Married but seeing Someone

[Jeremysgirl]

I am married to my high school sweetheart,

We have been married for 15yrs and we have 3 kids together. I was 16 when we got married and I have only been with a total of 3 guys my whole life. For years I have been having problems in my marriage but for pass 4 he has been a truck driver so I don't see him often. I started looking for a friend just someone I could talk to about anything.

That's when I met Jeremy, we started chatting he told me he is also married and has been for 14yrs also he has 2 kids and his marriage isn't that grate ether but that he loves his wife. We just start off as friends but there's we realized we didn't live to far from one another and start talking about if we meet what we might be open to doing with one another. We been talking for over a month and decided that we would meet on September -30-2016 I drove over 30 mins away met him in a public place. We just talked at first but then we got close we kissed and touch but I didn't let it go any further I was nervous because I never do anything bad, I have always been the good girl in my family. I don't fill bad at all cause my husband is mean. He tells me I'm fat but I'm not. He always downs me and Jeremy tells me I'm sexy and that I'm not fat at all.

The problem is I have told my husband he could go sleep with who ever he wants to sleep with and that I wouldn't care but he won't. I am already making plans to meet Jeremy again so I can do more kissing and touching but I just don't no if I should stop what I'm doing

[DKT3]

Since your calling yourself Jeremysgirl I would say your marriage should be over. So what's keeping you there? Are you working?

[Jeremysgirl]

I called myself Jeremys girl because I couldn't thank of any other users name I didn't want to use anything I would forget has nothing to do with me and him,i don't see myself as his girl his wife is his girl.I'm still married because my husband said he will not allow me to divorce him, he controls all the money and at the moment I do not work,i am taking online classes so that I can get a job that pays so I can leave. I have no where to go so there for I can't leave.

Edited October 2, 2016 by Jeremysgirl

[DKT3]

He can't control money you earn. Also leaving doesn't take his approval.

 

The path your taking is destructive, and you will be the odd person out should you continue down this road.

 

This will not end well.

[pkn06002]

He can't control money you earn. Also leaving doesn't take his approval.

 

The path your taking is destructive, and you will be the odd person out should you continue down this road.

 

This will not end well.

 

You need to listen to this I just got out of something that started easy like this and it crashes in the end.

 

I know it feels wonderful right now but divorce and look it is the better but harder road.

[Jeremysgirl]

I understand what you all are saying but it's not as easy as it may sound and because I have kids and no other family I have to be careful on how I go about leaving him. My mother-in-law has told me If me and my husband ever gets a divorce she will help him get my kids so that I will be unhappy and alone so there for I am still in this marriage. I have told my husband I wanted out that I was looking to become friends with someone and that if I cheated I wanted to be up front about it. He knows I'm unhappy the problem is he doesn't care. But he has said many times he will not pay for me to divorce him and if I don't have any money how am I to pay for a divorce? I can't so there for I am still married. I can end it with Jeremy today and still be unhappy or I can keep seeing him and at lease be some what happy. I don't want him to leave his wife I never asked him to. I just like being his other girl I know it's bad but it's just what it is

[DKT3]

I understand what you all are saying but it's not as easy as it may sound and because I have kids and no other family I have to be careful on how I go about leaving him. My mother-in-law has told me If me and my husband ever gets a divorce she will help him get my kids so that I will be unhappy and alone so there for I am still in this marriage. I have told my husband I wanted out that I was looking to become friends with someone and that if I cheated I wanted to be up front about it. He knows I'm unhappy the problem is he doesn't care. But he has said many times he will not pay for me to divorce him and if I don't have any money how am I to pay for a divorce? I can't so there for I am still married. I can end it with Jeremy today and still be unhappy or I can keep seeing him and at lease be some what happy. I don't want him to leave his wife I never asked him to. I just like being his other girl I know it's bad but it's just what it is

 

So you need to be careful leaving, but screwing around with some married dude is ok or better? Does that seem logical? What happens if he catches you tomorrow? Your situation wouldn't be any better.

 

Point is the affair is a dead end that has greater potential to wreck havoc on your family's life. Leaving will be bad enough, adding this will make it ten times worse.

[pkn06002]

I understand what you all are saying but it's not as easy as it may sound and because I have kids and no other family I have to be careful on how I go about leaving him. My mother-in-law has told me If me and my husband ever gets a divorce she will help him get my kids so that I will be unhappy and alone so there for I am still in this marriage. I have told my husband I wanted out that I was looking to become friends with someone and that if I cheated I wanted to be up front about it. He knows I'm unhappy the problem is he doesn't care. But he has said many times he will not pay for me to divorce him and if I don't have any money how am I to pay for a divorce? I can't so there for I am still married. I can end it with Jeremy today and still be unhappy or I can keep seeing him and at lease be some what happy. I don't want him to leave his wife I never asked him to. I just like being his other girl I know it's bad but it's just what it is

 

You might like being is "other girl" right now that will not last. Eventually brain chemicals will kick in an you WILL want more.

 

Lookup how to leave a marriage if you have no money. yes it is a hard decision one I am living now, because I was involved in long term affair. You don't want the mess that going down this road will cause.

[Mr Blunt]

Jeremysgirl

According to you your husband treats you very badly and you have no money or job and you want a divorce so you can be Jeremy’s girl. You want Jeremy to be with his wife but give you what he should only give his wife. Do you really think that is going to work for you?

 

If you are dead set on not trying to make your marriage work then you had better get a job quick! Why? Because you have almost nothing going for you and Jeremy has already told you that he loves his wife so you will just be a side piece of AZZ for as long as Jeremy can pull it off or he gets tired of you. Who do you think will win out on Jeremy, you or his wife who he loves? He will not be able to have both for very long.

 

You posted on this forum because you want impute from others. Here is my impute and I will be a little blunt as you need a few blunt facts.

 

You have a very strong case of “I am unhappy and I want to get away from my husband and find another man” The problem with that is that you have no money, no job, and you have three children from your husband. Most courts will look at who can best support the children so your husband will get a least 50% custody.

 

Secondly, very few if any good men are looking for a woman that betrayed her husband, has three children, and has no money or job. Of course you can probably find a man that will take you but what caliber of a man do you think he will be? Do you think the man will take you in because of your integrity, trust, and loyalty? Do you think that the man will take you in because you are such a financial asset?

 

If you are going to ditch your husband then do it right? Stop your cheating on him, go to legal aid and get a divorce, get a job, and build up your integrity! That way you have a much better chance of getting a man that will trust you and admire you. The actions you plan on taking with Jeremy will significantly cut your chances of getting a man that wants a trustworthy, loyal wife that has integrity.

Edited October 3, 2016 by Mr Blunt

[aileD]

you need to grow up.

 

Seriously, you married him at 16..and you still sound like you're 16 the way you talk about your AFFAIR PARTNER.

 

I'm not being mean but you're stunted. In your emotional growth, your maturity and your professional growth.

 

You never had time to become you. And you're being selfish right now. Like a 16 year old. Believe me, I have a 16 year old. I know what they're like. Selfish.

 

You may hate your husband but think of your kids. You think your MIL will make your life hell if you want a divorce? How awesome is it going to be when she finds out you're cheating????? Go ahead. Give her ammunition.

 

You're making all the wrong decisions here but you're not 16 anymore and it's not just you that You have to worry about anymore.

[GoldenR]

It sounds like you're asking us for permission? But none of us have a vested interest in what you do.

 

Tell you what....how about you ask Jeremy's WIFE for permission?

 

What sickens me is how all the cheaters love to tell their prospective cheating partners how bad their spouses treat them, as of that justifies the cheating. But telling US this stuff, we're not buying it, Jeremysgirl. We've seen thread after thread after thread here where former waywards admit to HEAVILY exaggerating their marital issues. They exaggerate them to themselves, to their APs a and to their BSes once they've been caught. In maybe 2% of the cases does it pan out to be true.

[howtoproceed]

My wife justified her affair in much the same way you are justifying yours and having talked to a few of the cheerleaders that probably egged her on, I see she painted me as a real monster. I don't think we can just take your word for it that your husband is a terrible husband. He's good enough for rent, good enough for food and clothes on your back. Good enough for the gas money to see Jeremy for kissing and touching.

 

Sounds like you want a divorce but not the hardship it might entail.

 

I find you to be a real trigger for some reason.

 

I'm thinking how driving a truck is hard, dangerous work and for a wife that fantasizing about another man.

 

I think you suck big time.

[GoldenR]

My point about natural problems being exaggerated...I want to point out that Jeremy is getting you a bunch of horse**** about his marriage as well. There's no doubt about it.

 

And your username....Jesus, it's bad.

[Mr. Lucky]

But he has said many times he will not pay for me to divorce him and if I don't have any money how am I to pay for a divorce? I can't so there for I am still married.

 

Half of any money or assets you have as a couple is yours. Do you have joint accounts? Own a home? If so, you have money.

 

Usually, your first appointment with a lawyer is free. You might want to go to get a better understanding of your rights and options...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lion Heart]

YOU have alot of options here JG.

 

STAY with your BH and TELL him everything you've done SO FAR with this MM.

SEE if he's fine with an open Marraige.

 

If he IS then phone Jeremy's BW. Tell her everything you've done with her HUSBAND. And see if SHE'S fine with an open marraige.

 

Don't you wonder this??

WHY is a MM ON SITES like these?

Well I'll tell you.

He's looking for his next hook up.

He IS NOT IN IT FOR FRIENDSHIP.

HE'S ONLY IN IT FOR SEX full stop.

 

What STABLE MM wants to meet any married woman?

It's NOT TO HEAR your issues with the kids or the dishwasher!!!

It's ONLY for a free crucible.

 

His BW is probably pi$$ed off because THEY ARE RECOVERING from his LAST AFFAIR.

IF she's "mean" at all.

 

ASK HER.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH HER.

SHE'S A Married woman and you two have ALOT in common.

 

GET A JOB and make friends at work. GIRLfriends.

Even serving at a fast food restaurant during the day is WORK while you're finishing your "studies".

And DOUBLE THE UNITS on your courses to FINISH your studies faster.

 

I'm sure your BH is paying for those courses too?

 

Look up OVERBLOWN ENTITLEMENT.

 

Otherwise knock yourself out with this stupid A.

Destroy two families.

 

AP says he will never leave his W but when it all blows up, she may just KICK HIM OUT.

 

Do you know WHERE exWH hitch hiked to after I kicked him out on my D Day? I had told OW to expect him that night.

He went WAY PAST HER HOUSE and three times further away to his PARENTS place lol.

 

He threw OW under the bus.

He HATED her (ummm all of a sudden).

OW was heartbroken. Stupid woman.

 

Police got involved and it was lucky no one was killed.

That's how HIGH tempers flare in amongst all of this drama.

 

Be the puppet.

Or be the puppet master.

Take control of your OWN life.

Do things RIGHT for your OWN children.

 

Lion Heart

[Miss Clavel]

I understand what you all are saying but it's not as easy as it may sound and because I have kids and no other family I have to be careful on how I go about leaving him. My mother-in-law has told me If me and my husband ever gets a divorce she will help him get my kids so that I will be unhappy and alone so there for I am still in this marriage. I have told my husband I wanted out that I was looking to become friends with someone and that if I cheated I wanted to be up front about it. He knows I'm unhappy the problem is he doesn't care. But he has said many times he will not pay for me to divorce him and if I don't have any money how am I to pay for a divorce? I can't so there for I am still married. I can end it with Jeremy today and still be unhappy or I can keep seeing him and at lease be some what happy. I don't want him to leave his wife I never asked him to. I just like being his other girl I know it's bad but it's just what it is

 

shut your cake hole, tell no one about this.

 

threatening to keep/take your children is just that, a threat. you can get a divorce at legal aid, for free.

 

avoid you MIL and say NOTHING. she's HIS mother. she knows what a POS he is and she still sides with him, and she will every time.

 

bide your time. get your ducks in a row.

 

start hiding any money you can find and anything valuable. you can put things in safety box at the bank, under your spare tire in the car and you can bury things under the lawn, just wrap everything against the damp/weather.

 

including the kids birth certificates and immunization records. make sure you find, copy and replace all 1040 tax returns and w-2 forms. any records of what you stbex earns and spends. against the day he says he's too broke to support the children.

 

he's dangerous. it starts with humiliation, (you're fat, you're stupid, no one wants you) and sometimes escalates(you can't leave, i won't allow it, you'll get nothing) to emotional and maybe physical violence. telling a mother you will take her children from her is a declaration of war.

 

get advice from legal aid and gather the docs you need to quality for a no cost divorce. you should qualify even if you get a job.

 

and you don't need much education to work a cash register or run food in a restaurant.

 

look for a place to live. cheap, small, with a strong lock. you might qualify for section 8 housing but i hear that can take years. perhaps get on the list but in the meantime proceed as tho yours will be the only income.

 

tell legal aid you don't want your stbex knowing your physical address. see what they say.tell them he might abscond with the children and therefore you need supervised visitation, and his mom don't qualify as "supervision" cuz she'll help him load up his truck and drive away. if you can't get in the door at legal aid, seek a lawyer advertising a "free one hour consultation".

 

in the meantime, try to keep your stbex "happy". it's your life. you are gonna have to make a run for it. and the only way is for your stbex not to see it coming.

 

good luck

 

p.s. do not start an affair with a MM while you're married. don't know if your stbex can use it against you in court but certainly he will call the time you are away having sex as "neglecting" the children/family. and you don't need a MM's wife telling your stbex.

Edited October 3, 2016 by Miss Clavel