Always single - at a loss

[Singlegirlforever]

Hi!

I'm a 28.5 years old female who never had a single date in her life.

I thought that my country's abysmal sex ratio may be at fault (I live in Latvia) yet I see so many couples every day.

I'm shy, introverted, somewhat geeky but also try to be lady-like.

I have a (mild?) case of social anxiety and it's very hard for me to approach a stranger first (may have something to do with having been ostracized at school). However, after the first introduction if the person is receptive I have no problem talking to them.

I feel that if I approach someone who didn't show any interest in talking to me I would be bothering him/her. This idea is reinforced when no one actually shows said interest/approaches me first.

Men very rarely talk to me - it only happens at work when they need something. Also, they rarely look at me so I can't say that they're just shy/intimidated. Most of the time men around me are looking at their phone, at another girl, mean/sour or generally unapproachable.

The very few men I was mustering courage to approach first were taken as I found out later.

I try to dress nicely, in a way that flatters my figure (I'm slim) and apply some makeup that accentuates my features (I believe I have a reasonably attractive face) yet it brings no change.

I go to meetups trying to look as prettied up and friendly/approachable as possible - still nothing. I'm not into the bar scene because it's usually just for hookups whereas I'm looking for a serious relationship.

The most excruciating thing is to see that no matter what I do it still has no effect as if I live in a separate dimension invisible to all men around me.

I tried online dating (local website) and didn't receive many messages. 50% of them very overtly sexual, the other half was comprised of charming one-liners such as "hey", "hi hoya doin", "wassup" and others that looked as part of large copy-pasted email campaign.

I don't really have any close friends to ask for help.

The only hope I have left is to search for men abroad (through okcupid/match etc.). However, I'm very unphotogenic so it's going to be a challenge and may still result in a complete lack of male attention.

 

So, what do you think? Is there any hope for me?

Is there anything I can do to change my situation, at least to experience new things?

Some of you may say that I'm not attractive/pretty enough to garner male attention - that's ok, not everyone wins the genetic lottery and I'd be lying if I said that I'm attracted to all men. I simply want to know that I tried to do everything I could before I hit the proverbial wall and be at peace with the thought that it simply wasn't meant to be.

[DarrenB]

I will never judge someone based on their appearance, flaws, personality and any other traits (unless it's something you know... completely out of order and excessive). You will most certainly be judged on here, just because you are struggling to find a male companion in your life. Everyone here helps to give you the best advice possible and to make you feel comfortable to explain yourself in every way possible.

 

Now, moving on. Are you certain male attention is what you seek? do you want to find yourself involved with someone on an intimate and committed level? do you just want to go on casual dates? do you want to hookup? - there's alot of questions that you need to ask yourself (if you haven't already), and get to the route of what you really want. Maybe just the satisfaction to feel wanted or to feel a certain chemistry between someone? We all want that. You will not be ridiculed for wanting any of the above, after all, it's what us as humans need to do in order to reproduce and 'love' each other for that matter.

 

On the other hand, you may just want to be almost completely independent? I mean, I'm only 18 but for about 5-6 years I've done most things entirely on my own, without any type of support, motivation or advice. It's definitely not the best attribute in the world to have, but it's something at least.

 

What you need to know, is where compatibility between two people would lie, where would it stem from? taking into consideration what you personally would have to offer in a R/S or just simply a date and such. Don't force yourself to do something, even though it tends to harass your mind. It will immensely hurt your ego, and you definitely do not want that.

 

Be patient. 28.5 y/o is still considered fairly young (is it not?), there's still hope. Alot of it infact! Patience is a virtue, and time is definitely your friend. I don't think you should care too much about it, right now atleast anyway. There's alot of positives in dating and searching for a partner, but there's also alot of negatives and calamities awaiting to happen if things are approached to suddenly, abruptly or just wrong.

 

You will eventually find your lover. You will find dates and you will find company, whether that be on a friendship-based level or a relationship-based one. Things will come when you least expect it. Keep going about your life, how you normally would. You may just notice that putting in less effort might bring things closer to benefiting you. I can understand where you may feel pressured considering the age you're at, and other things being taken into consideration, however... like I said there's hope, in every one of us. When the time is right, that's when things will be delivered.

 

Best of luck in your endeavors on this. I'm sure you will do absolutely fine and I look forward to hearing your progress if you come across someone you fancy or if you experience any dates and such.

[ZA Dater]

Hi!

I'm a 28.5 years old female who never had a single date in her life.

I thought that my country's abysmal sex ratio may be at fault (I live in Latvia) yet I see so many couples every day.

I'm shy, introverted, somewhat geeky but also try to be lady-like.

I have a (mild?) case of social anxiety and it's very hard for me to approach a stranger first (may have something to do with having been ostracized at school). However, after the first introduction if the person is receptive I have no problem talking to them.

I feel that if I approach someone who didn't show any interest in talking to me I would be bothering him/her. This idea is reinforced when no one actually shows said interest/approaches me first.

Men very rarely talk to me - it only happens at work when they need something. Also, they rarely look at me so I can't say that they're just shy/intimidated. Most of the time men around me are looking at their phone, at another girl, mean/sour or generally unapproachable.

The very few men I was mustering courage to approach first were taken as I found out later.

I try to dress nicely, in a way that flatters my figure (I'm slim) and apply some makeup that accentuates my features (I believe I have a reasonably attractive face) yet it brings no change.

I go to meetups trying to look as prettied up and friendly/approachable as possible - still nothing. I'm not into the bar scene because it's usually just for hookups whereas I'm looking for a serious relationship.

The most excruciating thing is to see that no matter what I do it still has no effect as if I live in a separate dimension invisible to all men around me.

I tried online dating (local website) and didn't receive many messages. 50% of them very overtly sexual, the other half was comprised of charming one-liners such as "hey", "hi hoya doin", "wassup" and others that looked as part of large copy-pasted email campaign.

I don't really have any close friends to ask for help.

The only hope I have left is to search for men abroad (through okcupid/match etc.). However, I'm very unphotogenic so it's going to be a challenge and may still result in a complete lack of male attention.

 

So, what do you think? Is there any hope for me?

Is there anything I can do to change my situation, at least to experience new things?

Some of you may say that I'm not attractive/pretty enough to garner male attention - that's ok, not everyone wins the genetic lottery and I'd be lying if I said that I'm attracted to all men. I simply want to know that I tried to do everything I could before I hit the proverbial wall and be at peace with the thought that it simply wasn't meant to be.

 

My first impression of you

 

1: You are articulate

2: Write well

3: Modest

4: Realistic.

 

My point is you have lots going for you based just on the post above, slim is an advantage. I say don't give up, in your case I think you may intimidate guys being articulate, but don't dumb yourself down for anyone.

 

I can relate to anxiety, the longer I have had no dates the worse it seems to become.

 

Keep going and don't loose hope!

[Bialy]

Have you considered relocating to another country? Maybe you need a change.

[Teraskas]

Hi!

I'm a 28.5 years old female who never had a single date in her life.

I thought that my country's abysmal sex ratio may be at fault (I live in Latvia) yet I see so many couples every day.

I'm shy, introverted, somewhat geeky but also try to be lady-like.

I have a (mild?) case of social anxiety and it's very hard for me to approach a stranger first (may have something to do with having been ostracized at school). However, after the first introduction if the person is receptive I have no problem talking to them.

I feel that if I approach someone who didn't show any interest in talking to me I would be bothering him/her. This idea is reinforced when no one actually shows said interest/approaches me first.

Men very rarely talk to me - it only happens at work when they need something. Also, they rarely look at me so I can't say that they're just shy/intimidated. Most of the time men around me are looking at their phone, at another girl, mean/sour or generally unapproachable.

The very few men I was mustering courage to approach first were taken as I found out later.

I try to dress nicely, in a way that flatters my figure (I'm slim) and apply some makeup that accentuates my features (I believe I have a reasonably attractive face) yet it brings no change.

I go to meetups trying to look as prettied up and friendly/approachable as possible - still nothing. I'm not into the bar scene because it's usually just for hookups whereas I'm looking for a serious relationship.

The most excruciating thing is to see that no matter what I do it still has no effect as if I live in a separate dimension invisible to all men around me.

I tried online dating (local website) and didn't receive many messages. 50% of them very overtly sexual, the other half was comprised of charming one-liners such as "hey", "hi hoya doin", "wassup" and others that looked as part of large copy-pasted email campaign.

I don't really have any close friends to ask for help.

The only hope I have left is to search for men abroad (through okcupid/match etc.). However, I'm very unphotogenic so it's going to be a challenge and may still result in a complete lack of male attention.

 

So, what do you think? Is there any hope for me?

Is there anything I can do to change my situation, at least to experience new things?

Some of you may say that I'm not attractive/pretty enough to garner male attention - that's ok, not everyone wins the genetic lottery and I'd be lying if I said that I'm attracted to all men. I simply want to know that I tried to do everything I could before I hit the proverbial wall and be at peace with the thought that it simply wasn't meant to be.

 

Hi there.

In the past I've known several Latvian women.

All varying in both personality and appearance.

Yet generally, allround kind, respectful women.

 

Viewing your post, you're more or less the female version of myself.

 

Judging from your post, you plenty of interesting qualities.

To name a few:

- Geeky yet lady like, which is very sought after but rarely found.

- You seem quite articulate, have an excellent writing style and manage to bring your point across.

- You put effort into your appearance (Reference to meetups, etc.)

 

You seem like an allround great woman with plenty of quality features going for her!

A suggestion I have would be a change of environment / another culture where men are more reciprocal.

As another poster suggested, perhaps moving to another country could be an option.

 

My apologies for being forward, but is there some way to get in contact with you ?

[preraph]

I know how it is. When I was young, all the men in the room were looking at the one hot girl and the others were invisible.

 

I can tell you one simple thing I learned, and I know it sounds cliche, but it's a survival basic for a woman. Lots of men are drawn to women who are just always smiling and happy and approachable looking. I know this is not a natural state of being for most people. It certainly wasn't for me. But once I learned to put on a big toothy smile when entering a room and kind of looking around scoping the room at the same time, I found that I was no longer ignored when I entered the room but greeted instead.

 

Lots of men a little socially anxious like you will take a big friendly smile as that you are nice and approachable and not likely to give them the cold stare if they approach you. Now, along with that comes that you will be approached by men you have zero interest in, but just smile and decline any unwanted invitations or cut short the conversation if you must by saying you see someone you came to talk to.

 

Seriously, just looking approachable by making yourself deploy the big smile (not the tiny nervous one) will make a difference. Good luck. I have also found that raising my eyebrows when I'm passing by someone usually gets a response from people.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I would suggest either doing OLD or approaching select men.

 

I can tell you that I would have at least accepted a date with ANY woman that approached me. Still waiting... *

 

I'm no Bruce Willis, but I'm a nice guy and a good listener.

 

If you do those, and neither work, then I'd be at a loss for suggestions.

 

*There were a few women who messaged me first or favorited me on OLD. I messaged back all of them and tried to set up a date, so that's how at least one man thinks.

[GemmaUK]

Just one thing - try - just try for me going to a few meet ups and be not 'prettied up'.

 

I never ever get an approach when I pretty myself up - only ever when I am just casual - even scruffy looking.

 

I actually stopped sticking my hair up in a ponytail because it garnered too much attention.

 

Over the past couple of days I have had a wink, a 'hello sexy' and a 'good morning' from men (OK - I wouldn't wanna date them but..) whilst I have walked to work scruffy as and with very wet straggly long curly hair.(I air dry - you gotta with curls).

[Singlegirlforever]

Thank you for the kind replies!

I think something about me is off-putting to men and that may be outside my control. Perhaps I'm too stern-looking even though I try to smile and maintain a warm/friendly appearance. Or maybe I'm suffering from a resting bitch face

I gave my situation a long hard thought and decided to put a pause on my search. Whether I like to admit it or not, this problem has taken some toll on me psychologically (my self-esteem is not made of iron...) and I need to sort some things out in my head.

I hope to return to the "love market" soon and possibly be ready emotionally and financially to relocate which at the moment unfortunately is not possible.