Fiance wants me to support him but won't move..

[figureouthell]

i need help. my fiancé lost his job and has decided to start his own business. He can’t find employment and went to the bank to get his own SBA loan. I am gainly employed but he hates that my job (which will support us all ) requires travel. It’s usually just one day — travel 3 hours and drive home and be back by 8pm. I only fly out about once a month — usually same day, as well.

 

He makes fun of me….”Oh i suppose you have to go please your (boss) again and travel to xyz this…week…great”

 

I tell him that I have no choice. He says that my travel is making his life a fuc*ing nightmare and he can’t take anymore.

 

I said okay..welll…you want me to quit? I offered to take another job that requires zero travel but it required a pay cut. He says NO …you can’t quit the job for at least 3 years ….I am not going to be profitable for a long time…

 

I said what do you want me to do then? He says.. I don’t know but I can’t live this horrible nightmare of a life and I don’t know how we will survive, but I can’t take this anymore.

 

I told him that it would be easier on ME… for us to move to where my job is based (that’s why I make the 3 hour trip in the first place). I only moved to him (and work from home) because he had his previous job there and his parents live about an hour from him. I want to move back — now that he doesn’t have a job to hold him.

 

However, he feels he has more of a chance of being successful with his new business in the town he’s been for over a decade. I understand this.. BUT — he tells me it will probably take 3 years before he is actually profitable. Until then… he will be living off of me and his SBA loan.

 

I know this sounds like a lot of back and forth. It absolutely is. I just feel so drained from all of the arguments.

 

Literally this is what happened yesterday.

 

Him: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

 

ME: I will support us either way, but of course it’s easier on me to live closer to my job base and stop the travel.

 

HIM: Great, so now I have to give up my entire life to go move close to you… that’s been your motivation all along, and now you get your way. Thanks for being a constant manipulator.

 

ME: HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS? I TOLD YOU I WILL DO WHICHEVER, BUT IF YOU WANT MY PREFERENCE….YOU HAVE IT. YOU DECIDE.

 

HIM: OKAY WE ARE MOVING TO YOUR CITY —I’M DONE WITNESSING THE GUILT TRIPS ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL.

 

—more arguing —

 

then ME: OKAY! WE ARE MOVING. I WILL CARRY US UNTIL YOU BECOME PROFITABLE EITHER PLACE — YOU SAY YOU WON’T BE PROFITABLE EITHER PLACE FOR YEARS…So let’s make it simple.

 

HIM: GREAT — SO I AM GOING TO SHUT ALL MY OPTIONS DOWN and YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE ALL THE BILLS — I HOPE YOU ARE PREPARED FOR THIS — I THINK IT’s SUICIDE PERSONALLY, FINANCIALLY and PROFESSIONALLY — BUT YOU GOT YOUR WAY!!!

 

ME: OMG — I said I will support us either way — I can’t take your bitc*ing? This is horrible and you seem ungrateful!

 

HIM: TOO LATE __ WE ARE MOVING AND I WANT TO SEE YOU CARRY THIS LOAD.

 

End of fight - I go back to work.

 

2 hours later I see him and he tells he has talked to the bank and he’s making plans to finish the loan for HIS TOWN!

 

I say calmly….Wait — I thought we were moving?

 

HIM: AHHHH YOU REALLY ARE A PSYCHOTIC MANIPULATOR AREN”T YOU? DIDN”T YOU SAY THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO MOVE— IF I WAS GOING TO BE MISERABLE?

 

ME: I SAID THAT BUT YOU DECIDED THAT WE COULD MOVE AND YOU WILL BE FINE —

 

HIM— YOU REALLY ARE A MASTER MANIPULATOR. I CAN’T BELIVE THIS IS WHO YOU ARE — You are a very unhappy person and NOTHING makes you happy!

 

I start crying and he says “I can’t believe how miserable this life is — and you have absolutely no idea of how many bombs you like to drop just to watch me react.”

 

SO — this was our day yesterday. This morning I was quiet and he said that I was “cold” and more proof that he can’t trust me and he thinks I am going to “bolt out” and leave him with nothing.

 

As for me saying — “I would like to be married… if I am going to be supporting us .. especially” He says that is a manipulative tactic and he has a sick sense that I am trying to force him into marrying me and that he’s not doing that. and it makes him very “SCARED OF ME AND MY INTENTIONS”

 

Please give some advice. Can this even be remedied?

[Quiet Storms]

My advice? Run as fast and as far away as you can from this man.

[Mr. Lucky]

Sounds like he wants to blame you for his failures, not an uncommon scenario.

 

Communication between the two of you seems broken, to put it bluntly. If you're to stay in the marriage, has to be fixed...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Art_Critic]

get out now.. sounds like he isn't a team player..

 

BTW, if he is not close to being profitable in 6 months and turning a profit within a year he has an issue, he is going to go under.

I would imagine his business plan would have to show profitability within 12-18 months in order to secure an SBA loan..

[TrustedthenBusted]

Marriage will solve all of this. And if it doesn't, you should have a couple of kids. That'll fix things for sure!

 

 

PS. you are being given a gift right not. Don't waste it.

[anna121]

Please don't marry him.

[Wade Lamare]

Gawd, how old is he? 15?

 

Suggest you look for a man not a whiney milquetoast.

[basil67]

The names he called you would be a dealbreaker for me alone....let alone all the other stuff.

 

Time to move on without him.

[MidwestUSA]

So, what else is three hours away - where you moved from - that's causing him such a problem? Your ex? Your son and his soccer games?

 

Why not just support him and let him travel with you and have fun? Let him get to know, and hang out with, your bosses. That way he'll know there's no hanky panky going on, and they might be able to give him some leads for his business!

 

When's the wedding?