What is the deal with men wanting to corrupt innocent females?

[Helivesforme]

I didn't want to be with my dh, told him I wanted a divorce, told him I wanted a separation. He asked and begged that I don't break up our family and to not take our child away from him. Again, couldn't separate because of conflicting schedules. He drops off our child , I have to pick him up, how would we do this and be separated? We dont have help from friends or family.. I need to wait for dh to come home to take over then I'm off to work shortly after he arrives home.. We rely on one another, dont have much of an option. I suggested we sale the house , then he started changing his answers, saying he wanted to keep the house to pass down to our child. He was resistant to our son starting preschool after just turning 3. Wants to keep our sitter employed. Said even if we divorced or separated that he would want to visit our son where ever I was staying. Said why would I be so evil

And take our son away from him. Said he can't go a day without having contact with our son. I told him unfortunately, this is what happens when relationships don't work out. Each parent gets time separately with the child. He said he could not bear it, he asked I give him full custody. Is he crazy? Like that would ever happen.

Edited September 30, 2016 by Helivesforme

[mikeylo]

Helivesforme! He lives for you ? :)Reading all your posts , all over the forum! My first question is, how is he dealing with all this at the moment ? Screaming at you ? Or sucking it up after little outburst and then by being quiet? If it's former, at least he has an outlet. If it's the latter, it's not good. Unless all emotions have been let out , he is going to harden up. Getting paid for doing nothing.

 

I would say put in the effort only if you see it working in the long haul. Overcoming this could lay a very strong foundation for future or everything might just crumble. Apart from this other man, don't keep any contact with any other man as well. You have given him reason to doubt. Any other tiny bit will make him run and not look back. He is human and not every one has it in them to be able to live through betrayal over and over again.

 

I don't think giving up on talking to other men is such a big thing to give up in big scheme of things ? If you shared same with him,you might be surprised.

 

Like I said before somewhere, your inexperience with men and general innocence makes you vulnerable to men who find it very attractive. I'm guessing , you are even on the shy side. This all adds fuel to the fire of these men who hit on you.

 

Anyway , you might have a chance to rebuild. Lot of effort on your end. Do it only if it's worth it as it's hard from here on. Once overcome, don't take it as a pass to test drive by befriending a new guy !

[Springsummer]

you called a married mother who cheated innocent? ? ? really? the best you can call yourself is naive.

 

 

why are you corrupting the word innocent?

[Helivesforme]

Helivesforme! He lives for you ? :)Reading all your posts , all over the forum! My first question is, how is he dealing with all this at the moment ? Screaming at you ? Or sucking it up after little outburst and then by being quiet? If it's former, at least he has an outlet. If it's the latter, it's not good. Unless all emotions have been let out , he is going to harden up. Getting paid for doing nothing.

 

I would say put in the effort only if you see it working in the long haul. Overcoming this could lay a very strong foundation for future or everything might just crumble. Apart from this other man, don't keep any contact with any other man as well. You have given him reason to doubt. Any other tiny bit will make him run and not look back. He is human and not every one has it in them to be able to live through betrayal over and over again.

 

I don't think giving up on talking to other men is such a big thing to give up in big scheme of things ? If you shared same with him,you might be surprised.

 

Like I said before somewhere, your inexperience with men and general innocence makes you vulnerable to men who find it very attractive. I'm guessing , you are even on the shy side. This all adds fuel to the fire of these men who hit on you.

 

Anyway , you might have a chance to rebuild. Lot of effort on your end. Do it only if it's worth it as it's hard from here on. Once overcome, don't take it as a pass to test drive by befriending a new guy !

 

Thank you for your response, right now he's very emotional as the wound is still fresh.. He wants to know details , I told him again that I never wanted to be in a relationship with ship with this guy and don't have feelings, never went out with and never physical. Have not seen the OM in 1 year. Any way, he is crying, and constantly wants to talk. Since I'm on a graveyard schedule we have been making time to talk, go to mc, ic , I'm just so sad to see him so tormented. I wish I could erase it all. I wish he could believe the things that I tell him but I also understand that because I lied to him, his mind is going crazy with different scenarios, the what ifs. He is probably thinking about when I was at work with the OM, it wasn't until I stopped working with the OM.. 9 months later that I contacted him to talk. I rejected him and all of his advances from before when I was physically there. I was not interested in the OM , I think I used him to listen to my problems. I try to comfort my dh when he cries and listen. I want to make it better.. So I am being patient, staying off my phone.. Doing what I feel I need to do to reassure him that I don't want another man.. I'm not thinking about other dudes even though I told him in general that I find some other men attractive.. He gets upset and says he only has eyes for me and that his world revolves around me and that it is not normal for him to be attracted to other women because he only wants me. I think we just have to different outlooks now . I used to be the same way, only saw him and was never checking out other men, since I see that he tried to use my love for him to control me(not taking the promotion) I believe I am now on defense mode. Focused on getting back to where I want to be and not allowing him to make me feel guilty for pursuing my dreams.

[mikeylo]

Just remember: since he is being very loyal --- eyes just for you thing and you returning it by choosing to tell him and act on , that other men are attractive , you will never get him back.

 

He might as well find someone more attractive , someone more loyal, someone more faithful,someone more emotionally stable , someone more sensible than you.

 

If you are taking ' revenge' or retaliating by throwing other men in his face , I would rather tell him to walk away. There is no shortage of men and women. If anything , there is shortage of decent people who know how to do relationships that you clearly don't. What I'm seeing is that you are the one taking him for granted. First you emotionally cheat then you throw other men in his face. You don't even plan to get rid of them except this one guy.

 

You will continue to throw other people in his face till he shows you the mirror.

[Helivesforme]

No, I was trying to have a mature, adult conversation. Telling my husband it is human nature. I do not want the men, but I can admit that some men are ugly, good-looking.... In general.. I'm not throwing guys in his face.

[Berthaa]

I think that is sort of challenge for them. You know, they want to be "first" to take virginity so they can feel special. I am not sure but it is just a challenge to them. Same as women wanting to change a bad guy into a nice one.

[Springsummer]

I think that is sort of challenge for them. You know, they want to be "first" to take virginity so they can feel special. I am not sure but it is just a challenge to them. Same as women wanting to change a bad guy into a nice one.

 

You just replied after reading the title without evening reading the post, rightÉ VirginityÉ

[Helivesforme]

Just remember: since he is being very loyal --- eyes just for you thing and you returning it by choosing to tell him and act on , that other men are attractive , you will never get him back.

 

He might as well find someone more attractive , someone more loyal, someone more faithful,someone more emotionally stable , someone more sensible than you.

 

If you are taking ' revenge' or retaliating by throwing other men in his face , I would rather tell him to walk away. There is no shortage of men and women. If anything , there is shortage of decent people who know how to do relationships that you clearly don't. What I'm seeing is that you are the one taking him for granted. First you emotionally cheat then you throw other men in his face. You don't even plan to get rid of them except this one guy.

 

You will continue to throw other people in his face till he shows you the mirror.

 

He knows what I did was out of character for me. And not who I am. He will never be able to feel the way that I felt because I have continued to stand by his side through it all. I encouraged him and provided support in all areas. Be it financial, mental, emotional. We are addressing all of the underlying issues that have surfaced. I was the most faithful , loyal to him. After feeling unappreciated and being accused of cheating , I felt like my dh didn't know me anymore, and J felt like I didn't know who I was either, I felt like no one understood me, and I didn't have anyone I could talk to that could relate.. Anyhow, we are working on building a stronger foundation. My dh says I'm insensitive, I will continue to take his feelings to heart and work on becoming a better person overall.