Missldr Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Hey guys, first post, kinda lost and need some advice. It all started last year. He came and stayed for 4 months, it was amazing till the 4th month. He told me from the beginning he was not ready for a relationship especially with the distance. At first it was fun, but then I started falling in love. He would talk about his ex a lot near the end and when he got back to his country my worst fear came true. He cut me off and went back to his ex. I was heartbroken but moved on. In 6 months I forgot about him but he was always still there exp when I was dating all I could think about was him. He called 6 months later saying he was so sorry and really messed up. Him and his ex broke up a month ago. Wanted to come see me to talk. I really felt like I needed this, needed to tell him face to face what he did to me, how much he hurt me. So he took a flight down, was so strange lol. We acted like friends for the first few days then it lead to cuddling then sex. He started getting teary eyed and told me I'm the one. With his ex he could not be himself. Told me he was mad cause his ex was not like me. Said it needed to happen to realize he was not fit with her and have his mind clear. He left with the promise that he would pay everything when I came When he got back he literally called me 4 even 6 times a day , convos could last hours. Asked me for a serous relationship and bought his ticket to come live with me at the end of January. Things were going great , until one day he deleted all pictures of us of social media. Said that we are serious and private. Yet had so many pics in the past with his ex, thank god he deleted them a long time I go. I was confused , he told me not to worry he loves me. I went down to see him for 10 days, amazing he paid for many things. Met his whole family and friends, he even brought up marriage and kids a few times... But I was insecure and could not understand why he couldn't post one pic of us on social media especially in long distance. It would give me some peace. He finally did after all my nagging which I'm not proud of.i felt like he was either embarrassed or hiding something. He told me u can post pics of us but on my stuff It's personal. Back at home, first 2 weeks were so hard he called every day but talked to say hi thinking of u but busy so got to go. It was so frustrating. His friend pled me saying he loves me but is going through some issues. He told me his sorry just needed some space and less pressure. Now it's better after a month he calls me a lot and convos are a lot longer. These past 2 weeks I've been nagging on him not being fully there, not posting stuff about us, not liking my pics... He says it frustrates him but he loves me, and is patient, he does not care about his ex and I'm the only person he wants. His moving here in a few months, I need to be less needy, less jealous, but this is all driving me crazy. I posted photos from our trip the other night , has not liked any of my posts in around 2 weeks, but notice his been liking all this girls posts, but can't like pictures of our memories.....I feel unimportant, and don't want to drive him away. I know what I'm feeling is childish, but why can he like so many posts from this girl and not one pic of us ..... I don't know if this is even worth it anymore, but I love him.... And his coming soon... Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Tell him to cancel his flight. You were just a backup plan before...what would stop him from running back to his ex again? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Nagging about the likes he throws around on Facebook is childish, unless it's arguable content. Also, liking one's pictures seems silly. Nevertheless, he should like pictures of you, it's a way of being appreciative. Anyway, something feels wrong about it. You don't know him enough. He might have split personality and you don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Tell him to cancel his flight. You were just a backup plan before... That's what I would do. But then I wouldn't have ever got back with him either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missldr Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 I know it's childish but can't help it, it's crazy how people act when u start caring less. Now his all about me... I hate relationships Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 My guess is that he's still somehow in contact with his ex and that she has no idea he has a new girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
EveryWomanJ2911 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Do you really think this will make you happy? Or do you just hope it will, knowing somewhere inside you that it won't? I know its tough to be alone, but please don't settle for someone who doesn't care about you, only themselves. He clearly doesn't consider you, or your feelings. And if you think you can change him for the better, you won't. A man who wants to change will change because he wants to, not because he is dating a woman to get his needs filled. He already has a bad pattern established with you in your history together. Please really look at the situation with clarity, and then do what is best for you in the long term, not just the immediate need to not be lonely. I have been there before, and it doesn't really fulfill you. What this kind of "relationship" does it give him all the power with no real reward for you, only gut-wrenching pain when he leaves you again. I found a good, mature, loving man who loves and considers me. You can too. Don't give up. Do establish healthy standards/boundaries to find someone with your values to build a life with. What are your "must haves" and your "can't stands?" It only takes one date to figure out if someone is a good possibility or not. You can do this! Blessings Friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts