veggirl Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Hi guys, Curious as to how those of you who are married or in LTR handle holidays with both families? My fiance and I have been living on the other side of the country for the past few years so have not had to deal with this and I'm already stressing about how this year will go now that we have relocated back to our home state. His parents live about 1.5 hours away and mine are local, I am super close to my family and we have our set in stone traditions. He is less close with his family, though they obviously have holiday traditions as well. Quite frankly I am hoping his parents stay in their town over Thxgiving/Xmas so I don't have to deal with it but if they do come down to our city (his sister also lives here) we'll have to figure something out. Just curious how others with 2 local families navigate this on the 2 big holidays that'll be coming up? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 One year my now ex wife came up with an idea since both of us dreaded going to Thanksgiving dinner twice within a couple hours and the same at Christmas so we had dinner at home and then went to both sides for dessert and visiting and it worked out well. Besides I wanted my own turkey to nibble on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Hi guys, Curious as to how those of you who are married or in LTR handle holidays with both families? My fiance and I have been living on the other side of the country for the past few years so have not had to deal with this and I'm already stressing about how this year will go now that we have relocated back to our home state. His parents live about 1.5 hours away and mine are local, I am super close to my family and we have our set in stone traditions. He is less close with his family, though they obviously have holiday traditions as well. Quite frankly I am hoping his parents stay in their town over Thxgiving/Xmas so I don't have to deal with it but if they do come down to our city (his sister also lives here) we'll have to figure something out. Just curious how others with 2 local families navigate this on the 2 big holidays that'll be coming up? I'm Australian, so we don't do Thanksgiving. I'm assuming you don't have kids of your own, so I'm writing accordingly. For Christmas, it's really common to spend Christmas day with one family and Christmas eve or Boxing day with the other family. Do his family one year and yours the next. My partner's family and my family actually lived really close, so we did lunch with one and dinner with the other both on Christmas day. I'd be nearly dead from exhaustion by the end of it, but it did keep everyone happy. Most important thing is that 'set in stone traditions' can't stay set in stone. Most families need to become flexible as the kids grow up, get partners, have kids of their and start their own traditions. Don't let family on either side pressure or guilt you into sticking with their traditions if it means an inability to compromise with your partner. Yes, it's sad to miss out on a family tradition every second year, but it's part of the compromise required when we're in a partnership. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 You're not allowed to be 'set in stone' anymore..you are not a child and you're starting a family of your own with your husband (this applies whether you have kids or not..your husband will be your family). New family dynamics, new traditions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 If you're starting a new family and having kids, then the more people that care about them the better. This means both sides of the family. So you want to set the stage to maximize the amount of time spent with both. And agreed to avoid whatever pieces of either family will be a bad influence... I.e. drugs etc Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 We sometimes combine both sides of the family for some holidays, depending on the size of your family. It's hard, you may need to let go of some of you expectations of how you wish things would go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 My family is super flexible with holidays and due to my shift work that is good. For instance I will be working this thanksgiving but instead of missing it we will just have it off. My husband just has his mother ans brother here and they are included. However if any other siblings on his side visit than his mother has something for their family and my family works around that. Being flexible is the big thing however we have it easy with not a lot of people to please. If you have too many people pulling at you sometimes it is better to take turns or even start your own immediate family tradition. Otherwise you have all the stress and fights the movies and tv make fun of. I have a close friend who had to learn to do this. It was that or uproot her family and move too far to travel away. She had divorced parents that were remarried and her husbands family and they all wanted their turn. Then she had a set of grand parents that had a family tradition at christmas they always wanted everyone to come to ontop of their own things. By January she was dead on her feet. And there was no joy in it, just obligation. My point. Be flexible... but don't rub yourself ragged. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 1.5 hours is pretty local... I would love if my family lived so close by. Since you're getting married, I agree that it's time to make new traditions. I'd try to make sure you got both families in on/ around the time of both holidays. For example, maybe it's possible to spend Thursday with his, then the rest of the weekend with yours, and alternate the pattern over Christmas. That's my solution this year, although it's complicated by the fact that my family is across the country while my bf's is local. I know it can be hard to let go of old traditions but with new loved ones you will have more joy in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts