I hate to admit defeat...

[Ppj11x]

Hello. First time poster. 25 years old. My wife is 23. I've always tried to remain stoic, and do what's expected of me, but my marriage is just imploding. I have no one to vent to, so here goes.

 

I've been married almost exactly 2 years. Lately I've begun to realize that it's impossible to have a productive argument with my wife. When we first met the chemistry was great and we enjoyed each others company. Now most conversations end with name calling or her storming off, or threatening to leave me and take the child over the slightest disagreement.

 

I've sat her down many times and tried to tell her that as adults we can resolve our conflicts without yelling or swearing, she'll agree, and then immediately jump back into her pattern. When the kid was born, I stopped swearing altogether, and she said she would to, but anytime an argument comes along, she'll call me a "f@$?ing !@@hole" right in front of the kid who's 7 months old, and if I ignore her altogether she says "I'm sorry your dad is being a $?+&ing d!ckhead".

 

I'm trying to be an adult here, and she's fighting like a 15 year old would. The worst part is her parents are way too close to us. Her mother has our kid daily, and we can't make plans without including them, per my wife. It's our kids first Halloween, and her parents want to walk around with us in stead of letting us be a family. Her mother is taking her childhood from us by feeding her new things without us, starting to get her to crawl when we aren't around, and my wife defends her every time.

 

As I'm writing this, I haven't seen my mother in 2 months. She lives 30 minutes away, and my wife doesn't like her, so she rarely gets to visit. My wife always says "I never tell you she can't visit" so I'll pick a day, and of course my wife says that day isn't good. Of course if I say something to piss her off she'll say "go live with your f%$+ing mother then".

 

I work 6 days a week sometimes 11 hours, so I don't get to be home much. My entire life is running amuck, and I have no energy left for battle when I get home. I'm being dominated and run by the woman who used to laugh at my jokes and encourage me, now I just feel torn down. I'm so sorry for the poor grammar and scattered thoughts. There's to much to post.

[Marc878]

Read this "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download

 

Your life is what you're going to make it.

 

Obviously she has no respect for you. Having in was that close is trouble.

 

Better get her and you into some MC or look at getting out of this before you get too much time invested.

[LastAcorn99]

I’m sorry about the challenges you’re facing in your marriage. I can understand your frustration, and I would strongly suggest that you seek the help of a marriage counselor, together if possible, if not, by yourself. Sending you prayers.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm trying to be an adult here, and she's fighting like a 15 year old would. The worst part is her parents are way too close to us. Her mother has our kid daily, and we can't make plans without including them, per my wife. It's our kids first Halloween, and her parents want to walk around with us in stead of letting us be a family. Her mother is taking her childhood from us by feeding her new things without us, starting to get her to crawl when we aren't around, and my wife defends her every time.

 

Not everything you say makes sense. I'm not sure how having the grandparents trail along on Halloween stops you from being a family and kids crawl when they're ready, not when it's convenient for you.

 

You seem vested in seeing things a certain way. Pick your battles wisely, it takes two to create the drama you describe...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SammySammy]

It's interesting how we go through similar things in life. There's nothing new under the sun.

 

I can remember being twenty five years old with a wife of two years and newborn. My wife and I going from happy newlyweds to stressed out parents. Dealing with all the issues OP mentioned and watching our marriage rip apart at the seams.

 

Very little affects a young marriage like a baby. A quick Google search reveals this is common.

 

Having been there, I know how tired, stressed, and frustrated both parents are. How, being young, neither has the complete set of knowledge and skills necessary to navigate this period of their lives smoothly.

 

If I could do it all over again, I'd start by forgiving myself. For not knowing what I didn't know. For not being able to fix it overnight.

 

Then, I'd realize what my wife needed most at that time was love, support, reassurance and a lot of patience. Do my very best to give her that though she had her own issues that she struggled with.

 

I saw an interesting article about how another man in challenging situation went to work on his marriage: How I Saved My Marriage. It might be worth a read.

 

With that said, I think you're on the right track by being calm. Not stoic, but calm. For insisting that you all not argue. For insisting that you all be respectful toward each other.

 

Nobody wins an argument. Even if you "win", you create resentment. Then, whatever you were fighting about doesn't change, but becomes entrenched. Starting a downward spiral of more bitter arguments and further entrenched behavior.

 

Stop arguing with your wife. You can't change her. Just make sure she knows that you have listened to her and understood her concerns. Then work to resolve whatever issue for the beinefit of the family. Not you or her "winning".

 

Lastly, I would get some help. Whether that was books, counseling, or your support system, there is no shame in asking for help. I would use every resource I had available to do whatever I could to hold my family together.