Toxic marriage n know where to go

[Only4me2know]

I have been with my husband for 3 1/2 years.. married only a few months. Our relationship has ALWAYS been toxic.

 

He is a drug user and it is apparent that no matter the amount of changes that he has made that drugs and that life style will ALWAYS be his #1.

 

He's cheated pretty much the whole time we've been together. Too many women to even count really.

I've left him 3 times due to his cheating. I even moved 2 hours away twice but came back EVERYTIME. He calls crying saying he needs me in his life.. he's miserable with out me.. I voice my feelings n he says he will make changes. Which he has but on his terms.

 

Things really had been improving n he was more attentive to me n my feelings.. he was helping out more around the house. Had way less company, and even then it was men. Before he usually female "friends" coming to smoke with him for hours on end. Things finally seemed to be getting better and then he kept pushing for us to get married.. I love him I REALLY do.. buy he's more like my addiction. No matter what he does or how he treats me I can't seem to let him go. I give in and marry him.. thinking he would take our wedoing vows to heart. Thinking he would take a commitment like marriage very seriously.

 

But I was wrong!! Way wrong!

 

I've been patient with his drug use n have seen him slow down somewhat. But with his drug use comes "friends". I've let that slide most of the time.. but recently found out these "friends" are literally known hookers. They sell themselves on websites for "dates". We were married not maybe 1 month and I started seeing texts messages he was sending to the so called "friends".

 

Now being his wife I chose my battle VERY wisely and I called him out on them. He gives me bs that he was just "joking" I explain that I don't find humor in it and that I REFUSE to allow my husband to be friends with hookers! He says he no longer has anything to do with them

 

But then i found out he would still text them and sneaking them over when I was at work or asleep.

 

Oh and the whole time I'm here waiting for him to come to bed.. trying to do things to spice up our sex life.. thinking I must be doing something wrong. I buy toys, costumes.. u name it. (I'm pretty open to at trying anything 1 in 1)

But EVERYTIME I get rejected over n over.. he'd rather watch porn day and night or sneek with hookers

 

He'll stop for awhile and be attentive and loving to me again.. things seem to be better but it really is a vicious cycle!

 

I want out of this loveless am disrespectfully marriage but I recently lost my job.. I have no income at all.. I have no family to help me.. I am stuck.. no where to go at all. And to be honest I'm tired of having to be the one that has to leave.. n it's hard on my kids (not his, we have no mutual kids) but the house is his father's house n I really have no say. His father sees what he does for the most part but seems to be no help.. he expects me to be able to control my husband.. but he can only be controlled by his drugs, porn and whores!

 

Since I've lost my job i have been so depressed.. I feel like I have no purpose in life.. like I can't do anything right. And I just can't get out of this slump.. I honestly want life to just be over what's the point anymore? I just keep choosing to come back to the same abuse knowing damn well I'm stuck once I do

[Lowrider93]

It's hard to believe that things could get any worse than they are now.

 

Living like that is not an option, figure out what you have to do and get the hell out of there.

 

He has no respect for you, have some respect for youself and your children.

 

It's Time for a change!

 

No excuses.

 

Take care

[Arieswoman]

You. Leave. Now.

[Just a Guy]

Hi only, I think before anything else you should get yourself to IC and figure out what it is that gets you going back to a loser like this guy. He is not going to get better and he is dragging you down with him. If you have any sense and self esteem left first get help for yourself and then think about the next step. Warm wishes.

[Mr. Lucky]

he expects me to be able to control my husband..

 

Time for life lesson Number #1 - you only control you, that's the only person you're truly in charge of. And that includes taking responsibility for the decisions you make, like marrying a cheating drug addict. Caused by you so, with help, fixable by you.

 

Get your kids out of there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Pollyannaslim]

Oh my…. I am so sorry you are in this most extremely difficult situation. Contrary to how it feels, rest assured you are not alone. There are people who are willing to help! First and foremost, as others have suggested, please consider IC. A qualified professional can equip you with the tools to help you understand what might be motivating you to continue this relationship. They may even be able to act as a mediator and help you convey the urgency of the situation to your FIL, or connect you with someone who can.

 

 

In circumstances where finances are an issue, most counties offer social services to those with no/low-income or non-insured. I know it isn’t ideal, but it is a place to start. Additionally, there are national organizations for women who need assistance with housing, paying bills, medical needs, etc. Again… not ideal but something to consider, right?

 

 

And finally, If you feel comfortable doing so, please reach out to your local church community. Often times they will sponsor various workshops for those who are in need of emotional support – “Celebrate Recovery” is the first that comes to mind. It is common that through a support group such as this, one is likely to find an entire network of those who can assist one with what they need to step out and away from a toxic situation/person. At the very least you will feel loved and prayed for… which in a way can alone provide a sense of empowerment. I do realize there are those who might “scoff” at the idea of prayer but, personally I do believe that God can do great things! His answer might look a little different than what we expect/or want, but even the subtlest response can bring about the biggest change.

 

 

 

I will be thinking about you - and yes… praying for you and your children. Please do not lose hope. I do understand, honestly I do, the cycle in which you have found yourself. I don’t doubt that you love your H, but I feel it is so important that you take care of yourself and your children first.