Ex girlfriend doesn't want our baby

[anika99]

You're right, of course.

 

Many of us can appreciate her for giving birth to the child rather than aborting it.

 

Still, the child is innocent. The child had nothing to do with any of the decisions the parents made that led to this situation.

 

I can't help but feel she should show some consideration for the welfare of this child. Though she no longer has an obligation to and the father has no right to demand that she do anything. I just have a personal feeling that an adult should put a child's needs before their own. That's why I said she's selfish also.

 

I know you're right and realize she's totally within her rights to wash her hands of this situation. Just ....

 

So do you think women who give up their child for adoption are selfish and that they should remain in the child's life? Perhaps in this situation it would have been better for both the mother and the baby to have given the baby up to adoptive parents rather than the father who is obsessively trying to make her be a part of his life

[anika99]

Regardless of what I've done, she should be being a mother. She should be coming to birthdays and acknowledging her child. Yes, I shouldn't have done what I did, it was probably a midlife crisis, I don't know. That does not excuse her! She had an obligation to that baby, and abortion would've been cowardly and low.

 

She should be with us. She should be a grown woman instead of a child. That's why I forced her to be with us at the store. So she could learn accountability and that you don't desert your only child.

 

Again, she does not have an obligation. She signed away her parental rights and she is free to go. The bolded makes me think you are obsessed with her and I'm beginning to understand why she wants to cut all ties with you. I thought you were some young guy in his twenties but now you say you are middle aged. At your age you should understand that there are consequences for your actions and that you cannot make anyone be with you. Your ex had every right to end her relationship with you once she became aware that you cheated on her. She owes you nothing. She gave up her parental rights and she doesn't want to keep any ties with you or the baby (I suspect part of the reason she doesn't want to keep in touch with your daughter is because it would mean having contact with you). I think you best leave her alone and accept reality.

[dreamingoftigers]

Regardless of what I've done, she should be being a mother. She should be coming to birthdays and acknowledging her child. Yes, I shouldn't have done what I did, it was probably a midlife crisis, I don't know. That does not excuse her! She had an obligation to that baby, and abortion would've been cowardly and low.

 

She should be with us. She should be a grown woman instead of a child. That's why I forced her to be with us at the store. So she could learn accountability and that you don't desert your only child.

 

Well, what exactly can you do now that she has?

 

I get it. I thought my husband was going to desert our daughter when he went back to drinking and went absent for months. I mean, during that time, he DID desert her.

 

BUT: you can't force someone to grow up or to parent.

 

If you try, that's only controlling, disingenuine and dysfunctional.

 

It's like trying to force someone to love you. It doesn't work.

 

Your choices are a) accept what she is and what she has done. That doesn't mean you agree with it. It means you accept that she is an adult that made adult choices that she and others have to live with the consequences of.

 

Or B) band your head against a brick wall trying to manipulate her into being involved with your child. Let me tell you something: you won't get far emotionally or legally. You can't "nice" her back, you can't intimidate her back (for long anyway). You can't force genuine feelings of affection from someone that resents you.

[SammySammy]

So do you think women who give up their child for adoption are selfish and that they should remain in the child's life? Perhaps in this situation it would have been better for both the mother and the baby to have given the baby up to adoptive parents rather than the father who is obsessively trying to make her be a part of his life

 

No, I don't think women who give up their child for adoption are selfish. Adoption is often the best decision for all involved.

 

My problem with this situation is the birthday party and store situations.

 

I understand her not wanting to have a child and respect her decision to relinquish her parental rights, but do so with consideration for the child's development and well-being.

 

Being around randomly, but acting coldly or weird toward the child is harmful. If she can't treat the child decently, then she should get out of the child's life totally. Anything less is selfish in my opinion.

 

I agree that it probably would have been better to let an adoptive couple have the child.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

We'd spoken of having families someday, but not really together. She is a younger woman and it's my belief she wanted a young husband...

I love our daughter. I'd do anything to make her happy so I wouldn't have signed any adoption papers.

 

I don't want the woman I slept with. I'm not even attracted to her. She's sloppy, overweight and uneducated. The mother of my child is the opposite, and is drop dead gorgeous.

 

I don't like the way she treats our baby and I think she needs to grow up and be a mother.

[MrDuck]

My ex found out she was pregnant a few weeks after we broke up.. There was no cheating involved, we just young, and it wasn't fun anymore. We didn't fit together well as a serious couple, we were better friends, we'd just begun to make each other miserable I guess.

 

Anyway, she hits me up to tell me she's pregnant.

She didn't want kids, but she acknowledged the fact that it was my baby too and wanted to know how I felt.

I wanted him, I was young, I was travelling the world, it was totally impractical, but I wanted him.

 

I am eternally grateful to her. Not only did she give me my wonderful son, and he is perfect in every way. But she believed in me, and in my ability to be a father when most people wouldn't have.

She will always have a place in my heart for that.

 

We kept travelling together while she was pregnant but once she had our son she went her way and me and Bodhi went ours.

 

I email her from time to time, she's met him a couple of times, I think for his benefit its good for him to at least know who she is (I never knew my mum), but mostly she's just stayed out of our lives. Of course ideally he'd have his mum and dad but ..This is the way it is.

 

You have to be greatful for what shes done and respect her decision. I want to be a dad, you obviously want to be a dad! Why is it fair to force someone else to be a mother? We don't have that right. Live and let live.

 

I certainly hope my son will grow up to be a man well rounded enough to understand that

[mikeylo]

[but she believed in me, and in my ability to be a father when most people wouldn't have.

She will always have a place in my heart for that.]

 

Sorry to burst your bubble. She didn't believe in you. She made you believe that she believed in you so that you take full responsibility of the baby that she didn't want. It was more to not make you resent her than believing in you. To stay in your good books for whatever reasons.

 

OP, bring up your little princess with all the love and care you can. Give her your all. Kids need to feel loved , even if it's just one parent. Both are ideal but we don't live in an ideal world. If you cajole your ex to come back or accept the child , the child will pick up the vibes and that feeling of rejection from a parent is worse than anything in the world.

[MJJean]

We'd spoken of having families someday, but not really together. She is a younger woman and it's my belief she wanted a young husband...

I love our daughter. I'd do anything to make her happy so I wouldn't have signed any adoption papers.

 

I don't want the woman I slept with. I'm not even attracted to her. She's sloppy, overweight and uneducated. The mother of my child is the opposite, and is drop dead gorgeous.

 

I don't like the way she treats our baby and I think she needs to grow up and be a mother.

 

I don't think you understand the situation.

 

How you feel about your ex is irrelevant. How you feel about the OW is irrelevant. Your ex has made it very clear that she is not interested in any relationship with you or your daughter.

 

Your ex made the adult decision. She became accidentally pregnant, did not want to become a mother, so gave the child to a loving parent to raise. Now it's your turn to do the adult thing and accept that she does not want the child or you.

 

Lord, I hope she has the sense to move before she becomes seriously involved, gets married, and has kids.

[coolheadal]

We'd spoken of having families someday, but not really together. She is a younger woman and it's my belief she wanted a young husband...

I love our daughter. I'd do anything to make her happy so I wouldn't have signed any adoption papers.

 

I don't want the woman I slept with. I'm not even attracted to her. She's sloppy, overweight and uneducated. The mother of my child is the opposite, and is drop dead gorgeous.

 

I don't like the way she treats our baby and I think she needs to grow up and be a mother.

 

 

What gets me why did you cheat? See if you didn't you wouldn't be in this situation. You can't take anyone for granted. What you did would be spoken out if you didn't mention it to someone else. Now that the cat is out of the bag. Your suffering. Just have to be a great father to your child that's the best you can do for now. The mother doesn't want you because of the type of man you have turned out. I could never do what you did it would go against what I believe. So many guys do what you do and they have to pay the price. Now be the man you have to be and be a father to your baby girl. She's the one that counts now you have to do what's the best for her. I wish I had kids but like you the woman did what you did. Now you have chance to prove to everyone and yourself that you are man enough to make this work!

[dreamingoftigers]

We'd spoken of having families someday, but not really together. She is a younger woman and it's my belief she wanted a young husband...

I love our daughter. I'd do anything to make her happy so I wouldn't have signed any adoption papers.

 

I don't want the woman I slept with. I'm not even attracted to her. She's sloppy, overweight and uneducated. The mother of my child is the opposite, and is drop dead gorgeous.

 

I don't like the way she treats our baby and I think she needs to grow up and be a mother.

 

Well. That's an opinion, I guess.

 

And she doesn't agree with you and has followed-through on that choice.

 

So " You should."

"No"

"You should...."

"No"

"You should"

"No"

"You should"

"No"

 

(Ad infinitum)

 

I get that you are having trouble coping with her decision.

 

And often people that have trouble coping with their own emotions try controlling others.

How do you find that is working for you so far?

 

And really, what the heck does it matter if one woman you slept with is physically less desirable than the other?

 

That didn't seem to be a deciding factor for you then and clearly isn't a deciding factor for your ex now. In other words, you traded your relationship with you ex for someone you describe as "sloppy, overweight and uneducated."

 

So it also seems that you treat at both your relationships and sexual encounters with a jarring level of disrespect.

 

Your life circumstance is merely the consequence of those choices.

[MrDuck]

[but she believed in me, and in my ability to be a father when most people wouldn't have.

She will always have a place in my heart for that.]

 

Sorry to burst your bubble. She didn't believe in you. She made you believe that she believed in you so that you take full responsibility of the baby that she didn't want. It was more to not make you resent her than believing in you. To stay in your good books for whatever reasons.

 

Maybe, maybe not, either way its not like it's gonna break my heart, me and her are way in the past and I have my son.

But at the end of the day I was 17, I didn't have a place to call home, I didn't have a family, I didn't ever have an example of how to be a good parent, or even a half way decent one ..... a lot of girls in the same situation probably wouldn't of taken what I wanted into consideration too much. She felt if I honestly wanted to raise my son, then she would continue with the pregnancy. She didn't have too. The law would have been on her side. I remain forever greatful for that.

 

BUT OP, you have to understand... we met at an airport, she flipped a coin to decide on where she was going to go, as soon as she did I decided I was going wherever she was!

I love that nonconformist, super laid back, approach to life. I live my own life along those lines.

We started off casual, travelling buddies, friends with benefits, then that became a relationship. We had some great times together, but as time went on, in our relationship I was having to be the practical one, sort out details, rein her in, and it didn't make me happy. In the end we made great friends but a terrible couple, so we ended it...

 

...I always thought we would still be friends, and for a while, we were. We stayed travellign together while she was pregnant, as mates, and it was good! We got on like we always had...

 

...Having my son, wrecked that...

 

..totally a hundred million times worth it!!!...

 

...but still...

 

...since I've had my son, its awkward between us, I think it always will be. Its not common for a women not to raise her kid, and I think she feels guilt on some level. Likewise I probably expect her to feel like I do, how could she not be totally amazed by this wonderful little boy? But of course she doesn't because he's my son now not ours.

 

Yes, I email her a few times a year, but I wouldn't have a clue how to talk to her anymore like we used to.. that's gone!

 

I've met her a few times since he was born, last when he was about 5, and you know what? It was awkward! I like to think I can chat to anyone, I think she's exactly the same, but talking to each other is weird now.

 

Its a choice OP. For me its easy, having my son instead of being her friend, was by far the smartest choice. You obviously still hold a torch for your ex that I don't, but I do believe that when you have a baby, and one parent elects to raise it and the other walks away, you make a gap between you that's too wide to cross.

You made your choice to cheat. You made your choice to raise your daughter. She made her choice to go. So let her go!!

You might not agree with her choices, she might not agree with yours, but we all have the right to make our own choices!!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

OP, I get that you really want to give your daughter her mother. (Or you want to use her daughter as a manipulation to get her mother to come back to you. Either/or.)

 

But I had to learn the hard way that you CAN'T give your child the other parent if the other parent doesn't want to.

 

You can only be responsible for giving her a Dad. And she will always know who was there for her and who wasn't.

 

And frankly, I also think you need to shore up your respect issues regarding the women in your life.

 

What if your daughter was "overweight, sloppy and uneducated?" Does that mean she deserves to be used and judged by a guy who is "in love with someone else" and is just trying to get his rocks off?

 

And if your daughter was dating a guy that got her pregnant, then turned out to be cheating on her, should she have to stay with that guy because "the other woman was sloppy, overweight and uneducated and meant nothing."

 

I really hope that you want your daughter to see something better from you thanks excuses and hollow apologies. Like some real character regarding women so she can have a hope of finding a decent guy when she's older.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

I'm going to raise her so that if she's ever in the situation my ex is in she'll know that her child is the most important thing. I'd tell her if the guy in question says he's sorry and loves her and wants to give her everything she's never had she should stay.

 

I'd also raise her to never be like the woman I had an affair with. I don't know what I was thinking messing around with her.

 

I think my ex is an alcoholic and she needs treatment. If she'd just do that things would be so much better.

[MJJean]

I'm going to raise her so that if she's ever in the situation my ex is in she'll know that her child is the most important thing. I'd tell her if the guy in question says he's sorry and loves her and wants to give her everything she's never had she should stay.

 

I'd also raise her to never be like the woman I had an affair with. I don't know what I was thinking messing around with her.

 

I think my ex is an alcoholic and she needs treatment. If she'd just do that things would be so much better.

 

You'd actually tell your beautiful daughter to stay with a man who cheated on her if he says he's sorry and that he loves her?? Really???

 

Try telling her that a man who loves her wouldn't cheat on her.

[noelle303]

OP, it's not your cheating that caused this woman not to be a part of her daughter's life and you need to stop treating the situation as such.

 

She simply does not want to be a mother. She probably wouldn't want to be a mother even if you guys had stayed together. One does not simply lack all maternal and loving feelings toward their own child just because the situation isn't perfect.

 

While your cheating was horrible, it's not the root of the problem.

 

I understand feeling horrible because your daughter does not have a mother in her life, you can't make her want to become a mother. She may come around one day and you can keep the door open, but right now you need to make peace with it and focus on being a loving single dad.

 

Plenty of women are faced with the same thing because of deadbeat dads, so it wouldn't hurt to get some support from local single parent groups.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm going to raise her so that if she's ever in the situation my ex is in she'll know that her child is the most important thing. I'd tell her if the guy in question says he's sorry and loves her and wants to give her everything she's never had she should stay.

 

BARF! you've clearly never been cheated on and experienced the trauma of it.

 

It's a form of abuse. And cheaters rarely change within the same relationship.

 

I'd also raise her to never be like the woman I had an affair with. I don't know what I was thinking messing around with her.

 

"Dear daughter, don't gain weight or a guy like me will come along and use you and ditch you."

 

That sounds healthy

 

I think my ex is an alcoholic and she needs treatment. If she'd just do that things would be so much better.

 

She sounds like such a catch.

 

Clearly you two were perfect for each other and she just needs you to tell her what to do and how to do it. Especially with your moral compass so finely tuned.

[dreamingoftigers]

OP, it's not your cheating that caused this woman not to be a part of her daughter's life and you need to stop treating the situation as such.

 

She simply does not want to be a mother. She probably wouldn't want to be a mother even if you guys had stayed together. One does not simply lack all maternal and loving feelings toward their own child just because the situation isn't perfect.

 

While your cheating was horrible, it's not the root of the problem.

 

I understand feeling horrible because your daughter does not have a mother in her life, you can't make her want to become a mother. She may come around one day and you can keep the door open, but right now you need to make peace with it and focus on being a loving single dad.

 

Plenty of women are faced with the same thing because of deadbeat dads, so it wouldn't hurt to get some support from local single parent groups.

 

Honestly, I think with some people it really can screw things up.

 

I was cheated on during pregnancy and I instantly didn't want the baby. I don't like to think back to that time, even just to post in this thread. Being cheated on completely wrecked me at the time and I didn't even get to enjoy "becoming a family instead of a couple with the baby I thought I could never have"..... For even five minutes.

 

The BIG difference was that I KNEW that it was exactly was because of what he had done. I decided that my daughter deserved better from me than that and I have worked through A LOT of emotional sewage to bond with her.

 

I just had another baby and I can say that the bonding experience has been completely different. It was as easy as holding him, protecting him, eye contact and smiles. I feel my world move with him. I couldn't feel that with my daughter for months. I still did the playing, eye contact smiles etc. I cared for her diligently. I also redirected my resent squarely on my husband. But it was definitely not what a new mother experience should have been. It also made me realize that I don't think my own mother attached to me normally because she passed me off to my grandmother shortly after birth.

 

It's tragically sad. I really feel like those early months with my daughter were stolen from me. But there's simply nothing else that can be done about it.

 

This father took his daughter home right out of the hospital. It's entirely possible the mother feels no other connection to her besides resent.

[noelle303]

Honestly, I think with some people it really can screw things up.

 

I was cheated on during pregnancy and I instantly didn't want the baby. I don't like to think back to that time, even just to post in this thread. Being cheated on completely wrecked me at the time and I didn't even get to enjoy "becoming a family instead of a couple with the baby I thought I could never have"..... For even five minutes.

 

The BIG difference was that I KNEW that it was exactly was because of what he had done. I decided that my daughter deserved better from me than that and I have worked through A LOT of emotional sewage to bond with her.

 

I just had another baby and I can say that the bonding experience has been completely different. It was as easy as holding him, protecting him, eye contact and smiles. I feel my world move with him. I couldn't feel that with my daughter for months. I still did the playing, eye contact smiles etc. I cared for her diligently. I also redirected my resent squarely on my husband. But it was definitely not what a new mother experience should have been. It also made me realize that I don't think my own mother attached to me normally because she passed me off to my grandmother shortly after birth.

 

It's tragically sad. I really feel like those early months with my daughter were stolen from me. But there's simply nothing else that can be done about it.

 

This father took his daughter home right out of the hospital. It's entirely possible the mother feels no other connection to her besides resent.

 

I understand that it can affect the situation, but a complete lack of any sort of feelings and even scratching and destroying pictures - that's not just because of the cheating (which she has probably moved on from by now due to the fact that she's in a new relationship).

 

This woman clearly has no desire to be a mother and evidently has other issues. If the OP did not cheat, I doubt that she would have lasted very long anyway. There's plenty of mothers who do not feel an immediate bond but still love their child and choose to care for it. This woman does not even want to lay eyes on her daughter 3 years in.

 

I became a mother in difficult circumstances. The father was a MM who lashed out at me when he found out I was pregnant and said things that I don't even want to repeat now. We ended all contact when I was around 5-6 months pregnant and by the time I had her I was completely on my own. But none of that mattered when she was born and I became her mom.

 

Women who want to be mothers do so no matter what. There are women who struggle with PPD for years but still try everyday to be the best mothers they can be.

 

OP's ex does not want to be a mother and probably never did. And that's ok. She probably should have taken measures to prevent pregnancy, but that's over with and she gave full custody to the father. It is what it is, the only thing OP can do now is file for child support. If she is still the legal parent she should be contributing financially.

[dreamingoftigers]

I understand that it can affect the situation, but a complete lack of any sort of feelings and even scratching and destroying pictures - that's not just because of the cheating (which she has probably moved on from by now due to the fact that she's in a new relationship).

 

This woman clearly has no desire to be a mother and evidently has other issues. If the OP did not cheat, I doubt that she would have lasted very long anyway. There's plenty of mothers who do not feel an immediate bond but still love their child and choose to care for it. This woman does not even want to lay eyes on her daughter 3 years in.

 

I became a mother in difficult circumstances. The father was a MM who lashed out at me when he found out I was pregnant and said things that I don't even want to repeat now. We ended all contact when I was around 5-6 months pregnant and by the time I had her I was completely on my own. But none of that mattered when she was born and I became her mom.

 

Women who want to be mothers do so no matter what. There are women who struggle with PPD for years but still try everyday to be the best mothers they can be.

 

OP's ex does not want to be a mother and probably never did. And that's ok. She probably should have taken measures to prevent pregnancy, but that's over with and she gave full custody to the father. It is what it is, the only thing OP can do now is file for child support. If she is still the legal parent she should be contributing financially.

 

I know your circumstance and posted on your original thread. You went into a situation knowing he was married and clearly that didn't bother you enough (at the time) to engage in the situation.

 

Some people, like myself, are really very emotionally triggered by unmonogamous behavior.

 

I don't judge anyone in an open honest circumstance. And please don't think I am judging you. My overarching point is to say that "difficult circumstances" are not the same as actually experiencing being cheated on during pregnancy. FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.

 

Nor was it about PPD for me.

 

I was eight months pregnant with an anticipated child when I found out about my husband's activities, it fcked with my brain in ways I could not have predicted or anticipated. Including a huge bonding disruption with my unborn daughter.

 

Abandonment happens. It happens throughout the animal kingdom. The factors may very well be different for everyone.

 

The reason I did not outright abandon was because my own parents treated me very poorly growing up and I didn't want to pass those feelings of inadequacy onto an innocent party. (My daughter). It may not be the same for his ex. She may not have the level of empathy for the child, figuring her father wants her and can do the job, "now leave me alone and stop reminding me that my first shot at motherhood is a train-wreck."

 

Sure, she's probably "over the cheating." In the sense that she's largely shoved the OP far and away. Bit that doesn't mean she AT ALL wants to be contacted by him or be constantly reminded of his fck up. I honestly think the OP is trying to use the daughter to purely, clearly manipulate his ex back into a RELATIONSHIP, by guilting and attempting to control her with the daughter.

 

And yes, you are right, his ex DOES have issues. But if she had what she wanted with the OP, she may have been MORE than happy to try having a family with him.

 

None of us can say for certain one way or the other.

 

But I can say from my own experience that bonding with a child can be shattered when the primary relationship becomes a traumatizing environment. Something I wish people that engage cheating realize.

 

And why would she feel MORE bonded with a child three years later that she WASN'T able to bond with AT ALL in the first place.

[Dad2sweetgirl]

I'm the first one to admit I messed up. I shouldn't have done what I did. I'm also the first one to say I love her. She's so great, and I wish she would get herself together.

 

That's not me taking the high road, it's being concerned about her drinking. The last few times I've seen her she's smelled like booze. I could definitely smell it on her at our baby's birthday party.

 

Part of it might be her own unstable childhood. Her father was always losing jobs, they were always moving, and at one point lived in a shed. He left the family when she was about thirteen and I don't think she's heard from him since.

 

I'm not like that and I think it scares her. There's never going to be a point in my life now where I don't have money and I don't think she understands that. There's never going to be that much uncertainty and I could give her the family and home life she never had. I wish she understood that.

[noelle303]

I'm the first one to admit I messed up. I shouldn't have done what I did. I'm also the first one to say I love her. She's so great, and I wish she would get herself together.

 

That's not me taking the high road, it's being concerned about her drinking. The last few times I've seen her she's smelled like booze. I could definitely smell it on her at our baby's birthday party.

 

Part of it might be her own unstable childhood. Her father was always losing jobs, they were always moving, and at one point lived in a shed. He left the family when she was about thirteen and I don't think she's heard from him since.

 

I'm not like that and I think it scares her. There's never going to be a point in my life now where I don't have money and I don't think she understands that. There's never going to be that much uncertainty and I could give her the family and home life she never had. I wish she understood that.

 

What you can't (or better said, didn't) give her is what she wants more than your money - loyalty and faithfulness.

 

She's not a puppy you can rescue, she's a human being with her own emotions and opinions. And her stance right now is that she does not want you and she does not want to be a part of her daughter's life. That's her decision and she never asked you to change or fix that nor gave any indication that she wants to change or fix that.

 

Maybe it wouldn't be a terrible idea to get yourself into some counseling so you can get better understanding of these boundaries, of yourself and being a single father. Instead of being focused on ''rescuing'' her, try and ''rescue'' yourself. It will be a much more rewarding and useful experience.

[Toodaloo]

I'm the first one to admit I messed up. I shouldn't have done what I did. I'm also the first one to say I love her. She's so great, and I wish she would get herself together.

 

That's not me taking the high road, it's being concerned about her drinking. The last few times I've seen her she's smelled like booze. I could definitely smell it on her at our baby's birthday party.

 

Part of it might be her own unstable childhood. Her father was always losing jobs, they were always moving, and at one point lived in a shed. He left the family when she was about thirteen and I don't think she's heard from him since.

 

I'm not like that and I think it scares her. There's never going to be a point in my life now where I don't have money and I don't think she understands that. There's never going to be that much uncertainty and I could give her the family and home life she never had. I wish she understood that.

 

None of this matters. She doesn't want you. She doesn't even like you very much. She doesn't want her daughter and clearly doesn't like her daughter.

 

Time for you to move on and leave her alone. You can't force her to do anything. Just leave her alone. Get on with raising your daughter. And trust me the day will come when if she is cheated on you will want to take that scrote by the neck and throttle him... Do not blame your ex. She has tried to make this simple. Leave her alone.

[preraph]

OP, you're just trying to use this child as blackmail to force the mother back to you and to share responsibility with the child. But she dislikes you so intensely that she isn't going to do it and is willing to give you her child to be done with you. Leave her alone. Understand that every day, men leave women alone to care for their children, so this is not a new concept to us. It's just in reverse. Just like them, all you are entitled to is some money for child support. You are not entitled to make her see you or the baby. You screwed up three people's lives here, at minimum.

[Timshel]

My ex doesn't want to be with us. She signed all her rights to me. When I've tried to send her pictures I usually get them back damaged...

 

Dad to a sweet girl...your ex is done.

 

The person that will suffer for you hanging on is your daughter. If you teach her that her existence is lacking without her biological mother, she will believe you.

 

Keep this in mind, dad, whilst you try to force her mother into your daughter's life.

[Whoknew30]

This ship has so sailed.

 

I'm sorry to tell you.

 

And this may not be popular here, but I understand how your ex feels. I discovered my husband cheating when I was eight months pregnant. I do love my daughter, however it completely screwed me up bonding with her.

 

I didn't abandon her of course. And many would look down on your ex for doing so. (And to a point, rightfully so, your daughter didn't ask to be born into this world and your ex is responsible for her being here.)

 

But I can say, if I felt THAT strongly about not raising my daughter and never seeing my cheating ex again, you can bet his "I wanna win you back" dance would only serve to piss me off even further.

 

It sounds as though she wanted a real family with a faithful man, and now she is taking out her anger on the wrong target: her daughter.

 

This would not be a healthy person to have around your daughter anyhow. And your daughter needs to be #1.

 

Love your daughter and if you get into another relationship, DO BETTER, DONT CHEAT.

 

This is ridiculous & an excuse for the most selfish act of all that's ten times worse than cheating...giving up your child bc you got cheated on!

 

 

My mom caught my dad cheating pregnant with me & never let her affect her raising or love or bonding with me. All that says is a man did to her is more important than love of your child. Someone like that should never have a baby...ever. My H could send me video of him having sex with a hundred women & id never use that as excuse.

 

Cheating is no excuse or reason to a be bad mother period.

 

OP...it's good she left, your daughter doesn't need her & its better she doesn't remember her. Can't miss someone you never knew...it's better for her.