anxiety getting in the way of work--please HELP!!!!

[karenina21]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had it for about 7 years. What caused it was a myriad of things, including a bad past relationship, an abortion, two car accidents, and two job layoffs. I usually take Paxil for it and it works, however I had been off it for several months because I had no health insurance and couldn't afford the $200 per month that it would have cost me.

 

I recently landed a new, good paying job at a very high profile mutual fund company--it's the biggest one in the U.S. I am proud of this job, but I am also a nervous wreck. I had a personal emergency during the first week of training and I had to be out while the others learned a critical component of the job process. The emergency was understood and excused without incident, however I never did catch up on what I missed.

 

I have extensive experience in the role I was hired for, even with layoffs and horrible bosses. Despite those, I have excellent references which helped me land this job. The problem is that because the anxiety has gotten so bad again, I am not performing the job as well as I would normally. With the medication I am highly confident and make few mistakes. With the anxiety I am making mistakes that I should have caught.

 

I had my first one-on-one meeting with my manager yesterday, and she expressed concerns that my quality numbers were very low. I tried explaining how I had missed that day of training and how some of the errors were simply due to the fact that I had never done that certain procedure before. She responded that I should have known these procedures as standard by now and that if the numbers did not sufficiently improve, I would be put on a "corrective action plan" whereby a contract is drawn up specifying the problems areas, steps needed to improve, and a number of days to do it.

 

When I heard that, I had to go to a bathroom stall and calm down, because I just can't bear the thought of being unemployed again. I had to borrow money from friends and family to pay my bills during my layoffs and I cannot afford to lose another job.

 

Any advice out there on how to handle this? Should I tell the boss about my personal problem and ask to use the employee assistance program that is designed for such situations? I just don't want her to turn around and fire me before I've really had a chance.

[shygurl]

$200 a month for Paxil? That sounds like an exorbitant amount to me - ??

 

Doesn't your new job have health insurance such that you can get back onto the Paxil ? (or do you have to work there a certain period of time before you can access this?)

 

I would DEFINITELY not tell your boss about your personal issues...................not before you've accessed EAP yourself....so that if you do tell her, you can then say "but I'm taking these steps to deal with this, I've contacted EAP and I'm getting support/assistance there."

 

You shouldn't even have to ask your boss about how to access EAP..........she shouldn't even have to know you're accessing it. Can you not find out about accessing it some other way? Did you get any info on it when you did your orientation to this company? Is there a company handbook that will provide you the contact # to access EAP? Does your company have a website that might provide this info to employees? Do you have a Staff Health department in your company? (occupational health nurse) If so, they should be able to give you the info you need to access EAP.

 

I think it's critical you can get yourself back onto Paxil because now that you have this fear hanging over your head, you're going to be even more anxious and putting more pressure on yourself, over your fear of getting fired.

 

If you have no health insurance yet, can you somehow manage to scrimp up $200 to get back onto the Paxil?

[karenina21]

You'd be surprised how much this medicine can cost. I could have gotten it from Canada a lot cheaper, but you need a prescription for that and since I didn't have health insurance I couldn't afford a doctor's visit to get the prescription...well, you get the picture.

 

I should have mentioned that I do have health insurance now and I just started back on the Paxil. It takes a few weeks to take effect, and then I should be feeling much better. About the EAP, I went onto my company Intranet a few minutes ago and looked into how the program works. I got some tips and advice online from the EAP website and found out that they offer free, in-person, confidential counseling as well. I might take advantage of that, and no, my manager does not need to know about it unless she brings it up and recommends me for it. Which she probably won't as she barely knows me.

 

The most daming part of this is I've been on the floor doing this job for only a week. When she spoke with me yesterday it was a total of five days. I mean, cut me some slack already! On another note, the boss is pregnant and she wasn't in today so I wonder if she was not feeling great yesterday and that made her a little bitchy?

 

Who knows...all I can do is go in each day doing the best job I possibly can, ask lots of questions if I need to, and hope for the best.

 

Thanks for writing back.