Friend who has so many problems

[lazcas]

I have a friend that has a lot of problems with his family, they are toxic people who lie, gossip, make things up, etc. The problems are quite disgusting to hear and this friend keeps telling me about them which makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed. Most of our talks are about the mentioned problems. Is it exaggerated that I feel so bad and tired of hearing mostly about problems and that I prefer to stop talking to him because of it?

[Nowty V]

Is it exaggerated that I feel so bad and tired of hearing mostly about problems and that I prefer to stop talking to him because of it?

 

Not at all.

 

Hearing so much poison can poison one's soul.

 

The friend needs to stop unloading the poison into your mind or you need to avoid him to protect yourself.

[Satu]

You can't be his friend and counsellor at the same time.

 

He needs to find a counsellor so that you can continue to be his friend.

 

 

Take care.

[whichwayisup]

I have a friend that has a lot of problems with his family, they are toxic people who lie, gossip, make things up, etc. The problems are quite disgusting to hear and this friend keeps telling me about them which makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed. Most of our talks are about the mentioned problems. Is it exaggerated that I feel so bad and tired of hearing mostly about problems and that I prefer to stop talking to him because of it?

 

Seems like a one sided friendship, and those aren't healthy. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your friend is venting way too much and isn't doing anything to solve the problems at home.

 

You can do a few things - Be honest. Tell your friend that when you two are spending time together it would be fun to HAVE FUN and not focus on his issues, which are overwhelming you and stressing you out. Just say you feel that all the time is always spent about his life and problems, and that he should go talk to a therapist to help him cope with it all in a better way and not rely on you all the time for feedback and a shoulder. Or you can distance yourself and avoid.

 

How many years have you two been friends? Do you feel you can be honest with him?

[Fair]

Do your friend a favor and don't just walk away or do the slow fade that will leave him hurt and angry and bewildered. He's had enough pain engendered by his toxic family... and you don't need to add to it. Be honest about how you feel and if you have to leave the friendship tell him why. It's the least you can do for a friend who trusts you enough to confide in you.

[Fair]

How many years have you two been friends? Do you feel you can be honest with him?

 

you can be honest with everyone...

[basil67]

The way you feel is completely normal.

 

Talk to your friend about how you understand they have a lot of problems but that it's more than you can deal with. Tell him that you are feeling overwhelmed and that you can't give him the support he needs. Is he seeing a counsellor? If not, be firm that the depth of his problems needs a professional to help.

 

Also, why is he still engaging with these family members? As hard as it is, if they are very toxic - he's better off leaving them in his past. Continuing to stay part of the family is a choice which is toxic to himself and he needs to own that.

[Fair]

Also, why is he still engaging with these family members? As hard as it is, if they are very toxic - he's better off leaving them in his past. Continuing to stay part of the family is a choice which is toxic to himself and he needs to own that.

 

This is true but there can be all kinds of factors that go on in someone's psyche and life that make it easier said than done. It's no one's job to judge him... you only have the right to decide whether you stay or walk away...