Moving in with LTR partner...would this commute be terrible?

[Ele88]

My bf and I have been together a year and a half. He seriously brought up living together as my lease is expiring soon. We have discussed moving in in the past and have discussed how it would lead to marriage.

 

 

I would like to move in very much, but I really like my current job. I work for the county I live in right now where I go to people's homes and schools to see them and also complete a lot of paperwork. I must see each person once every 3 months. He said I could schedule all of these visits on 2 days a week and commute the 1.5 hrs each way on those days. I think it'd take planning but is possible. I calculated the amount of visits I'd need to do each week to stay on top of things and it would be around 5 visits a week. The longest commute Ive ever had though was about an hour...I am worried this would be too hard in the long run or however long it takes me to get a job near him where I am not settling. Anybody commute that far on a regular basis or have a similar setup?

[RecentChange]

It all "depends" - I commute 3-4 hours a day, 5 days a week, and have done so for many years.

 

These days it's mostly by train, so I have "down time" rather than aggravation in traffic.

 

But have also covered a similar distance by car - luckily that route was on a beautiful highway adjoining the coast line, with minimal traffic - again, a time suck, but not much stress or aggravation.

 

Also, I grew up in the country where it was an hour drive to the store, and hour drive to school etc so it's something I am used to.

 

It does take more planning, I have less time on the weekdays for chores, cooking etc - so much of the house work, grocery shopping, meal prep etc is done on the weekends.

 

But that commute 2x a week? I could do that standing on my head

[BettyDraper]

It all "depends" - I commute 3-4 hours a day, 5 days a week, and have done so for many years.

 

These days it's mostly by train, so I have "down time" rather than aggravation in traffic.

 

But have also covered a similar distance by car - luckily that route was on a beautiful highway adjoining the coast line, with minimal traffic - again, a time suck, but not much stress or aggravation.

 

Also, I grew up in the country where it was an hour drive to the store, and hour drive to school etc so it's something I am used to.

 

It does take more planning, I have less time on the weekdays for chores, cooking etc - so much of the house work, grocery shopping, meal prep etc is done on the weekends.

 

But that commute 2x a week? I could do that standing on my head

 

This. My husband's commute was 3-4 hours a day but it was in heavy traffic.

 

Now it is only 30 mins each way and he couldn't be happier. Maybe it would have been an easier drive if there was less traffic.

 

1.5 hours twice a week is nothing. Do you think the sacrifice is worth it?

[eightytwenty]

I live in the country. To get to work it's 30 minutes each way.

 

 

Then my boyfriend drives 1 1/2 hours each way 3 times a week, other two days its 40 minutes each way. Lots of people drive that amount each day.It's more if you want to

[five2nine]

I spend 2 hours driving to work and 2 hours driving home in heavy traffic.. it is tiring. On fridays it can be 2.5 hrs. Looking for another job currently.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Lots of people have it worse... But that doesn't mean it has to be acceptable for you! No matter how you break it down, this will make your life more difficult. Is there a reason you can't move to a new place together, somewhere in the middle?

 

For me, if I really believed it would be possible to keep the commute to 2 days a week or less, it would not be an issue. Anything more than that I personally would not volunteer myself to do. I commuted 1 hour each way for years, and only after leaving that job did I realize what a toll the sitting in traffic took on my mental state.

 

As others have pointed out, it does also depend on what type of travel the 1.5 hour entails. My current commute is still an hour, but by train, which I view as an opportunity to catch up on my reading, not something to stress over.

[Els]

It probably varies depending on where you live, but where I live a 1.5 hr commute is very unusual, almost unheard of. Or at least it used to be before the house prices spiralled out of control... but I digress.

 

I agree with lucy, I think you two should move to a place in the middle instead of you moving to his place. That way maybe you could each commute 45 minutes, which would be much more reasonable. It concerns me that your partner would automatically volunteer YOU for the long commute, rather than discussing this option with you.

[Dirt]

If her bf is a homeowner, finding somewhere in between isn't an easy option. He sells, he takes on transaction costs which aren't fair since she doesn't. If they split and he has to buy another place he takes on more transaction costs. He could rent out his place but then if they split up he has to rent a place before he can move back into his house. He could be on the hook for rent + mortgage if renters stop paying. Maybe he could float that financially.

 

For the extended commute, her bf can take on more of the household chores so she doesn't have to deal with it when she comes home. Also, since she is not a homeowner, they can easily try it out for a few months and if it doesn't work out they can try something else.