WHY is being clingy ...bad?

[Versacehottie]

I want to know that someone is invested in me, but I also want them to have their own life, in so much as there being things unrelated to me they are passionate about and invest time in.

 

 

yes this is super important to remain attractive to the other person and when building attraction at the beginning.

[Blanco]

yes this is super important to remain attractive to the other person and when building attraction at the beginning.

 

Right.

 

And to expand on that, it's not that I don't understand wanting to spend as much time as you can with someone you're into when things are brand new. I've felt that way in every serious relationship, and it seems like the girl did, too. BUT, I never got the sense from them that they had nothing else going on in their lives besides me. It was just that they were making time for me while maintaining the other aspects of their lives. That's attractive to me.

 

I wouldn't want to date or be with someone who was like a puppy dog waiting for me to get down with work every day so we can spend every moment together until it was time to sleep.

[coolheadal]

Clingy and needy person then you have to be with someone that can appreciate you for what you are. Not a bad thing it's that you want more out of the relationship sure we all can say otherwise. Those woman who don't like to be smothered by a clingy person shouldn't be with anyone that is so close and loving. I can't see them to be a very happy person in any case. I ran into this myself so I can talk from experience. Today that woman still can't be close to anyone who wants to be with her. She always pushing them away. She thinks they're all cheating on her anyway. I can't feel sorry for her, but good men are hard to come by today. What do they want a crazy, bad man or a nice, care, loving man who can be either way. Woman if you don't want clingy or needy then you need to look else where. Everyone clings or in some ways are needy. Really life has so much to offer but most take it for granted.

[katiegrl]

Right.

 

And to expand on that, it's not that I don't understand wanting to spend as much time as you can with someone you're into when things are brand new. I've felt that way in every serious relationship, and it seems like the girl did, too. BUT, I never got the sense from them that they had nothing else going on in their lives besides me. It was just that they were making time for me while maintaining the other aspects of their lives. That's attractive to me.

 

I wouldn't want to date or be with someone who was like a puppy dog waiting for me to get down with work every day so we can spend every moment together until it was time to sleep.

 

Agree and I also think it's kinda fun to miss each other too.

 

Keeps things fresh and exciting no matter how long you've been together.

[Versacehottie]

Right.

 

And to expand on that, it's not that I don't understand wanting to spend as much time as you can with someone you're into when things are brand new. I've felt that way in every serious relationship, and it seems like the girl did, too. BUT, I never got the sense from them that they had nothing else going on in their lives besides me. It was just that they were making time for me while maintaining the other aspects of their lives. That's attractive to me.

 

I wouldn't want to date or be with someone who was like a puppy dog waiting for me to get down with work every day so we can spend every moment together until it was time to sleep.

 

yes, i've seen the appearance of 'that' kill attraction--whether or not it's true. That's why when two people don't know each other and are getting to know each other, it's important to 'show' that you have other things going on in life by doing them and not always being available. Especially if you want the person to consider the real you and/or how you might be once the initial rush dies down. it's can be a tricky balance but that is the real point, you need to be in balance with the other person.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Usually, someone has a few ducks in a row and has maintained a level of independence for some years is probably looking for the same in someone else. Autonomous identity and independence are important aspects. Someone who has been on their own for a while is probably looking for someone who has managed to hold their own for a few years too. However, too much of that makes a person seem aloof. I think I would rather ( if given a choice between the two) would rather a clingy person. Clingy people want you to know how much they like you. Aloof people make it seem like they can do better and are not all that interested. Is there a balance between the two and can two people find that balance and get it right? I sure as hell haven't. I have seen co-dependent relationships and for all intense and purposes, they seem euphoric with their arrangement, other people in that circumstance, ( I.E.) one person is clingier than the other, suffer. One person isn't getting their needs met, and the other feels smothered and hemmed in.

[coolheadal]

Usually, someone has a few ducks in a row and has maintained a level of independence for some years is probably looking for the same in someone else. Autonomous identity and independence are important aspects. Someone who has been on their own for a while is probably looking for someone who has managed to hold their own for a few years too. However, too much of that makes a person seem aloof. I think I would rather ( if given a choice between the two) would rather a clingy person. Clingy people want you to know how much they like you. Aloof people make it seem like they can do better and are not all that interested. Is there a balance between the two and can two people find that balance and get it right? I sure as hell haven't. I have seen co-dependent relationships and for all intense and purposes, they seem euphoric with their arrangement, other people in that circumstance, ( I.E.) one person is clingier than the other, suffer. One person isn't getting their needs met, and the other feels smothered and hemmed in.

 

 

Good point which is very true! The best person is the clingy one!

[morrowrd]

I love clinginess too. It means I have all her attention, affection, all the yuckiness that goes with being in love. We have a wall in the kitchen (actually a couple of walls) that I call the "yuk wall" - it has all kinds of lovey dovey signs, like "best boyfriend ever, forever and always, all because two people fell in love, with all the world around us, isn't great we found us..." (there are about 16 signs like that) We were together since August of last year, and I used to feel claustrophobic when girls got clingy, but when you're in love, thats a game changer. Hell, I make MYSELF sick at times.

 

I know people roll their eyes at us, I used to be an eyeball roller myself. I could care less now.

[Blanco]

I love clinginess too. It means I have all her attention, affection, all the yuckiness that goes with being in love. We have a wall in the kitchen (actually a couple of walls) that I call the "yuk wall" - it has all kinds of lovey dovey signs, like "best boyfriend ever, forever and always, all because two people fell in love, with all the world around us, isn't great we found us..." (there are about 16 signs like that) We were together since August of last year, and I used to feel claustrophobic when girls got clingy, but when you're in love, thats a game changer. Hell, I make MYSELF sick at times.

 

I know people roll their eyes at us, I used to be an eyeball roller myself. I could care less now.

 

Haha, this sounds awful to me, and I've definitely been accused of being a little emotionally needy in previous relationships.

 

I guess another thing is that to be immersed in the type of situation described above, it becomes exceedingly difficult to balance it with other areas in one's life, such as relationships with friends and family. There's nothing cute or lovey dovey about basically letting your other relationships with the people who have always been there for you go to pot just because you're caught up in limerence.*

 

*Not directed at you, necessarily, just situations like that.

[katiegrl]

I love clinginess too. It means I have all her attention, affection, all the yuckiness that goes with being in love. We have a wall in the kitchen (actually a couple of walls) that I call the "yuk wall" - it has all kinds of lovey dovey signs, like "best boyfriend ever, forever and always, all because two people fell in love, with all the world around us, isn't great we found us..." (there are about 16 signs like that) We were together since August of last year, and I used to feel claustrophobic when girls got clingy, but when you're in love, thats a game changer. Hell, I make MYSELF sick at times.

 

I know people roll their eyes at us, I used to be an eyeball roller myself. I could care less now.

 

Heck that is just so damn cute! I'm jealous I hope to feel that way some day!

 

As it stands now, I am one of those who needs bunches of space but maybe I just haven't met the right guy yet!

 

Maybe someday... one can always hope.

 

Thanks for sharing!

[coolheadal]

Sounds like not everyone wants a clingy or needy relationship. To me I would welcome such woman. If you don't want that in a person then look else where and keep on trucking because never be happy and never really understand why things happen the way it has.

[Bialy]

Vulnerability and mushy love are sexy to me.

 

I don't measure that by # of text messages sent/received per day. Not everyone can access their phone during the work day.

[katiegrl]

Vulnerability and mushy love are sexy to me.

 

I don't measure that by # of text messages sent/received per day. Not everyone can access their phone during the work day.

 

I don't really care for the "mushy" Hallmark type stuff, but when a man (my man) expresses a bit of vulnerability to me.... wow that is the ultimate!

 

Love that ... and YES I agree very sexy.

[Space Ritual]

Put me in the category of not liking Clingers. I have noticed in my experience that older women I've dated are more clingy than the younger ones. Probably because I really don't have that much in common with the younger women and am not looking for a relationship. And they understand that and it's fine. I ride it out until one of us gets bored or finds somebody new and move on..lol

 

Also probably due to the fact that I spent a lot of my younger adult years in dens of iniquity, clingers remind me of strippers who are trying to squeeze the last dollar out of me. lol

[Bialy]

I don't really care for the "mushy" Hallmark type stuff, but when a man (my man) expresses a bit of vulnerability to me.... wow that is the ultimate!

 

Love that ... and YES I agree very sexy.

Oh wait, I don't mean Hallmark mushy!

 

I like a man who is a big cuddly bear. Like, if I'm reading a book in bed and he nuzzles in and wants to snuggle, lol.

 

Mushy to me = holding hands outside and showing affection. I'm touchy feely when I'm in a relationship and I like a man who is the same way.

[katiegrl]

Oh wait, I don't mean Hallmark mushy!

 

I like a man who is a big cuddly bear. Like, if I'm reading a book in bed and he nuzzles in and wants to snuggle, lol.

 

 

LOL @ snuggle. Did you read my thread in the rant section re overused words?

 

Thank the lord you didn't use the word "cuddle"!

 

If I hear that word one more time.......arghhh!!!! lol

 

Snuggle = nice change!

[Gaeta]

I love clinginess too. It means I have all her attention, affection, all the yuckiness that goes with being in love. We have a wall in the kitchen (actually a couple of walls) that I call the "yuk wall" - it has all kinds of lovey dovey signs, like "best boyfriend ever, forever and always, all because two people fell in love, with all the world around us, isn't great we found us..." (there are about 16 signs like that) We were together since August of last year, and I used to feel claustrophobic when girls got clingy, but when you're in love, thats a game changer. Hell, I make MYSELF sick at times.

 

I know people roll their eyes at us, I used to be an eyeball roller myself. I could care less now.

 

 

That's not cligniness, that's mushiness :-)

 

Cligniness is the GF who can't let you breath. You go get milk and she has to text you during that 5 minutes you are gone. And she text you again because it takes you too long to come back, and she text you again asking if you are mad at her because it's been 6 minutes and you're not back. Then she text again at 7 minutes asking if you are really at the grocery store or if you're with another woman and how dare you be gone 7 minutes and not contact her.

[katiegrl]

That's not cligniness, that's mushiness :-)

 

Cligniness is the GF who can't let you breath. You go get milk and she has to text you during that 5 minutes you are gone. And she text you again because it takes you too long to come back, and she text you again asking if you are mad at her because it's been 6 minutes and you're not back. Then she text again at 7 minutes asking if you are really at the grocery store or if you're with another woman and how dare you be gone 7 minutes and not contact her.

 

That would be EXTREME clinginess! lol

[Ami1uwant]

I like clingy women too. It's nice to feel needed and wanted often.

 

 

Needed and wanted is not clingy....

 

Clingy leads to being controlling, jealous, and possessive.

 

Everyone should have some me time....

[Bialy]

LOL @ snuggle. Did you read my thread in the rant section re overused words?

 

Thank the lord you didn't use the word "cuddle"!

 

If I hear that word one more time.......arghhh!!!! lol

 

Snuggle = nice change!

Hahahahaha! I did not see that thread yet. I'll check it out.

 

Glad I chose wisely!

[AMJ]

Dr. Rhymes,

 

I think that most people are explained best here-

Some avoid intimacy because their past pain causes present fear

Others prefer to call their lover needy, as if needy could be a bad thing-

When the reality is they don't like themselves enough to live as a singleton

[coolheadal]

Needed and wanted is not clingy....

 

Clingy leads to being controlling, jealous, and possessive.

 

Everyone should have some me time....

 

Time for what? You wanted a person in your life to be with you so why do you need time to be without them. Clingy doesn't mean they're controlling, jealous or persistent or possessive. There are mean and crazy women or men out their already that are most of these things. I say the woman should be clingy wants to know where her man is. Why not know? Why live without knowing where your love one is? I welcome such a woman but again are you clingy as well. If you don't care what the woman is doing then why be with her in the first place? We all have our own desires but what type of woman or person are you wanting to be with for? Long term or short term just are we all serious or just that we don't care. Sometimes we all should think about what type of person you want or seek in your life. To have a woman that wants to be with you and put you second and first to the lord and 3rd to her family I would welcome such a woman in my life. Today you don't see that your usually placed 3rd in her life. Time or space why just not give up on the idea of being with someone you want to be with in the first place. They are not with you always but you'll sure start missing them if you don't then your not interested in them. This is a catch 22 you want or you cling or you don't!

Edited September 29, 2016 by coolheadal

[LookAtThisPOst]

Is it really that unfavorable of a trait? Or is it because people would rather date?

Is it because it's easier to hate, or rather, the inability to actually relate.

This space we create, and in hopes to exacerbate a mistake,

Becomes a tricky escape from a situation we felt needed to probate.

And so we don't wait, but instead procrastinate and debate,

Allowing our fate to be decided by options we tend to curate,

An insatiable mate we often seek out to procreate,

Yet we tempt fate by discarding connection, even if it came late,

We try to communicate, but fail, as we'd rather concentrate,

On new people to evaluate while we compare and differentiate.

Soon, our connection never culminates, as our love just coagulates,

Messages to new mates soon proliferate, including things that incriminate,

Soon someone becomes irate and the new connection culminates,

Leaving one person to shake with misery and ruminate.

 

Question: I personally LIKE clingy women. (others may prefer men? I don't know..) I'm different though. I would rather text/call my lover 100 times throughout the day, than text/call 50 people with 2 messages a day.

 

We all know that clinginess is a turn off for some, yet we often read stories of people starting emotional and physical connections - one of the signs being how often they communicate! 1000's of messages...yet they didn't complain THEN!

 

Only after the attraction fades does it seem to become a nuisance then. I mean, if you began the connection with messages galore, but after a few months it seems like that communication died down, do you think they just magically stopped talking that much to other people?

 

Probably not. Just looking for the bigger, better deal.

 

Thoughts?

 

People have their own definition of what "clingy" is. To what extent does it become bad?

 

I know a couple of couples from work that yes...met at work, yes, they work together, ride to work together....go on lunch breaks together, and go home together.

 

Wash-rinse-repeat.

 

To some...that would drive them frickin' insane or break out in hives for a not as comitted person.

 

But....hey, it works for them and they are STILL in love. lol There's one dude, he lives with his g/f but leaves love notes on her FB page. I Had to unfollow him because it was getting sexual in nature...but they were posts directed at her...but, everyone could see it...and to me that's just rubbing it in other peoples' face...esp. if you're living under the same ROOF as your woman. lol

 

I know some people, sadly, that prefer that their sig. others be too busy for them, yes, you heard correctly. I heard of a woman that said she prefers to date airline pilots because they are hardly ever home. I had another woman, over 50, single, never married, no kids...been without a boyfriend for over 5 years...said to me, "I prefer to date a man that has a lot on his plate." She also prefers to see a man ONLY once a week...so sad.

 

I recall her telling me one guy talked to her about a 2nd date within' the same week. She freaked out about it and was like, "Um, no...I'm a once-a-week girl." So she is kind of a commitment phobe.

 

Usually it's commitment-phobic people that claim others are "needy", but to the "needy" person, they might think they are completely normal about it.

 

It's all on the perception of "needy." I'm thinking the OP freely admits their "neediness", only because the society of singles can't deal with seeing someone over a period of time.

 

I knew of one woman that had to call off her engagement because her fiance' was stopping by her house a little too much. I said to her, "Um, you're about to be married...so, get used to the thought!"

 

I have a female friend that's Hispanic, from South America...she considers herself as needy, and it's probably cultural as she's close with her family, a serious romantic, and I think it's sweet.

 

But to others, it's a deal breaker, which kind of makes you question the character of that person. "Are they romantic? Are they close with their family?" and so on.

 

I kind of equate it to people who dislikes pets. I love animals and I had dated a woman that every boyfriend she dated, hated animals in general, didn't like dogs jumping on his lap or cuddling with him. Hated the dog hairs, etc. and I thought, "What an insensitive douche' , boy she knows how to pick 'em" lol

Edited September 29, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

That is why your RLs don't ultimately work, you prefer lots of contact and togetherness, but your boyfriends don't. They prefer more space, so you are incompatible in that regard.

 

When I hear this, I often wonder if these guys are wanting their space for the purpose of seeing other women on the side. Just a theory though as I've seen relationships like this deteriorate as its a set-up for him to find the bigger better deal.

[Gaeta]

Time for what? You wanted a person in your life to be with you so why do you need time to be without them. Clingy doesn't mean they're controlling, jealous or persistent or possessive. There are mean and crazy women or men out their already that are most of these things. I say the woman should be clingy wants to know where her man is. Why not know? Why live without knowing where your love one is? I welcome such a woman but again are you clingy as well. If you don't care what the woman is doing then why be with her in the first place? We all have our own desires but what type of woman or person are you wanting to be with for? Long term or short term just are we all serious or just that we don't care. Sometimes we all should think about what type of person you want or seek in your life. To have a woman that wants to be with you and put you second and first to the lord and 3rd to her family I would welcome such a woman in my life. Today you don't see that your usually placed 3rd in her life. Time or space why just not give up on the idea of being with someone you want to be with in the first place. They are not with you always but you'll sure start missing them if you don't then your not interested in them. This is a catch 22 you want or you cling or you don't!

 

The way you are thinking is very dangerous.

 

You are misinterpreting being cligny with being loved. Just like some women will misinterpret jealousy and manipulation as being loved. Oh he is so jealous he must love me.

 

There is a happy middle in everything. Yes I want to be with my BF as much as possible but I still want time for me to clean and cook, go shopping for clothes, visit my kid, walk my dog, have one-on-one time with my best friend. If I dump all that to be with my BF then I become co-dependent of him and if he leaves one day I will have lost all of my reference.

 

When my BF met me he liked me for being me. If I shed everything that makes me me, than I am not any longer the woman he fell in love with. That is dangerous.

 

I don't need to know where my BF is . I let him be him. When he comes home at night and I ask about his day he tells me about it. I actually can spend 8 hours completely trusting him! and without the need to know where he is at each minute. Imagine that!