." So did your gf "mean less than nothing."

 

Seriously, before you get into another relationship, unravel your cheater justifications.

 

And it doesn't matter if you CAN or CAN'T UNDERSTAND the reason why your ex doesn't want to see you or the child. It's clear (BEYOND CLEAR) that she doesn't, which only exposes your child to EVEN MORE REJECTION.

 

It doesn't matter "WHY" the robber is aiming the gun at you, maybe he had a bad childhood, maybe he's 'down on his luck' maybe he lost his job. He's aiming a gun at you. That behaviour comes with consequences. Respond accordingly.

 

She's show you exactly who she is and what she wants. BELIEVE IT. Your opinion no longer counts to her. And neither does her child. BELIEVE IT.

 

Quit setting yourself and your daughter up for failure and rejection.

[dreamingoftigers]

Another thing, he family hasn't contacted me to see the baby, ask about her, or offer me any help. Which is in my opinion out of line.

 

I would think so. Now what?

 

I wish our friend had minded her own business. She really messed things up for our baby and our family. I mean she wasn't thrilled when we found out, but I was.

 

OMG. I can't believe you. (But than again I can't believe most cheaters have the gall that they do.)

 

WHO DID THE CHEATING?????

 

YOU DID THE CHEATING.

 

Not her friend, not your uncle, not the guy down the street.

 

WHO RISKED EXPOSING THEIR PREGNANT GF TO STDs?

 

YOU DID. Not her friend, not your uncle, not the guy down the street.

 

SO what did her friend do? What a friend SHOULD do? Made a move to protect her friend.

 

The very thing that YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE.

 

When you are in an intimate relationship with someone, respecting them and protecting them from outside harm is YOUR JOB. Not only did you NOT do your job, you practically nuked the workplace.

 

This is not the friend's fault. This is YOUR fault. Own it, accept it, move on from it and most importantly: DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

[anika99]

Another thing, he family hasn't contacted me to see the baby, ask about her, or offer me any help. Which is in my opinion out of line.

 

I wish our friend had minded her own business. She really messed things up for our baby and our family. I mean she wasn't thrilled when we found out, but I was.

 

Leave your ex ALONE! She has given up the baby in the same way she would have if she had given the baby up for adoption. When a woman gives up her baby for adoption her and her family are not expected to have contact with child or raise the child. She doesn't want the child. She did a kind thing in having the baby and allowing you to have her rather than abort or adopt the baby out to strangers. Now let her walk away and get on with her life. You are out of line.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

Regardless of what I've done, she should be being a mother. She should be coming to birthdays and acknowledging her child. Yes, I shouldn't have done what I did, it was probably a midlife crisis, I don't know. That does not excuse her! She had an obligation to that baby, and abortion would've been cowardly and low.

 

She should be with us. She should be a grown woman instead of a child. That's why I forced her to be with us at the store. So she could learn accountability and that you don't desert your only child.

[BlueIris]

Regardless of what I've done, she should be being a mother. She should be coming to birthdays and acknowledging her child. Yes, I shouldn't have done what I did, it was probably a midlife crisis, I don't know. That does not excuse her! She had an obligation to that baby, and abortion would've been cowardly and low.

 

She should be with us. She should be a grown woman instead of a child. That's why I forced her to be with us at the store. So she could learn accountability and that you don't desert your only child.

 

This is why the two of you can't co-parent: you don't get to decide what she should be or should do.

 

Your cheating, making her do things and saying mean things to her are all part of this mindset, that you truly believe you decide for another adult.

 

Why be angry and demand more? She gave you a beautiful daughter. You are so very lucky.

[RecentChange]

Okay here are some more unpopular points of view.....

 

Did she ever express any desire to have children or a family with you? You said protection was being used, so this wasnt a purposefully, planned, or even desired pregnancy.

 

How easy was the choice to carry this pregnancy? I see you are anti-abortion, but was she?

 

Until you give us details to the contrary, it sounds to me she carried this child for you, and if she didn't want children, that is actually a pretty selfless act.

 

As someone who NEVER wants children, this would be an absolute nightmare scenario for me. Also why I make sure that in addition to using protection, that any guy I sleep with is on board with the fact that I will not be carrying a pregnancy.

[SammySammy]

I feel for this child. Both parents are selfish.

 

The mother gave up parental rights to the child. The father has no right to demand that she do anything.

 

It's time somebody started looking at this situation realistically and do what is best for the child.

[BlueIris]

I feel for this child. Both parents are selfish.

 

The mother gave up parental rights to the child. The father has no right to demand that she do anything.

 

It's time somebody started looking at this situation realistically and do what is best for the child.

 

I agree except with that one point. There is so much pressure in our society to carry a pregnancy to term. Even if he didn’t pressure her, there is a great deal of social pressure and women who have abortions are often shamed and called killers. Back when I was growing up, girls just quietly went away and stayed with Aunt Mary with no word to anyone. I can’t fault the biological mother for having the baby and giving her to her father- who said he wanted her. I actually think that was a generous thing to do.

[SammySammy]

I agree except with that one point. There is so much pressure in our society to carry a pregnancy to term. Even if he didn’t pressure her, there is a great deal of social pressure and women who have abortions are often shamed and called killers. Back when I was growing up, girls just quietly went away and stayed with Aunt Mary with no word to anyone. I can’t fault the biological mother for having the baby and giving her to her father- who said he wanted her. I actually think that was a generous thing to do.

 

You're right, of course.

 

Many of us can appreciate her for giving birth to the child rather than aborting it.

 

Still, the child is innocent. The child had nothing to do with any of the decisions the parents made that led to this situation.

 

I can't help but feel she should show some consideration for the welfare of this child. Though she no longer has an obligation to and the father has no right to demand that she do anything. I just have a personal feeling that an adult should put a child's needs before their own. That's why I said she's selfish also.

 

I know you're right and realize she's totally within her rights to wash her hands of this situation. Just ....

[BlueIris]

You're right, of course.

 

Many of us can appreciate her for giving birth to the child rather than aborting it.

 

Still, the child is innocent. The child had nothing to do with any of the decisions the parents made that led to this situation.

 

I can't help but feel she should show some consideration for the welfare of this child. Though she no longer has an obligation to and the father has no right to demand that she do anything. I just have a personal feeling that an adult should put a child's needs before their own. That's why I said she's selfish also.

 

I know you're right and realize she's totally within her rights to wash her hands of this situation. Just ....

 

Absolutely! This is an innocent sweet child.

 

In OP's case, he can be grateful and move forward to perhaps having a loving marriage with someone else one day.

[coolheadal]

Not a good ideal to go after your ex-girl friend she clearly gave you the message that she didn't want anything to do with the child and you. Can't force her nor do you have the right to do so. What you want is not what she wants and you must respect her wishes. You cheated on her and once you do that you lost her trust and respect for you forever! Some women can tolerate a cheater but this one clearly won't tolerate you. Need to move on and forget her. Don't start trying to make her change her mind. She found someone else and let her be happy. You need to go on with your life and find someone or even go after the cheat women you were with. When you cheated on her. Never, cheat on woman you really love to be with as you do, it really can backfire and you now understand what happens!