Couple I've never met that proved to me I need this divorce

[Pete2304]

So, I was on my way to visit a relative and since I was on public transport decided to treat myself to a pint in between trains. Went in to Wetherspoons in Bury (think standard chain of cheap pubs for anyone in the States) and sat on my own with a pint and a newspaper. Across from me were two couples about 65 ish who had obviously known each other a long time and they were talking holidays etc.

 

One of the women was speaking to her husband like something she had just picked up from the bottom of her shoe. Everytime he spoke his wife would either tell him to be quiet, belittle him or simply talk over him. They had clearly had a few drinks and he had been reduced to this doormouse of a man who in the end just gave up trying to join in the conversation. The other couple were clearly embarrassed and yet used to it.

 

That was me up until two months ago. I was that man. I have no doubt many women here have had the same experience with their partner doing the same to them. The point is though it was like a window into the future I would have had. Even my wife's family have said since we've split they couldn't believe how she spoke to me and used to snap at me, shout me down and humiliate me in front of our friends.

 

So if this sounds familiar, have a think about that window into the future because that 65 year old man will never leave and he's going to spend the rest of his life being treated like that because he's never been treated any differently or he's just too worn out to leave now.

 

I still hurt like hell but it was another step closer to acceptance and looking to the future.

[LivingWaterPlease]

So glad you're no longer treated this way! Sounds awful! I have a friend who treats her H this way. When I first met her she didn't do it but she began to do it as their marriage wore on and now he can't say one word without being called out about it or told to hush up. It wears on me so badly that I can't be around them anymore. Too bad, because I used to love them so much. Still love the H in the couple just can't tolerate the wife.

[lil hoodlum]

So sad to hear, a total lack of respect towards another human being much less from someone that supposedly loves them.

[Hobart_Carboys]

You're not alone. I was married a lifetime---forty years. My wife treated me like yours but carried the hostility and arrogance back into the house as well. I got sick of being with her in public, where she behaved as if I was not there, and flirting like an idiot (touching, patting, etc., all the little gestures). What was my life going to be when I was into my seventies? Hell. At home, there were hours and days, several times a week, one time a month of the silent treatment.

 

So I divorced her and enjoyed the process and enjoyed very much putting her down for once and making her feel helpless. I haven't missed her a minute. When I get nostalgic, I think of what she did to me and how I felt. Naturally, she thought and still thinks she did nothing wrong, little princess that she is. If I am if not happy (I have lost more than half my life and lost, too, opportunities that will never return) at least happy with myself and the way I can manage things without her constant petty animosity. Furthermore, I've found sexual happiness, too, like I did not dream I am capable as she humiliated me in that way, too. What is more, I found it very quickly. So make sure you give yourself all the chances in the world; life is short.

[Bufo]

Give yourself credit for being wise enough to observe and learn. It must seem funny in a way to have a life-changing moment courtesy of some bitchy woman you don't know and her abused husband you'd never even seen before.

 

I hope you left the server a big tip. Whatever you paid there was way cheaper than talking to a counselor.

 

I hope the powers that be here consider this post for a permanent place. It is uplifting.

[Marc878]

Good for you. Never put up with that again.

[Tayla]

In the words of Tina Turner- Whats love got to do with it?

 

The reason I say that is most adults who stay often say...oh at the end of the day it's our "way" of expressing our love. In which I say what Tina said. what does love say about demeaning a loved one? Nothing..because at the end of that day love has left and disdain has become the bed partner.

 

I've sat in counsel with both men and women who have been subjected to such

Antics. It really does come down to self loathing. Usually it's the one expressing such harm that loathes... and as sick as it is... they figure..if they are miserable..so should others. Misery loves company.

 

I'm glad some folks wise up and move on. Plant that seed as an example. It's so liberating!

[Pete2304]

Thanks guys, genuinely I mean that.

 

I was on the absolute verge of saying something but I thought no because a person like that won't change and all that would have happened is she would have played even more hell with him at home.

 

My treatement at home was worse than in public and there were many times when I would sit there watching my wife wind herself up after a couple of bottles of wine and on occasion I would sit there knowing full well that at some stage fairly soon I was going to get punched. That much is awful but it's the put downs that hurt more than anything.

 

Strangely enough (and sorry for being so frank) but for a woman who cheated constantly and always openly said she was more attractive than me, the sex with her was terrible and in a way it's always made me smile that she thought she's this red hot little sex bomb. Even after ten years, she would take great delight in bringing up the fact that my ex before her was (in her opinion) ugly, fat and ginger. I could always sit and smile inside though thinking well, you may feel that way but good god I had more amazing times with her every night than I've had with you in ten years!

 

I still feel somewhat pathetic as a man because after ten years of being talked down to, hushed up and publicly belittled (always because I was too posh and she hated that I didn't speak in the way she does hence the geek etc comments) but that quick drink in that pub has done absolute wonders for me.

[Marc878]

You should read "No More Mr Nice a Guy" free PDF download.

 

Keep your momentum and get out of this.

 

Once you've figured out your life is what you make it you'll understand how much easier it is.