To religious folks...how would you prefer to handle interactions with atheists?

[MightyPen]

First of all, I come in peace. This is a question I've thought about for some time, and I'll put it in a specific context to better focus the issue. I'll use funerals as an example.

 

Example 1: Person who died was a life-long Christian. So is his family, and most of his friends.

 

Funeral is very religious with lots of talk about how the decease is still with us, still looking down on us, in a better place, and will be re-united with loves ones in the future.

 

One of the deceased's friends is an atheist and obviously believes nothing in paragraph 2. When the atheist is talking with the deceased's family and other friends, how would you wish for the atheist to respond when people say things like "he's in a better place" and "pray for our family?" Would you hope that the atheist just sorta falls in line and agrees, even if he/she really doesn't? Basically, does decorum dictate the "when in Rome" approach?

 

And what about after the funeral, in the weeks and even years after the death of the loved one? Would you want for the atheist to never be honest and share his/her belief that while the deceased was a great person, he/she is now "gone" in every sense of the word? Is it ever emotionally okay for the atheist to be honest, even if such honesty could be emotionally damaging to the survivors who cling to a hope of afterlife?

 

 

 

Example 2: Flip the facts. Deceased is a life-long atheist. While many of her friends and family are also non-religious, some folks are Christians.

 

Knowing that the deceased's grieving husband is also an atheist, would you as a Christian attendee be willing to ignore your own beliefs and avoid saying anything like, "you'll see her again," or "she's in a better place" or anything like that?

 

If a speaker at the funeral said something like, "Look, we all know deceased is gone, as a tiny little speck on a tiny little planet in an incalculably large cosmos, she was insignificant in the big scheme of things but very significant to those who loved her and were touched by her, so let's celebrate her life today," would you go along with it?

 

If you were convinced that the deceased, as an atheist, was currently burning in hell or suffering some other kind of eternal torment, would you even attend the funeral? Why?

[stillafool]

If I were a Christian attending an Atheist's funeral I wouldn't say anything.

If I were an Atheist attending a Christians funeral I wouldn't say anything.

 

Why would I?

[MightyPen]

If I were a Christian attending an Atheist's funeral I wouldn't say anything.

If I were an Atheist attending a Christians funeral I wouldn't say anything.

 

Why would I?

 

You never talk with anyone in the moments before the funeral starts, or after it ends? Perhaps the better context would be the visitation, because yes I suppose much more of the conversation takes place during that.

 

In this area of the country, from what I've seen, people tend to "hang out" at the visitation, socialize, people bring food and such.

 

So what about in the visitation context? Just assume there is discussion.

[jen1447]

I'm not religious but it seems like anyone who's grinding such an ax in either direction that they can't keep their mouth shut shouldn't even go to the respective funeral. Funerals aren't debate forums, they're gatherings for ppl to offer others comfort thru their presence. That's pretty much it.

 

As to after the fact, imposing on someone's faith or lack thereof is equally inappropriate if it's sth deeply meaningful to that person that informs their worldview w respect to the deceased. So unless you're in some mutually agreed upon theoretical discussion, you should keep it to yourself then too.

 

Oddly enough I'm more inclined to indulge believers on this than others, just bc many faith systems require their practitioners to attempt to convert or 'witness' to others. I'm ok w that as long as you back off if I tell you to. But atheists have no such compulsion, so there's really no need for them to enlighten everyone on their personal beliefs at random.

[BlueIris]

I was raised Methodist but moved toward Buddhism so I believe in reincarnation. As you can imagine, I never say anything about my beliefs or anyone else's at a funeral. Just be warm and positive about the deceased person or his/her family, offer condolences and give assistance. Talk of what happens at death is about the beliefs and hopes of the living. There's nothing to contest or debate.

[MightyPen]

Looking back at my OP, I keep thinking that this is one of the questions that keeps gnawing at me...

 

 

If you were convinced that the deceased, as an atheist, was currently burning in hell or suffering some other kind of eternal torment, would you even attend the funeral? Why?

 

I mean, if I truly thought that Person A behaved in a such a way over the course of his life that would justify Person A suffering in torment for eternity, why the hell would I go to the funeral? Why the hell would I even be acquainted with Person A in any way? It makes zero sense. None.

 

My only answer is that religious folks frequently "disconnect" when a text says one thing but it would make real world interactions too uncomfortable. So even though in the abstract, they might be okay with saying that "nonbelievers" go to hell, when they know a person who is decent and everything, but he/she just doesn't share their religion, they don't truly think that person is in hell.

[stillafool]

I, as a Christian do not judge I leave that up to God. If my friend is was a non believer and I attended their funeral, I would pray for them and leave the judgement up to God.

[BlueIris]

Looking back at my OP, I keep thinking that this is one of the questions that keeps gnawing at me...

 

 

If you were convinced that the deceased, as an atheist, was currently burning in hell or suffering some other kind of eternal torment, would you even attend the funeral? Why?

 

I mean, if I truly thought that Person A behaved in a such a way over the course of his life that would justify Person A suffering in torment for eternity, why the hell would I go to the funeral? Why the hell would I even be acquainted with Person A in any way? It makes zero sense. None.

 

My only answer is that religious folks frequently "disconnect" when a text says one thing but it would make real world interactions too uncomfortable. So even though in the abstract, they might be okay with saying that "nonbelievers" go to hell, when they know a person who is decent and everything, but he/she just doesn't share their religion, they don't truly think that person is in hell.

 

Since you didn't know Person A, aren't you going solely to support the people who loved him/her?

[SoleMate]

If I knew that the family thought that Person A was burning in hell, and I cared about Person A or Person A's survivors, then of course I'd go to the funeral to show support and comfort them, no matter how well deserved those hellfires in my mind or theirs.

 

Under no circumstances would I pontificate about the afterlife or lack thereof to those who do not share those beliefs, in the context of a funeral. It's the height of bad taste and offensiveness. (Actually I wouldn't do it anywhere, but even those who do choose to enlighten and educate others about their version of cosmic realities should do it elsewhere.)

[carhill]

Been to a fair amount of funerals and my remembrance was more focusing on the positive memories and interactions with the deceased and/or their family. I generally kept religion and spirituality out of interactions and focused more on person. I don't participate in any organized religion but am open to learning about, and respecting, all belief systems. At funerals, I'm there to respect the dead and comfort the living. EOS.

[jen1447]

If you were convinced that the deceased, as an atheist, was currently burning in hell or suffering some other kind of eternal torment, would you even attend the funeral? Why?

 

While I can't speak authentically from that position, funerals are for the living, not the dead, so I assume you'd go to support the survivors.

 

I mean, if I truly thought that Person A behaved in a such a way over the course of his life that would justify Person A suffering in torment for eternity, why the hell would I go to the funeral? Why the hell would I even be acquainted with Person A in any way? It makes zero sense. None.

 

Christianity specifically would hold that a person would go to hell not for doing bad things but for not believing in god. So what you get damned for isn't doing bad stuff - all of which is forgivable if you accept god - but for not accepting god. So in that sense the person who died could be the greatest guy ever who didn't happen to believe in god, in which case I assume you wouldn't think they were terrible.

[BetheButterfly]

. When the atheist is talking with the deceased's family and other friends, how would you wish for the atheist to respond when people say things like "he's in a better place" and "pray for our family?" Would you hope that the atheist just sorta falls in line and agrees, even if he/she really doesn't? Basically, does decorum dictate the "when in Rome" approach?

 

Since I'm very vocal about my beliefs, I know which of my friends are Atheists. (Most all of my family members are Christian or Agnostic.. I don't think any of the family members i know of are Atheists...)

 

While I enjoy talking about religion with Atheists in other settings, I personally would prefer for them to wait until after the day of funeral to get into why they don't believe in God. When people say to or by an Atheist, "He's in a better place" or "Pray for our family, an Atheist could just say something like "So sorry for your loss" or "my condolences" or something like that. He/she doesn't have to agree with "religious talk" or even comment on it. He/she could change the subject if so desired. Now, if the Atheist decides to talk about his/her view, that's fine. I won't hold it against her or him. My older family members possibly would, however.

 

And what about after the funeral, in the weeks and even years after the death of the loved one? Would you want for the atheist to never be honest and share his/her belief that while the deceased was a great person, he/she is now "gone" in every sense of the word? Is it ever emotionally okay for the atheist to be honest, even if such honesty could be emotionally damaging to the survivors who cling to a hope of afterlife?

Oh definitely I want my Atheist friends (and family members, should they become Atheist) to be honest of course!!! I have learned a lot, by the way, from my Atheist friends, and i totally understand their point of view. I just disagree with them; that's all, due to my own experience with God.

 

Do I want them to accept Jesus? Yes, because I love them and want them to be in Heaven with me and all my brothers/sisters in Christ from around the world! :love:. However, I respect their right to reject Jesus.

 

I also respect their rights to think I'm crazy for having an "imaginary friend" - which is what one of my Atheist friends teasingly calls Jesus Christ when talking with me. I can't control (nor do I desire to control) how Atheist friends see my "obsession" - as they call it, with Jesus Christ. They know I love Him, regardless of what they think of either Him or me.

 

If a speaker at the funeral said something like, "Look, we all know deceased is gone, as a tiny little speck on a tiny little planet in an incalculably large cosmos, she was insignificant in the big scheme of things but very significant to those who loved her and were touched by her, so let's celebrate her life today," would you go along with it?

 

My Atheist friends know I would be dying to voice my belief lol, but I hope I wouldn't do it then. Instead, I hope I would pray and wait for a time later on to share my belief. I might test the waters a little bit to see if he/she is interested in talking about God. If not interested, I hope I would back off.

 

Actually, I have had an Atheist friend vent to me about what he thinks of God "if God were real." It was not a positive outlook about God, to put it delicately. This was not at a funeral though, but after hearing about horrible atrocities that some people did to other people. :( I do understand some of his points, but I do 100% believe that God is good, even when we can't understand why He allows evil to happen to some people. I don't judge him for how he feels about "if God were real" because I understand why he feels/thinks the way he does.

 

 

If you were convinced that the deceased, as an atheist, was currently burning in hell or suffering some other kind of eternal torment, would you even attend the funeral? Why?

Of course I would attend. To show my love for the person. I love Atheists and consider them my brothers/sisters in humanity. :love: Do I want them to be "saved" and become my brothers/sisters in Christ? Sure, but again, I respect their decisions. Edited October 1, 2016 by BetheButterfly

[LivingWaterPlease]

Interesting question. I'm a devout Christian but unlike many Christians I believe the dead rest in the ground in a condition Jesus Christ referred to in scripture as a type of sleep until He returns. So, I don't believe the deceased are in hell or in a better place.

 

That said, I don't get into my beliefs at funerals but rather try to comfort the grieving by asking how they're doing and telling them any words or interactions I had with the deceased that they may find positive, endearing, amusing, whatever.

 

The very worst thing that happened to me with a person grieving the death of her relative was with a woman whose brother had died. I had attended a very small dinner party in her home with her brother present (she was trying to get us to date each other) one time and also had a brief conversation with her and her brother years after when he was married to someone else.

 

I saw her when she visited our church (she's not a member) and she was extremely upset when she told me her brother had died. I became very anxious to comfort her, so that my mind went blank, and I said how sorry I was then, "I wish I'd had the chance to meet him," totally forgetting everyone I'd ever met in my entire life because of the stress of feeling the burden to comfort her.

 

That was it! She ran off crying.

 

When I returned to my senses that afternoon I recalled meeting him and wrote her a sweet card expressing condolences and explaining I had recalled meeting him after I'd talked with her.

 

She still wouldn't speak to me for a couple of years.

 

I hope it's not a thread jack mentioning this experience. It really freaked me out, though, because I was trying so hard to comfort her and then ended up offending her so greatly.

[basil67]

I am currently sewing a memory quilt for a woman who's adult son died. Naturally, we talk about him as we sift through his old clothes, memories and photos. She takes comfort knowing that he's with God.

 

I'm an athiest, but I respect her feelings and so I listen and agree with her. It's not hard to respect the feelings of those in grief.

[Wade Lamare]

I know a guy who is a Calvinist.

 

He tells me that he either simply refuses to go to many funerals, or goes and laughs grimly to himself because he feels that unless the person for who the funeral is was one of the elect people are celebrating their journey to hell!

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I think in both scenarios you listed are a little different. First scenario you gave would highlight the atheist's intolerance of other people's personal beliefs. If they just had to pipe up with their own beliefs at THAT moment, yeah that is intolerance in my book. This wouldn't be about comforting the family or friends of the dead, it's just a blatant lack of empathy and grand show of intolerance.

 

The second scenario is a Christian person trying to offer some sort of comforting words to the family of the deceased. They aren't trying to say anything that would upset anyone by saying "I believe he is in a better place" or whatever. They are just trying to give comforting words based on their own beliefs. While those beliefs might not be shared by those the Christian is giving comforting words to, the intent is pure. It's not trying to say "your atheist beliefs are wrong" like the atheist would be doing in the first scenario. It's just the Christian's way of giving comforting words based on their own beliefs. Two completely different things there.