Ex girlfriend doesn't want our baby

[anika99]

Good lord. You ignored all the valuable input you have received here and let her into your house and what did she do? Immediately started being a drama queen by crying in front of your daughter and putting your little child in the position of having to comfort an adult.

 

And what is this about she just left her bf and now you will get her a hotel room. I thought she left him weeks ago and you already got her a hotel. Stop enabling this crazy train wreck and have enough love for your daughter to protect her from this.

[ChickiePops]

Massive face palm.

 

You just exposed your child to crazy. She may not remember this exact experience but she could very well remember the feelings she had during it. Well done..you just gave your kid a massive mental scar

 

Grow some balls dude! This woman is a nut and she has no business being anywhere near you or your kid! Step up and be a good parent..your kid needs at least one of those.

 

You also desperately need to get over this chick.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

When she came back all she could talk about was the affair. if I hadn't done that things would be different. She wanted to know why, but I couldn't answer that. She asked me if it was because she wasn't good enough for me. That's not it... maybe I was afraid of losing her so I just ruined things instead. I don't know... I wish I hadn't done it. This girl made me believe in love again, and I threw it all away.

 

After I took the baby to my mom's house I went back and told her she had to leave. She immediately started saying that it was just so my "fat stalker *****" could move in. I explained, No, I don't talk to the girl I cheated on her with, she's a crazy stalker. She threw some stuff at me and left. Her cat is still here though... so... I don't know what's going to happen.

 

When the baby got home she kept looking for something. I asked her what it was and she said she was looking for the pretty girl. That made my heart break. I do wonder if she knew that was her mommy. The fact that she was so into her was so weird. I've never seen her take that much interest in a stranger before.

[whichwayisup]

When she came back all she could talk about was the affair. if I hadn't done that things would be different. She wanted to know why, but I couldn't answer that. She asked me if it was because she wasn't good enough for me. That's not it... maybe I was afraid of losing her so I just ruined things instead. I don't know... I wish I hadn't done it. This girl made me believe in love again, and I threw it all away.

 

After I took the baby to my mom's house I went back and told her she had to leave. She immediately started saying that it was just so my "fat stalker *****" could move in. I explained, No, I don't talk to the girl I cheated on her with, she's a crazy stalker. She threw some stuff at me and left. Her cat is still here though... so... I don't know what's going to happen.

 

When the baby got home she kept looking for something. I asked her what it was and she said she was looking for the pretty girl. That made my heart break. I do wonder if she knew that was her mommy. The fact that she was so into her was so weird. I've never seen her take that much interest in a stranger before.

 

Your ex needs counseling so badly. If there's one thing you can do for her, get her help.

 

She shouldn't be around your child, that's toxic and damaging.

 

Does she not have other friends, or family members she can stay with? do you wonder why she ran to you? she knew you wouldn't close the door on her and tell her to go away.

 

And yes, your daughter 'felt' the connection with her mom even though she's unaware of the truth.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

In fifteen years I don't want my daughter to ask me why I didn't help her mom. I want to say I tried. I want to be able to say that I helped the woman that helped me. That's a big reason I'm doing this.

 

Tonight the baby asked if the pretty girl was coming back. I told her I didn't know. Then, I asked her why. She said that she just makes her happy... because she's nice and pretty. She is pretty, but I didn't observe her doing anything nice... I know that's a lot of stock in a three year old 's feelings, but I found it interesting.

[ChickiePops]

In fifteen years I don't want my daughter to ask me why I didn't help her mom. I want to say I tried. I want to be able to say that I helped the woman that helped me. That's a big reason I'm doing this.

 

Tonight the baby asked if the pretty girl was coming back. I told her I didn't know. Then, I asked her why. She said that she just makes her happy... because she's nice and pretty. She is pretty, but I didn't observe her doing anything nice... I know that's a lot of stock in a three year old 's feelings, but I found it interesting.

 

If she asks that, you should tell her that you cannot help people who don't want to be helped, and that women are perfectly capable of standing on their own two feet..we do not need to be rescued by men.

 

The biggest reason you're doing this is because you're not over her, and you know it.

[basil67]

ChickiePops is right. On top of what she wrote, I will also add that you need to talk about boundaries with people who aren't stable.

[SoulCat]

This woman is playing you like a violin. And you let her, to the detriment of your daughter.

 

You say your little girl has already taken a shine to her. What if, in the heat of one of her tantrums she tells your daughter 'I am your mommy'?

 

Your daughter is only going to be negatively affected by having your ex around.

Your ex is toxic to the both of you right now.

She needs to do some serious work on herself.

 

 

And actually, the same goes for you. Sure, you did a really sh*tty thing by cheating on her but it's time for you to forgive yourself and let go of the guilt.

Because that guilt you feel towards your ex is always going to allow her to put her foot in the door of your life, and that of your daughter.

 

Don't let that happen.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

You're right, I adore her. If she came back I'd kiss the dirt she walked on. I realize in doing that my aging mother would probably disown me, and that might kill me...

 

I was engaged in my early twenties, and was also head over heels in love with my fiancee. Two months before we were going to get married she was killed in a car accident. I was never going to love again after that. I stayed very single until I met this woman. We weren't going to have a baby, but when we did a lot of things I struggled with for years made sense. They taught me to love again.

 

When she was here we talked about how much I've changed, and how much I've given up for our daughter and it doesn't bug me. In many ways it's made me so much happier. It's given me purpose, it got me closer to my mom, it got me away from alcohol, and it's made me a better man.

 

If she did the whole "I'm your mommy" thing it would just crush my baby. I think anyway. it would crush me...I hope she doesn't do anything like that... I do want our daughter to know, and I want them to be close when time is right. I think that moms are so important.

[basil67]

You adore your ex? Why? Serious question. We're talking about a woman who's unable to look after herself, let alone nurture a child in a healthy manner.

 

Raising a child in a loving, stable single parent environment is far more sensible than having a mother around who is incapable of being a good role model.

Edited November 10, 2016 by basil67

[SoulCat]

If she did the whole "I'm your mommy" thing it would just crush my baby. I think anyway. it would crush me...I hope she doesn't do anything like that...

 

 

Why are you taking such a passive stance here? You can, and should make sure she doesn't do that. By keeping her away from your daughter.

 

You do realise that if she blurt out she's your little girl's mon, that is a bell you can't ever unring, right?

[basil67]

Why are you taking such a passive stance here? You can, and should make sure she doesn't do that. By keeping her away from your daughter.

 

You do realise that if she blurt out she's your little girl's mon, that is a bell you can't ever unring, right?

 

And then your daughter will be burdened with a mother who clearly cannot parent. A mother who will cause more damage than growth.

[ChickiePops]

You're right, I adore her. If she came back I'd kiss the dirt she walked on. I realize in doing that my aging mother would probably disown me, and that might kill me...

 

I was engaged in my early twenties, and was also head over heels in love with my fiancee. Two months before we were going to get married she was killed in a car accident. I was never going to love again after that. I stayed very single until I met this woman. We weren't going to have a baby, but when we did a lot of things I struggled with for years made sense. They taught me to love again.

 

When she was here we talked about how much I've changed, and how much I've given up for our daughter and it doesn't bug me. In many ways it's made me so much happier. It's given me purpose, it got me closer to my mom, it got me away from alcohol, and it's made me a better man.

 

If she did the whole "I'm your mommy" thing it would just crush my baby. I think anyway. it would crush me...I hope she doesn't do anything like that... I do want our daughter to know, and I want them to be close when time is right. I think that moms are so important.

 

I'm very sorry about your fiancee.

 

I know you're hurting and you're still in love with this woman but you are a father and you don't get to be selfish anymore. You KNOW that what's best for your kid is not to have this woman around her unless she cleans up her act and unless you can guarantee that she's not going to abandon her.

 

You can't save your ex but you can save your daughter. It's your job to protect her so start doing it.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

You adore your ex? Why?

 

Well, she's beautiful, she's thoughtful, she's intelligent, she's athletic, she's talented, she's driven, she makes me laugh, she is one of the most incredible people I've ever known.

 

She got a long with my mom, and that was a big deal. They would go to lunch, to dinner, shopping, spa days, and that meant so much to me. When she told my mom I cheated on her my mom actually stopped speaking to me for a few months. Then, for whatever reason they got in a huge fight after we split and my mom won't even say her name.

 

I hurt all the women in my life, and I hate myself for it.

 

She's staying with some of our friends. That makes me feel better, I was worried she was out in her car...

[Dad2sweetgirl]

She came by to see her cat last night. When the baby saw her she did this excited scream thing and ran off. My ex looked at me and said "what was that?" Couldn't tell her, I've never heard that noise before. Then she came back with her blanket and favorite book. She put the blanket on her mom, and handed her the book, and sat next to her. She read her the book, and asked her if she's been helping me take care of the cat. She told her yes and she loves him. Then they both sat there holding hands for a few minutes. My ex asked me if I think she knows, but truthfully, I don't. I can't think of an instance where I've shown her a picture and said anything about her being her mommy that she would remember.

 

I motioned to her it was time for her to go and followed her outside. I told her she can't come back here until she's sober and clean, because I think she's on something too. She just acts so weird. She got mad and asked me why I am so mean and why I have to ruin everything. I "have no idea what she wants" I asked her what that is then and she just started to cry, so I went back inside. I don't think she knows what she wants. But, I can't just let my baby start getting attached to someone who isn't stable. When she figures it out, they can sit together, and read, and do whatever until their hearts are content, but when she's sober. The only thing I won't let her have is her rights back. The only way that would happen is if we got married. I won't tell her that, but if we did for whatever reason, I would let her have her rights. Not as a condition for her to marry me though.

 

I hate being the villain. That's what I'm worried she'll make me into now. I mean, I already am, but I hope she doesn't make it worse.

[LonelyInsomniac]

If you want her to find out who her mother is on your terms, get that out of the way ASAP.

 

Part of her already knows, and she'll need to have that acknowledged some day. Hiding it doesn't make things easier on her: it makes things easier on you. If she has to put the rest of the pieces together herself later on, she is going to (rightfully) feel betrayed.

 

She's 3. You don't have to give her the dirty details. A simple summary, like "that's your mother. Sometimes adults make big mistakes and need to be apart, now let's build a Lego castle" should be enough to answer some of your daughter's natural curiosity about her own origins.