SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Just wondering what everyone's thoughts would be on becoming involved with someone who's incarcerated. He's got 21 months to go. I am definitely attracted to him We have a beautiful correspondence. Any thoughts? Anyone ever experienced this situation? I did not know him before his incarceration I just started writing to him because I liked his smile in his picture and I took a chance Never did this before I feel like he's genuine when he says he's learned his lessons Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by SassyBug Just wondering what everyone's thoughts would be on becoming involved with someone who's incarcerated. He's got 21 months to go. I am definitely attracted to him We have a beautiful correspondence. Any thoughts? Anyone ever experienced this situation? I did not know him before his incarceration I just started writing to him because I liked his smile in his picture and I took a chance Never did this before I feel like he's genuine when he says he's learned his lessons Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy were charming guys, too - great smile...... Do you even know for SURE what he's in prison for? And have you confirmed it or are you only going by what he told you? So he's got 21 months to go - so how long has he been in there? You feel like he's genuine? What on earth for? He's a convict, a thug, a criminal - he'll say anything to anyone if it might benefit him one day. You don't know anything about him - only the sweet things he writes to you which is likely all pure BS. Is it that hard to find a nice UN-incarcerated guy in your neck of the woods? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 I checked his background, he's in for robbery, assault and possession of meth-amphetamine. He was addicted to drugs and rippin' and runnin' before he got caught. He's been very honest and open about all of it... But I didn't take his word for it...I paid for a background check and I have the newspaper accounts and everything. Yep I know anyone can write anything to anyone and make them believe they are sincere And no its not hard to meet an unincarcerated, nice guy here its just I haven't met anyone I'm interested in yet maybe he is doing this for money, gifts or attention But I love his letters and he has even suggested I go and visit him sometime in the future Yes you are right he is a convicted criminal, thug, etc. But people can change A relative of mine was convicted of dealing drugs He got caught with a trunkload of guns He has totally turned his life around It happened because he was addicted to coke. I respect your opinion! I really do! I know it sounds like a bad choice! But thank you for being very honest with me I will keep it in mind before I make any bad choices.... Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 You mentioned that maybe he's corresponding with you for the money, gifts, etc....... So does that mean you're sending him money and gifts? So this meth-possession.........using or selling? If a user, you can bet he's not getting proper rehab in prison for a drug addiction - and there's a reason people do drugs - so what will stop him from using drugs again once he's out? He's got a criminal record - will likely never have a shot at getting a good job, having a solid future. Most criminals, even the ones who get out and try to make a good life for themself, they can't because they can't get a decent job so they resort to crime. Thinking about it, I'm guess his robbery and assault were the result of his addiction to drugs. How long has he been in there? What are the circumstances surrounding this robbery and assault? Did he rob a store? Break into someone's home? How does he plan to get his life back on track when he's out - does he have concrete plans to stay on the straight and narrow? Did he belong to a gang? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 He's been in since 2002. Nope, I have not yet sent him money or gifts. I did inquire about sending him books and he told me how to go about it. The robbery was breaking into someones home and stealing a purse and he punched the homeowner. Yes, he was in a gang. His accomplice was 39 at the time, he was 22. He does have some good support, though from his blood family. I will have to look into that thing about the drug rehab at his facility....he's now really into his health and fitness. I think it would be a good idea to research that too, thank you for bringing up that point! He participates in religious ceremonies from his native american culture in there I also participate in the same type of ceremonies, as I am a mixed blood, so we relate very strongly on that thread I myself have never been incarcerated but walked a hard road as a youth due to drugs and alcohol, etc. I am straight now, have been since I was 23 and I am 38 now. Yes I know he will have a hard time on the outside getting employment, etc. I have thought about that, believe me. He has been attending college while in there and he has solid plans for when he gets out But I believe actions speak louder than words thank you for your advice and opinion, its good to get opinions the things you have mentioned are at the forefront of my mind... And also plans to open an art gallery Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 That's wonderful that you were able to get your life back on track - I'm sure youre an inspiration to a lot of people, be proud of yourself I don't think it's wrong to give someone the benefit of a doubt - we all screw up and make mistakes, often moreso when we're younger. So if he was 22 @ the time, and has been in there since 2002, he's about 25 or 26 now? I know there are a lot of women out there who seek out prisoner pen-pals and I just think so many are setting themselves up to be hurt and used and manipulated. What's to stop him from hooking back up with his gang pals once he's out? The longer you write to him, the more attached to him you'll become - can you really see yourself waiting 21 months to perhaps have a relationship with him? What if you wait all that time, he gets out, you date and you find out he's not really changed? I know you will follow your heart, just be careful. Do your family and friends know about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Yes my friends and family do know. I am one of those rare birds who tells all to those who care for me! I know, I know I've thought about the fact that he may not change That he may go back to his gang and things like that and yah 21 months is a lot of time to invest in someone however, I look at it like this... I find joy in giving to people. What I give him I ask nothing in return...we write letters and make each other feel good... I am very OPENHEARTED and very giving and yes I do get hurt everyone does deserve a second chance and that's just what it is, a chance I am trying to balance my heart and my head in this matter and hope for the best but I haven't pinned all my hopes on just one person I do have another love interest, only he lives 4 hours away, not incarcerated, probably a better bet, we are the best of friends, and I am waiting to see how that one turns out we haven't made any commitments yet I just know I am attracted to the incarcerated one, and I feel good about him. I would hate to think his words are lies, I can only hope not, but I have an intuition about it...that he is sincere I will keep my head on straight and if the worse thing that happens is that we keep each other company for awhile, then no harm done and he'll always be in my prayers thanks for writing to me about this! I appreciate it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 p.s. seems I fall for the long distance ones so there's something to that I am just not interested in anyone who lives around here not yet anyway Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Maybe it would be a good idea to go and visit him? You could probably tell a lot more about him in person than through just words in letters - ? I wish you the best. Keep us posted on what you decide to do and how it all turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 That is a good idea. We have talked about me visiting him and I am very good at reading people that way! I will keep you all posted on what happens!!! thanks again!!! take care Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Be very VERY careful. I'd be reluctant to put so much emotion into this one, until you are completely sure about it. I think a visit would be a good idea to start with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ Be very VERY careful. I'd be reluctant to put so much emotion into this one, until you are completely sure about it. I think a visit would be a good idea to start with. thanks Zaira! I agree and will do so!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Let us know how you go. I hope it all works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 thanks! this has helped talking about it with you guys! i'll keep you posted Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 A question, if I may? How did you actually "meet" this guy? Are there advertisements online or in newspapers where inmates ask for penpals? I've read a few articles lately about women corresponding with men on "the inside", and wondered how the connection even started. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 I saw his ad on the internet, on a prisoner pen pal website. I had seen a documentary on TV about prisoner pen pals and so I decided to look at some of the websites. I was curious I seriously wasn't thinking about writing to anyone then I saw his ad, after browsing for quite awhile. something in his smile spoke to me i'm not talking about good looks but something about his spirit anyway that's how it came about. thanks for asking! Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Thanks for answering. I'm sure it will be a very interesting, and possibly rewarding experience for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 The best thing we did was to connect through sharing prayer daily. We have written to each other the words to pray for each other. If that's all that comes of it that is good too that's the special part. I don't either encourage or discourage people from writing to prisoners. Its an individual choice for each person. I am being introspective and trying to figure out my attraction. His physical appearance attracts me, I know that! He is both wholesome looking and sexy at the same time. I think he is aware of his attractiveness, but in a healthy way, not an egotistical or manipulative way i.e. like he can be a player and gain "favors" know what I mean? I think the difference was, when I wrote him, I was very open and honest myself about why I was writing and my intentions. I asked him if he would like to be friends and we hit it off right away... We set forth our intentions for a great friendship and so far so good. Then there came the day and the letters where we talked about our physical attraction to one another. (this being through pictures). We are both well suited to one another, attractiveness wise. I have no problem finding men, it's not that, but ever try to meet men and have them be faithful to you? Maybe its cuz I am sexually attractive to men that they tend to think of me only sexually. I guess that's been my experience. I wanted to relate to someone on the soul level. I don't dress provocatively or anything but I do have a strong sex drive, so its hard to find men who can handle that and respect that at the same time, I guess? I'm not saying I'm putting myself out there like that, not at all...I just have that energy about me I guess. I felt like I could really connect on a heart 'n' soul level with someone and maybe a nice correspondence is a way to explore that? just some thoughts open to criticism!!! anyways i'm thinking, maybe it can be a nice experience and a teacher to us of how to learn to trust, have faith and open our hearts? I have to say this forum is great and it helps to get feedback on my thoughts. its sad it has to be this way, but the internet opens up that possibility to get opinions from people you've never met Its a safe way to express yourself, I have to say that! There's also another important factor here, I am 38 and he is 26! Thought I should also put that in the mix because it is important!!!! leave it to me to have these complicated situations in life come up! LOLLLL Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 If you have a connection, I don't think age comes into it. You're enjoying this, you may take it further - just go with the flow. If you feel happy, that's a good sign Link to post Share on other sites
Author SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 true if its making happiness, what's the harm? just don't want him to get out, rob me, punch me and his gangbangers friends come and kill me nah i don't see it happening for some reason!!! just trying to use a little sarcastic humor! its all good! Link to post Share on other sites
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