notmyselfnow Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 She did come to my work upset and ready to talk. I walked outside with her and said calmly, " how about we go somewhere and talk all this out." I said why don't you call your husband and we can all talk and get everything cleared up. I was in fact going to tell her everything. . She refused to call him, stormed off to her car and said, I'm filing this weekend and you can have his sorry ass!" There was no way I was going to answer her questions at my work when she was clearly so upset, but I did tell her that I would tell her everything she wanted to know...she has not contacted me since. Don't be coy. You could have told her - calmly - right there. You wanted to meet with her AND HER HUSBAND. Come on. Of course she said no. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 I understand you want to hurt him for hurting you. I wouldn't do it. Believe me you'll regret it. Just let karma take it's course. Take the high road and leave him forever. You'll be the stronger person in the end. Take care I agree. Just read that post by the BS who calls us PATHETIC for falling for their POS lying husbands. Let them stew in it. Just move on and have a better life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 She did come to my work upset and ready to talk. I walked outside with her and said calmly, " how about we go somewhere and talk all this out." I said why don't you call your husband and we can all talk and get everything cleared up. I was in fact going to tell her everything. . She refused to call him, stormed off to her car and said, I'm filing this weekend and you can have his sorry ass!" There was no way I was going to answer her questions at my work when she was clearly so upset, but I did tell her that I would tell her everything she wanted to know...she has not contacted me since. Clearly she already knows yall were messing around. You inviting her to sit down and talk it out would be enough proof for any rational person. Regardless, she has chosen to forgive him so I don't see the point in you contacting her. You had a chance to be honest and you were too scared to say anything. Suddenly your courage has reappeared just as MM has disappeared. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 I agree. Just read that post by the BS who calls us PATHETIC for falling for their POS lying husbands. Let them stew in it. Just move on and have a better life. So because one (probably newly betrayed and hurt and angry) BS said one thing, all BSs should be punished for all eternity? That's rather unfair, especially considering how many more kind and fair BSs there are here than nasty ones. It's up to you Nichole. Personally I don't care what the motives are, I think the kinder thing to do is to answer her questions. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 She confronted you and you refused to talk without her husband there. There are good reasons a wife wouldn't meet with both. She wouldn't want the two of you changing your story as the other one talks. She doesn't want to see you both together. and some have others. After this confrontation with his wife, a few days later you spent the night with her husband, then he ended it. Now you want to tell her alone. Sorry, bad idea and bad reason. She will know where he was that night and she could seriously lose it on you plus she won't believe what you say. Unless she contacts you again, stay away from her..for your own sake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Maybe you're addicted to drama. Don't mean that in a derogatory way towards you but in more of a clinical way. Think about it. It's over. He's out of your life, you're out of his. The drama is over. Why would you make contact and stir things up again? Maybe subconsciously you feed off the drama. Did you have an emotionally abusive childhood or previous relationships? Trying to pass on things I've learned about myself and WS in therapy, I'm not trying to be mean and call you a drama queen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Take it from the lesson I learned. My xMM didn't believe anything from me as he threw me under the bus and made me look like a manipulative blackmailing AP. I never told her anything directly so he was able to make the story in his favor and she believed it. Her comment to me, was to litetally laugh in my face and stared, "Well, what dud you think would happen when you got involved with a married man. In what way did you think that that was a good idea. You should have known he would never leave his wife and kids." She saw it as a competition and seriously loved that she got to keep him. So be prepared to be seen as the manipulative bunny boiler if you continue to seek contact with his wife. If I could go back in time, I would have never made contact with his wife and plain walked away without a trace. No good ever comes out of making contact with the wife. It is his life and if he choses to keep secret parts of your affair from his wife, be thankful, as she could very well turn on you and seek revenge against you as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KateHR Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Sometimes I question if all the MM went through the same "Cheating Academy". Lol I read your post and WORD TO WORD, it was said to me by my MM.Now it just made me laugh. Gosh, how primitive those men are. But guess what? It makes OW even more primitive to BUY it and ACT on it. I truly believe majority of MM become sociopaths to some extent in the process. They are degrading and make you do the same thing. Let me pinch you! Wake up, girl. You are so much better than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 I would usually say yes tell her. But she already asked and you didn't respond. In fact if she had any sense ... your not answering immediately saying no was admitting you had slept with her husband. So in this situation I wouldn't bother telling her. Leave them to it and take it as a lesson not to get involved with a MM. You allowed him to keep crawling into your bed every time. It's so not worth the stress. Link to post Share on other sites
Joie Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 BS weighing in here. Personally, I would not want to hear from you. She wanted to hear from you when she came to the office. She did NOT want to meet with you and her husband because it implies the three of you are equals in the relationship and that is not accurate. Now she HATES you. Leave her alone. You are not going to change her mind. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she makes you out to be the bad guy. If she wants to stay in her marriage she has to figure out how to love him. She has no loyalty to you so it makes it easy for you to be the villain. Leave them alone to sort out their problems. Find a single guy to date. Best of Luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Do you remember that scene in the movie "Terms of Endearment" when she runs into her H affair partner, chases after her & she refuses to say anything, telling her to talk to her husband? Oh watch that movie again!! Grab a glass of wine (or bottle) & a box of tissues.... All these years later, with so many life experiences, it's such a different film. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 She did come to my work upset and ready to talk. I walked outside with her and said calmly, " how about we go somewhere and talk all this out." I said why don't you call your husband and we can all talk and get everything cleared up. I was in fact going to tell her everything. . She refused to call him, stormed off to her car and said, I'm filing this weekend and you can have his sorry ass!" There was no way I was going to answer her questions at my work when she was clearly so upset, but I did tell her that I would tell her everything she wanted to know...she has not contacted me since. Are you really 'done' with him? If they divorce do you plan on seeing him? If you are truly over it and want nothing to do with him then come clean, write her a letter. Or ask her if you two can talk. explain why you didn't come clean in the past. Tell her YOUR truth and apologize. Own your part in the affair. Apologize for helping him cheat and betray her. Be respectful and understand that she is the victim here and her anger and devastation is totally justified. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Nichole, You say he told you he was seperated, but it started with him confiding in you about his marriage being in trouble. That's not a marriage he's done with. It sounds like a marriage he wanted to work on. So please excuse me if I don't see you as a victim who was taken advantage of. You're a grown woman who needs to take responsibility for getting involved with a MM. This isn't a guy who was long seperated and living alone when you came into the picture. His wife knows you were sleeping with him. There's no way any woman would ask that question and the accused party not immediately state her innocence. Your lack of denial was confirmation. ..... and she knows it. Your suggestion to all discuss the matter was an insult. Who wants to have a chat with their husband's mistress, as though you all need to work it out. You were the outside party in their marriage and for your own safety I'd steer clear of contacting her or you may well regret it. Your reputation could get shredded in the workplace. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I vote to tell. I was in a similar situation, contemplating telling his wife but in the end he beat me to it. The reason I wanted to do it was not to be spiteful or hurt him, but because what we had was real, lasted a significant amount of time and it would not be right for it to just evaporate into vacuum as if nothing ever happened. Plus, me and him always knew the score and had the freedom to make informed choices, but she never did. She was kept in the dark all the time and she deserved to know the truth and make her own informed choices about her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Joie Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I vote to tell. I was in a similar situation, contemplating telling his wife but in the end he beat me to it. The reason I wanted to do it was not to be spiteful or hurt him, but because what we had was real, lasted a significant amount of time and it would not be right for it to just evaporate into vacuum as if nothing ever happened. Plus, me and him always knew the score and had the freedom to make informed choices, but she never did. She was kept in the dark all the time and she deserved to know the truth and make her own informed choices about her life. Honestly, no wonder so many BS's go crazy on the OW. I was lucky. Other than a few texts begging my husband to talk to her the OW stayed away from me and my family. If she had "reached out" to me after my husband dumped her because she NOW thought I deserved the truth. I would have destroyed her life. I mean if I deserve the truth NOW then so does her family. I think I would then need to contact her husband and her work and her friends and anyone else I could think of...but that is just me. I know others feel different. I will say if you are going to tell her don't pretend that you are doing the noble thing. If you really wanted her to make an informed choice you would have told her at the beginning of the affair. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Honestly, no wonder so many BS's go crazy on the OW. I was lucky. Other than a few texts begging my husband to talk to her the OW stayed away from me and my family. If she had "reached out" to me after my husband dumped her because she NOW thought I deserved the truth. I would have destroyed her life. I mean if I deserve the truth NOW then so does her family. I think I would then need to contact her husband and her work and her friends and anyone else I could think of...but that is just me. I know others feel different. I will say if you are going to tell her don't pretend that you are doing the noble thing. If you really wanted her to make an informed choice you would have told her at the beginning of the affair. Yeah the window for taking the high road closed the second you violated her marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 so, did you **** or get off the pot as we say down here? everyone who is ever interested in someone that claims to be "separated" should call the person your person is "separated" from and ask them. before you peel off any clothes. omg just think of what life would be like for everyone if someone had called up and said, hey, i like your husband, you thru with him yet? cuz he says your separated. "ya, we are separated, he's in the shower and i'm in our bed". lmao "ya,we're separated, he's at work and i'm nursing his mom and our newborn". "ya,we're separated, he's in the drive thru lane at the bank robbin me and i'm at the store wondering why they can't get my credit card purchase approved". "ya,we're separated, you can have him. he's a **** heel alkie that robbed his orphans and stop paying the mortgage cuz you need your teeth fixed and your doggie needs an operation" hello??? she hung up. Link to post Share on other sites
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