Single again

[Teraskas]

Hello everyone,

 

Some of you might recognise me as more of a roamer / occasional poster on these forums.

None the less, I usually read most of the threads on here.

 

Back on topic:

 

Most of you know that I've been single for 4 years.

Last February I met someone and we had a 4 month relationship which ended on July 1st.

I'm 24, she was 17 (Legal age of consent in Belgium is 16).

However, her mother and 2 sisters were manically depressive.

Mother and 1 sister were admitted in the same centre, the other in a different centre 30km farther. I gave it 200%, drove her back and forth to these centers, brought her mother / sisters home, etc.

Combined with the fact that she was still in school focusing on her education, grades and me only seeing her 1ce a week it was difficult.

 

In the end, she admitted she wasn't ready for a relationship with all of this going on.

Personally, I never thought it would be this intensive.

But it was doable: I loved her, she loved me, and we thoroughly enjoyed eachother's company.

That is until she caved under the pressure of everything that was going on and dropped me like a brick.

 

Ever since then I've reenlisted on the usual dating sites, additionally added Tinder to my phone (I know, I know. But met 2 interesting people through that who aren't looking for a hookup ! ), along with a Bumble (Sad excuse for an app, zero responses ever since I started using it almost 3 months ago.)

I even started reaching out to people I knew or referred me to someone single whom they knew.

Sadly this also amounted to nothing, as 1 person got out of a 6,5 year relationship recently and needed time, while others had an eye on someone else.

 

Through these apps I met 2 people: 1 of them (Sarah), I've known for months. Her grandmother died from cancer around the 1,5 month mark when we were dating. I gave her time, suggested to meet up (with concrete plans, I.e. Drinks for 2, a movie, etc.) but she never has time.

Then the second person I met (Emily), I share a lot of similarities with, yet she's the "emotionally unavailable" type, as she's in love with someone else.

This person's her Ex, and has been in a relationship for easily a year now.

 

Honestly, I don't know why I'm typing this...

Perhaps to get things off my chest, the hope/knowledge that things will get better, or the frustration of me with constantly running into emotionally unavailable people. :/

It's like EVERY time I meet someone, things work out fine for a while, then when I get used to it...my heart gets ripped out and I have to start all over again from scratch.

Don't know what more to add other than the fact that I'm tired of being single.

Had my fill of that the past 4 years...

 

Any advice is welcome, my apologies for the venting.

Edited October 1, 2016 by Teraskas

[carhill]

So, when was the last time you went a year not looking for a girlfriend or dating someone?

 

What I'm hearing from you is frustration with how things have apparently gone. Others are who they are. You appear frustrated at being single again. What do you want to do about that? Not being single, rather being frustrated, confused, sad, angry, whatever you would describe your feelings as. You're in charge of you.

 

You state you've been single the past four years but I also see a lot of run ins, dating, and a recent girlfriend. How do you describe single? When I was single at your age, I wasn't dating anyone or looking for a girlfriend, rather building my business, out traveling, doing things with friends, etc, etc. You may describe single differently. When I was dating someone, or had a girlfriend, or was married, I wasn't single. I was single for many years, and that meant not actively dating or looking or anything related to mating. How does it go for you?

[Teraskas]

So, when was the last time you went a year not looking for a girlfriend or dating someone?

 

What I'm hearing from you is frustration with how things have apparently gone. Others are who they are. You appear frustrated at being single again. What do you want to do about that? Not being single, rather being frustrated, confused, sad, angry, whatever you would describe your feelings as. You're in charge of you.

 

You state you've been single the past four years but I also see a lot of run ins, dating, and a recent girlfriend. How do you describe single? When I was single at your age, I wasn't dating anyone or looking for a girlfriend, rather building my business, out traveling, doing things with friends, etc, etc. You may describe single differently. When I was dating someone, or had a girlfriend, or was married, I wasn't single. I was single for many years, and that meant not actively dating or looking or anything related to mating. How does it go for you?

 

2015 was the time when I took a 1 year break from dating. I all but gave up, seeing as the previous years brought me nothing.

That year I decided to work on myself: Went to the gym, got into shape, enjoyed my hobbies, got a job (sadly this ended early 2016 due to my father being admitted in hospital for 5 months.

Couldn't be combined with my job. Was critical as we nearly lost him 2ce.)

Currently still looking for a job, but it's tough for guys my age as there's barely anything available.

On top of that the competition has much more "experience" which companies rave about.

Yet they fail to see how one can gain experience without being recruited.

 

Sure, I've had several run ins, and recent successes.

Honestly I think I'm just going through one of those "cold streaks" in dating.

The term didn't come to mind when I was writing the initial post.

 

The trouble is, no matter WHAT I do, I just don't encounter a lot of women in my life. Be it job, spare time, etc. despite putting myself out there as much as possible.

So to me it's annoying as hell when I finally meet someone who isn't ready for something, hasn't worked on herself, etc.

 

This frustration is temporary and will pass, just another of those phases I've experienced many times.

[carhill]

Ha, I recall back in the mid-90's feeling all was lost and never meeting anyone available and interested so I said WTF, bought a plane ticket, rented a couple of apartments and spent a month in the FSU. Met more women, single women, than in all the years of seeking dates locally. Ironically, it was the changes in myself from those experiences which impelled my wife to become interested in me, she said at the time.

 

It sounds like you've got a handle on things and understand the feelings of the moment pass. I went through that when getting divorced. Now it's just a distant and unemotional memory.

 

Sounds like you're current focused on securing employment; sounds reasonable. Being single makes it easier to focus. No distractions. It'll work out.

[ZA Dater]

Hello everyone,

 

Some of you might recognise me as more of a roamer / occasional poster on these forums.

None the less, I usually read most of the threads on here.

 

Back on topic:

 

Most of you know that I've been single for 4 years.

Last February I met someone and we had a 4 month relationship which ended on July 1st.

I'm 24, she was 17 (Legal age of consent in Belgium is 16).

However, her mother and 2 sisters were manically depressive.

Mother and 1 sister were admitted in the same centre, the other in a different centre 30km farther. I gave it 200%, drove her back and forth to these centers, brought her mother / sisters home, etc.

Combined with the fact that she was still in school focusing on her education, grades and me only seeing her 1ce a week it was difficult.

 

In the end, she admitted she wasn't ready for a relationship with all of this going on.

Personally, I never thought it would be this intensive.

But it was doable: I loved her, she loved me, and we thoroughly enjoyed eachother's company.

That is until she caved under the pressure of everything that was going on and dropped me like a brick.

 

Ever since then I've reenlisted on the usual dating sites, additionally added Tinder to my phone (I know, I know. But met 2 interesting people through that who aren't looking for a hookup ! ), along with a Bumble (Sad excuse for an app, zero responses ever since I started using it almost 3 months ago.)

I even started reaching out to people I knew or referred me to someone single whom they knew.

Sadly this also amounted to nothing, as 1 person got out of a 6,5 year relationship recently and needed time, while others had an eye on someone else.

 

Through these apps I met 2 people: 1 of them (Sarah), I've known for months. Her grandmother died from cancer around the 1,5 month mark when we were dating. I gave her time, suggested to meet up (with concrete plans, I.e. Drinks for 2, a movie, etc.) but she never has time.

Then the second person I met (Emily), I share a lot of similarities with, yet she's the "emotionally unavailable" type, as she's in love with someone else.

This person's her Ex, and has been in a relationship for easily a year now.

 

Honestly, I don't know why I'm typing this...

Perhaps to get things off my chest, the hope/knowledge that things will get better, or the frustration of me with constantly running into emotionally unavailable people. :/

It's like EVERY time I meet someone, things work out fine for a while, then when I get used to it...my heart gets ripped out and I have to start all over again from scratch.

Don't know what more to add other than the fact that I'm tired of being single.

Had my fill of that the past 4 years...

 

Any advice is welcome, my apologies for the venting.

 

My feedback is kudos for everything you did for these people, it makes you a better person than most, to step in and support these people at difficult times is admirable and a hugely great personality trait to have.

 

 

Take the positive from it, you are meeting people and getting somewhere, that alone is a massive positive.

 

 

I think sometimes the positive gets lost in the overall pictures. Keep going!