Why am I feeling like this? Posted April 23, 2001 Share Posted April 23, 2001 I'm 17 and madly in love with my fiancee. But before we got together I told him lies about myself.On Tuesday night I told him the truth and he took it really well. However, last night he said now that he can't believe that I want to be with him because I'm younger than him. (He's 22)But I genuinley love him and do want to spend the rest 0f my life with him. But he doesn't like it when i go out with my freinds on weekends, I usually spend Friday night with the girls and Saturday night with him. What can I do to stop feeling like this? I just feel like he is giving up on us when it was almost perfect. Please help Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 23, 2001 Share Posted April 23, 2001 1. "last night he said now that he can't believe that I want to be with him because I'm younger than him." What kind of logic is that? What does your age have to do with it? What he may mean is that he knows a 17 year old can be very fickle and you are likely to change your mind about him over time as you get older and more mature. 2. "But I genuinley love him and do want to spend the rest 0f my life with him." There is no doubt you are in love with him now but the feelings of most young people change dramatically as time passes. You'll have to work hard to be dedicated to him. If you marry him, you must never get too curious about what other men are like...that's a good way to start the cheating thing and that won't be good for your marriage. 3. "he doesn't like it when i go out with my freinds on weekends, I usually spend Friday night with the girls" A 22-year-old guy is likely to be pretty insecure about his 17-year-old girlfriend and fiance. He knows most young girls have a tendency to flirt and he's probably afraid you'll meet some other guy while you're out. He also may be a bit controlling, which is a danger sign for most women. This is something you really have to take a close look at during your engagement. It only gets worse after you're married. If you find he wants to control you in many ways or treat you like a child and not an equal, love him always but call off the marriage. 4. "What can I do to stop feeling like this? I just feel like he is giving up on us when it was almost perfect." Nothing you have said indicates he is giving up on the two of you. Not one word. He took the disclosure of your lies really well, according to your post. He can't believe a beautiful young girl would be interested in him. He would rather be with you on Friday nights than have you go out and be with others. It sounds like he really cares about you. I don't hear any giving up stuff here but I may have missed something. Most guys would have tossed you right out the window if you'd been telling them bunches of lies all along. It would be pretty hard for them to trust you after that. If he really has gotten over that like you said, you've got a gem here. But I do caution you. Both of you are young. While in some cases these kinds of marriages work out really well over the long haul, both of you have lots of growing to do. I hope you can stay engaged for a long time to make very sure this is going to work out and you don't start getting curious about what you're missing by not seeing other guys. This happens a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
TomJ Posted April 23, 2001 Share Posted April 23, 2001 I'm 17 and madly in love with my fiancee. But before we got together I told him lies about myself.On Tuesday night I told him the truth... Sounds like you both care about each other, but you shouldn't have lied to him to begin with. He might just be struggling to get back his faith in you. I mean now that he knows you lied to him before, put yourself in his shoes... Did you lie to him about your age? Your background? Another relationship? This might explain the situation better. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms Understood Posted April 24, 2001 Share Posted April 24, 2001 Considering you lied to him and have got engaged before you told him the truth, you should count your lucky stars that you still are engaged! Lies can be hurtful and he may have temporarily lost faith in you..... You are young, I married at sixteen and I am still married now so believe me things can work out, no matter what you put them through. Just take things slowly and try to build up his trust again "I just feel like he's giving up on us....." Quite the opposite, from your post he seems to be making more of an effort to make this work. The age gap i nothing, five years is not a big deal. My husband is ten years older than me. Look, just enjoy this relationship, talk to him about how you are feeling although I know that may be hard. You'll be fine as long as you talk to him, and he talks to you about how and why nyou are both insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
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