I'm going crazy [3 month update]

[cucumber95]

Block him everywhere, go full NC. I had same feeling when my ex-GF's mom (I have her on FB), added new profile picture, and there was my ex-gf all happy with her my day that day was horrible. This is why I decided to not use facebook for now.

 

Also last weekend I deleted all of our photos on my old laptop but boy that was hard too, so many memories and love down the drain , it ripped my heart apart. We were perfect

 

I don't know why people do that, it is sad... I have over 11 thousand pictures of me and my ex + videos and I would never remove them, I don't look at them now, but in future it could be nice to see how happy we were together.

[slowloris44]

Block him everywhere, go full NC. I had same feeling when my ex-GF's mom (I have her on FB), added new profile picture, and there was my ex-gf all happy with her my day that day was horrible. This is why I decided to not use facebook for now.

 

 

 

I don't know why people do that, it is sad... I have over 11 thousand pictures of me and my ex + videos and I would never remove them, I don't look at them now, but in future it could be nice to see how happy we were together.

 

Thank you :') I'm really resisting the urge to contact him but ive already made myself look desperate and don't want to do that again..

[cucumber95]

I made myself look despearte when my ex-gf wanted to break up and I regret it, I should just let go first time she wanted to break up (it was fake breakup - she wanted me to change). I begged, sent flowers, etc... I think it made it worse and now I don't have any contact with her. If he is going to want to come back he will, if he doesn't well, it is sad and painful but it is what it is. and remember it's not only 1 sides fault, it's always both (relationship is made by 2 people).

[niji]

Another thing is that his family coddles him a lot so i started to do so as well; I cooked for him , loved him , cleaned for him , suprised him , tried to respect family and friend time, I messaged him every day (he also said in thend that he wanted to limit that too because it gave him anxiety)told him that i was blessed beyond belief to have him etc. He was my king . And after the first time he left me his father told him that he never wanted to see me again . His family got heavily involved in our relationship. they also said that he was prince charming too , and I felt so lucky.

 

Just read this again and see why you're so lucky to no longer have to deal with this BS.

 

Really? Do these people own the Pacific Ocean? Or does he look like David (Beckham works too) and has the money to build you another Taj Mahal? And even if he has those things nobody can talk to another like this. You're either my partner AND my equal, or you're neither. And no, I don't look like a celebrity nor do I have Einstein's IQ, but I try my best in improving how I look and spending time on my hobbies - you have to be the best person you can be on your own before expecting another person to join you.

 

You need to work on yourself first before moving on to dating others. As you work on your self-love and self-care, you will see how much BS you put up with, and that nobody is worth destroying your self-esteem over. Maybe you considered him "out of reach" for you before, and being with him made you feel better about yourself before, but how much of self-worth did that relationship destroy? I honestly felt sick to the stomach when I read what the "family" has to say. Is it even 2016? Why would you even consider dating someone like this in the first place, not to mention that he has a whole host of mental problems that seems like it's a pain to deal with? When you find the right person(s), they/their family don't tell you you're lucky to have him - you both will tell each other and yourself that you're lucky to both have found each other.

 

Are you close to your own family? Family is a great source of solace when dealing with things like this. Gain a hobby if you don't have one. Save up some money and go travel. Focus on yourself, not on him or any other man. You are SO young, and there's so much in life waiting ahead for you.

Edited November 4, 2016 by niji

[slowloris44]

Just read this again and see why you're so lucky to no longer have to deal with this BS.

 

Really? Do these people own the Pacific Ocean? Or does he look like David (Beckham works too) and has the money to build you another Taj Mahal? And even if he has those things nobody can talk to another like this. You're either my partner AND my equal, or you're neither. And no, I don't look like a celebrity nor do I have Einstein's IQ, but I try my best in improving how I look and spending time on my hobbies - you have to be the best person you can be on your own before expecting another person to join you.

 

You need to work on yourself first before moving on to dating others. As you work on your self-love and self-care, you will see how much BS you put up with, and that nobody is worth destroying your self-esteem over. Maybe you considered him "out of reach" for you before, and being with him made you feel better about yourself before, but how much of self-worth did that relationship destroy? I honestly felt sick to the stomach when I read what the "family" has to say. Is it even 2016? Why would you even consider dating someone like this in the first place, not to mention that he has a whole host of mental problems that seems like it's a pain to deal with? When you find the right person(s), they/their family don't tell you you're lucky to have him - you both will tell each other and yourself that you're lucky to both have found each other.

 

Are you close to your own family? Family is a great source of solace when dealing with things like this. Gain a hobby if you don't have one. Save up some money and go travel. Focus on yourself, not on him or any other man. You are SO young, and there's so much in life waiting ahead for you.

 

Thank you for your reply and for your advice . When you said to look over it again I really started to see that it is kind of ridiculous. In the beginning of the relationship I was pretty confident but the power kind of shifted throughout the whole thing. Not that I didn't want him to be confident but I started to feel less confident.. Anyways I am doing things to improve my self I just really need to stop looking for him and tormenting myself. I am very close to my family and I see them as often as I can , they say the same as you do as far as that aspect of the relationship. Its been difficult but I'm trying to not torture myself and look for photos and stuff of him.

[basil67]

It's completely normal to get into arguments when your partner is a crappy partner. And he was a crappy partner. Having this relationship end was the best outcome for you.

 

Write a note listing all the reasons you're better off without him and put it on your fridge.

[SixxChick]

Write a note listing all the reasons you're better off without him and put it on your fridge.

 

I hope you have a big fridge.

[Arieswoman]

slowloris,

I'm sorry you're having a tough time of this.

 

Often in these situations we know what we should do and we do it, but our heart doesn't keep up with our head. So the best thing to do is NC until that happens.

 

I can remember in the past dating guys who were married ( and before anyone says anything, I didn't know, didn't sleep with them and dumped them as soon as I found out ) and even thought I knew there was no future for me, and that they were emotionally unavailable to me, I still spent a couple of weeks crying my eyes out, with sheer frustration and disappointment.

 

And remember, Facebook is called "fakebook" for a reason

[Densel]

Stop using your facebook. Log out and never log in again.

 

I did this at the 3rd month of the break up. Looking at those photos really hurt. Like a knife keep stabbing my heart.

 

Not using Facebook will not kill us.

[slowloris44]

The one thing I struggle with the most from my the BU is regret of this one day. It kills me each and every day and I hold so much regret for what I did. This is the only thing that tears at me and I just cant move on from it.

In short back in Feb during my exs birthday weekend bash I broke up with him. Yes it was cold and low and I know this. At the time I was so upset. Prior to this I had told him that I would much rather spend that one day on his actual b day with him and opt out of the weekend part after where he was going to go with his family and bar hop. My reasoning was that I said I would be uncomfortable with the idea of drinking because of my past where my whole family drank and would get violently sick all the time. He said he understood but still wanted me to go. I accepted . So on that day we went and I felt uncomfortable , I didn't drink and his whole family did which was fine but I just wasn't right. So as the night progressed he got more drunk and I started acting more distant I didn't want to be touched by him , and I got to the point where I said if you don't stop I'm going to leave... and then at one point he said fine do whatever you want. On the way home I sat in the back with no one else and he sat with his family all the way back home. I tried talking to him but he ignored me , understandably since I was being annoying the whole time and immature ! So the next day he had another party (since it was his 21) and they held it at the house. He wasn't talking to me still which was fine, I had apologized various times. So on that day during the party I got so upset because he ignored me the whole time, did introduce me as his gf to anyone and I just left. I told him that was it. So now I have this regret and even after apologizing for my immaturities and insecurities and him accepting , and even after him leaving me twice after that I still have this regret. I feel like the lowest of the low , and I take full responsibility for being so mean. I know my lesson now. I cant move on from it ,I just feel that if I hadn't done that we would've still been together. As of right now I am getting various forms of therapy if anyone wants to know. I almost want to call him again or reach out and apologize for this incident.

---other threads have more of the story--

Thank you everyone for any advice

[Densel]

I get you slowloris.

 

Last year this time i also broke up with my ex one week before her birthday. She took it for real and told me to let her go. I really regret too. And for months... this wrong and many other wrongs i done in the relationship had me guilty. The guilt was eating me up month after months.

 

There is nothing we can do to change this fact. We can only learn and not commit such mistakes again.

[slowloris44]

I just can't take it anymore . He's gone for good and it's all my fault . I blame myself because I was insecure and I got jealous at times . I never fully trusted , and we would always argue about the dumbest things because I was so impatient . All of it is my fault and I didn't see a good thing before me and no it's too late . I'm so riddled with guilt that I can't take it anymore , I hate myself for this I hate my life and I don't know how I can ever forgive myself . He gave me chances by coming back twice and he still left . He said he didn't know how to love me and I blame myself for being so difficult . I'm just an intolerable human being and I don't think I can ever move on . I'm at a point where I just don't want to live anymore . I had my chance and now I will never find anyone as great . Even when he came back and we would fight again I would say wel why did you come back then if this is what it's come to? I hurt him so many times over arguments and crying and all this stuff . I just can't do this anymore . I can't go back and I can't move forward . It's been three months and not one single day goes by that I don't think about him .

[niji]

I'm at a point where I just don't want to live anymore .

 

He said he couldn't do it anymore , that it was too emotional , I was the cause of his self harm (which he had issues with since high school and frankly hurt me the most that he said that, I was always supportive of his issue . And every time we would argue he would hurt himself or have suicidal tendencies or cry and then I would shift all the blame to me so that he wouldn't feel bad.)

 

His family got heavily involved in our relationship. they also said that he was prince charming too , and I felt so lucky.

 

Are we still talking about the same guy?

 

Based on what you said, I don't understand where you were wrong, it seems like it was mostly his faults, but after this reply of yours, I think both of you have issues that need to be sorted out independently. I'm glad you're seeking therapy.

 

I don't want to tell you to "snap out of it" (although if you were my sister I would, before attempting to reason with you) because that's just pointless - that's like telling a heroin addict to "just quit heroin". But when you feel at rock bottom, do the following:

 

- Think about the times before you met him - you were OK (probably more than OK without his added drama). So without him, you will be OK.

- You were not brought into this world to want to END life over a (1, one) MAN. There are 3.5 billions of them out there (yes, I checked 2016 stat just now).

- There is no such thing as "the one". "The one" is the one who stays.

- Imagine this drama you had with him. What makes you think it will change? Can you imagine going through this for 10 years? 20 years? Lifetime?

- Most of all, you still have it better than a lot of people. I figure that you have a roof to stay under, food to eat, and Internet to use, that's why you're on here. Please cherish life, because a lot of people want to live, but don't have the ability to do so.

 

And I still remain disgusted by what his family said, regardless of what you've done. No human being deserves being talked down to like that.

 

This too shall past. Write on here instead of contacting him.

 

FYI it took me 1 year to get over someone I've never even had a relationship with. 3 months is a short time. Give yourself plenty of time to heal.

Edited November 8, 2016 by niji

[slowloris44]

Are we still talking about the same guy?

 

Based on what you said, I don't understand where you were wrong, it seems like it was mostly his faults, but after this reply of yours, I think both of you have issues that need to be sorted out independently. I'm glad you're seeking therapy.

 

I don't want to tell you to "snap out of it" (although if you were my sister I would, before attempting to reason with you) because that's just pointless - that's like telling a heroin addict to "just quit heroin". But when you feel at rock bottom, do the following:

 

- Think about the times before you met him - you were OK (probably more than OK without his added drama). So without him, you will be OK.

- You were not brought into this world to want to END life over a (1, one) MAN. There are 3.5 billions of them out there (yes, I checked 2016 stat just now).

- There is no such thing as "the one". "The one" is the one who stays.

- Imagine this drama you had with him. What makes you think it will change? Can you imagine going through this for 10 years? 20 years? Lifetime?

- Most of all, you still have it better than a lot of people. I figure that you have a roof to stay under, food to eat, and Internet to use, that's why you're on here. Please cherish life, because a lot of people want to live, but don't have the ability to do so.

 

And I still remain disgusted by what his family said, regardless of what you've done. No human being deserves being talked down to like that.

 

This too shall past. Write on here instead of contacting him.

 

FYI it took me 1 year to get over someone I've never even had a relationship with. 3 months is a short time. Give yourself plenty of time to heal.

 

I hear what your saying , my guilt is just too much for me . That's what I need help with the most. It's a tough road . And yes it's the same guy .. thanks for the reply .

[slowloris44]

Dear ...

Instead of reaching out to you for the third time , I will write what I am feeling here. I know you no longer want me in your life and it breaks my heart. I'm shattered and torn apart each day with a constant battle of what ifs and self blame. Knowing that you just didn't want to be with me anymore has blown me to pieces. I want to say I'm sorry. And here's why, or better yet my explanation for acting the way I acted.

 

1. I was jealous . In the beginning I would say it wasn't that much if not at all. I was on cloud nine with you and I saw that you only had eyes for me, I felt it. You had your friends and I had mine although they were few. One girl in particular stood out to me. You had volunteered with her previously.

 

She started reaching out to you again when you started dating me and I one day saw on the message thread that you guys were looking back on the "good times" when you guys liked each other and flirted in the hallways. It wasn't until in those messages that you guys confessed to each other that you guys liked each other then. This made me uncomfortable and I asked you about this and you said it was nothing to worry about, but I did worry.

 

I worried about the girls that became your friend. The girl that sat exclusively next to you in the back of the classroom in chemistry. To me it was a trip , you complained that no one liked you, that you were weird, that you hated yourself and etc. yet you had quite a lot of lady friends. I tried very hard not to let it bother me. It wasn't until a couple of months later the girl from volunteering came into the picture again , this time on your tablet at home.

 

It was easy conversation and she made requests on rubbing your stomach because you called yourself fat. And then you further explained as to why you stopped talking to her, I didn't ask you to stop talking to her , I just told you that I was uncomfortable with it. But in this explanation you gave her a detailed explanation as to why you stopped, and then you deleted this part of the message so that I wouldn't see.

 

I think at that point I lost even more trust. You claimed that you didn't want me to get mad but how could I not when you hide and lie to me ? And then there was that girl on snapchat when she snapped you a video of her dancing around in booty shorts and a crop top. You claimed it was your guy friends girlfriend and not to worry about it. I kept my mouth shut because I knew any freak out I had you would leave.

 

2. We felt too much. It was either you or I or both of us but we just literally felt each others energies way too much. It was inevitable that if something was slightly off with one of us we could literally feel it. Our saying was "are you okay?" it was annoying , maybe I was just not in a good mood , it didn't always have to do with you. But I guess you could say the same. I don't think we ever had good communication, even though we fooled ourselves into thinking we did.

 

I guess in the end I felt that I couldn't get through to you and I insinuated that I would leave but this would throw us into pandemonium and it didn't work. That was my fault. I suggested counseling , breaks , books, meditation, etc. something to fix us and our communication. Not just us fighting you crying and throwing up , cutting yourself and then me feeling so bad and enduring the cold shoulder for a few days. I couldn't eat , sleep or think.

 

3. You didn't love yourself. I thought you did but you didn't. You did a good job at covering it up for a while but then I started seeing that you wanted everyone to accept you and I just wondered why all the time. If it wasn't acceptance from me (which I always gave you) , it was from your dad , or your sister or your mom or your friends or your gym partners. It was constant and I never understood why.

 

One day you asked me "why doesn't any one like me" and I said "well I like you !" that wasn't enough apparently... And sooner or later I started to fall into the same pattern. At first I was confident coming into the relationship but I soon started to feel less and less confident , insecure about myself , wanting your attention more and more. Like water I felt you slipping away and I was thirsty.

 

One day when I was feeling particularly insecure you shouted at me over the phone, "why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself !" that caught me so off guard , I literally felt like the worst person.

 

I guess all of these are valuable lessons, I learned that I need to love myself first , be confident always and if jealousy gets in the way , fine , the worst that could happen is that they cheat . But that's not your problem, at least you did the best you could.

 

Anyways here is my side of the story , more or less what I have to say. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you.

--Slow loris 44

 

--> and to all the readers on LS , please feel free to comment on my story and letter to him. I always like to hear your guys input . Thank you all.

Edited December 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[spiderowl]

Dear slowloris, I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. A break-up always hurts, no matter how we try to talk ourselves out of it.

 

This guy had issues from the start. You may have had some, I don't know. Whatever the situation, it would have been very tough for you to make anything work with him because of his emotional volatility. Don't blame yourself, you probably could not have made this work however hard you tried.

 

Because you were dealing with someone dramatic, with problems, you can easily end up more emotionally involved because of the drama. Because you end up laughing and crying together, somehow this kind of relationship can feel more bonding. But, that is a real danger too. You can end up feeling involved with someone who is only going to trigger continual drama and upset. Yes, he was triggering drama by cutting off as he did. I expect he then blamed you for being upset about it. You don't need this kind of drama to be in a happy relationship with someone.

 

Please take something important from this relationship, that you don't need to drama to be happy, that peaceful love is what matters most. You will feel better once you start to disentangle the good from the bad. People can be both good and bad and that is the difficulty. You love the good aspects and cannot handle the bad ones. The trick is to find someone whose bad side is not so destructive.

[spiderowl]

Thank you for your reply and for your advice . When you said to look over it again I really started to see that it is kind of ridiculous. In the beginning of the relationship I was pretty confident but the power kind of shifted throughout the whole thing. Not that I didn't want him to be confident but I started to feel less confident.. Anyways I am doing things to improve my self I just really need to stop looking for him and tormenting myself. I am very close to my family and I see them as often as I can , they say the same as you do as far as that aspect of the relationship. Its been difficult but I'm trying to not torture myself and look for photos and stuff of him.

 

This is really important for anyone who starts to feel less and less confident as a relationship goes on. If you find you are walking on eggshells and constantly trying to please and keep the other person happy or they will get angry/upset, then it is a big red flag!

[slowloris44]

Dear slowloris, I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. A break-up always hurts, no matter how we try to talk ourselves out of it.

 

This guy had issues from the start. You may have had some, I don't know. Whatever the situation, it would have been very tough for you to make anything work with him because of his emotional volatility. Don't blame yourself, you probably could not have made this work however hard you tried.

 

Because you were dealing with someone dramatic, with problems, you can easily end up more emotionally involved because of the drama. Because you end up laughing and crying together, somehow this kind of relationship can feel more bonding. But, that is a real danger too. You can end up feeling involved with someone who is only going to trigger continual drama and upset. Yes, he was triggering drama by cutting off as he did. I expect he then blamed you for being upset about it. You don't need this kind of drama to be in a happy relationship with someone.

 

Please take something important from this relationship, that you don't need to drama to be happy, that peaceful love is what matters most. You will feel better once you start to disentangle the good from the bad. People can be both good and bad and that is the difficulty. You love the good aspects and cannot handle the bad ones. The trick is to find someone whose bad side is not so destructive.

 

Thank you for the reply spiderowl , I really did think that the crying and laughing together bonded us more. Now I can see that it was more of an unhealthy way of dealing with things. I'm starting to see that no matter what I did it really wouldn't have worked out in the end. Id say that a lot of things can be forgiven but someone who resents is not someone I want to be with. His bad side definitely was destructive or at least very unhealthy.

[niji]

Great to see you writing here instead of to him slowloris When I read your original post I figured there was some kind of background difference (eg he was brought up in a more privileged family than you). Clearly it's not possible to "screen" all candidates to make sure they come from similar background as yours, but if I were ever to date someone who's from a privileged background and makes sure the world knows it, I'd run before getting too involved. My ex's family was a lot more well-off than mine, but I never even found out until much later because of how humble they were. Had they shown any contempt towards me or my family, I would have called it quit early. Being an arrogant ***** (on the inside) helps sometimes

 

And don't make your mom sad; she probably loves you way more than any dude ever would Keep writing here, and the pain will eventually fade into oblivion. You are so so young, life will be so fun when you allow it to be

[slowloris44]

Thank you niji ! My mom loves me a lot and she has been really supportive of me through all of this.

 

Unfortunately I wasn't strong enough today ..

 

I have an update .. and it sounds really crazy cause it is crazy.. and my fault again. I broke NC after a major swell of emotions and I regretted it the minute after. We talked over messenger and he said that he had been doing terrible and missing me and all this stuff. Most importantly he said that he regretted the way he treated me . I think this is what I needed to hear not in a bad way but in a way to soothe my endless cycles of self blame. The last message he wrote though was that he had to "consider and think about things" the last time he said that was 3 months ago a week after he broke up with me and I had called him... When I read this again I really wasn't surprised.. I mean what is there to think about when you love someone ? and why did I drag myself to his feet again? I feel a certain way about him and he feels not enough for me . I think this is my wake up sign. I'm tired of him being unsure all the time and I'm tired of trying so hard for this person. I feel stupid. why is this so hard? my mind is so powerful , I literally make myself sick with my thoughts and emotions. I think this time it really clicked. He cant make up his own mind because he needs others to do it for him. He is so messed up in his mind that he needs others to validate and tell him what to do..What kind of life is that ? I have a feeling that he is going to be like this for a long time.. and I honestly don't know if I'm willing to work with that..

ugh:(

[niji]

That's alright - we all regress sometimes in an effort to move forward. Just don't do it again.

 

You wonder if he'll be like that for a long time - of course you know what I'm gonna say. Too much work, ain't nobody got time. It's easy for me to say, because I'm not in your situation, nor am I in love with your [what I perceive as] crazy ex. But, I just don't think you can change people - they are who they are, as they age they may find ways to mask certain perceived undesirable characteristics, but at the core, they'll still be the same.

 

And with your patience, maybe at the end of your/their life, they'll change. You'll never know, until you've wasted your entire life trying to change them. If you're OK with that, then you know what you want. If you're not, run.

[slowloris44]

Thank you Niji I have a lot of patience and I'm pretty persistent, sometimes its good and other times its bad.. But I don't think I'm willing to wait and persist for someone forever. I don't want to waste my life over someone who doesn't feel the same way ... I just don't want to live with regrets and what ifs but I think today I can ultimately say that I did all the I could and didn't leave any door unopened.

[Miss Clavel]

The one thing I struggle with the most from my the BU is regret of this one day I feel like the lowest of the low , and I take full responsibility for being so mean. I know my lesson now. I cant move on from it ,I just feel that if I hadn't done that we would've still been together. As of right now I am getting various forms of therapy if anyone wants to know. I almost want to call him again or reach out and apologize for this incident.

---other threads have more of the story--

Thank you everyone for any advice

 

ya, you still be with an boy that has a disease.

 

he's got major issues, major flaws. there is no one on this earth that can fix him.

 

no one.

[slowloris44]

After the last conversation I had with him , I kept on insisting we both get counseling together because I believed in us so much. Long story short he said that he doesn't know what he wants or what hes doing or where hes going in his life. That he is scared of the person that he is becoming because of his issues(depression/self harm/etc).. and also saying that I don't get how mentally messed up he is ..

 

I couldn't help but feel really bad and I told him that he doesn't have to be alone but I also knew that keep contact would hurt me as well. So we just stopped talking after 2 days. What I feel is of course sad and hopeless but also I don't have the feeling of self blame as much anymore like before but I do sometimes think that maybe I was too much that I drove him into depression or more depression ? if he had issues beforehand in his earlier teenage years does it carry on ?

 

I mean obviously the self harm did but as far as depression he seemed so happy with me but now hes even scared of who hes becoming. I just cant wrap my head around it and I feel kind of at blame for him being so depressed now as he states.. He also said that he doesn't want to listen to anybodys opinion or even his ..

 

Any advice to help me understand? I know there is no hope with him but just for my understanding of someone who is depressed, is depression ongoing for life ? What about being in a relationship with someone who suffers from depression?. So far I have been okay , spending a lot of time with my family/counseling/etc and now I'm getting ready for my final exams. Thank you everyone .

Edited December 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
addition info

[slowloris44]

So I guess I would just like to write out what I have come to realize so far. Ive consistently gone to therapy and it has benefited me so much in not being too hard on myself. But with this I have realized a lot of things that I either regret or I just understand more about my previous relationship apart from what he had going on.

 

I guess based on the fact that I had never been in a relationship before prior to this one I didn't have a platform to start on and I didn't know how much love I can give and receive and of course the ugly parts of relationships too. I learned that I wasn't secure about myself and I wasn't confident in myself. At first when we started going out I was showered with so much attention and we spent so much time together I thought that it would never end, until it slowly started to diminish this attention and constant hanging out .

 

It became routine and I felt it. Because of this I started to get insecure or I moreso my insecurities came out. Whenever he went to hang out with someone else I got jealous and I will admit it. I would hold my tongue as best as I could and I tried so hard to not let it come out. Is this a common thing amongst immature relationships or people? id like to know. Because looking back I can say that it was immature but am I the only one ?

 

Also I guess that type of jealously led to him leaving me the second time. He left me the second time because I had gotten upset over him staying out late with his friend that I had never heard of and he had just met. I also got insecure about this incident because I thought he was smoking weed with him and I had told him months prior that I was uncomfortable with it(and also a month prior to that he had lied to me about smoking it ) .

 

So because of all of that my insecurities built up and I got upset and I tried to talk it over with him but he just didn't want to so he left. Which brings me to another lesson I have learned. Its not good to push people into discussing things out or hashing things out. I found myself always trying to hash things out with him and at first it was confrontational but then I started to change the way I approached things and did it in a way were I would ask him to help me understand what he was thinking , so in a non-confrontational way.

 

But none of that worked and I just felt like I was talking to myself. Another thing would be that every time we would get into a fight I wanted to get right back to being happy but he would take about 2-3 days to recouperate and I was just too impatient. Which brings me to realize that I need to be more patient. All of these things I know now but its also sad for me because I wish I could have made these mistakes and come to these realizations before meeting him because I really did love him.

 

Had I known all of these things then I think we could've still been together. So I want to know , are some of these things common in immature relationships or any relationship? am I the only one who has gone through these things? is it just me? I don't want to be insecure or immature . Id like to hear some of your guys advice. Thank you.

Edited December 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator