Is my marriage over?

[Helivesforme]

Self sufficient mainly. He is physically fit as well.

[Friskyone4u]

Frisky,

 

That's exactly it. I think he feels inadequate in several areas. Which is why he accused me of cheating and wanting to cheat long before it occurred. I wish I could talk to him and tell him exactly how I feel but I'm telling you, he gets bent out of shape and thinks I'm getting ideas from other men or from experiences I had with other men that never took place. He should not feel ashamed, I told him it is natural for him to masturbate and watch porn and he says he doesn't do it, doesn't want to or need to. Says all he needs is me, maybe he feels like he would be cheating on me by doing those things, who knows,,.... I don't! Cause he won't admit it.... I want him to open up to me and to trust me fully with all of his sexual desires...sex therapist? He would never!! No man wants to talk about how they aren't or weren't satisfying their wives in the bedroom.

 

Helivesforme

 

You two have a sexual communication problem that is going to end your marriage if you do not fix it. Why??? Because couples your age cannot have a monogamous happy marriage where sex is a fulfilling and integral part of it and right now it is for you but not him.

 

You are right, most men, and maybe women, are not comfortable sitting and talking to a stranger about the most intimate thoughts, but in your case there is SOMETHING unknown to you causing him a feeling of inadequacy. My guess is he has FOO issues, probably told he would go to hell if he masturbated, and he might consider watching porn cheating on you. Disclaimer here, I have no credentials as a therapist but just throwing thoughts out to you.

 

But what is bad here is that you came close to having physical sex with another man ( I know you didn't but it was headed there and you know that). And hubby still just wants to bury it and rugsweep the important discovery of the reasons why you got to that point.

 

He also needs to see someone and discuss what appears to be this co dependency.

 

Now where I do agree with one poster, while he is still in recovery mode over your EA it is NOT the time to be discussing how you find other men attractive .

What you did or came close to doing was not acceptable, but hubby owns 50% of the marital issues leading up to that and the elephant is the sexual cmpatibility and sharing issue.

 

Buy some boos and read them with him but I think you should do something other than let him just try to shelve it.

[Helivesforme]

Frisky,

 

I bought 3 books already. One on infidelity, co dependency and learning how to rebuild trust. I'm on book 1. Dh doesn't feel like he needs to read any but he has scanned through the infidelity book. Maybe he doesn't want to face the issues we have but We desperately need to because they will resurface again until they are addressed. Right now everything reminds him of what I did. Every song I like listening to irritates him. He said they are all about exes, sex and a combination of both. Certain commercials, bother him. He is still in high alert. The other day I gave him kisses in bed and laid next to

Him and he told me " you made my heart skip a beat." Then I gave him more kisses and he told me " you make my heart smile." I'm trying to be more affectionate and consistent. I'm trying. Right now he just wants to be next to me all the time. He thinks there's something wrong if I don't sit next to him on the couch when hanging out watching tv. I'm not sure if something is wrong with me but I feel like dressing up and going out sometimes. Even if it is with my dh. He really never takes the initiative or plans any trips or outings. For example, my birthday just passed and he didn't buy me any gift or take me out anywhere. We went somewhere as a group with my siblings and some friends but my sister put that together. He always tells me I look beautiful without makeup even when I know I look and feel like a toad. Is it wrong for me to like to get dolled up once in awhile and go out? That is not the end all be all but Sometumes I just feel like a caged animal or like an old lady that rarely socializes or has any type of fun. My dh will want to do everything together and does not feel the need to enjoy any time away from each other. I appreciate the unconditional love my dh has for me and acknowledge he has no urge to party/go out without me in general. I just want him to enjoy some extra curricular activities without me but he says he does not have the urge to. This is why I feel suffocated at times. I am going to be taking some kick boxing classes and he told me not to give my number out to any guys. I had a muscle ache on my back last week and he told me " don't ask any guys at work for massages." WTF!

I would not ask a man ever to rub my back and I'm not going to randomly give out my number to men I do not know. I understand my dh may be super paranoid and still feels the need to fight off any potentials threats, so I try not to react in a defensive manner. I've improved overal with not making snarky comments and remind myself to see things from his perspectie when he communicates his concerns. God help my dh heal. Still attending mc & ic. We workout together at least 3 times a week and dine out often. We already made plans to start cooking together and meal prepping on our days off. Things are coming along slowly but I'm happy as long as we are headed in the right direction.

Edited October 20, 2016 by Helivesforme

[Friskyone4u]

Frisky,

 

I bought 3 books already. One on infidelity, co dependency and learning how to rebuild trust. I'm on book 1. Dh doesn't feel like he needs to read any but he has scanned through the infidelity book. Maybe he doesn't want to face the issues we have but We desperately need to because they will resurface again until they are addressed. Right now everything reminds him of what I did. Every song I like listening to irritates him. He said they are all about exes, sex and a combination of both. Certain commercials, bother him. He is still in high alert. The other day I gave him kisses in bed and laid next to

Him and he told me " you made my heart skip a beat." Then I gave him more kisses and he told me " you make my heart smile." I'm trying to be more affectionate and consistent. I'm trying. Right now he just wants to be next to me all the time. He thinks there's something wrong if I don't sit next to him on the couch when hanging out watching tv. I'm not sure if something is wrong with me but I feel like dressing up and going out sometimes. Even if it is with my dh. He really never takes the initiative or plans any trips or outings. For example, my birthday just passed and he didn't buy me any gift or take me out anywhere. We went somewhere as a group with my siblings and some friends but my sister put that together. He always tells me I look beautiful without makeup even when I know I look and feel like a toad. Is it wrong for me to like to get dolled up once in awhile and go out? That is not the end all be all but Sometumes I just feel like a caged animal or like an old lady that rarely socializes or has any type of fun. My dh will want to do everything together and does not feel the need to enjoy any time away from each other. I appreciate the unconditional love my dh has for me and acknowledge he has no urge to party/go out without me in general. I just want him to enjoy some extra curricular activities without me but he says he does not have the urge to. This is why I feel suffocated at times. I am going to be taking some kick boxing classes and he told me not to give my number out to any guys. I had a muscle ache on my back last week and he told me " don't ask any guys at work for massages." WTF!

I would not ask a man ever to rub my back and I'm not going to randomly give out my number to men I do not know. I understand my dh may be super paranoid and still feels the need to fight off any potentials threats, so I try not to react in a defensive manner. I've improved overal with not making snarky comments and remind myself to see things from his perspectie when he communicates his concerns. God help my dh heal. Still attending mc & ic. We workout together at least 3 times a week and dine out often. We already made plans to start cooking together and meal prepping on our days off. Things are coming along slowly but I'm happy as long as we are headed in the right direction.

 

 

Helivesforme

 

OK, you obviously are the stronger emotionally here so you are going to have to continue to take the lead. The one place you need to be firm is on INSISTING that he reads with you and DISCUSSES what you read.

Look, you did have an EA and what you MUST understand that even if your husband did NOT have any of these hang ups, you still would have a lot of work to do before he "gets over it". it is still recent and he does not trust you and why would he think you would never give your number to a man. You just got done having intimate conversations with another man.

 

That is making his co dependency WORSE. Now, just my opinion, but if you find an outside activity, I do not think doing a solo activity or taking private kickboxing lessons from a male instructor is going to do anything right now but make the situation worse. I think you should try to pick an activity that is not dominated by men where you will be surrounded by men. In case you have not read a lot but these forums are loaded with women who had affairs with the personal trainers.

 

You have reason to feel a bit suffocated but you know infidelity does have consequences and for a while you are going to have to live with that to a greater extent than before.

 

I think if you take some simple steps, and NOT look at them as PUNISHMENT, you may be able to help him cool down a bit.

(1) if this OM was a co worker stay away from after work activities. i do not care if he is not at your office location, you crossed the boundaries with a work colleague and your husband knows that.

(2) i know you said he is a homebody but KEEP INVITING him to join you on some things.

(3) be accountable. If you are late coming home, let him know without him asking where you are and be able to verify it.

(4) if he refuses to believe you, offer to do a polygraph on your own. just the offer has to tell him something.

 

But unfortunately, your husband has to start to want to help himself at some point. It is often said that it take TWO people working together 100% all in to make a reconciliation work. If you are doing your part he must do his. While the burden of proving your trustworthiness falls on you, the burden of fulfilling your needs also is something he needs to work at, and right now he is in mode of the only way to stop you from cheating is to never have you out of his sight.

 

That is not sustainable long term.

 

Still telling you that you need to get him to therapy, and you need to be part of it because you also have to address whether or not you believe you are going to be able to want to NOT experience these other men that you are finding attractive.

 

You both have stuff to sort out.

[Noirek]

Here is a problem I see. Your husbands insecurities, trust issues and codependency didn't start with your EA. they started long before that. Your EA basically validated them and wrote them in stone. No longer is he groundlessly paranoid.

 

I believe how you dress and wear your makeup is your choice. He can express his preference but he cannot dictate it. However, wearing mini skirts and slow cut shirts and heading to a bar is a whole other issue as well. But if you want to wear make up. Then you can. That being said, for a time dealing with this some battles are better left for later. And it may be wise to shelve the make up until you feel he is in a better place to handle it. It is just make up. Work on your own insecurities of needing it instead. Social isolation is entirely different and not really something a healthy person can give up. Maybe discuss places and people he is comfortable with you going to hanging out. Are you left alone in the bathroom? Toilet time should never be invaded imo unless the house is on fire or some other dire emergency. If trust is an issue than the simple answer is the phone be left outside of the bathroom during this time. So no reason. But hopefully you are allowed to go to the bathroom in peace now.

 

But back to your issues. the problem is everyone is always encouraged total transparency until you regain your spouse's trust but you never had that. So going into this you have to realize you just made a really, really dysfunction marriage bad. And things may get better for a while. But unless you both do some serious work on yourselves, it won't last. And this time your husband has very good reason not to trust you. It was like you took a match to gasoline.

 

my advice is to buckle down for the long haul and really be prepared to make a lot of sacrifices. Think about what you are willing to do.

[merrmeade]

That's a really incisive analysis, Noirek, not surprisingly. I probably don't have to tell you she's worth listening to, helives. My bet is it rings true.

[Helivesforme]

Frisky,

 

I made an effort to talk to my dh today about the sexually related issues we had in the past. I told him we should talk about it with our marriage counselor and he got extremely upset and didn't want to hear anymore after I told him it may have had added to me seeking the OM out. He seemed hurt and wouldn't continue the conversation with me. He talked about his horrible childhood and me

Memories he shared with his ic today. He does not feel that the long term emotional abuse and neglect he suffered from his mom affects him today. He says he has gotten over it and doesn't think about it really. I told him it has taken a huge toll on him. His stepdad also passed away when he was 11 , this was a traumatizing event in his life. Any time he talks about his stepdad he cries. He is permanently wounded it seems from losing his role model/mentor. He said he had a dream and his stepdad was there and told him not to put up with my EA. My dh told me he no longer worries about me leaving him and that life will go on. Shortly after that he was texting and checking up on me while I was trying to nap before work. I'm confused. One minute he isn't afraid to lose me and the next he is crying for attention and affection. He also asked me again if I am on social media again, he also thinks I like this other man at work. My dh will ask me about work and I will tell him about my co workers and a little bit about their lives and what they share with me. I thought that involving him in my work life would help him with his insecurities and relieve some anxiety however it did the opposite. He says he sees it as a red flag, and thinks I like that guy now. I read that it could take 1-5 years for my dh to trust me again. At this point I do not feel like he will ever forgive and heal. I'm going to stay patient. My co worker asked me today if I wanted to go their Halloween party and 5 other co workers were adding each other on Facebook and asked me if I had one. I responded no,no social media for me and that I am on lockdown. I didn't elaborate and I'm not the party type anyway. I'm more of a homebody as well that enjoys getting out from time to Time. His ic recommended he become a mentor for a male youngster that might need some guidance but his ic also didn't believe he needs to have any hobbies or extracurricular activities. I do not mean to sound insensitive but I'm sure all of us have overcome major obstacles in our lives. My dh tends to feel sorry for himself but then the next minute says he does not allow these events to control or alter his behavior. Our marriage has always been somewhat unhealthy, we may have just gotten used to being dysfunctional. It sometimes feels like we are poisoning each other by being together.

Edited October 21, 2016 by Helivesforme

[mikeylo]

You have betrayed trust. You point out bodies of others. You want your marriage and trust back.

 

Get a new job. Be decent. Start fresh. Your spouse looks at all the bodies that you ogle, with disgust. Don't expect anyone to accept your 'admiration ' of other bodies to be acceptable.

 

Decent doesn't come easy.

[NuevoYorko]

Frisky,

 

I made an effort to talk to my dh today about the sexually related issues we had in the past. I told him we should talk about it with our marriage counselor and he got extremely upset and didn't want to hear anymore after I told him it may have had added to me seeking the OM out.

Another nail in the coffin.

[merrmeade]

Frisky,

 

I made an effort to talk to my dh today about the sexually related issues we had in the past. I told him we should talk about it with our marriage counselor and he got extremely upset and didn't want to hear anymore after I told him it may have had added to me seeking the OM out. He seemed hurt and wouldn't continue the conversation with me. He talked about his horrible childhood and me

Memories he shared with his ic today. He does not feel that the long term emotional abuse and neglect he suffered from his mom affects him today. He says he has gotten over it and doesn't think about it really. I told him it has taken a huge toll on him. His stepdad also passed away when he was 11 , this was a traumatizing event in his life. Any time he talks about his stepdad he cries. He is permanently wounded it seems from losing his role model/mentor. He said he had a dream and his stepdad was there and told him not to put up with my EA. My dh told me he no longer worries about me leaving him and that life will go on. Shortly after that he was texting and checking up on me while I was trying to nap before work. I'm confused. One minute he isn't afraid to lose me and the next he is crying for attention and affection. He also asked me again if I am on social media again, he also thinks I like this other man at work. My dh will ask me about work and I will tell him about my co workers and a little bit about their lives and what they share with me. I thought that involving him in my work life would help him with his insecurities and relieve some anxiety however it did the opposite. He says he sees it as a red flag, and thinks I like that guy now. I read that it could take 1-5 years for my dh to trust me again. At this point I do not feel like he will ever forgive and heal. I'm going to stay patient. My co worker asked me today if I wanted to go their Halloween party and 5 other co workers were adding each other on Facebook and asked me if I had one. I responded no,no social media for me and that I am on lockdown. I didn't elaborate and I'm not the party type anyway. I'm more of a homebody as well that enjoys getting out from time to Time. His ic recommended he become a mentor for a male youngster that might need some guidance but his ic also didn't believe he needs to have any hobbies or extracurricular activities. I do not mean to sound insensitive but I'm sure all of us have overcome major obstacles in our lives. My dh tends to feel sorry for himself but then the next minute says he does not allow these events to control or alter his behavior. Our marriage has always been somewhat unhealthy, we may have just gotten used to being dysfunctional. It sometimes feels like we are poisoning each other by being together.

Wait a minute!! You wrote all that in response to Frisky's post, but when I read it, nowhere did he (she?) tell you to take the actions you did and crush - once again - your husband so cluelessly.

 

I think we have been gradually co-opted into accepting your subjective interpretations of your husband's thoughts/feelings/needs—perhaps because the explanations are so detailed, they sound objective? Whatever. They're still YOUR perception. Somehow the discussion gradually devolved into a complicated analysis of the behavior/response dynamic in your relationship and your history based on perception clouded by inconsistencies and self-interest—which you have NEVER acknowledged!

 

Your basic attitude toward the marriage, your husband and your extra-marital activities (whether felonies or misdemeanors) has not changed one iota from page one of this thread. Your actions and reactions are still completely devoid of any understanding of what he's feeling and how he'll react. For example, you seem completely ignorant of the fact that you misinterpreted and misused Frisky's advice and hurt your husband again, thus further sabotaging your marriage while blaming it all on him! Even a little empathy of what he's going through and why would have enabled you to anticipate his reaction.

 

First of all, the entire discussion is still about what's wrong with your husband. You seem to be gathering advice about what to DO to get him over certain things without any natural instinct or feeling for it yourself. It's like you're fishing for recipes to cook up that will fix things, but you have no sense of smell or taste.

 

And you don't seem to see any of this. This is why I'm saying you haven't changed your thinking or feeling from the first post. In fact, I wonder if the question in the thread title - "Is this marriage over?" - is rhetorical and you already know deep down how it's going to end. And this exercise is to make you feel like you tried everything. (Just posing the question...)

 

Then, after explaining his problems and claiming to take responsibility for them, you complain about his 'suffocating' affect on you. Thus, your handle "Helivesforme" in the context of these complaints about his neediness is at best a mixed message - at worst, lack of empathy and true remorse.

 

I neither accept nor deny your (not) objective analyses of your husband's problems and certainly can't judge him. Let your husband go to therapy or not. My question is about your reaction to his behavior, your empathy and sensitivity. I don't see how any of this is helping YOU change, which is the only person you CAN change. To me, everything keeps returning to the same limitations in YOUR perspective that I just don't see shifting. What about looking at yourself with a real therapist (not a forum of strangers) and an open heart?

Edited October 21, 2016 by merrmeade

[merrmeade]

P.S. I'm not denigrating LS help by any means! Just saying in this case don't think it took.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Helives, I have been reading through a few of the posts both by you and by other posters who are giving you the benefit of their opinion. I am sorry to say this thread is going no where because a lot of people see a basic problem with you and on the other hand you have been trying to defend yourself and also justify your position but with little success at least as far as the other posters are concerned. I still stick to my opinion that the two of you have diverged considerably in your outlook on life and that compatibility between you two is just not there. In these circumstances it would be best for the two of you to divorce and go your separate ways. As long as you stay with your husband neither of you are going to be happy nor will either change or budge from your positions. I think you have given your marriage a fair chance and the longer you stick around the longer this tennis match is going to go on with each of you smashing the ball back into the other's court. The point being this is an endless game and can go on till eternity with no one winning. Also if one person wins it means the other loses and in a marriage that would in any case sound the death knell for it.

 

If you keep posting you will get a rehash of the same answers from the various posters but nothing concrete from your point of view is going to come out of this. Let's just assume you are the devil incarnate and close that chapter there. Now go out and become an angel again with someone new, someone who gels with you and with whom you can find your personal heaven. Leave the dust and grime of this place that you are in and let your husband be free to find himself and heal himself so that he too, can find his heaven with an Angel of his own. Do not waste more time posting here to find answers to insolvable questions. Peace.

[Phoenician]

I might seem to be an old style guy ,but I believe That OP not only betrayed her hubby and broke the vows; she is also putting the last nail in the coffin by telling him that she seeked another man because he was not performing well !

 

If I were him , I would throw the towel in no time ....

[Phoenician]

OP, if you want to be a good wife and mom , search for another job , start over , pray to God that your husband won't leave you , and stop making his life miserable , you want to leave , just do it ...

 

the worst wife is one who keeps on remind her husband that he is not good enough in bed .

[Helivesforme]

So I guess I can't be honest with my husband because I reflected on what drove me to talk to this OM.. Right now I feel like the damage is done & that the damage feels pretty permanent on both ends. I, for example feel like a piece of turd and even though my husband said he has forgiven me, I have not and cannot forgive myself for what I did to him. I did not talk to the OM out of spite , I did not have a PA but Seeing my husband and living with the fact that I caused the pain that he feels is tormenting me. I'm

Not sure if I'll feel any different if We were to divorce.

[Helivesforme]

So I guess I can't be honest with my husband because I reflected on what drove me to talk to this OM.. Right now I feel like the damage is done & that the damage feels pretty permanent on both ends. I, for example feel like a piece of turd and even though my husband said he has forgiven me, I have not and cannot forgive myself for what I did to him. I did not talk to the OM out of spite , I did not have a PA but Seeing my husband and living with the fact that I caused the pain that he feels is tormenting me. I'm

Not sure if I'll feel any different if We were to divorce.

[Lion Heart]

So I guess I can't be honest with my husband because I reflected on what drove me to talk to this OM.. Right now I feel like the damage is done & that the damage feels pretty permanent on both ends. I, for example feel like a piece of turd and even though my husband said he has forgiven me, I have not and cannot forgive myself for what I did to him. I did not talk to the OM out of spite , I did not have a PA but Seeing my husband and living with the fact that I caused the pain that he feels is tormenting me. I'm

Not sure if I'll feel any different if We were to divorce.

 

I think that's a cop out in disguise because if you WERE genuine in your caring for BH then your words and actions would reflect this.

 

I think you want out.

You've had enough.

 

If you live in a "no fault" state then you can divorce him.

Done.

 

If you DO WANT TO D your H then do.

 

Nobody REALLY wants to be in a M where they love (or think they love their spouse) and their spouse wants out.

Well not a mentally stable person!

 

BH will be far happier with somebody who loves him and WANTS to be with him.

If you acknowledge your inability to be a part of his healing process then ofcourse he must learn to heal himself without you.

Which is probably what he's incapable of now, expecting your collaboration on R.

 

Setting HIM free can be a catalyst for his healing, growth and future happiness.

 

I think you've only made him miserable.

Now continue to. IDK.

 

But if the M is over for 1 person then it's over for both.

Obviously.

 

Lion Heart

[DKT3]

Yeah I agree with Lion, it's pretty obvious OP wants out, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. She honed in on every single thing wrong on his side but has and continues to minimize her own actions, instead she finds his reaction to her actions as the sole source of the marital issues.

 

The bottom line is she wants to bang other dudes and has in a sense begun to sabotage her marriage, doing things she knows will get a reaction and then rubbing it in his face. OP has been told by a number of posters that is how they view this situation. Of course true to form it's denied, because she wants to be the good guy.

[mikeylo]

Divorce will set him free from you. He won't have to see you flirting , touching , etc etc with others and be expected to suck it up because they are ' just friends .It will set him free to find a decent person who deserves the love. You are reaping the rewards of what you did. You made decisions for yourself , had fun. You can continue having fun after divorce. No one will judge you or say that you are a cheater.

 

If you want to stay married , change yourself. Get rid of the stinking garbage aka friends of opposite sex. Yeah, your ' friends ' are filthy garbage. Keep your eyes, hands , body , mind , soul for your spouse. If you keep making new friends , telling their stories to your spouse, you are going to turn your spouse into a stone for you. Emotionless for you. And then see them walk away.

[Helivesforme]

I never touched anyone. I don't expect any of you to understand because you are not me. You do not know me personally. It's unfortunate that these 3 previous posters, all men , have gotten hurt in some way by a female, that is why they never have anything positive to say. My previous post's first sentence was meant to be sarcastic because poster's have given negative feedback for having told him the truth about how I was feeling.

Edited October 28, 2016 by Helivesforme

[Clay]

Did you ever think that maybe they are just seeing a side of you that you can't see because your really just to close to it. There is no doubt we all have been hurt but there is a difference in the way these statements are being made to you as apposed to just generalizing you and your situation. You do come across and not the kind of a person that is self aware. Your quick to hone in on your spouses failures and to defend your own actions. People that are sincere in owning the damage they have done whether they stay with there spouse or not are open to really looking into why they made the decisions they have made.

 

I think what I have seen is someone who really is just not interested in fixing themselves. The reason for that is just as you stated. "Its his fault you did what you did". That kind of thinking coupled with defensiveness will make your next relationship just as bad as this one was.

 

You could have left him. You probably should have by the way you said he treated you. Who cares if what you said was true or not. You clearly felt the way you did for a reason and you should have parted ways before ever cheating. The moment you crossed that line it became all about you and the problems you have in you. Healthy people set healthy boundaries. Clearly with the choices you have made your not a healthy person. All we can hope here on this site is we can help you see why you did what you did so you can find a way back to being a healthy person.

[mikeylo]

I never touched anyone. I don't expect any of you to understand because you are not me. You do not know me personally. It's unfortunate that these 3 previous posters, all men , have gotten hurt in some way by a female, that is why they never haven't anything positive to say. My previous post's first sentence was meant to be sarcastic because poster's have given negative feedback for having told him the truth about how I was feeling.

 

That is the beauty ( ugliness) of cheating. Your spouse doesn't know what you did or didn't do. Flirting always has an element of touch. Soft, barely there touch on the arm, tickling , etc etc Point being, what you confess, what goes in your spouses mind now and what the reality is or was, is all in question now.

 

You may not be fine after divorce but you had your share of fun while cheating.

[NuevoYorko]

So I guess I can't be honest with my husband because I reflected on what drove me to talk to this OM.. Right now I feel like the damage is done & that the damage feels pretty permanent on both ends. I, for example feel like a piece of turd and even though my husband said he has forgiven me, I have not and cannot forgive myself for what I did to him. I did not talk to the OM out of spite , I did not have a PA but Seeing my husband and living with the fact that I caused the pain that he feels is tormenting me. I'm

Not sure if I'll feel any different if We were to divorce.

Yay! It looks like you're finally seeing things clearly. It doesn't really matter how you feel after your divorce, just put an end to this misery already.

[NuevoYorko]

poster's have given negative feedback for having told him the truth about how I was feeling.

When the "truth" is basically putting the blame on your partner for what YOU do (he's bad at sex, he's a clingon, he won't let you sleep, he won't let you wear makeup, he is holding you back from your career, he doesn't bring in any money, the list goes on), you'll be getting negative feedback from any gender.

 

If you just wanted to rag on your spouse, LoveShack is an ok place to do it. A thread that starts out with how you are sleeping in a separate room so you can sext with your co-worker is probably a bad place for that, unless you want to get a lot of grief like you have here.

[DKT3]

I never touched anyone. I don't expect any of you to understand because you are not me. You do not know me personally. It's unfortunate that these 3 previous posters, all men , have gotten hurt in some way by a female, that is why they never have anything positive to say. My previous post's first sentence was meant to be sarcastic because poster's have given negative feedback for having told him the truth about how I was feeling.

 

And the pattern continues.....

 

This post is a microcosm of your issues. Any negative reaction to your behavior is deflected as someone elses issue.

 

You say your not attracted to your husband but you are to the guys you work with, and have told your husband this, but once someone points it out you back track and claim you don't throw it in his face....but your confused as to why he is insecure.

 

You carry on a deceitful relationship behind his back, when it's pointed out you minimize your actions and your upset because your husband asks you question. You don't answer his questions but don't understand why he isn't getting over it.

 

You are clearly someone who just simply doesn't get it, you have and are doing very little on your part to better the situation. You simply shift the blame, first to your husband, now to us. Unbelievable.